Run away

Run away from the mess you made.
Can’t you see,
that you’re afraid?
In your eyes you may be brave.
Proving a point,
that does not need made
In your wake you leave a maze.
There will be no mouse,
chasing the cheese.
In each turn,
more questions than answers can be found.
Choose your steps wisely,
and choose your friends well.
In your decision,
you have chosen yourself.
The time runs thin.
Where will you run to,
when time runs out?

I love you Julie.

Taking a break

New video card was a bitch to get working but now it works. Something is still a miss and I'm growing tired of trying to figure it out, so I'm taking a break.

Started cleaning up and organizing the computer, as I said I would once it was up and running again. Thing is a fucking mess, how did I let this happening. Fuck it, I'm taking a break.

If you are a long reader of this blog or not you may have read about my long history of trying to buy a house after selling a house that was nothing but the wrong thing. Well I am home owner once again with my "sissypants". We purchased it off my old box stacking friend Dan. It was amazing how everything seemed to come together and work out in the end. We loved the home we were in. Me not so much the home, but it's location. This house is in town and for a person who once was a towny, you'd think I'd be cooler with the notion of being back in town than I am. I'm thinking 5 year plan. Julie says 7 year plan, we'll be down to two kids in the house. I can dig 7 years. In that time I know the upstairs bathroom will be redone (probably a new tub/shower this year at income tax time) a new roof in another year or two plus countless other jobs. I love owning a home. Shit, the mortgage payment is $51 less than I was paying in rent.

Thanks to Marlene for all her patience and understanding.

Work is going alright but it could be better. I got a dollar raise not so long ago so that always helps. But some times & some days I need a break.

Work after work is always fine.

There are some good clips of Ozzy from a couple days ago playing live w/ a new guitarist named Gus G, he's pretty good. I look forward to hearing some new material and seeing the old man live again. Fucking no Ozzfest this year, and I'm going crazy. I guess even Ozzy Osbourne needs a break.

Yankees are on a roll baby!

Weight loss has hit a stand still at 40lbs. Phase two starts on Monday when everything gets back on track.

Break time is over.

Recent events

Much has changed in the world of JW who is John. As soon as my computer is up & running again at home (my videocard resembles a toasted marshmellow) I will open the gates and let the thoughts run free.

Greetings

Not much to say, so hello.

How was your Saturday night?

Inspired by the events of last night. I really should make a blog just for my writing but until I do, enjoy...

Untitled

I have witnessed the man,
extinguish the flame.
Knowing moving forward,
it would never be the same.
Times of change fill the clock face,
the hands never standing still.
It will be,
what you will it to be.
Through pain & darkness the journey is selfish,
one that must be traveled alone.
One never forgets when they see the light,
that they themselves have lit.

Camping

It's time to go camping with the whole clan PLUS the Kline's.

Special appearances by:

Dan & Melissa
Ed & Felicia
Garrett & Kelley

I will make sure to post some pics and stories!

Uncle Danny

Was the wild one of the bunch. That is until I grew up.

He passed over the weekend. He was 46.

I have had very little time to reflect and to ponder things. The one thing that I have thought about is that 46 is only 15 years away for me. My children, will still be children.

I'll miss you Uncle Danny. I'll never forget you.

Forever my story.

I feel like opening up this mind of mine.

When I was a kid I would sit on the stairs at my Aunts house while everyone enjoyed themselves at Christmas time. Good eats, good times. All the while I would sit there, and wonder what I was doing there. Waiting and hoping my parents would finally call it a day so we could leave. Why was I this way?

For the record my family was the only family to show up at my Aunts this Christmas. Whatever that may or may not mean.

Why am I this way?

Easter is a holiday that brings to me candy wrappers on the floor, kids eating too much crap, arguing about who had what out of who's basket, stuff like that. To my "sissypants" it is much more. It is a time for the family's to gather in our home and eat food that she prepares.

It has been a terrible day. If I had it to do all over again, I would have stayed in bed. I would have faked a sickness.

I enjoy what time I can get to myself. I enjoy when it is just all of our clan under one roof. I enjoy it when our kids are on a reasonable behavior level, not on some limit less scale of acting a fool.

For better or worse I say with a tear in my eye, I am who I am.

And right now, I am sorry for it...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Silent ink

I could not tell you the last time I sat down with the music loud, and the fire burning. I simply do not remember. So I sat down with my thoughts and this what I have come up with.


Silent ink

One more drop of ink,
leaks,
from this pen.
I don't care,
if it's the last.
From across the room or down the hall,
a snake will always strike,
the venom flows.
A fire's smoke and amber glow,
takes me from my feet,
mends my bones.
The hour is late,
and it will not wait.
Final thoughts not yet said,
as the ink stains once again.
You have been with me seemingly forever,
my silent friend.


Later.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

I've read no Ozzfest this year. If there ever were going to be a year I'd miss it'd be because of this.

The new year has seen 21 pounds leave my frame. Last month was not as productive as January, but I had aliments! A bum toe sidelined most of the last 2 weeks of the month. But after a visit to my doctor (the first since 2002) I'm back bitches.

I got a $1 raise today. I can say since I've been a working man, that is the biggest pay increase I've ever seen. I've worked harder, done more, gave more, for much less for all my working life. So when I was having my review and my boss was telling me such things as "It is very good that my boss knows who you are" or "Everyone notices and appreciates your efforts" I was a little taken by it. I've never been a part of something like that. I've always been taken for granted, pissed on and ultimately shit on in the end which resulted in me leaving in one way or another. I am even penciled in for another review in October, something that not everyone gets: Two reviews per year. Now hopefully business will pick up...

Ebony. Must. Go.

My baby girl is suffering through some sickness. I tell you, she is her own person that is for sure.

Connor is telling me his leg hurts.

He's getting that from Shaina, who went roller skating for less than a half hour and has a broken leg to show for it.

As for Drew, I won't even go there.

The wheels are turning on buying a home. Praise baby jesus.

Wish us all luck!

Later.

I love you Julie.

For my sissypants

It's been awhile since I've posted.  I can't think of a better reason to.

Loves Lesson

In a mere moment,

that is all it takes.

All I must do is close my eyes,

and I am taken to a place where times stands still.

To a moment that changed forever,

and with it you and I.

I will always remember the words I spoke,

where we were and how you looked.

Over coming the fear was easy,

once I listened to my heart.

There was never any question,

there was never any doubt.

As my eyes are open,

and time moves on I am always reminded,

of loves lesson.

I love you Julie.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hanging out

We've been doing a bit of it lately. We invite a few people over, only a couple ever come and we enjoy playing some cards. We usually cut loose on the week ends and have some drinks. Us being the hosts, enjoy a slow burn too. Last night for example, the night didn't end until 4am. We don't just enjoy late parties with beer. We also enjoy relaxing, just playing rummy or a couple new games G has introduced to us. A night of these games is fine too.

Why anyone would not want to have a good time with or without the booze is something I can't understand, totally. I know what it's like to be so down in the dumps you look above and see nothing but darkness. I have dug holes that have reached the sky. Looking back, and probably ahead these times will be seen again. If you have a choice, and with all that I have seen in my life, choose to have some fun, cut loose. There really is no time for anything else.

I know that is easier said then done. So is saying I'm going to loose weight, again. Year after year. However with some work you can say I lost 6 pounds this week. I can say this. The most difficult thing, is trying to keep my mind off of food if I find myself "thinking" I'm hungry. Thinking, because I'm not hungry, I just think I am. This should be an interesting adventure.

To all my friends, your awesome and my life would not be the same without you.

I have rambled on long enough.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Rode the bike...

...now it's Julie's turn. Black Label Society is in my ear holes. Death March is the song.

No matter what, life right now is good.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Another Christmas

Wait let me change that, another low income Christmas. I have often (very often) found myself over the years dreaming, wondering, hoping that one day the burden of a past life would end. The past has lived with me seemingly forever when it comes to debt. This year should be the last year that we struggle as I have a few bills coming off the books at income tax time. I feel bad, even knowing it's not about the gifts, that I do not have presents stacked to the ceiling for my kids. This year was no different than the last few. Choosing to buy gifts, really tightens the noose around the neck. We will struggle next month, as we have for the past who knows how many. Merry Christmas.

I find myself home alone with having intentions of working but with that work already being complete, i know find myself at a loss. I will probably kick it around here burning boxes and wrapping paper, doing some laundry, shooting bitches perhaps. It is a dad's life.

Luckily my kids keep me in line. Oh and my wife, she likes to beat that ass from time to time.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I have no point.

Do I need one?

I find myself in one of those moods. A mood where I feel like I could do anything at anytime. A mood where I look at everything and appreciate it for what is. It's nice, I'd like more of it.

I'm trying to give a router away on freecycle. It's a great idea. People have things they no longer want, and they simply list them as freebies for whoever may want them. Such a simple concept! I figured this router would go very quickly. I admit, I received a lot of replies. However, I do not think people read the listing, asking me questions that I provided the answers for in the description. I guess it's like anything, except my listing didn't contain and small print or the use of clever adjectives! I believe I have someone lined up. We'll see if it actually comes together.

We've had a couple good get together recently, and they've gone over very well. We'd like to have another this coming Friday. Oh what a grand thought.

I now feel like getting into something! Thanks for reading.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Almost there

The road is leading to 31 it ends Wed, 11/19.

Last night we partied, oh yes, we partied. There were two guests that I had not seen a good amount of years, and guests that I have not gone without seeing for years. Together, we laughed, we shouted, some smoked and some did not, most importantly we shared an awesome night together. I love having times like these. I would not trade them for anything.

Thank you my "sissypants" for putting all this together. If it were not for her, times like these would be far and few in between.


One of these days I will have a post of substance, but for now leave here knowing at this moment, I feel fine.

Later.

I love you Julie.

One of those days...

I'm feeling off today. A feeling I'm far too familiar with. I wish it would stop. Please stop.

Look what I found

Time.

You know what entertains me at work? When truck drivers call for directions that I can barely understand. Take for instance the man I just spoke with. He's going on and on and I ask "Where are you now?". His answer, "Downtown somewheres". Thanks dude, that helps me a lot. Do me a favor and call your dispatch because I'm sure as hell not your GPS...

I hooked up this little stereo I've had since I was 18 in my office (still doesn't sound right, me having an office) and I was listening to a CD I created especially for work. My neighbor in the office next to me is Jerry. He's the production manager and has treated me like no one ever has in all my years of working. He comes over and peeks his head in and asks, "Are you ok? I thought I heard some one killing a cat!" That's right, I love to listen to the sound of pussy screaming!

I'm feeling very light hearted at the moment.

We are going out to eat tonight as a whole. All of us, in one place, at one time, to eat. You have been warned. DO NOT go to Bonanza in Williamsport PA tonight if you want to dine in peace & quiet.

I wish someone would bail me out from all my failures. Yes, I'm talking about our economy. Sure, I'm scared and worried but you know what? This didn't happen over night, and everyone gets what they deserve. I was happy to see Washington Mutual go out! I' m sure if you flipped through the pages that would be my blog you'd find my thoughts about them somewhere. To me, a bail out is not the answer. Tax me higher, I understand. Bring everyone home from a war that no one seems to give to fucks about, I'd understand even more. Cut backs, yes I understand. The future is more than a day away, it's as far as my eye can see. I'll suffer, so my children can suffer less and maybe, just maybe, enjoy their lives.

My "Sissypants" has been working 1st shift for 2 weeks now and it's awesome. I told her, to me, it's like nothing has changed. I get up, we leave together. I get home, and she's home. She seems to be doing ok. She is still adjusting to factory work or I should say other factory workers. There are all sorts, and to each their own...

Creep is just an ageless song. I wish I was special, so fucking special.

Ok I think I'm out. Blog, I've missed you.

Later!

I love you Julie.

Been a long time

One of these days I'll find some time...

Ozzfest 2008

The road

We were on the road about 6:30pm after eating at Burger King in Lock Haven Thursday 8/7. Then the miles started to add up as did the hours. We drove for about 9 hours stopping to sleep at a Rest Area in Indy. The next morning brought a wonderful 14 hours on the road. For as far as we went and for all the states we hit, construction on the way down was at a minimum, even though in many areas it could have used some. We arrived at a hotel around midnight only to find it was book. After about a half hour of calling around we found a room for two nights about 9 miles away from Pizza Hut Park.

After one hell of a fucking show we got back to the hotel at 12:30am (In Texas 12:30am = 92 degrees outside) slept and were back on the road the next day. We drove for 14 hours Sunday stopping in the same spot on the way home to sleep as we did the first night on the road. After a terrible few hours of sleep (I found myself sleeping on a picnic table) we finished up the last 6 1/2 hours and I got home 5:30pm Monday.

Total time down about 23 hours.
Total time home about 20 hours.

I saw many places I didn't think I would going to Texas. Some of them would be Africa, Dublin, Venice, Miami, just to name a couple. I saw more of the country than I have in my previous 30 years on the planet having touched Ohio, Missouri, Indy, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Texas of course.

GPS = Why leave home without it. This thing was fucking awesome and if we ever find ourselves in a position to take vacations regular like we will own one of these. It was our live safer in finding a hotel when the one we pulled into was book. It let us know when a better route was available, step by step directions and we didn't get lost once. It would let you know about a mile a head of time when attention was needed. Example, Keep left on 279 or take ramp on right to 44. Even though Ben & I referred to it as our bitch (due to it's woman robotic voice) it was the MVP of the trip.

The car: 2008 Suzuki SX4. For such a little car it only got 30 mpg. It ran fine, was a little tight and terrible on gas for it's size.

The show

My my my, look at me this year, this is not Pittsburgh people. Nope, this is fucking Dallas, Texas. Home of Pizza Hut Park and home of Ozzfest 2008 the only show for the year! We got to the show around 10am and parked about 3 blocks away. Park close to the park was $30! Parking about 3 blocks away was $20, so $20 wins. After smuggling in my contraband for a 13th consecutive year we hit the second stage for awhile. The bands were good, but I couldn't understand a word out of their mouths. It's a good way to get your blood pumping in prep for the main stage.

We decided to bail on the second stage to go check out the field. When we got over there it was pretty quiet as the stage was still being set up and a handful of people were chilling down front. You see usually the area right down front is blocked off but for some reason they had the gates wide open to get down there so Ben and I decided to get "down front" and down front we were. After realizing we had prime time spots so we didn't leave. We watched as the roadies goofed off some, filmed us a little and took some pictures. Before you knew it the band In this Moment took the stage.

In this Moment is fronted by a chic. She came out wearing some sort of dress. I said to myself, what the fuck is this? Well friends, they showed me exactly what the fuck it was. They kicked fucking ass. I know none of their songs or albums but can tell you I will be giving their stuff a listen. A great way to open the stage. I give them a 8 only because their set was short.

Next was Apocalyptica. A drummer, and four guys playing Cellos. No vocals even though they did have a guy come out and sing one song. I was pleasantly surprised by this band. They covered a few Metallica (more on these fuckers soon)tunes, did some sick classical shit and a few originals. I thought they played a little long but they were enjoyable.

Shadows fall was up next and honestly as I am racking my brain I can't recall them at all...

Cavalera Conspiracy followed and this band was pretty good. I didn't care much for the vocals but they put on a good show and rocked the fuck out of everybody.

Ok here is where I thought I was going to start to get the bang for my buck. The front man from Korn has a solo projoect, Jonathan Davis . His band comes out all dressed in suits and he comes out last wearing and all black suit with a red tie. I was preparing for a beating as up to this point mosh pits were every fucking wear and I thought to myself how is this going to be, the lead singer of Korn, we are going to die out here! Well, I was very unhappy with his solo stuff. He even did 2 Korn songs and they were not all that. Jonathan Davis does not equal Korn, nor should it. I was let down and would pass on the chance to see him solo ever again.

Texas's own Hellyeah was next. This was something special as at the end of the set it included a tribute to Dimebag Darrel (guitarist shot and killed on stage from Pantera). You see his brother is the drummer in Hellyeah. The tribute include 3 Pantera songs, appearances by Ian from Antrax, Jerry Contrel & Mike Inez from Alice in Chains. There was an acoustic version of "Wish you were Here" by Pink Floyd. It saw Dimebags long time girlfriend on vocals. Even though she doesn't have the best voice, it was the purpose, ya know?

Up next was Serj Tankian the lead man from System of a Down. I was preparing for another let down but man, did he kick the shit out of us. System = Serji, Serji = System. He didn't cover on System song but I would go see him again, and again, and again. Great show, and great top hats guys!

Who's that guy that was next? Oh shit, Ozzy Osbourne? Oh fuck yes. The moment his intro movies came on I knew I had made the right decision in going all that fucking way. It was just a great show. I would say it's the best show I've seen him do in a few years. He looked rested, fresh, and sounded great. It looked like he was having a good time out there. Wearing devil horns and a crown at one point, gifts from the folks down front. He was slotted for only 75 minutes but played well past that. His set included 2 songs that I have never had the pleasure of seeing him play. Those being Fire in the Sky & I don't wanna stop. The total set included in no particular order:

Bark at the moon - Opener
I don't know
Mr. Crowley
Crazy Train
Fire in the Sky
War Pigs
Iron Man
Paranoid - Closer
No More Tears
Road to nowhere
I don't want to change the world
Mama I'm coming home
I don't wanna stop
Not going away
Here for you

After the show there was a nice fire work display. Ozzy, you made my year. I'll see you next year!

That's it right? Not this summer boys and girls. This year we have Metallica closing. Even though I feel a little funny about Metallica closing I was looking forward to it. There was quite a delay in between them and Ozzy as they had to prepare the stage but once they came on, it fucking hit the roof. Loud, classic, new, and in your fucking face. It was great to see them again. I saw them in 1996 on their "Poor mans tour" and I was too fucked up to remember much more other than I was in the last row of seats.

Thoughts from down front

You see from 1997-2007 I have gone to Pittsburgh for Ozzfest and I have always been on the hilside. A place that you can sit down, relax, smoke some weed and move away from any danger that may be approaching. Not this year, oh hell no. This year I would say I was only 20' away from the stage, and with such a kick ass spot comes a price. The price, getting your ass kicked all day long. I saw a man get his eye fucked up. I got destroyed by a crowd surfer at one point and went on to rock. I'm a big man. Slight over 6' and almost 300 (I've lost 11 pounds with ease and the rest must need work) I was in a spot that was suited for an ironing board. I've never smelled so much B.O. in my life. I witnessed a little kid get dropped crowd surfing and heard the crowd go "Awww". So many boobs, so few words. I saw two concession workers braving the crowd get absolutely ran over by one massive crowd push. I was on the outer ring of a pit more times than I can count, pushing those fuckers right back in where they came from. With all this said, I do not see how I can ever go to an Ozzfest again, without being down in the shit. I was close enough to get wet from the hoses, and even Ozzy's water/foam gun. Being able to look up on the stage and feel as if, hey he can actually see me is awesome. I am ready.

In closing

Year #13 is in the fucking books. It was worth every second and every dime it took. I will see you next year. I missed Julie more than she will know as well as my rugrats. Their thoughts filled my mind and heart most of my time away. It was a different experience being apart that long. My only hope is that next year, Julie gets to come!

Later.

I love you Julie.

First things first

A report on my Ozzfest '08 adventure will be coming, but first things first.

Thank you Ben!

I love you Julie!!!!!

Groups of 4

One of these days...

Untitled

If I could hide the face,
and all the rest,
behind a wall, a solid wall
it would still not be silenced.

The pain is like a chain around my neck,
it trips me over my steps,
it's rust stains my flesh,
the chain around my neck.

The steps I leave behind,
will always be followed with a line,
no matter how I try,
I can not change my mind.

Thoughts from a get together

What a nice night for hanging out outside by a fire and drinking. Who would want to pass on such a thing? I really missed a couple people, but you can't pull teeth when your not a dentist. I am hopeful that the distance in logistics is the only distance...

Somethings I remember are:

• Is it creek, or creek? When is dinner and is it supper?
  
• I thought you were going to that bar to bring back a girl and not a bald headed dude?
  
• I'm not sure we ever had the right ratio for snake bites.
  
• What a wonderful rain. We didn't play enough.
  
• Checking your phone? Where did you go?

I wish when get togethers happened everyone just let go of everything and enjoyed the time to the fullest. I understand a pace but don't poo poo things. Go with the flow and the flow last night was going very well even when the rains did come.

Come to my house next time friends. Even though you may not think it, you'll have fun.

Two posts, one day?

Lost feeling

Driving at night,
with the window down.
The radio glew blue,
as I heard the sound.
Turning away,
turning away,
turn away and you'll be saved
Walking away,
walking away,
always walking never running.
Make a stand,
stand for something.
In the end,
I find a beginning.
The lost feeling...

The unspoken power of the written word

I’ve sat down at the keyboard. Let us see what happens.

When Ozzmosis came out way back in 1995 I did not like track #3. Not one bit, I’d even skip the fucking thing. As I sat outside at lunch time today over the years I’ve come to love it. I’m not the same person I was back in 1995, but yet in so many ways I am…

If only my spoken words brought me comfort & peace, like my written.

My “sissypants” & I had a wonderful time camping this weekend w/ G & K. We went canoeing as well. Julie had never been and I was only once as a child. I’m sure I had no part in navigation at that time. I must say I rather enjoyed my canoe time. Much more than the time spent walking the fucking thing up the creek. We really only had one close call with tippage. Other than that it was pretty much smooth sailing the entire time on the water. At camp things started badly for us with Julie and I (mostly just Julie, I wouldn’t have notice anything until we unpacked) noticing we looked short handed. We had forgotten all of our sleeping stuff, cloths, and personal care products! OH GOD! Stuck in the woods with no personal care products. I digress. (Just a note here, I don’t think it is possible for anyone to forget anything with the tote system Mr. & Mrs. GaS had) After we finally settled on a camp site (Why yes, the one without the garbage pile is much nicer) and set up the tent we took a stroll to the outhouse. Once we get up there this janitor pulls up in a van. I ask him if he’s going to Jersey Shore, and he says yes. So I hope in with this strange janitor and he takes me back to the Blazer without asking for money or assplay.

Once I get the Blazer I head back to camp. The parking was not so close to camp as I had a long walk with some not so light bags I’d expect no less. About half way through my trip my fellow campers meet me and carrying the gear the rest of the way. There are two happenings about this tale that make me scratch my head. The first and most obvious, what are the chance of running into anyone with motorized transport near a primitive camp ground? Second, how fortunate for me that G,K, and SP take a chance by walking a certain way and it was the right way at the right time.

One more thing before I forget. Brenda, was delicious. Fucking, delicious. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you.

After getting all settled and squared away, things went very good at camp. Lots of munchies, great burgers and dogs over an open fire. The beer, lets not forget the beer. Every drop of it was gone, including the evil vodka flask. I’m happy to report that this guy right here, was president for much of the evening. The same can not be said for some other asshole though…

There have been some major goings on here at work that have gotten me to the point of contentment. It is a good thing too, because I know it was only a matter of time before I would have been out of here with the way things were going. I’ve never worked anywhere, where they’ve seemed to care about me. Not my number, but me. It is a wonderful change of pace.

This post has made me feel good. The power, is amazing.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thoughts from the road

Just got back from Kentucky early this morning.

Shortly after arriving in KY I noticed they do not take very good care of their road side scenery. Ugly. Grass was way to high, garbage was everywhere. Their bridges sucked. Seemed like every seam at the beginning and end of a bridge had separated from the road. Also, lots of adult entertainment choices for all those solders. Nothing like driving along and seeing those high rise signs for food, gas, and ADULT!

Ohio, seemed to go by quickly. They had a couple good rock stations. Ones that played classics that were not Rod Stewart, and ones that played the good stuff!

My grandfathers "service"...

I could go on and on about my thoughts on the service, but the only thing that really matter is that my grandfather was put to rest where he wanted. I'll leave it at that.

Where have I been?

I wrote this while I was at work today.

Prosper = teh win

Did you know that it is almost impossible these days to go to a bank and get a personal loan? Basically the bank will farm you out to some body else and be the middle man while you save little. www.prosper.com is the future. I will soon show my support in the form of advertisement! In a nut shell prosper is a community of people that have money to lend, or are seeking money to borrow. I recently sought out a loan and I admit it took some time but I finally got one. The loans work almost like an ebay auction. First users registered as lenders bid on your listing. Your listing consists of your story (this is where you want to plead your case to the masses), what you want the money for (Citi financial is raping me in the ass at 25%, please help stop the bleeding), and what your willing to pay in interest. If you are fortunate enough to get fully funded, lenders then begin to bid down your interest rate. For example I was seeking $9000 @ 12.2% interest. I got fully funded, and the rate got bid down to 11.1%! Not bad at all. It is a three loan and will just about consolidate every debt I have into one, convenient, and much more manageable payment. I thank G for enlightening me on this. I had no idea that prosper existed. There are others out there, but found prosper to be my pick.

Things seem to shaping up nicely when it comes to purchasing the house we’re in. Credit score is no longer an issue. At the latest we are looking at income tax time. It is going to depend on how much out of pocket $$$ we’re looking at.

I’m going to Kentucky this weekend for my grandfather’s full military honors ceremony. In a car, with my folks, for 12 hours, fun… The cause will ease the pain of the ride.

Speaking of long rides…

Ozzfest is only one day this summer. Fuck me. August 9th in Texas. Guess who’s going to Texas? I got my ticket last weekend. I and a friend of mine will be making the 21 hour drive down and then again back. It will provide lots of time for catching up with Ben and hopefully provide lots of memories I will never forget. My “sissypants” isn’t happy about it. I know I would not be happy either if she were going away for so long and so far. I don’t know how I can explain to her or anyone else how I feel about going to the Ozzfest. I don’t take or find much pride in things, but when Ozzfest ends its run (which will happen one day) I want to be able to say that I went every year. When it’s done I want some ink in my flesh that says something to the point ozzfest 96-??. This will be Ozzy’s only US show this year. I want to be there. He is getting no younger and no ones music has touched me as his has. If it were not for the music, I don’t know where I’d be today. Going to Ozzfest this year isn’t about anyone taking a back seat to anything.

The job, needs to go.

I love you Julie.

Later.

Words

I'm trying not to give in. You only voice something when it needs to be heard, correct? At least that's the way I roll. So when I bring it up, why is it so hard to just digest what I said and not go on and on about stuff I didn't even say or remotely touched? I think one of my "favorite" things to say is, "I just don't understand".

Oh yea, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

From what I've been reading on the forum, it sounds as if Ozzfest 2008 will be in Texas for a 2 day super show only. Now I feel very shitty about this. I've had and have taken a lot of pride in the fact that I've made it to at least one Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. To date myself, the summer of '96 was my first summer out of school. This summer, I'm the proud papa of a 2 and 1 year old. What are the chances I make it Texas if that is the case? Slim. None? I will not go that far. To not make it because of it, pisses me off.

The job, is meh. Home life, is meh. I'm meh. I've felt this way for a week or so. My mind has been filled with thoughts of making life better and I realize I can not do it alone. Where's my help?

From everything I've read and seen. Obama is the man.

I think I'm out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Smells like...

...spring time outside.

I've been really making an effort to loose some poundage. In the last two weeks I've dropped 6 pounds. It's a start, I have many more to go before I reach my goal. Luckily for me G recently purchased a weight machine and allows me to join him for a work out on Mon, Wed, Friday. Well, we didn't do it yesterday, I am hopeful he calls to catch up on the work out today!

The job is going very well. I've settled in pretty well. The guy training is hanging on a little tight to responsibilities that should no longer be his. I can understand why, but change is a coming. If by months end he's still holding on tightly I will have to make an issue about it. I don't mind, but yet I do.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm taking my son outside to do some yard work!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Back in...

...January our pipe to our septic system collapsed. Talk about a fucking mess in your yard. Well today we pretty much took care of that problem. All we need to do now is get some grass seed. It is beautiful outside today. I find myself inside for the first time in four hours and I feel pretty damn good. We all pitched in and the yard turned the corner very quickly. I got the opportunity to get reacquainted with my chainsaw. I put a new chain on it and let me tell you what, that shit didn't stand a chance. I think I'm calling it a day myself. Julie's still kicking it w/ Drew and some of the homies from A town...

I got the training wheels kicked out from me the other day at work and I think I'm doing pretty. Still there are times I find myself with a question, which is answer is only a phone call away. Over all, it's going pretty well.

I'm having the urge to go back out and clean my toolbox. Things been destroyed forever!

Later.

I love you Julie!

I found time...

...to blog today. A gift I did not expect.

Good Friday to you. My day at work was fine, thanks for asking. I've started a "real" job. Something that will mandate I work 40 hours a week (soon to be 45), every week, until I die or retire. I listed those in the correct order by the way. The work is not bad, I rather enjoy it. However, it sucks because it's "real". I still work a few hours after work as well. Lets me end my work day with some other challenges that are nice in their own right. Stuff that I don't get to do at my "real" job. I've been there 3 weeks now and can't say that I've made any friends. I can in the same breath however, say I have not made any enemies either. I get along with everyone great, I just don't see me offering to burn one with any of them.

Speaking in such tongues, that reminds me to update everyone on me falling off the wagon. Please don't hate me. It means so much to me that you don't hate me.

I learned something today. I learned that I am going to have my own office. I told the guy training me (Ray, pretty nice guy just from our fathers generation. Let me date myself. I am a baby from the 70's. You'd know that if you read my profile jerky...) that I didn't come here thinking I'd end up in an office. His reply "You will be."

Whoever invented red Swedish fish needs a tickle to the balls. These things are delicious. I'm trying to put a serious foot forward on eating better. I've been eating a PB sandwhich in the am, then a piece of fruit at lunch time (an apple or pear so far), eating supper and calling that that. I however admit to you all, that I like to munch. When I get home, I am hungry. Therefore, I want to eat. SO we're working on that. I also need something to excerise on. My "sissypants" and I can't seem to get enough sexerise. I've been thinking about an elliptical bike, but some one told me I'd be gay if I had one. So now fucking what? I want something where I'm standing, and not having the impact like a treadmill. My foot hurts.

Most people look at me differently. I'm one of those people that walks up to the office! I must be an asshole! Then the people in the office look at me like I'm some sort of production employee. Your presence is not required! For the production folks all I can say is I've been there and I've done that. Hey if what you want to do is run a machine, the same machine, every day, every fucking day, until you retire that's all well, fine, & good. I however prefer to say, "Fuck that noise." And for the office people I'd like to run this by your earholes. I've worked hard to do the things I do now. Not everyone gets to do it, and I know this, and it makes me appreciate it more. I will say good morning to you, I will ask you how you are and if you ask me I will almost always answer "not bad". Choke on it, because it's the way it is.

My little girl is going to be one by months end. One. She is certainly turning into her own person. The journey is just beginning.

I believe my blogtank is empty.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Grand words

Grand words

I am a man of few words,
preferring to listen rather than speak.
Today however I choose to share,
rather than to keep.
I do not have stories to tell,
or words of wisdom to pass on.
What I do have is a void in my heart,
that will never fill.
My children’s future,
will include the past.
It is a promise I made,
to a grand man.
Memories are forever,
love will always last.

All good things...

Tomorrow would have been my grandfathers birthday. I say would, because he passed away this evening. Probably no more than one hour ago. I am saddened to see him leave us. I witnessed as he struggled and fought for something that was obviously out of his control, and reach. This man that I have always looked at with a certain amount of pride and admiration had lost the battle of time right before my eyes. I am thankful that I was able to say my peace with him. I am thankful that I was able to connect with my father, as that does not happen often if ever. My greatest pain comes from knowing my grandfathers humor will only be taught to my children through stories and tales. Tales that are true. A promise I made, and intend to keep. I find comfort in knowing his physical pain is no longer. I can only imagine the mental pain someone suffers through while their body fails them, so I find comfort in knowing his mind is at rest. I also find comfort in knowing my father said his peace with him before it was too late. I am sure it would have been something that my father would have regretted for the rest of his days if he had not done so.

Rest in peace John Farren Hedglin. We love you and will miss you forever.

...come to an end.

Ventilation

I'm amused by things, and amused less by others.

I grow tired of free tickets. All aboard the do nothing train. Hey, I would do nothing too if I could. Wait, thats not true. Something inside of me would say "You lazy bastard. You fucker. You etc..." Alas, I come home and eventually end up with some sort of bug up my pooper. I'm asked what's wrong. After initially refusing I let it be known. I'm not surprised by the response I get. Something or other about how someone didn't have anything to do with it. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? Defending the defenseless. To me there are a couple meanings to defenseless.

One: Not being able to defend yourself
Two: Having no excuse for yourself

Maybe I should ride the do nothing train. Perhaps it's fun. I could shit my pants, grow that ZZ Top beard I've been dreaming about and let my toe nails grow out forever. Yes. Maybe even paint them a silly shade of red. That would be fun. And then when I finish something, for example cereal, I could leave the empty box on the counter. Or when I finish the toilet paper I could leave the empty roll for the next person that needs to wipe their ass. hahaha how funny would that be? Or when it snows I could leave the shoveling for the people that don't ride the do nothing train. The people that pay the bills and work for "a living". Yes, they'd appreciate that very much. Lord knows that's what they wanted to do with their life, work and take care of the lazy. Ya know I'd do nothing if someone would be giving me every god damn thing under the sun and ask for nothing in return. Yes nothing, its a fashion, a means of transportation, hell it's even people. My parents were silly, they made me do things. They punished me for things. What were they thinking? Didn't they hear of the do nothing train?

I'm fucking hot...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Number 200!

So blogger says that this will be my 200th blog post. Wow...

All is going alright. My "sissypants" got herself a job. It's all well fine and good, but I do miss her. Sometimes the extra daddy duty tiers me out but I'm holding up. We will really benefit from the extra income that's for sure.
Publish Post
It is income tax time. Time to pay some folks back and hopefully in the process get rid of a bill or two!

I'm feeling pretty run down at the moment. I felt like I had so much to say, now I find myself with little on my plate.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Greetings

Happy New Year.

I really don't have much to say. I was feeling "bad" about my blog. I'd say right now everything is on a mellow note here. I'm working, for myself but not really which is awesome. My "sissypants" is seeking employment as well. I hope that goes well, fore it will keep me from working 2 jobs...again...

The kids are all doing well. Gabrielle is a little mobile monster. Connor is a jibberish talking machine. He did good with the potty for a little bit, but has had some sort of relapse into shitting his pants and not minding. I couldn't imagine shitting in my pants, then going on the potty, then electing to go back to shitting my pants. I'm sure it's not a good feeling. Shaina is doing well. Drew, is well, Drew. I searched but could not locate a percentage of 20 year olds that actually graduate high school. I remember one 20 year old from high school. ONE!

We are making an effort on cutting out some pounds this year. So far, so good. Granted we are not going to the tree bark & pine needle diet that some of you may be on.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

Merry Christmas

I wish you all the best.

The gift of love

A gift that needs no day,
no other reason to be.
Words from my heart,
always start,
with your thought.
You are by far,
all I could ever want.
You have given to me,
more than any wish or dream.
Some want money,
others seek fame.
My future grows more,
with each passing day.
A life without limits,
as our children grow.
It seems our first,
came not so long ago.
The gift of love,
is what I have for you.
What more could I want to do?

I love you Julie.

Later.

Parking lot observations...

...from a man to frightened to enter the madness that was Wal-Mart.

It is true I stayed in the van with the little ones. We parked where most people would elect to drive around for 5 minutes to find a spot 5 spaces closer to the door. Here are some of the things that I noticed.

First off the traffic lanes mean nothing to most people. If they can cut through the parking spaces to save 10 seconds, then they will. I witnessed countless people doing this. It brings back bad memories. You see not to long ago, in a land not so far away, I was driving through the mall parking lot, following the traffic lanes. I had a couple friends with me that I hadn't seen in years (or much after) cruising in my newly repainted 1979 Oldsmobile (I loved that car). In fact, I had only had it out of the shop for a total of 4 hours. Anyways, we were driving and my friend says to me "Hey, is that guy gonna stop?" Then as I glance over, I see a mini van introducing itself to my car. The driver was an older fellow. I was pretty pissed. In the end, I had to fight with the insurance company not to scrap the car and ended up with a new paint job after only 4 hours. So I say to you, take the extra 2 minutes and follow all the traffic lanes you lazy fuckers.

You want me to do what with my shopping cart? Yes, can you believe that people are so "pressed" for time that they can't wheel their little carts to those parking stalls? I only saw one person do this. They looked perfectly healthy, maybe early 40's driving a nice looking SUV. They unloaded in good fashion, it was a team effort. The woman would get the items out of the cart and hand them to the man who then put them in the back of said SUV. After the final package was placed they hopped in and drove away. But wait, what's that in the middle of 2 parking spaces? A shopping cart?!?!? Well I guess I can't park in EITHER one of those spaces now if I wanted to. Merry Christmas, asshole.

The last thing I noticed was a route in the traffic lanes that saves time, but isn't so obvious just at first glance. All I can say is if you want to wait in a line of traffic that moves slow then continue to do the norm. If you want to get out with no lane, take a look around at ALL the traffic options available to you. I noticed, and will travel that way when ever it is madness.

Later.

I love you Julie.

How did you look...

...at your 30th birthday party?

(I don't remember this)

(yes, that's a sippycup)

A story!

My friend recently got abused from a local Italian place. Some would say sexually, I would say financially...

My "sissypants" was out and about and brought home food from the same Italian place (I did not have a chance to tell her about the unjust acts that had gone done). She goes through the food and notices they shorted us a cheese steak sub. However, they did give us a order of cheese fries we did not order. She promptly calls them, tells them of their error (something my friend did not do), and gets a free sub. As we are eating I go to open the bread that came with my salad, and bam, the bread is in fact the "missing" cheese steak. Once I point this out to Julie she says, "It was so flat, I thought it was the bread." In fact the bread, was there as well.

In the end we ended up with a free cheese steak and a free order of cheese fries. That's right, tast'em!

30 years of jibberish

I turned 30 this past Monday.

Recent events have made me think of life. I can close my eyes and flip through the years but when I open my eyes things are in a different gear. Some things are written already, even though it may only be foreshadowing. Painful things. Real things. Life. My grandfather is 81 years old, and has seen more in his life than I probably ever will in mine. Through it all, I can hear his laugh, hear his voice. If you define forever, nothing lasts that long. I fear my grandfathers time is nearing the end. Apparently, cancer has no soul for if it did, it would leave my grandfather alone. I will visit him today as will my children. I wish they were only old enough to realize how special it is to have him. To share a moment of his time.

My thanksgiving was occupied by other thoughts. I am however thankful for all that I have.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Randomness

Nothing particular to say, so lets just drip like a faucet...

Found myself a job today. Seemed a little too good to be true, but it is true. Only a few hours a day with good pay. The only shitty thing is, it's 7 days a week. Fuck, what's 4 hours? Not much!

On the way home today, Connor barfed all over himself. What a wonderful sound driving down the road. It made me want to turn on top 40 radio.

My "sissypants" is sitting on the floor fiddling with a pair of jeans. Something about her legs are short and the pants are long.

Tomorrow night! Par-tay!! How does it go G? UNNNN! Be on the look out for cross dressing cheerleaders...

I think Gabrielle's ass just exploded. It sure sounded like it.

Here's one you don't hear everyday. My dog has a yeast infection.

Yes, my blazer still looks like a bomb went off inside.

Let see if I can say something with some thought. I found myself thinking tonight. You know, the kind of thought where you find yourself somewhere other than your body. Maybe that's crazy, but I don't think so. I was thinking about a few things. I thought about my children and in doing so found myself with moist eyes. I was pondering how things in life happen. Sometimes it all seems scripted. Other times, it all seems cruel. It's just amazing how much happens from sunrise to sunset. It's enough to drive you mad! It's enough to inspire. It's enough...

Later.

I love you Julie.

A good day for blogging

Had a great night last night. Went to some friends house and played some asshole. We have not been there in over a year easily to do that. "Back in the day" it was asshole central. I must admit that I did not have a single run as president and was asshole on 2 or 3 occasions. It's all good though. We had jell-o shots, beer, and lots of laughs. Mary even paid a visit. Good old Mary. It was good to see my buddy cut loose, as these days he likes to say his heart burn meds do not permit him to drink. "Drink asshole!" I am now looking forward to the Halloween party even more! My motor has been primed...

Had a great day yesterday as well. Had a meeting with this guy about putting some money from under the table on it instead. It went well and it seems that I will cut ties with my Mexican roots by the end of next week. Hurray!

I forgot to mention, I didn't drink much water last night. Boys & girls: Water = teh win.

It's getting to be fall real quick around here. Leaves turning colors, my cleaned out cutters getting filled again already, the need for my furnace to run but we have no oil. Ah yes, it is a beautiful time of year.

All is going well with the clan. My little girl is getting so big and my son, well he's just one crazy cracker! It seems his vocabulary grows each day. Some times I feel bad because I just don't know what he's trying to tell me. When this happens we usually say to him "Show me", incase it is something he can point at. Well, sometimes its nothing, it's just a thought he's trying to share. Those, are difficult...

Well I must clean up a mess the "good" dog made last night. Apparently cat shit covered in cat litter hits the spot...

Later.

I love you Julie.

3:34 a.m.

Can't sleep...

A plus on that, I got an early jump on the Sunday job postings on the local newspaper website. There are a couple possibilities. I'll have to go running Monday I believe.

Friday nights are for drinking. Drink we did...

I'm going to try to rest my eyes.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Echoing words

Echoing words

Echoing words,
a soul that becomes torn.
Bleeding from within,
my heart fuels the ink pen.
Echoes can not be erased,
by a change in the wind.
No matter what it says,
it can not make me believe.
Steps forward,
while I stand still...

Black...

...it's a mood.

What did you say?

I hope everyone is having a good time in make believe land today...

Me? I had fun working on the upstairs bathroom. I'm also, worrying about oil for the furnace...

Did you ever say something you regretted? I'm sure you have, hell I have. The thing that was said, was it ever a thing that made you choke on your shit covered shoe? Maybe it was not deliberate, but it was what you were thinking and meaning? Now I'm not sure if I've crossed that bridge myself. I think I may have had "that thing" said to me, by someone that I thought would never say something like that. Forgiving and forgetting is hard to do, when all you hear are echoes...

I'm jobless and it sucks. I can recall a time working two jobs so no one else would have to work one. I remember taking the chance on switching jobs so we would all be better off. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for the best. I remember making time, when all I wanted to do was sleep. The job hunt has been, very unsuccessful to this point. I know in time, something will come. It's been a little over a month now and my mind races with thoughts on this matter constantly. "What if this" and "What if that". I'm trying daily, don't ask me who else is.

As I look over my right shoulder I see my little girl passed out, looking so peaceful. She must love her daddy.

Later.

I love you Julie...

Sorry,

but I only wish I had more to say...

Ozzfest 2007

This past Friday was the 14th year of Ozzfest. How many years have I been there? Well, 14! I pride myself on that. This year's Ozzfest was a bit of a throw back to yesteryear. In the early years there was always a core group of us that would go. Then the years passed and life changed and the last couple years it was only my wife and I. Hell, in '05 I went solo. That's how much I love this shit. This year saw the return of two original members of the group and I can only hope that sites and sounds won them over, again. There was also a new member. My friends niece, who is a week away from her 18th birthday came along. Looking back, at my first Ozzfest I was 18. I really enjoyed Ozzfest this year for many reasons, and I hope next year brings more of the same.

Now onto the music. As you may or may not know Ozzfest was free this year. The sponsers picked up the bill. As a result, no "big" bands played really other than Ozzy. My apologizes to those people that may think that Lamb of God, Static-X or Hatebreed are big bands. They are good, but they are not say Godsmack, System of a Down, Disturbed, etc. I could start with the obvious but I wish to let my thoughts be know about a band called Lordi right now.

Lordi. What the fuck are you all about? Your music sucks. Your stage act sucks. What the fuck are you doing on the main stage? Lordi is a band from Finland. They dress up like monsters and play shitty music. There was a point in the show when the "singer" said he wanted to see everybody moving. Moving? Dude, no one even stood up to see you. I looked down front and I kid you not, I saw 3 people moving. My 14 year opinion on Lordi playing Ozzfest again? FUCKING NEVER.

Since there was really only one reason why I was at Ozzfest (musically anyway) I might as well get down to it. Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy. Ozzy just kicks ass. The opening to his show was a bit of a throw back to the old days. In earlier years Ozzy's shows would start with him in short parodies of main stream media events ranging from movies, music videos, or simple interviews. Hell he even released a video of these some years ago called Ozzy goes to Hollywood. With the start of the show feeling so classic, I was indeed ready. So after the parodies and a kick ass intro, Ozzy comes onto stage. The first thing he says is "Aren't you fuckers tired of Ozzfest yet?" The answer to that would be no.

Although his performance started out slowly with him struggling through his first two songs, it picked up thereafter. The show was mostly classics with only two new songs being played from his new album. He played 12 songs that I can recall.

Bark at the Moon (struggled)
Not going away (struggled, but the band kicked ass)
Mama I'm coming home (a classic that I enjoyed very much with my "sissypants")
I'm here for you (not one of my favorite live performances)
Mr. Crowley (very nice)
I don't know (I love this song live)
Crazy Train (Crazy, but that's how it goes...)
I don't want to change the world (always a good song live)
Road to nowhere (kicked ass on this)
Paranoid (always, the last song)
Warpigs (very nice)
Suicide Solution (very fucking nice)

I have no complaints, and I look forward to seeing his old ass again next year. I've read that next year he'll be playing with Sabbath again. Always a treat.

I asked the question, would you rather Ozzfest be free and only have Ozzy there or would you rather pay and have a couple other big acts. I would rather pay. Ozzfest is an all day event and if I'm going to be there, I would like there to be some good filler before Ozzy takes the stage.

It's almost 4am, I'm going back to bed!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Thank you suscom

Look who's back...

So it's been a rough August in some ways and a good one in others. I lost my job, but I get $1200 a month for unemployment. We moved which was trying at times. We made it and now everyone has their own room, we have a living room, now if we could only find a couch...

Ozzfest if Friday. Let me do that over. Ozzfest is fucking Friday! There, that's more like it.

What do you mean there is money under the table?

I am off to shoot bitches, thanks for tuning in.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Say what?

Well well well...long time no write. Man, do I have some stuff to say.

First off, remember how I was so happy to leave DRW? I do. Guess who applied for a job at DRW today? That's right mofo's me. Apparently, my new job only wanted me around for a little while. Nothing luck throwing a big fucking wrench into gears that were turning so smoothly. Am I upset? Sure am, but not as much as I was on Friday. So it sucks and today I went to a few places and we'll see what comes from it. The new place did offer me another job today, 3rd shift at $2.21 less an hour than what I was making. Which equals out to be $0.67 more than I was making at DRW when I left. Lets not forget, I drive an extra 25 minutes one way to get to the new place. So in the end, I would make less because of what I spend on gas. Well see what happens...

...I'm taking this week off since things have played out this way. I am eligible for unemployment. Before getting it, you have to get a waiting week in which I will have in on Friday. Tomorrow we get the U-Haul and get ready for the move on Wed. Oh yea, nothing like loosing your job right before moving into a house you're going to try to buy. Anyway, this place is a nut house. We have shit everywhere. Boxes here, TV's there, clear glass here. You know how it goes. We are all set and excited about the move. Look out Avis here we fucking come.

I just don't understand certain things about this world. You work hard, show up everyday, put in extra O.T. and for what? A big sack full of bullshit. Maybe I will just ride out the unemployment for the max. Sit around, fuck the man, and finish on his ass...

On a lighter note, G had one hell of a bash. I rather enjoyed myself! A bunch of sexually friendly family folk there. What ever floats your boats I suppose. The highlight for me? Finding K passed out on the pee trail. Priceless...

Well folks my baby girl is fussy and my boy is wanting his mama...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Nerd alert

So I took Connor to see transformers. G agreed to visit 1985 again w/ us. The movie was pretty good. There were a few things I didn't really like. For example, the extreme close ups during battle scenes. It was very hard to tell what was going on. Then there were a few things that an old head like me would appreciate. Like when Prime decapitates this noob Bonecrusher using his energon axe. I don't know if that's what they are calling it these days, but that's what it was. Another moment for me was towards the end of the film when you hear prime say the classic line from the original movie, "One shall stand, one shall fall.". I can say I didn't really miss Frank Welker voicing Megatron. To say that anyone could do prime better than Peter Cullen, would be madness...

Looks like the house deal is a go. We are outta here at the end of the month!

There's a local rock station (99.3 WZXR) having this promo where you sing for your beer. 99 cases of beer in fact. Well each day they give a couple away to caller number 9, but the trick is, you have to know what case of beer the case count is on. Why? Well you sing the 99 bottles of beer on the wall diddy, but instead of bottles you say cases. So guess who number 9 was on Monday? That's right bitches. I got a nice, free case of beer. By the way, the count is now on 52...

Work? Fuck that! What can I say?

As for now I need a shower.

Later.

I love you mommy!

Happy 4th of July

It's been a couple weeks since my last post and I have a hard time believing that much time has passed. I find time is almost always filled these days...

Had a blast last weekend doing some camping w/ G & K down by pine creek. It was very relaxing and a very good time. I had not "camped" w/ G in many moons. Since we were 16 or 17. We had some good conversations. I want any one who reads this and also reads his blog to ask him about the sweet potatoman. Trust me, if he tells you, it's a good story. We played some badminton, which was fun. I hope this only starts a long stretch of good times for us.

Works been work. I've kind of settled in now and see it for what it's worth. A job. What can I say? Work can only be so fun...it is nice to get paid to have a day off now and again.

Word still has it we'll be signing some papers on a house very soon. Nothing so far, but very promising words have been spoke.

Happy 4th of July to you and yours.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Hello

I find myself very consumed right now by thought.

How are you doing? I've been pretty busy at work lately. I usually leave at 3:30, however a couple days this week I didn't leave until 4. Then you throw on top of that all this god damn construction I get to drive through (on the way home I seem to sit in it more than drive) I don't get home until 4:30-5. Fuck, yesterday I got behind these two trucks hauling these long ass concrete bridge beams. Well wouldn't you know that when it came to cross a bridge they had to go over one at a time. Which means we sat and waited until both trucks creeped over the bridge. They had one cop trying to do this. It was kind of funny at times. The cop would be in the middle of the road and some one would try going by him and he'd point his finger out the window and do the "no no" movement. You know what I mean don't you? In a nut shell, yesterday it took me a half hour to drive a distance that should have only taken 10 minutes.

Don't get me started on how yield signs must be invisible to just about everyone. I'm talking to you Mr. Fuckface on the motorcycle!

I confess this entry started as an email. It is now what it has become...

Home life has been quiet which is good. I admit that I have not been very motivated this week. Oh, I got home from work on Thrusday and thought I tore something in my knee. It burned and hurt a great deal. So much in fact, I bitched about it. I don't bitch about it, unless it really really hurts. Anyway I wake up the next day and it's still sore but no where near as bad. Then this morning my knee feels almost 100%. In fact I just knelt down to look under the blazer to see if I could locate a exhaust leak. No luck there. Anyway today I think I'd like to finish something my "sissypants" started. We got a dresser for our little girl and she started to sand it down. I'm feeling, handy.

Speaking of our little girl, she grows large! She chubby, but so cute. I find her little attitude humorous at times, but other times she's in this zone where she just kicks my teeth in. Nothing I do seems to work. Then Julie walks in, does her magic, and she's quiet in like 10 minutes. It must be a mommy thing...

My boy, he grows large too. Not chubby, just big. Sometimes when we wrestle around he just keeps on coming back for more. I wonder, how much crazier can this boy be? I can not wait to see for myself. He's getting a vocabulary now. Sometimes if you catch him when he doesn't think about saying words too much, he can repeat what you say and well. But then when you edge him on to say it some more, it's just not quite the same. I do not find my sons attitude humorous at all. In fact, I find it quite ridiculous at times. What can you do? If the boy can't talk, how can he keep emotions in check?

House news? Nothing certain yet. Talks say August first. All papers though, remain blank...

Later.

I love you Julie!

Words silent no more

I have found some time for just you and I. Aren't you glad?

I guess I'll start off with our camping adventure. Even though it was a week or so ago, it is still fresh in my mind. As I think about the whole thing some more, it's been a long while since I have felt like I did while we camped. It was a very welcomed thing. Anyway we camped out over memorial day weekend. My clan (Me, "sissypants", S, D, Connor, Gabrielle) and my friend Jamie's clan (him, Rachel, Ezra, Paige, Abby, and the dog Bugsie). Rachel's brother Jake showed up with Harry. More on Harry later...

We got to camp Friday night and got set up. The weather was not the nicest and I admit, made me think the whole weekend would be rained out. The next morning was overcast, leading to more doubt. As it was, the weather turned for the better just about the time Jamie showed up. A little later in the day Jake and Harry showed up. The gangs all here!

We played a little baseball (me being the only one to hit a homer run, oh I mean 3 home runs :-) ), went for a walk, roasted marshmallow, played volley ball, gathered firewood from the woods, fished (I did not fish), talked, had a couple beers and found some time to burn one or two...

No fussy kids. No fights. No natural disasters. It was just about as perfect as it could be. There was even an unannounced lawn tractor race going on. Best I could tell there were 3 classes. Your basic grass cutter without a deck, slightly moded tractors, and then extreme moded. There was this one tractor that had some sort turbo charger on it with a big ass intake on the hood. When the guy started it, it sounded like a fucking crotch rocket. Lets just say, this tractor took names at the starting line.

Are you ready to talk about Harry?





That's Harry everyone. I don't know his last name. I don't know where he lives. I have seen this man a couple times in my life. Every time I have seen this man he has been either too drunk to stand, or he is in fact down on the ground. You see Harry can sit for a very long time. How long? He stayed in the car, sitting, the whole first day he was there. He refused food. He would however take a beer. Or, perhaps he'd have a cup full of black velvet and pepsi. That is a favorite of Jake's. You see, Harry is a friend of Jake and Rachel's family from way back. Jake's dad was originally Harry's friend, but as Jake put it "My old man gave up on him and I took over".

After the first night I was the fourth one up. Harry was first, Jamie was second (went fishing), Paige, then me. As Jake and I neared Harry, he said "I see the fairy's aren't awake yet." This made us laugh. In fact we'd say it the rest of camping and it made us laugh every time. So then I wondered just exactly what did Harry see. We all shared our opinions on it. Most of the opinions were followed with a chuckle. Harry did go on to say the boys were out and about late one night. Harry, PI for hire.

The second day/night saw Harry move from the car to the picnic table. And that's where he stayed. All day long. All night until it was time for him to crawl back in the car out of the rain.

I had asked a couple general questions about Harry to those who knew him better than I. I was always told in a nut shell not to go down that road. That is where I left it lay.

I just got off the phone with Jamie. He's got the fever, the Ozzfest fever. The tickets are still free boys and girls. I get early dibs because I pre ordered Ozzy's new album. I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Ozzy or has been in the past. The man really can do no wrong in my book.

Oh shit! I got a new tattoo. 4 days have passed since I got it, that explains any flaking you may see.



The new job still continues to go well. Just had my 30 day review. All was good.

I would like to find some time like this to sit down and try to write a poem or two. I really like the the title of this blog post. I may try to do something with it. I think I have written that at least once before in this blog.

Later.

I love you Julie!

I have not forgotten

I hope no one is upset with the length between my posts. I swear I'll get a good post up. I have a good camping adventure to report to you all (and a story about Harry).

Until the words come to me...

Later.

I love you Julie

The difference between approval and preapproval is a bitch

Been a fucked up day in the world of John. J.W.'s world hasn't been much better...

A house? Yes. Wait...no. You see the difference between you and me (maybe) is that I tend to never loose sight of the worst case scinero. When it's been a road I've gone down before I tend to see things a little more and a little clearer. Anyway I've been pre approved for this and that for quite some time through a couple different places. But then when it comes time to play ball, no one shows up but me. This time, it is no different. In fact to quote the realitor "You better start packing." My reply? "I've learned there is a big difference between being pre approved and approved. So no offense, but I'll wait before I pack." Good thing. Made the call to the bank this morning. Apparently no one knows why I get this nice pre approved status and when it comes time to get the cash, its a no go. So for now and for some time to come, I'm not looking for a house. I'm tired of this bullshit parade.

Works still going well. I can't complain. Seems like before I know it it's lunch time, then it's time to go home. I love going home.

When I was younger I use to work on the farm in the summer detasseling corn. It was nothing special, it kept gas in the tank of the car and the insurance paid. Well anyway one summer a kid some how got his foot caught in the wheel on a tractor wagon. Broke his foot and fell hard off the wagon. He was alright. I recently took a spill off a wagon of sorts. I didn't break a bone or anything. In fact I feel quite alright. My friend Mary has come back to town. In fact, she's shacked up w/ us for a while. We enjoy her company! Don't hate Mary, she's a good kid. If you don't get too much of her. I really should dedicate a whole entry to this and my feelings about it...

I have too much shit in my head right now crashing off of every other god damn thing up there so I'm wrapping this up.

Later.

I love you Julie.

2 weeks in

Is 2 weeks in anything like balls deep?

I'm happy to report not too many fuck ups. No fights. Most of all, I'm digging it. I pretty much have the run of the place. I am busy almost all day. It's a little slow until 8am but that's a good hour to come to my senses. I will probably be able to snag some Saturdays. You see the place is a mess and their system is as old as a dinosaur. They have these things called computers these days that could make things so much easier. Granted I do use the computer. However, they do no currently use anything for inventory control (SAP goes live in August). This will make things not only easier but much better. I touched based today w/my bosses boss about it and he seems like he wants me at the controls for the change. I told him, I'd get it done and he said I'll get the chance. None of this shit happened at my old job, it's much more exciting I think.

Sometimes the mornings seem to come in a blink of an eye. Most days I'm good until 9pm. Some days around 7 I seem to hit a wall. I'm trying to figure out something that works for me that gets me pepped up. I'm still working on it. In the morning, I like to have a tea to wake me up.

I have to write about falling off the wagon and how it doesn't seem to bad...

Well loyal reader I admit to you that I stink. I need to hit the shower.

Later.

I love you Julie.

John & G... v2!

I know Hamood is not G's "spawn of satan", but he's close enough...


Connor is of course, in the Yankees shit. Hamood is G's sisters (Jess) boy. The little girl in the pink is our newest love Gabrielle. The lady holding her is G's mom, Patti.

I am no longer a DRW employee

It's true, I'm done. I feel 100% fine with it. I remember leaving a job that I once had for about the same length of time and being quite worked up about it. Not this time, not this job. It just wasn't meant to be.

So since I'm not longer at DRW that means I have to update my blog from home! What will I do?

Later.

I love you Julie, bunches.

You can't make this shit up...

So of course something would happen right before I call it quits at good 'ol DRW.

There's this guy that no body really likes. I admit he's kind of creepy. He's been in jail for beating on his lady so ya know, whatever. Anyway, he lost his artificial eye tonight.

What's more disturbing the fact that he lost it or if some one finds it?

Tomorrow is my last night and I know I will not be here all night. Maybe a couple hours. I have some shit to get out of here yet. Like my radio and microwave. I'll miss it a little then before you know I won't miss it at all.

I'm not very wordy right now...

Later.

I love you Julie.

This will take 5 minutes or so...

Yea, if I paid more frequent visits to the blog, they'd be shorter.

It's no secret I've been trying to find a new job. I'm sure if I looked back through the blog I could maybe put some sort of time frame on it. I'm going to say around two years. In those two years I took a job for a day through a temp agency and gave it a try. It made me realize just why working production is no fun. I've had jobs offered to me, but tuned them down. The reasons were mostly all the same. Pay sucked, benefits sucked, or both.

Then recently I was offered a job that paid slightly better than I made now, but I just wasn't feeling the job. I had told them I would take the job, but after thinking on it for a week I decided it wasn't "it". While I was thinking about the job I would later turn down, I had an interview for a position that really sounds like my cup of tea. To boot the pay was pretty good and the benefits matched. Did I mention the hours are 7am-3-pm? That's right, normalcy. It is a bit of a drive, but you know what? I don't mind a good trip.

So I start there on 4/30. My last night where I am is 4/26. Not so far away. I find it amazing that so many people that I've seen everyday for the past 4 years (almost) all of the sudden want to know what I'm doing. Is it wrong that I didn't come in and spout off about how I was leaving and every one could go to hell? I don't think so. I told who I needed to tell. Now, every body is asking me this or that. Here's the main question I hear.

Why are you leaving? Why am I leaving? What's your fucking name anyway? Steve? Well Steve, did you know for the past 4 years (almost) we've called you douche bag back here? Anyway, there are a few reasons. First, at this point in my life working nights has worn out its welcome. There was a time when I would look forward to going to work at night. Hell who wouldn't? There I was with good friends and smoking an once of pot a week. Those days, are no more.

The hours aside, the place in general sucks. I make, what I would say is the bottom end of ok money. I didn't reach that though, until this year. I've never seen a company care so less. There is no structure here and it's enough to drive some one who cares absolutely fucking crazy. How do you move up when the company doesn't promote much from within? I don't know how some of the people that have been here so long, doing what they are doing, don't loose it.

I care, I can't help it. I have never, tried for so long to get out of a place...

I believe my family life will benefit from the added normalcy. Going to bed at night time? Eating supper at supper time? Seeing everyone for more than a couple hours a day? All these have been foreign to me for far too long.

I certainly feel ready for this change of jobs. Its as if weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Which feels pretty good considering how much getting a house weighs on me. There's been bad news for us sub primers (no relation to Optimus). Basically if your credit score is below 600 you're F'd in the A. Since the mortgage industry is in shambles as far as I'm concerned, creditors won't lend with out some major cash down and ass raping interest. This is all very bad for me. My credit score is very close to 600 now. Trust me, 4 months ago 600 was off in the distance. So I've been kicking around the idea w/ just waiting until next income tax. By then my credit score will be well above 600, I'd have about a year in with my new salary, we'd have a fresh batch of refund money, and I would be approved for a higher amount. We'll keep our eyes open for a sweet deal, but if nothing comes along this plan sounds good.

How's my baby girl? Well when she's not looking at you as if she's going to kick your face in, she's adorable. Seriously this little girl has some mean looks. She must get that from her dad. She's doing very well. I think she looks like a fat cat when she's on her back. She's go these little arms and legs and this wide torso. So beautiful. She fell asleep on me this morning after fussing with my "sissypants". I love when she will say to me, "She just wanted her daddy."

How's my baby boy? Looking more and more like a little boy everyday. He's pretty much out of control. In mostly a good way. He's really digging a few kid shows now. Blue's Clues, Zaboomafu, Back yardigans, are the main three I think. He also like Spongebob. I never gave Spongebob a chance until I was a friend's house and the snail, Gary, meowed. I remember saying, "Did that snail just meow"? I know my boy will love having a house w/ more room so he can go even crazier. Daddy's trying buddy...

My wife is doing very well. She still doesn't feel 100% but she's getting there. In fact she has her first check up since having the baby today. I really hope it goes well for her. At this point any kind of set back would bring her down, and I do not want that. I'm still looking forward to having a night out w/ my baby. We need to kick that shit old school!

Shaina is a walking hospital visit. At least since I've been in the picture it seems that way. She broke a toe a few days ago now. I keep telling Julie that she needs calcium. That, and she needs to be careful and pay more attention. A little of both go a long way.

Drew, where do I begin? The boy is in great danger of failing. We went through this last year and he pulled through. However, this year looks much more bleak. I tried talking about this and it didn't get very far. In fact, we had a bit of a tiff about it. That was "dramor" related. Is it wrong for me to want him to do well? Is it wrong for me to see thing as they are? I don't think it is. We'll see what June brings.

Ozzy Osbourne new album "Black Rain" out May 22nd. I'm pre ordering.

Go Yankees!

Later.

I love you Julie.

I call it "dramor"

As defined by me: Drama + Horror = Dramor

It was a night full of dramor for me last night. Tears, arguing, people falling down. You name it, it was going down. Throw all that on top of the fact I've been sick for about a week now and my left ear is so fucked, I think a deaf person would hear better than I do out of it, it made for a long painful night.

The sunrise has brought better luck today.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Aggressive beeping

So if you've read my blog or if you're one of those people that actually know me, you know that I got a van recently. A van my family will rely on heavily in the years to come.

That said, I flashback to last Thursday. I was picking my step son up from school. I'm sitting there waiting with Connor and Shaina and this red caviler pulls in front of me. It appears as if they are going to back in beside me. So I'm sitting there watching this unfold nice and slowly. It appears to me the way this car is pulled in front of me there is no way they can get beside me. I figured, they must know what they are doing. Then I noticed the old woman driving with curlers in her hair. No joke.

She starts backing up, at idle speed. It had to be idle speed for how slow she was going. You'd think going slow would allow you lots of time for lots of things. For instance, glancing in your mirror and seeing the van behind you. I guess that I must have been kidding myself. It became clear that this lady was not trying to park beside me, but on top of me. I proceed to honk the horn. A steady honk. She keeps coming and then, bump...

...after the bump she stops, pulls forward and is coming back to give me more. Maybe she wanted to bump uglies with me. Anyway, at this point I'm pretty fired up. I proceed to aggressively beep. Then finally she stops and looks over and our eyes meet. I yell out the window "You fucking dumbass!". Now this wasn't at the top of my lungs, maybe 80% of what I could have done. It was loud. I woke up the lady beside me that was napping.

After that, the lady in the red caviler drove away and parked in a different location. I noticed several people looking in my direction, looking as if they were waiting for me to attack. I simply sat there and let my mind entertain me with visions. Like, me getting out and kicking her car or what I liked better, was me getting out and throwing her keys. Doing everyone a fucking favor.

What do I find most amusing about this whole thing? Just thinking about what all the regulars there were thinking. Here I am, there for the first time in a strange vehicle screaming profanity out the window. I'm sure I was the talk of a few soccer moms that afternoon.

This ends aggressive beeping.

Later.

Baby news

I hope no one was worried about all of us. We are just fine. It's been a busy week or so in my world.

Our baby girl has joined us and I must say she's beautiful. I have been blessed with so much that I will never forget. The first time I saw her, her first sound, the first tear she made me shed as a person and not a thought. She was much like her brother, taking the harder road to get here. She's here now and I am thankful for her.

I'm also thankful for my wife. She's been through so much. Gabrielle was delivered C-section, not a planned either. I know my "sissypants" wanted so badly to avoid a C-section but there are times when your wants don't play a factor. This was one of those times. We got to the hospital around 6:30-7am and Gabrielle was born 5:27pm. Labor was pretty straight forward until the last hour or so. Then our baby girl simply got stuck. After surgery and some time in recovery we were all reunited in the nursery. Room 520. There we learned that there may be some complications. My wife was bleeding and had a major blood clot. If things didn't take care of themselves, they were going to have to do a hysterectomy. We were lucky, and thankfully Julie is home safe and sound. She and baby were in the hospital for a week. I'd say things didn't start smoothing out until Wednesday. Everyone came home Friday night. So once again, I'm very thankful that my wife is alright. I love her very much.

What can I say about my 1 week old daughter? She's got dark hair with a red tint and brown eyes. I can say she looks a lot like her brother at the same age. She's pretty laid back until you mess with her. If you want to change her or dresser her prepare yourself for one fired up little baby girl. She gets so mad. When she's like this, she shows off how strong she is. It's amazing how much of a fight such a little thing can put up. She's also got her own cry. I think she sounds silly. It' s a cry that builds itself up. It starts out with just a couple grunts and squeaks and before you know it she's screaming at you. This also happens when she's hungry and you're not on top of your game. I can say that she is loved very much and that I miss her right now...

Stay tuned for pics. I had some major computer issues right before the baby was born and I have not had time to sit down and install my camera software.

Connor is taking to the baby nicely. In fact I have him smelling her feet and going "phew" as if they stink. He's not all about her or anything, but he's also not against her. I think he will be an awesome big brother.

Shaina is loving the baby, as we all knew she would. I've said it before and I'll say it again: She'll make a much better big sister than little.

Drew, he didn't hold the baby until a day before she came home. Why? I don't know. Probably because she's a girl and Connor was a boy. I fairly certain he's quite neutral on the addition. Hopefully he'll come around.

Mommy, she love her girl very much. Even after, everything she's been through. Looking into those beautiful brown eyes of hers I see Julie disappear into a world of dreams. I could watch them every waking moment I may have.

Daddy, he loves his girl very much as well. I am quite happy with what my family has become. Only a couple years ago I never would have pictured this, never. You never know what life has in store for you, and I'm glad I didn't see this coming. I am a very proud papa.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Welcome to the world part II

Gabrielle Christine
Born: March 26 2007
Weight: 7lbs.
Length: 19in

The count down dwindles

Tomorrow is the day. Unless something happens today/night my "sissypants" will have labor induced tomorrow morning sometime. We have to call the hospital at 5:30am to check on room status and the doc wants us signed in by 6:30am. My nervous have started to kick in. I can feel the anticipation building up. I mean how much closer does this get? Not much more than it is right now.

What do I want? I want this to be as easy on my wife as possible while remaining as safe as possible for our daughter. I know she's starting to get the nerves about what is to come physically for her. I could only imagine. I mean I think it's rough when I eat a lot of cheese... I can't imagine having a baby. I will be there for both my girls and they can take from me anything that they need.

There has been some last minute talk about a possible name change. Going from Gabrielle to Jillian. It may come down to what we see when we first lay our eyes on her.
Gabrielle = God is my might.
Jillian = Down-bearded youth <--- WTF does that mean?

I've been a bit under the weather the last couple weeks. My guts just haven't been right. Just as they start to get back to normal, I feel like I have a head cold. Connor has been sick as well. Poor little guy. He's a trooper though for the most part. Even when he's feeling like shit he'll tell you "Thank you".

I was offered a job. I told them I'd take it, but I still have second thoughts. It just doesn't feel like "it". Maybe it's just because it's been so long since I had my interviews and shit for the place. The whole process took over a month. I had an interview for another place on Friday and if I was offered that job, I'd take it. It pays better, and has pretty good benefits. It's more up my alley too. They said that they would have a decision on Monday or Tuesday. The only problem with both jobs it that they are a good drive for me if we stay in the Jersey Shore school district. The likely hood of us moving is not good.

Speaking of moving I'm all sorts of preapproved these days. Shame everything here is over priced...

The next time I visit my blog I will be welcoming some one new to this world.

Later.

I love you Julie.

My post card to you

I really like that title. I may try to do something with it.

This may very well be my last blog entry before our baby girl joins us. My "sissypants" was having contractions today. I found myself watch some baby show on TLC or Discovery this morning. The happiness I get from my thoughts will fail in comparison to how I will feel the first time I see our Gabrielle Christine.

Still no house for the clan. We looked at one that was promising until we went through it. I kid you not when I say that this house smelled like a piss factory. It was just about to the point of being unbearable. I noticed in the sign in sheet they removed the carpets about a month ago. I bet when that carpet was in there it would have made you loose your lunch. Anyway the house was also in the flood zone. I just don't think I can bring myself to living in the flood zone. At least, not right in it. Julie says, that's what flood insurance is for. I say, flood insurance doesn't pay for the experience you have going through a flood. We'll keep on keeping on until we find "it".

Speaking of all those things house shopping, I need to vent some about realtors. I just found out today that I may qualify for a renovation loan. Long story short, they'll lend you extra cash for potential value in the future. I want to know why in the hell I wasn't informed about this shit in the beginning? I think this is how it should work. I go in they say "Ok Mr. JW based on your credit score these are the loan options available to you." Instead I find out by the realtor being reminded of such loans due to a house that smells like piss. I have not signed a contract with any realtor and I do not plan on it. I know I'm preaproved through one place already and possibly another. I may just end up doing this on my own...

Still no job even though my second interview went very well at this one place. I think they may be waiting until April. When I met with them I made sure to tell them about the baby girl coming and if it would be alright if I had to miss a couple days around then. We'll see what April brings. In the mean time I mailed out my resume twice this week already. Something has to give!

What nice weather we've been having. I love spring time.

Until next time...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Today's funny pic's

Rejected!

So the house was a let down. Caused me to loose some sleep and get a little down. What can we do though? We'll just keep on, keeping on! Got the green light up to $75,000. At the interest rate I can get right now (7.5%, on a good note my credit score went up 57 points in a little over a month) we'll try to keep it in the $60,000 range.

Besides, I got too much going for me to get down about a house. The closer baby day comes, the more nervous/anxious I am getting. The hospital bag is ready. I need to get a couple things around for myself. I just would have liked to bring Gabriele into our home and not a house we rent.

I have a second interview for a job this Friday. I just don't get second interviews. If I go there and they don't have any new material (meaning, asking me the same questions) I'll be a little upset. I'll hide it though, because I really want out of the DRW! It's not so much the job as it is the hours.

I'm paying the price for having McDonald's for breakfast. I have heart burn something terrible.

In my last post I wrote about how good my dogs are. Well, yesterday they decided to break out of the fence and go roaming for a couple hours. Lets just say when they got home Kida was a mess and Ebony looked wore out. They both got baths.

I'm not feeling very blogish. I just want to go home and snuggle up to my sexy mama...

Later.

I love you Julie.

11 days inbetween

I just enjoyed a nice hot dish of chicken & rice w/ veggies in only 90 seconds. 90 seconds for simulated home cooking. Try it, you'll like it.

We made an offer on a house. It'll be a nice house, one day. There's no sense in jumping into how I would like to do this or that until we know something for sure. Who said I had sense? The first thing I would do is insulate the attic. Then I'd do any other kind of weatherization I could get done now, done NOW! So on and so forth. Yes, we don't hear anything official until today but, we still have thought a lot of things already. Perhaps it is all just for a let down. Then again, it may be for something else...

If you'd walk in my front door tomorrow this may be something you encounter:

First, watch out for what we call "piddles". You see our puppy (also known as a shiteater to some) isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She doesn't know yet that she's suppose to take care of all that outside. Plus, you should see how this puppy grows. I'm sure if her body is growing that much that fast her guts are too. Poor girl, she'll be alright. I see a lot of good dog there...

You may hear this next thing before you see it. Rest assured, you will see it. "It"'s my son. His 2 current favorite sayings are "Thank you" and "Ut-oh". Now sometimes thank you only sounds like the sound of thank you, but ut-oh is ut-oh. If you were to give him a cuppy he would say, thank you. If he were to give you a foam number, he would say thank you. If that cuppy were to run dry, he would say ut-oh. If he would throw his foam number, he would say "ut-oh". I think he's pretty alright with his language. I never realized I would be so taken by hearing a little boy say ut-oh and thank you. He's working on I love you. When he's trying to say it, it sounds like "I doooo". I love you too buddy...

Then there's "sis". I wonder if she knows she's gone from being the little sister, to forever being the big sister. I think she will make a much better big sister than little. You may see her drawing a picture and giving it to her mother and me. The picture may be of what she thinks her baby sister looks like, or maybe a list of what she wishes for her. Very nice. I think she deserves to enjoy every moment of her life...

Then there's the closer to 15 than 14 year old, Drewsive. I feel as if he could be a much better big brother. There are times I feel badly for how he treats his sister. I just don't get it. Connor will not be like that. I'm sure there is really that "brother/sister" thing that I just don't get being a lonely child, but I do think I know when something is right and wrong. I could understand it even a bit more if the age difference wasn't what it is. I hope he can find the thing(s) to make him happy...

Perhaps while you were visiting the bathroom, you would be visited by one or our cats. They seem to believe in the buddy system when it comes to taken care of business. Everyone morning I have at least one of them in there loving on me. There's a difference between cat affection and dog affection. I don't care what you say, there is. I only wish my cat would snuggle at sleep time again. I miss it...

Then I'm sure by now you'll have a great big white hair ball jumping up on you getting kisses. Kida loves that. She's been doing a good job of letting the puppy know what lines not to cross. No major fights and we're gonna keep it that way or I'll get in there and break that shit up. Ever since she stayed with my folks for a couple months she's become quite the begger. I can't complain too much, she's a good girl...

Last but not least, you'll see my very pregnant "sissypants". We are in the home stretch now. Julie says March 18, doctors say April 1. I say soon, no matter what day we will be joined by our baby girl. Oh my, I didn't share the name. Gabrielle Christine. Nice isn't it? Gabrielle, a name my sissypants loves. I have to admit, it isn't bad. Christine, my mothers name. What more meaning can a namely possibly have? You may see my sissypants sitting rubbing her belly, or you may see her ignoring my orders that she stops working and takes it easy. It's alright, I know she'll take a break when she needs one. She's a good mommy. I miss her very much right now...

Would you like crackers with your soup?

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thinking aloud with my finger tips

T minus 6 weeks and counting. We have a name picked out. Finally. Turns out to be the name I thought it would be weeks ago. I'm not saying just yet what it is. I'd like it to be a surprise but part of me feels that it should not be. I'll talk w/ my "sissypants" some more on the matter and make a final decision.

Is my blog to personal that it's boring? I don't really care either way. I write here because it makes me feel good. I get something out of it. Then, am I being greedy with my blog? If I didn't get some sort of release (no...not that release) from it I think it would be just a big waste of time. Maybe that's what my blog is, a big waste of time. I do know it's my blog, so take it for what it's worth.

I had a pretty promising interview the other day. I made comparable traveling time. Meaning it took me about the same to get there as it does to get to my current job. However, that was traveling 44. I could only imagine what 44 was like with this snow we just got. Oh yea, news flash, we got some snow. Without taking 44 it would take me at least twice as long to get there. I suggested looking for a house closer to the area if I would happen to take the job. I don't think (by think I mean know) that idea went over well. It'd be a shame to pass up an opportunity to finally work normal hours at a slightly better wage. I have to be offered the job first, so no sense in getting all worked up over a big plate full of nothing.

Speaking of snow, the plan is this weekend to take Connor for his first sled riding adventure. My folks have a little hill in their back yard, so that's where we'll be heading. I haven't done anything fun in the snow in a great number of years. I really looking forward to seeing his face the first time we zip down on a tube. I can always remember enjoying sled riding. I had this plastic orange sled. Thing was a beast. Rode that thing into the ground. I'm sure I'll enjoy myself just as much, if not more. I do know, I'm not looking forward to all the cold that comes with this. If memory serves correctly, I don't ever remember minding the cold. *WARNING* Memory is not what it use to be.

I really wish we had room for a weight machine. I'd use that thing everyday. As it is currently we don't have room for another pair of shoes let alone a weight machine. Well, maybe it's not that bad. Depends on who's shoes we are talking about I guess. Some of us are called big foot and poked at with sticks and hit in the head w/ stones as we check the mail. And that, is just from my wife!

You know what pushes my buttons. There are several people at work that talk as if they own the place. It drives me bonkers. I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up. My number is 2744 and I'm sure they all have a number in their wallet. That's what you are my friends. Nothing more.

I feel as if I have aimlessly paved a road to nowhere. Mission complete.

Later.

I love you Julie

Freefest?

Have you heard? This years Ozzfest will be FREE. Let me rephrase that. This years Ozzfest will be FUCKING FREE! Ozzy's gonna be there, what more do you need? No guess work on what shows he will or will not do. He's on board for all 25 dates as the headliner on the main stage. Apparently the tickets will be obtained online. More than likely at sponsor sites or if your like me, at ozzfest.com. This has never been done before. I can tell you one thing, they will sell more merchandise this way. Considering t-shirts start at about $30! I never thought the tickets were outrageous. I think last year I paid like $45 for an all day festival (even though we did leave early). I would have paid this year too, however I will sign up for my free tickets as soon as I can. I'll be there, will you?

Going to look at a house on Friday. Stay tuned.

Another week, and another successful doctors visit. My "sissypants" is really blooming now. Our baby girl keeps on growing as her day nears. The name that I thought would be a shoe in was officially tossed yesterday. Back to square one... I am a very happy daddy knowing all is back on track with everything.

Sounds like a card game at my house this weekend. I need to get something hooked up downstairs to play mp3's!

If you'll forgive me, mother nature is calling.

Later.

I love you Julie.

The van has landed

It's green, it's bad, it's rad! It's John and Julie's minivan! Okay...it's still green though. A big shout out to G for his assistance. It was a good trip down. Uneventful, which to me is always good when going somewhere new. No real issues. Putting the finishing touches on the paper work on Wed probably. And finally, when you see me coming keep in mind, I'm not a soccer mom. I'm sure my ass and boobs will disappoint you.

I have a interview this morning. I won't hold my breath, but I will do my best. Unfortunately my interview is at the same time my "sissypants" has a appointment. I hate missing appointments. I'm hopeful all will be well with my sweetie and our growing baby girl.

I fell down about 5 steps this morning. Don't really know what happened. Took a step, next thing I knew I was on my ass banging down the stairs. My fucking tailbone is hurting me but other than that I'm alright. I can't remember the last time I fell down...

Later.

I love you Julie.

For my girls

You were both in my thoughts very recently and...


Lean on me

Times of trouble,
and worrisome thoughts,
will never be able to take you from my heart.
Every second of every day,
I carry you with me.
All that I see for you,
in the dreams of tomorrow,
bring to me calm,
my first daughter.
Every beat of my heart belongs to you,
yet shared with others.
Feel no need for greed,
you have your own key,
to unlock doors I have not seen.
Letting us into rooms just for you and I.
Daddy’s little girl,
you will forever be mine.
You may lean on me when you need,
and come to me for anything.
I will be easy to find,
I’m always by your side.
Though your words are silent,
I hear them clearly.
I love you to,
and we will be waiting.

...I love you.

Stressing...

It has been a rough week or so. I have found myself avoiding writing about it, but I feel I must. Last week was check up day. I was able to go for the first time in quite some time. You see I was unable to go during my 3 month Lowe's tour. I was quite happy to be there. Well the doctor's checking the heart beat of our baby girl and it seemed to be irregular. So he had some concerns and sent my "sissypants" over to the hospital to get monitored for a bit. Turns out the baby was alright, just a little hungry.

Since those events unfolded they wanted to see Julie again just to make sure all was well. Baby checked out fine. However, Julie's blood pressure was insane. I forget the exact number, maybe she'll post a comment with it. Anyway, they kept for for a couple hours and eventually sent her home even though there was no real change in her blood pressure. Later on in the day I want to say like 6pm the doctor calls and tells her to get the hospital. He also said that the midwife on duty should not have sent her home until the figured out what was going on. Remind me not to listen to this midwife, never again. So she goes back out and they get her under control and she went back out to get check again a couple days later. And again, it was a little high. Not near as bad as when she first went.

You can see I have lots on my mind. Not to mention that last night she woke up with terrible pains in her up stomach. She said she's doing fine now. If it happens again we'll be heading out to get check.

Everything could smooth out at any time now.

Later.

I love you Julie and my baby girl very much.

House hunting

Sometimes you'd be surprised at what you find when your doing something totally different. While just the other day I found a greedy little troll while I was looking at a house. Okay, it wasn't a greedy little troll. It was a real estate agent that apparently housed the greedy little troll in his back pocket or somewhere near the area. Up until then, I thought the guy was pretty cool. Now, I am skeptical.

You see, my wife and I were looking at this house. Which was listed on a website. The price was around $92,000. A lot of money, especially for a house that needed as much work as it did. So about a week goes by and the house appears on the website again for around $76,000. A lot of money, but the price was now in our "offer" area. We were prepared to offer. When I brought this up to the real estate agent, he insisted the price of the house was $92,000. I brought up the fact that I saw this listing on the website. However, all he said was "I don't even know what that web site is."

Call me odd, but why don't you just tell me you're trying to screw me over for an extra $20,000? Did I mention this house was in his wife's name? Imagine that! He's been a class act up until now. A friend of mine has a nice policy that I'm considering picking up, "One strike and your out".

My "sissypants" was feeling a bit stressed or something today about finding a house. All I told her was that some people spend a very long time trying to find the right house. If this is in fact, going to be the last move we make I will take as long as it takes to find "home". There's a huge difference between a house and a home.

I have been content recently with work. They gave me a fifty cent raise instead of the usual twenty five. That's about an extra grand a year. I'll take it.

Been trying to watch what I eat and do some exercising. It is a struggle with so many goodies in the house. I have given up soda ( I will have one if we go out to eat). I also picked up some fish oil taking me up to fish oil, low dose aspirin, and a multivitamin daily. I'd love to get a weight bench but we have no where to stick it. I'd hit that shit up every morning.

Best wishes to K and her family.

I am ready for a new Ozzy Osbourne album. This 5+ years in between new material is bullshit! I hear something is coming out later this year. Bring it on!

We are down to about 9 weeks before our baby girl joins us. I'm starting to get anxious/nervous. Daddy's waiting baby...

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Gone!

So it's working on Jan. 12, 2007. I'm happy to report that the house as finally sold. It sold last Friday. Talk about a fucking relief. I can't put it any simpler than that. Towards the end I found myself getting a little doubtful. Thinking of how I would miss this or that. However in the end, it was time to close the book on it. My McElhattan chapter is now closed. RIP 1999-2007.

Got almost everything squared away w/ the ex. Last thing is the Lowe's account which I'm hopeful to pay off asap. I have a settlement in place but have not received the letter yet from the debt collector. If it's not here today I'm calling them again. It's been about a week. I would love to close that chapter as well.

Spoke with a real estate agent this week. I'm not in the best position to buy a house right now, but I am not in the worse either. I can shop. We looked at a house earlier this week and are looking at one in the morning. I am looking forward to seeing this house, it's right up my alley. Kind of out of the way but not really. Like 5-10 minutes to town. Has a acre of land. It all depends on what the inside holds. Stay tuned.

Our baby girl is growing more and more everyday. I now get to enjoy feeling her beating up her mommy. Apparently she like to stretch, because that's what "sissypants" says it feels like she's doing in there. I can only imagine... Our baby boy? He's insane just like us. I look at him and see a bunch of both of us in him. He's doing very well and I hope he continues to do so.

Speak of our growing family, we do have a new addition. We got a puppy. Her name is Ebony. She's a chocolate lab and something else mixed. She sure does look like a chocolate lab. This was my doing. I planted the idea seed. I was saying how Kida (our Samoyed) would be much "happier" with a puppy. A week later, we had Ebony. They get along great, and indeed, Kida is a happy pooch. The cats? They've come around already.

Just bought a snack pack from the vending machine. Contains one hard boiled egg, 8 slices of ring bologna, 4 cubes of cheese, and 2 packs of crackers. All for $1.75, not bad.

20,000 more troops you say? I wonder, say 5 years from now how they military will get more recruits. "Sign up to fight wars of greed and ignorance? Where do I sign!" I don't see how they meet any kind of quota unless they reinstate the draft. If that happens, I will worry about my son & daughter's future...

Still in need of a minivan. $9000 for a 8 year old van? That's right, should I show you where to kneel?

Later.

I love you Julie

Test

Fucking bullshit fucking with my fucking template...

Nav bar complex?

I hate the nav bar that is automatically posted on my blog. Hey, it's my blog. Did I ask for a nav bar? No. Sure it's a free service, but isn't my blog ending in .blogspot enough for you? Do you feel the need to pollute my eyes with something so uncool I even think it is? Obviously you do. I finally upgraded to the "new" blogspot. Same stuff with a couple extra frills thrown in courtesy of google. MUCH better spell check function. Anway, if you too feel the nav bar looking down from above do the following to remove it. You and your blog will be better off for it.

Post holiday post

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! A little late, but meant the same.

Did Santa Clause visit you? I hope you got everything you wanted. I'm sure everyone at our house was thrilled with their gifts. As for "sissypants" and I, we'll have our Christmas in a couple more days. If all goes well...That in no way takes away from the gifts we got from others in the family. It's just that, we want to get one another something.

Did you get shit faced on New Year's? If you did, I hope you were safe! As for me, I had one beer. One. Shot some bitches with G and watched the ball drop with the clan. Other than that it was a pretty quiet new years around our house.

I guess I don't much feel like writing much about the holiday happenings. They are what they were. Probably much like yours. I could write some about the house selling. Everything looks like it's on track for closing this Friday. Yes, this Friday. The ex has signed the deed and mailed it back. I have to call the lawyer handling the sale to see if they got it yet. If they did, there are no more hurdles other than my signature. Only one more thing to happen then I'll sign. I'll bite my tongue here and save the rest for after Friday. Unless, something bad happens...

Started to mini van shop. Not much out there right now in our price range that is safe. A few caravans but those things are no very safe. In fact, it almost gets all poor crash test ratings across the board. F that in the A. I want my troopers to be safe.

Speaking of troops, I just read that we've lost 3000 troops now in Iraq.

I now only work one job. Jumping the gun a little, but I'm pretty sure all will be well. It will be nice to see everyone more after 3 months of hardly seeing anyone.

I'm just not feeling blogish tonight.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Check this out

Question.
Why is it every time I walk down the sidewalk, there's a huge ass coke bottle in my way?

Ah, god damn 3D chalk drawing hippies! Really, I am absolutely amazed by this. Have doubt? Then "check it out"!

Finding time

I have never wanted to be so normal in my entire life. Here's a question I'd like to be able to answer. How did you sleep last night? Sleep at night? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You are suppose to be up all night and sleep the days away! I honestly feel like I'm getting "sick" because of what I'm working. My brain hurts with all the thoughts I have crashing into one another in there about moving on to the next job. I don't know why I have so many thoughts about it. Maybe, it's because I'm disappointed in myself. I allow myself to be stuck. It would be different if I could move into something else, but I have tried. This place has no structure when it comes to in house movement. Basically it's who you blow, er um, know. I, am not all about that.

I'm about fucking working! Not being left to waste my fucking time. Oh you don't give a shit about me? Guess what, I don't give a shit about you. I use to. I came to work, stayed busy all night and smiled at the end of the day. Now, since I've had three years to see how the boat floats I realize hard work gets you just as much as the guy doing jackfuckingshit, nothing. No where to go. When it comes time for a raise, they toss me a quarter. Wow.

What do I see myself doing in 10 years? I have no clue. None. I know I won't be here. I can't be. If I am, I'd be robbing myself of even more life than I already am. I'm sure I'd find myself reading back over this and starting to sob. After that, perhaps I could beat myself silly with a hammer. Yea, that would be fun.

One last thought about work: Fuck 2 jobs. There's no fun being in an orgy when your sandwiched between two scank ass hoes.

I realize why I haven't been very regular with my blogging. I have no time to live! Here is a quick run down on life.

The house appears to be on track for closing between 12/27-1/15. Everything is going smoothly with getting the ex to sign all the need documents. The folks that were living there are now out and we get the keys back on Thursday. If the house actually does sell, I'm kissing two jobs good-bye.

Connor, now weighs 24lbs. He gots shots yesterday and I was not able to be there. That makes me feel like a bad daddy. Other than his increased level of babbling, nothing new to report. Oh, he did get christmas pictures taken. Such a handsome boy he is.

The baby girl is doing well too. She weighs 1lb 9 oz. Amazing what those ultrasound machines can tell you. "Sissypants" is about 26 weeks now. 14 weeks to go. Jesus, said like that you realize that is no time at all. We are still looking through the names. We had a couple names picked out without looking. I wanted to take some time to look through the names.

In closing, finding time is a hard thing to do.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Been a long time

Well, not that long. About a week I think. Might I suggest to you the song "Been a long time" by Black Label Society. Here's a clip of the song.

I am not trying to jinx myself, however my much documented "selling house" is as close as it's ever been to being sold. How close? Well, we signed a sales contract, and the buyer has placed a deposit (being held by a realtor). This isn't fool proof though, a couple of things still need to happen.

1. The ex needs to sign! Pure & simple. I sent her an email outlining everything. Gave her the contact info for the realtor involved. She sent a neutral reply. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. She has to talk to her lawyer. I can understand that I guess. I'm not sure what's going on there yet. I'll have a response tomorrow, so it was said. I just hope there's no bullshit coming. It's so close now. I can see the finish the line. Lets finish it...

2. The buyer has his house in line to sell. If for some reason it falls through, it pretty much shoots down our deal. The realtor handling this is also the one selling his house, and he said it looks good there. I did get an email from him today saying that closing by the 27th may not happen. I'd love to close that soon, as would the buyer but what can you do?

3. The McElhattan folks need to go bye-bye. I have already got my lawyer on this. All offical and what not. My wife spoke to the McElhattan folks today and they said they were going to try to be out by the 27th.

That is pretty much all that needs to happen. Every thing else I'm not worried about. It should all fall into place on it's own. I'm meeting with my lawyer Monday morning to update him on some things and he can fill me in on his happenings.

i can't just keep it at that! It seems that our little girl is putting to rest my sexy mama's concerns about her activity level. She has been quite active lately and it's only the beginning for Julie's beatings. I'm very excited about our little flip flopping girl. I've notice my excitement level increasing. I am giving Julie some of the credit for this. Her mood has changed. I can hear and see it in her. It's wonderful. Just sitting her thinking of both of my ladies brings me so much.

Don't get me started on Star Trek Legacy...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Crazy temp

I don't know about you red totters, but where I'm from 59 degrees on December 1st at 7:30 am is a little odd. I heard it may even hit 70 today. 70! Maybe it's global warming. I'm sure the way we abuse mother earth isn't too healthy for her. How do you think you'd feel if you were drinking a cup of tea or coffee that had shit in it? Not too good. It also could be the planet changing. I happen to believe personally it's both. I believe the planet is going through some kind of change. What living thing doesn't?

I really don't have much to say. I just got in from outside and felt the urge to write about how crazy the weather was.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I wear a size 14 boot...

...and it seems it will be kicking some ass out of my house. We met with our lawyer today. I guess it's safe to call him our lawyer now. He's taken care of some very personal stuff for us, and for that I'm thankful for his services. Our lawyer is a lawyer I would expect someone like myself to have. He's a little on the odd side, but knows his shit. Anyway once we exchanged hellos I let him know all of my concerns.

One being about all the money they've put into the place. He said I'm covered with how the lease is worded. There would be no way they could file a claim for anything they've done. My other big concern is getting them out and how long it would take. He said since this isn't exactly tenant/landlord situation the laws and outlines do not apply to it as such. Which means, no bullshit waiting 15 days here or 30 days there. He suggested giving them until Dec 10th to pay the rent. When the 10th comes no matter if they have paid it in full or only partial we begin the booting processes. Basically he sends them a letter letting them know that I am repossessing the property and that they will have two weeks to get out. We determined two weeks was a "fair" time. After that time if they are not out, we file a complaint w/ the district attorney. He had said there would be no case for them. Pure and simple the lease has run its course and I am repossessing my property due to that reason.

This is of course assuming they don't pull $60,000 out of their ass cracks.

I also spoke about my ex and her ability to piss on our divorce agreement. He said that I could summons her to court. Once in court, she would be found in contempt of court because by not paying the Lowe's account she is not following the divorce agreement which the court passed judgment on. He said I could serve her w/ the papers or I could pay a constable to do so. I'll probably go w/ the constable. Also any court/lawyer fees, I would sue her for. That was the lawyers suggestion. Merry Christmas. I hope you like your present.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Checking in

As I write my boy is in his crib munching on some goldfish. The cheese flavored ones, not the fish flavored.

How was every ones thanksgiving? Were you thankful? Were you thankful for food? How about the day off from work? I was thankful for all of those things and many more. In recent times I have come to appreciate thanksgiving much more than I probably ever have in my life. It could be the one holiday that I really celebrate for it's true meaning, being thankful for all that I do have.

For all the things I don't have, it's no big deal really. Patience!

After doing some research on the web, I think when I have some time I'm going to start going through my writings. Start proof reading, editing, and making changes as needed to get them ready for publishing. Saying "OK this sucks, it's out" or "I can't believe I really wrote that, it's in!". If I worked at it here and there I could have it ready say by next income tax time. Yes, I like the sound of that.

Five more weeks until the lease is up. I have a meeting with the lawyer on Monday at 1:30pm. I'm sure I'll have something to say about how it goes.

I have really enjoyed these couple days off. It's nice to have a break. Oh shit mark it down, I made spaghetti last night! My "sissypants" started the water and hamburg but it looked like she need a break so I stepped in and kicked her out of MY kitchen! It was pretty good.

As for now, my boy depends more fish.

Later.

I love you Julie!

All about her

For our girl

If I had but only one thing to say,
before the day you came,
it would be to say,
I love you.
You already fill my days with dreams,
there is no such thing as too many.
"Daddy’s little girl",
that makes me smile from ear to ear.
My ears must wait however,
to hear you.
My eyes must wait just a little while longer,
to see you.
Until your time is ready,
your mother will keep you warm and safe.
She will carry you.
I will carry you with me,
by keeping you in my mind,
and in my heart.
I love you.

11/21/06
1:14am

Story time

Gather around everyone, it's story time.

I've been renting out a house since last December. At the time there was the wife and husband who really wanted the house but had no money. Then there was the wife's mom and dad. Both of whom were to live there and help out with expenses. They both got disability and social security or something like that. Lets fast forward 11 months. The mom, passed away. The dad, got a girl friend and moved out. The husband and wife? I just learned that they split. The twist? The wife is pregnant and doesn't know who baby's daddy is. The husband is not living there. The wife's dad moved back in to quote the wife "Try and save me".

Now I don't know about all of you, but I am certain now that there is no way my house is selling at the end of the year. You may ask yourself, won't you feel bad kicking out a pregnant woman? Absolutely not and here's why. You see, I'd be moving in with my pregnant wife not to mention the rest of the clan! I totally feel no remorse for her or anyone involved. They've had 12 months to get their act together. Instead of taking advantage of the deal, they have let it go to shit. I'm sure that it will come down to having them removed from the house, but so be it. They can take their soap somewhere more appropriate, like a trailer park. I will be meeting with our lawyer very shortly. My only doubt comes from thinking about what the court may do. From everything that I've read, courts lean towards tenants and not landlords. However, once the lease is up what is there to fight? Time tells and time is getting short.

Had a pretty good birthday. You see my "sissypants" invited our dearest friends over and we had a blast. It was a surprise up until about 10 minutes before people showed up. You see I knew something was up but I didn't know what. So we went out to eat and grabbed some flicks. Once we got home I was pretty persistent about wanting to know what was going on. I just wanted to know if I could go upstairs and get comfy or not. I apologize to my wife for the world to see. I know it upset you that I bugged about it, but I meant no harm and I was very happy with what you did for me. I just love hanging out with the gang. We always seem to have a good time. We played asshole of course. I was asshole quite a bit. From being called Mary, to being called bitch, it was a good time. I pause to think about what kind of adventures we could all have if (when) I end up in McElhattan.

That was the night before my birthday. Today was actually the day. It was pretty quite. Julie and I went to breakfast and then to my folks. Connor spent the night there. He's in this phase now where if we go to their house he flips out and is very clingy. You see, that's really the only place he spends the night and he's getting to know if we go there he may be spending the night. So, he flips. I think it's because he's a mamas boy but everyone else says it's a phase. Call it what you will, it makes me sad to see him like that. Anyway, after leaving there we went home and took a little nap. Afterwards Julie's folks showed up w/ her two kiddies and we had dinner. After which I gave the dog a bath. She's going to the vet tomorrow to find out why exactly she's been eating herself! Hopefully it's a cheap fix...

How many more times can I say I hate working third shift before I have enough of it? Once more maybe?

Later.

I love you Misses!

29...30?

Did you know, I like "professional" wrestling. I'm not a crazy fan though. Hell, I don't even really watch it anymore. On the occasion I do, but I couldn't tell you the last time I sat down and watched a full episode. I read up on it, so without actually seeing the TV shows I still know what's going on. Then, I also check out "real" news. When I read this stuff, it's as if I'm reading an article at espn.com. I find out what is going on other than the stuff that's produced. Like who's contract is expiring soon, or who may have gotten busted for possession.

Anyway, recently one of my favorites has been in the picture tube box. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. One thing that has never changed for me whether I was 10 or going on 29, I still think the gimmick is cool. Tough guy, former boxer, cocky mouth, T-shirt that says Hot Rod, black leather coat, and of course a kilt = Fucking awesome. Lets not forget about the B movies! "I have come here to chew bubble and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum.". What more do I need to say? Back to the point. He recently saw some action and captured some gold. This made me want to watch again. After viewing some TV and a few internet clips I realized Roddy Piper is getting old. I've known for many years that he's been older in age. I've never really seen it until now. I know that I've probably seen his last in ring performances. And as the sun sets on his in ring career I often wonder, when will there be a sequel to They live. Apparently, I share likes with others.

Getting old, I wonder what it's like? I guess I'm finding that out more and more every day. I'm going to be turning 29 this Sunday. So of course I know what happens the year after that. The big 30. Getting old just happens. Hell, didn't I just turn 18? I know in the big picture 30 is still a pup. However to that 10 year old watching wrestling, 30 is old. I will always be old to my children. I'll be almost 40 when my children are turning 10. They will never get to see the young me that I can remember very clearly. I wonder, as I get older, will those memories that I can see fairly clear now just fade away, barely being seen. I hope not as I still enjoy them from time to time. Happy birthday to me.

Later.

I love you Julie.

"blog bling"

I felt that I needed to quote that. Those words were spoke to me tonight and so I started looking to add some chains around my blogs neck. You would not believe how much time I killed messing with this. Trying to get the right setup, then the right colors...I tried to get the border on the charts to be the red that's in the header, but I couldn't nail it. The editing was limited to preselected colors. I hope it doesn't make your eyes burn. I'm sorry if it does!

Anyway, I think the phrase "blog bling" is going to be a hit. G, you need to gobble that domain name up if it isn't already taken. We can split the money! Hows 80/20? 80 For me because I had the idea, and 20 for you because we've been friends for so long! I hope you see my humor in that... You could post all sorts of bling or links to sites that offer the bling! Take the name, take it now! Just think how big blogging will be in 10 years!! Just think of the T-shirts!!! "I got all my bling from the blogbling"or how about "I went to the internet and all I got was blogbling". You know a take on the shirts that say "I went to Disneyland and all i got was this T-shirt" . Do it...take the name, run with it...

I'm feeling like I need the weekend to be here. Luckily for me, it is right around the corner. Yesterday I was feeling a little down about missing people and getting a little tired. Today, it's a bit better because the weekend is so close. In my mind right now I'm thinking "only a few more hours".

I had a couple visitors while up at Lowe's today. First their was my mother, sporting a new hair cut. I have to admit it was a new look for her, and it didn't look to bad! I had spoke to her the other day and she was "warning" me about the hair cut. Now, when I hear that come from my mothers mouth I tend to wonder. You see in my life I have seen this woman go from having super long, straight hair to the next minute to having a perm, and then basically to what she's been sporting for the last several years. So I didn't know what was being thrown my way. In the end she looks fine. We shot the breeze for a little bit and I showed her some fan control switches. She also took home some carpet squares to ponder what carpet to go with!

Then while I was working I heard this little boy that I recognized . I didn't know if I really heard it or not. See this would be the first time that I can recall recognizing Connor just by hearing him. I had no idea he was going to be there, but I knew it was him when I heard him. A couple seconds after hearing him, my Sissypants and Shaina came around the corning with Connor in the cart. Oh, lets not forget the baby girl in the belly! I was very happy to see them. They had just come up to see me. We talked for a little bit then we went down to the Christmas tree section where we hung out for a few more minutes before I got back to it. Both of my visits really picked me up today. It's great to know that I'm missed enough to be visited.

Later.

I love you jewels265!

Work work work

Did I mention work? I am missing my misses and my little boy. It makes me sad when I go to bed because I know when I get up, it's time for you guessed it, work! Here's what's going on when I get up. Connor is sleeping or working on it. At least my "sissypants" is waiting to see me out the door. I love you and miss you both!

Check out the cost of the war in Iraq right from my blog. Yet another nifty idea I stole from G.

Not much to say tonight...

Later.

I love you Julie!

A new week

Which means a weekend has come and gone. This weekend could have been better, but it could have been worse. I managed to stick my foot in my mouth today, which is quite the task. Have you seen the size of my feet? Then there were those feelings of where it seems no matter what you say or do, it's not what people want. I hate that feeling. I wouldn't know anybody that likes it. However, instead of wasting time on all the bs we'll move on. Hows about that pizza hut we had tonight? Or that door we hung for our living room too keep the cold out and the heat in? Today was much better. From the jump start the blazer needed, to the sniper I killed w/ my knife in BF2. Today, was great.

Flip flop goes our little girl. I'm sure her and her mommy are on their way to dreamland right now. I love my girls.

As for Connor? He's already there. I love my little boy.

After viewing this blog with firefox, I want to mess with the template again...

I'm trying to get healthier. With the additional work I'm doing I know some pounds will shed. My weakness=chips (namely chessey poofs!). I could pass on candies and cakes, but if chips are in the house my hand is in the bag. Don't go down that isle you say? Did you see that buy one get one free deal? How can I not go down there!?!? I tried with mild success once upon a time to eat peanuts/mixed nuts. However as I grow older, the less peanuts agree with me. In fact, if I have too many I will get sick. It's like they don't digest and just sit in my gut until I set them free in the toilet bowl. I have also (with lots of pushing from G, it's the good kind of push) been taking a multi vitamin & low does aspirin regularly now and I'm looking to add to my daily dose of goodness. Anyway, if anyone has any tips on how to beat the chips with all their flavor let me know. If you'll excuse me, my 99 cent bag of weis party mix is waiting.

No work after work today :-)

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

Are you dreaming?

The American Dream

If you live in a dream,
are you really living?
How long will this sleep last?
It seems that it has been years since my eyes last saw the sun,
or the ground on which we walk.
My dream has left me wander,
endlessly.
So much I see,
can not be.
No direction,
just deception.
I have tried to wake myself,
only to sleep,
and continue "The American Dream".

I wrote this after reading a post on my friends blog. Please note the comments. Let me hear (read?) your thoughts on this red dotters! This thing came to me and was done in five minutes.

Yawn

You know what makes me sleepy? Reading articles on line at 5am. It always makes me doze off.

My first solo day went well. No major problems. The last hour and half (or as I like to say when I'm working "only 90 more minutes") was a little slow but I dragged through it. I got home ate and crashed around 3.

I feel like a bad dad because I ended up not going trick or treating. I know when Julie woke me up to see if I wanted to go I was drooling on myself. Yummy! I guess I missed that by doing what's best for everyone. What's best right now is for us to have some cash. Lord knows we need it. I will regret not being able to see the look on my "little devil" when he was getting his goodies. I'm sorry Connor...

I was pleasantly surprised when I got home yesterday. My sexy mama went crazy upstairs. Moved everything around and for the most part it's great. Looks like there is a ton of extra room now. There's only a couple things that need a new home (like the shoe trunk!). By the time I was getting up for work, she was having sleepy time creep in. One of these days misses, we'll sleep together every night. I have seriously been weighing getting either a 2nd shift job or another part time gig. Maybe PCS needs part time hands.

I'm sorry if my blog is dullsville, my mind is half asleep itself.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Happy Halloween

So after we left the hospital on our way to the car we started to lighten up a bit. It was decided we would stop at a near by Friendly's for icecream. We were approaching our vehicle and I heard "excuse me sir". It was a fairly heavy set guy in a wheel chair. He had a problem. His access ramp on his van didn't have enough room to get lowered because the people next to him parked to close. He asked me to back his van up enough so that the side door cleared the car next to him. I said sure. I have to say it was interesting. There was no drivers seat since he was able to drive from his wheel chair. Quite the set up he had in there. Anyway there I am sitting on the floor pressing on the brake pedal, lifting my self up with my right arm so I could see out the windows to make sure I didn't back out into a car (You should have seen the parking lot. Reminded me of an Ozzfest but without the screaming drunks or piles of trash) and holding onto the wheel with my left hand. So, I helped the guy out and he thanked me and I said "No problem man".

This reminds me of a time at the Unimart in town. I'm getting gas. This very elderly woman pulls up in a newer volvo. She gets out and it's obvious to me that she has no clue. I can't recall exactly what she said word for word but it was close to "I need gas." My response was "Yea?" She then said something like, "I don't know how." I said, "You don't know what?" She then said "Forget it!" and got in her car and drove away. Of course I knew what her problem was the whole time. However, the way she went about it I didn't feel to bad about how I played it.

I can't find the modem for my PDA already. I'm running home here within the hour to see if I left it in my pants from the other day. I hope so! I can do my Lowe's work without it, but it's a pain in the ass then. I have to use this fax on demand system (FOD) and it's so much easier with my PDA.

Happy Halloween by the way to all the ghosts and ghouls out there. I'm looking forward to trick or treating with my little devil boy this evening. I didn't get to see him much today but when I did, he was happy to see me.

Gots to go!

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

The day

I have a few things on my mind tonight, but I'll start with this.

It was a tense morning. My "Sisspants" and I arrived at Geisinger about 20 minutes early. Once we got there I started to loose the control that I had over my emotions. I started to get so nervous. I could feel it turning like a whirlpool in my stomach. First thing we did was have a counseling session. This is something that Julie has been through a lot. They ask questions about family history and give you a run down of what this or that is and what to expect. The longer that session went on the more Julie was getting upset.

Next was the ultrasound. We got lucky and were able to get in a half hour early. The time to find out what exactly was going on with our little girl was at hand. As we held hands we watched the monitor. With every area viewed came positive news and before we knew it we were talking to the doctor. Everything looks fine.

And by the way, she is still a she.

Thanks to everyone that kept us in your thoughts.

Later.

I love you Julie and our flip flopping little girl.

Today, tomorrow, and beyond...

This morning Julie and I go to Geisinger. There she'll be getting a "fancy" ultrasound, one that is more revealing than those done here close to home. It's been a rough week for her, waiting for this day. However, here it is and I am ready to find out what is going on exactly. It may be nothing or it could be something. Of course, I am hopeful for the best. I have done all that I can this week to keep my emotions in check. As we stand right now, nothing is wrong. Lets hope the news stays that way after today. Not just for me or Julie, but for our growing little girl.

Julie has many reasons for being emotional, and contrary to what she may think I do understand. Things from the past, very painful things, have surfaced for her this past week. Like I said, I do understand. That said, I also understand that we know nothing at this moment to be so upset about. She's heard this kind of news before and I'm sure the waiting game is enough to drive a person crazy (hey, I'm playing that game now too) but staying positive and optimistic is a must right now. The here and now is what we live for, doing so for our futures. The past can be a painful place. Don't loose sight of the future...

Let's change gears shall we?

Got my first week in with the Lowe's job. I must say, it was a welcomed change of pace. I was pretty much busy all the time. It was like in a blink of an eye, and 7 hours were gone. Unlike my "full" time job where 7 hours can drag out for so long... This week I'm on my own. I'm going to be working four five hour days 9am-2pm. If that's a little rough on me next week I'll go with five four hour days. In a nut shell, the job ain't bad at all.

I believe I'm calling that a wrap folks.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I'm asking a favor

I wrote yesterday of my wife's desire to hear comforting words from the doctor. Today she heard words, but they were not comforting. They were open ended. She has heard these words too much in her life, and I can only imagine how it must feel. She needs to get some tests done. There are some question marks about the baby's health that need addressed. She had heard the same thing when she was pregnant with Connor. All was well in the end for our son. I know I can not do much, but I will do everything that I can for her and our baby girl. The tests will tell a million things.

What it means to me, is everything. Every day, I wish the best for my wife and our growing little girl. I don't think I could wish more upon anyone right now. The thought of something going wrong, is unthinkable. I am hopeful, at the same time I have to be open minded to everything. I don't think I can put into words how that makes me feel. I have and will continue to put every once of myself into seeing that my family lives a good life. I am a strong man and no matter what I will remain strong for every one. Although it is easy for me to say I will remain strong for myself, I know that time will tell that tale. Right now, my wife and our baby girl need me.

My favor? Keep us and our growing little girl in your thoughts and hearts. Wish us the best. There is nothing I want more than a little girl to grow up along side my little boy.

Later & thank you.

I love you Julie, always.

I continue...

...as we all must.

She's growing ya know? Tonight my "Sissypants" noticed her body beginning to change. I noticed this earlier but wasn't going to say a word. What's that, I'm a pussy? You think maybe I wanted denutted? Anyway, our little girl is growing and soon my misses will hear the words she needs to hear from the doctor to put her mind at ease. I'm sure of it. How could she not with all this love we have for our daughter already? She's going to be daddy's little girl and that thought just makes me grin. Reflecting back (I guess I do that because it gives me a great perspective on things), I never imagined having a son or a daughter not so long ago. Now look at me. I have a fussy little boy that I love with all my heart and a little girl taking to life more and more with each second. I love it, I really do. For the record, if the ultrasound guy turned out to be wrong I'll have an interesting blog that day!

Speaking of Connor, all is as it should have always been. One of the more painful chapters of my life has been closed now. No matter how much you make yourself not think about something, you still do think about it. I was slapped in the face with this and faced it with tears. Here we all are Hedghogs. Anyway, my mom says Connor is Dutch because you can't understand what he's saying. His little lips do flap quite a bit. However I disagree with my mom on this one. Sure most of what he says is baby jibberish, but some is not. I will put it in the books that his first words were mom and dad, just like a good boy. However, the words of choice are: See it, See that, What's that. I'm sure more often than not he has no idea what he's saying. All the time though, I don't know. He'll point at stuff and say "see that" or "what's that" or "see it". If we're lucky we are treated to a "see that shit". Yes, mommy and daddy need to work on our vocabulary.

I'm not the best step dad on earth, but I am certainly working on it.

Tomorrow I start my Lowe's job. I'm not really nervous. I would say I'm excited and ready! All I want to do is go in and get out.

I had some concerns about not being able to go trick or treating this year (6pm-8pm) because of needing some sleep. You know what? I'm not going to miss it. I'm sorry for even thinking I would Julie. I'll be there. Not because I have to, but because to me that's what good daddy's do.

I'm starting to get my very own red dots on the map. Awesome.

G has his car just about ready to roll and I'm very happy for him. Good job dude! I can tell he's happy and excited. He's the only person that I know that would get into such a project without having any notches on his belf about it before hand. That brain of yours is a gift to you.

My dog is currently sporting "the cone". She looks so unhappy. I think I'll post a picture of her! That should cheer her up.

Now, where were those help wanted ads...

Later.

I love you Julie.

My "You're on notice" list.

Make your very own! http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/

That's right, this is my own personal list. Everyone on it is on some sort of notice with me.

Drum roll please...

...the baby is a girl! Well, probably a girl. The ultrasound guy said he thinks it's a girl. You know, that's the only thing that dude does is ultrasounds so I'm leaning towards believing him. The doctor said he was holding off judgment until the next ultrasound in two weeks. Assuming it is a girl "Sissypants" and I are on the same wave length when it comes to a name.

So, I was talking this tough talk about kicking these worthless fuckers out of my house. However, after doing some research tonight I think it would be a bit easier to wait these last 12 weeks of the year. That's right folks, only 12 weeks left. Seems to be fairly straight forward after the lease has run it's course. Less time in court and what not.

I'll write again tomorrow, I'm running late got shit to do!

Later.

I love you Julie.

Are you a local?

If so get involved in this forum!
http://huffnpuff.freeforumsite.com/

If I took the time to sign up, what exactly is your malfunction?

Follow the sticky backed tile road

Would you believe the landlady is actually getting around to fixing up here place? I couldn't believe it myself, but it is happening. Friday I believe the guy came over and started laying tile. Did he finish? No. It's about 3/4 of the way done and word has it he'll be back Tuesday to finish it up. At least we were able to set up the dining room table and have our first meal as a family in over a month. What was on the menu? Fish sticks and mac n cheese!

My friend Jamie had a birthday bash of sorts. There was some drinks and we played some rummy. I'm sure if there would have been a few more people a game of asshole would have been bound to go down, but as it were we hit the wall at like 10pm. Sitting there, feeling like that makes you realize something. We are getting old. It makes me think of the coming New Year. If I recall correctly we had a pretty good time at our house last year and I think we plan on doing it again. Hopefully we can get the same turn out if not another person or two. By then my "sissypants" will be sporting a 5 month baby in her belly.

Speaking of that, Wednesday is so close. I'm getting flutters in my belly thinking about it. While we were at Wal-Mart today (my apologizes G) I saw this little pink girly teddy bear thing. Not exactly sure what it was, but it made me smile thinking about a little girl. Either way, healthy is all that we need. A boy or girl will be welcomed to the clan with open arms and hearts.

Tuesday is a big day for other big reasons. It's been a long 13+ months little Hedglin...

So I got these fuckers that live in my house. Can't seem to pay, all at once. I get upset, yes I do. My wife gets more upset, what can I do? Two more months, is all that's on the lease. After that time, we shall set them free. I would have no problem giving them a Christmas eviction. If it keeps up, I may just be Jolly Saint Nick.

This is the part of the show where I like to introduce the members of my band. Julie, Connor, Shaina, Drew, Kida, Raja, Cheeseball, Poop, and the fish. You all make me crazy. In a good way.

I've been kicking the idea around of starting a poetry blog. I also, can't kick the idea of a novel out of my head (thanks G). I know that angelfire is as cutting edge as 1999 so I smell change. Once upon a time I use to have the domain johnspoetry.com however as time went on they decided I needed to pay for it so I said funk dat. We'll see. Doing anything with my poetry or a novel will take time. Time as it is, seems to disappear.

Speaking of time and seeing less of it, I start at Lowe's on the 24th. Get trained for 3 days then on my own the following Monday. I'm not terribly nervous or anxious. I just want to get in there and make some cash.



I like transformers. What's wrong with that?

Later.

I love you Julie.

Need a laugh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc6w4SzIUN0

You can never go wrong with properly placed beeps...

Today's dose

The 18th will be "Find out what the baby is." day. Stay tuned.

Well well well, looks like Bazooka Joe knew his shit. I went for my interview last Wednesday for a part time job at Lowe's. I confess, it was the smoothest interview I can ever remember having. To keep it short and to the point, they called me around 6pm that evening and offered me the job. I accepted. The job doesn't start up until the end of the month and I go back tomorrow to fill out paper work. I'm looking forward to getting started.

You know what rubs me the wrong way about the job? It pays almost $2 more an hour than my full time job that I've had for over three years now. I suppose that rubbing comes from drw and not lowe's. I can't believe I'm still here. I may just go to the temp agencies and see what they have and blow this popsicle stand.

Yes, I am a registered voter. I may not have always been, but I am now. Are you?

I washed and waxed the blazer on Sunday with some help from my "sissypants". I must say, it looks pretty damn good. Now for the a/c compressor, wheel sensors for the abs, probably ball joints before inspection, oil cooler lines, christ...where's the minivan?

Been one month and the landlady still hasn't fixed the floor downstairs since the flood. Oh you want rent? Huh? I want a floor...

I find that I feel like I'm grabbing at straw for ideas of what to write...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Bazooka Joe is the man!

So, I really had no intension of posting tonight. But after reflecting on my post from last night, here I find myself. Not a whole lot happened yesterday. Julie did make some kick ass baked mac & cheese I am very happy to report! My main reason for coming here tonight is this:

I'm not a "super" superstitious person. I do believe some things that the "normal" people probably don't. On the other hand, I don't believe in some things that they do. Whose normal around here again? Anyway, I had myself a piece of Bazooka Joe bumble gum tonight. First piece in a long while. Let me refresh your memories on Bazooka Joe. Each piece is wrapped in a wrapper that's also a comic strip, and at the very bottom of the comic strip is your fortune. As told by Bazooka Joe. To probably thousands of others. But on this night it is in my hand. It reads; "You are anxious to achieve something very important. You will succeed."

Reading those words, even if it they were from Bazooka Joe, made my brain stop. No time frame. Just success. The storm may be a long one, but keep on riden, riden, riden...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Babbling

I've been trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to find a new template for my blog. So, for the time being this will do.

I'm a downy clowny tonight. I find that my thoughts are all over the place. Here's a few.

If your idea of sitting around for nine hours a night is a great career than DRW is where it's at. For me, it's nothing more than a dead end. I feel like that moth struggling to free itself from the spider web. No matter how hard I have tried, I continue to struggle with my escape. As my eyes look around, I see the spider nearing.

Connor is transforming into a little kid right before my eyes. He walks around now like he's been doing it since the day we brought him home. He climbs around like a monkey, and he's getting the dismounts more regularly now. Hell, he even tries the steps! Every time I see him no matter his mood, he melts my heart and takes me some place special. I see in him so much. Just think, we have another one on the way. Boy or girl? Still won't know that for a couple more weeks. I can report though, that he/she has a healthy heart beat, and likes to do flips while the ultrasound is going on. Oh, and he/she is already apparently a thumb sucker.

If I had it all to do over, I would still be doing this.

I really appreciate what my wife is doing to help with the bills. I'm hopeful that I can get a part time job soon (interview wed. for lowe's) so she can be back home. I know in todays world it's almost impossible to have any kind of life on one income. However, I also know what we would have if I didn't have all this "old" debt. Kind of like old baggage except I can't just throw it away. Soon the burden will be easing. Income tax is wonderful... First stop, my moms house.

I love to write, when I can. G says I should write a novel. I don't know the first thing about that. I do know I have enough poetry to fill a couple books. I know I wouldn't get rich from a book. I would however, have a great sense of accomplishment in knowing it was out there. The problem is my "mood" for writing is so touch-n-go these days I don't ever seem to be able to sit down and write. Boredom does not equal inspiration for me.

I also love to make people laugh, always have. So here you have a big, shy guy that feels so good when he makes the tears roll, or if he has them rolling himself. My quietness is such a contradiction to how I like to be. Problem is, both parts are hardly ever in the same room together. A+B= nothing if they can't get together.

This ends todays "John on this day..." entry.

Later.

I love you Julie, and miss you when you are gone.

"Open your fucking ears jackass"

That quote is from the "Jerky Boys". I find that it is quite fitting.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan has said leaders of Middle Eastern nations believe the Iraq war has "been a real disaster" for the region.
His comments to reporters on Wednesday came after a two-week trip through the Middle East and on a day when separate bomb attacks killed at least 22 people in Baghdad.
"Honestly, most of the leaders I spoke to felt the invasion of Iraq and its aftermath has been a real disaster for them," Annan said. "They believe it has destabilized the region."
Annan went on to describe "two schools" of thought -- those who believe the United States should stay, "having created the problem, they cannot walk away," and those, "particularly in Iran," who "believe the presence of the U.S." is a problem.
Annan said it is his opinion that "the U.S. has found itself in a position where it cannot stay and it cannot leave."

This is what this sounds like to me:

You have your house painted. The painters tell you that they did a wonderful job. However, upon review by the home owner they find that the house is a mess. Runs, smears, splatters on the carpets, paint on the windows, the whole 9 yards...

...However the home owner has already paid the painters who have since cashed the check.

Poor home owner is fucked, being stuck with the mess.

The poor painters, they go on thinking they have done a good job.

Did you notice?

That I pissed with the template a little? I hope so!

9/11

Five years have come and gone. After seeing all the hype on tv during the day today I felt like I would write about what was going on with me that day. I was sleeping when all the shit went down. I've been working nights and sleeping days for a very long time... When I was woke up I could not believe what I was seeing. My first thoughts were about my friend who was to be in the air that day. I called his mom as soon as I could stand up without falling back down into the bed to see if she knew anything. She had not heard from him yet. The concern in her voice was, very real. One of the most "real" things I've ever heard.

As it turns out we were all very lucky. His flight was canceled and other than some ass ache (for him and his wife) to follow with the aftermath all was good. A family did not loose a son, and I did not loose a friend I consider a brother.

So much stuff has come out about all the events that hasn't been mainstreamed, which means millions of people haven't seen it. Everyone believes what they will. Do yourselves a favor and look a little deeper. I will not go into my beliefs but I will say that I do think there is much more than meets the eye, and I'm not talking about transformers.

Anyways, while watching tv today I saw a bunch of shit on there about some dude making threats and yadda yadda yadda. Hey CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS, you want people to stop being scared? Then stop showing shit that is no more than me telling the little skinny kid to give me his lunch money or else. Of all the days to show what I think is just non sense. I don't control the mainstream. In fact I think I wade in different waters.

My condolences to everyone that lost someone. I'm sure your five years have been much different than mine.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Party like it's 1996...

So that's what I did. This past Saturday was my high school class 10 year reunion. I was never the king of cool or anything (in fact I was far from it), but once I got wind of this I was pretty excited about going. Why? I'm not sure. There was a time I would find myself wondering what was going on with everyone but in recent years those times became less and less. Then, I was actually caught by surprise that this would be 10 years since school ended for me. I felt like even if I didn't see anyone there, I should be there.

I saw a few people that I remembered. Then I saw a few more once all the beer started kicking in. Free keg on tap + John = Cutting loose. The highlights of my night were seeing Ben, Rosie, and Kim. I spent a lot of time catching up w/ Ben. We go way back, like to the 5th grade. He had some stories that I had forgotten, which I always love hearing about. Dictionaries to the skull? No wonder I don't remember so much. There were some other people here and there that I shot the breeze with for a little. I believe it is what they call being social. I really missed not seeing my old friend Nate "Harley" there.

I danced once with my "sissypants". That would be one more time than I danced my whole high school career. Remember, I'm the king...

The event itself was a low turn out. I guess we had like 217 in our class and 80 showed up that is including spouses/guests. It was still a blast. From what I saw, everyone (including G) was having a great time. I don't see why you would pay $20 a head to have a shitty time. By the time the night was ending I was well tuned, and on my way to play some asshole.

I look forward to the next reunion.

Some links courtesy of G:
Video w/ sound http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i77OGFXKy1I
Pics http://flickr.com/photos/pollywogs/sets/72157594277874428/show/

Later.

I love you Julie

Look at this

Isn't this just fucking weird?
Really, how normal is this?
I've seen it before but for some reason,
I wanted to look away now.




The line was drawn in the sand yesterday. I said my peace. I gave them time, for the last time. Wow, I just read back over that and thought those were some powerful words. Let me see what I can do with them. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is the people in the house are on their third strike. The pitch is on the way. If they slip up this time, they will be evicted. Part of me feels down for doing such a thing, but there's is another part that knows there is no other choice. Fucking conscience. Why do you taunt me so...

Later.

I love you Julie, bunches.

Birthday, flooding, & more

It's been awhile since I've had a weekend so hectic...

I'd like to start by saying I had all intentions of posting on the 2nd. That was Connor's birthday. We planned to have a party at the park where we got married, but it rained. More on the rain in a bit. So the party got canceled. He did end up spending the night at my mom's house. So he hasn't seen everyone to get all his gifts, which at this age I don't really think are all that important. He did get hooked up from us and my folks. More to follow. So a few days late, but Happy Birthday Connor. Daddy loves you.

So the rain that washed out the birthday party did a bit more. It rained a lot here. We've never had any problems with water before. Well later after noon some water was coming into the kitchen so I decided to run down to work and grab a couple pig socks. We use them to contain spills. On my way down, "Sissypants" called and said water was everywhere. When I got home, I could see what she meant. There was a stream of steady water coming out of the laundry room. There wasn't much we could do. We called my mom and she came over and got Connor and Shaina while we did the best we could. After struggling for hours (with the water and the land lady) we eventually called it a night.

The next day brought more of the same. When we got up we got right to it. The biggest problem with the water was that it went under the flooring that was down. What does that mean? That means the flooring had to come up in order to get the water out. I just about had all the flooring up and the land lady calls and says she wants to reuse this soaked shit I'm ripping up. I told her that I wanted nothing to do with that. She's on her own for putting down new shit. Also, around this time the troops started showing up. Julie's folks, my dad, and even G had a cameo. We spent the next several hours operating a small fleet of shop-vacs. Around 5:30 the water was done for.

A special thanks for all the help, and an extra shout out to my folks for watching Connor for two days and Shaina one and for feeding all of us for 2 days.

What else could happen? Well, I'm glad you asked. Rent was due on the third. In our agreement it states that after 3 days the agreement if void. I am usually pretty laid back about it. However, they have not been returning our phone calls which is driving Julie crazy. This in turn, drives me crazy. We'll try again today to get a hold of them and then tomorrow. If I don't hear anything back, on the 7th they will be getting an eviction notice. After doing some research I can tell that this road would take at least a month to travel. A month of falling behind. Once we start on it there is no turning back.

Got some running to do this morning. I'm inquiring about 2 jobs and getting a slow leak fixed on the blazer. After all to quote G, "Your dad works in a tire shop." Yes, yes he does.

Later.

I love you Julie

4:14am

Hey what were you doing at 4:14am last night? Sleeping? What the fuck is wrong with you? You should have been up with me going crazy! You normal bastards, I'll never understand you. In all seriousness, I'm quite envious of what you have.

I was in the middle of writing my loving wife a note and after I finished this, I just had to post it. It is something I wish to share with the world. It is there for them to see. Here ya go: You had said the other night that you know it must be hard for me to leave at night. Let me give you a glimpse into those feelings. If I could I would quit this job right now. Damn the consequences. Fuck’em! But I know I can not. My wife, baby boy, and step kids need this. Actually, they need more but I give until it’s empty. So I suffer. For nine hours I suffer. Wishing that all this effort in trying to find a job would finally pay off. Growing ever more disgusted with myself for even being here. I have no idea of what more I could possibly do except, be patient. So, patience is what I have.

No room for advancement = Deadend = Crazy John.

So I got the timing on my car fucked. Seems like that the more I do, the less it likes me. I'm going to give it another go today. If that doesn't work my buddy is coming by to take care of it. My goal for today: Get it down the road!

It's surprising, how many emotions a single mind can have. Or is it body? Both perhaps? No matter which, it's just amazing. I can go from being down, to sitting here now wondering what is in my sexy mama's belly. Boy, girl, twins? Who knows. I can sit back and remember how I felt being in the hospital with Julie and to think I'm going to be going through it again is incredible. Actually, I won't be going through it again. This time it is going to be something different. In the end it will result in baby #2 and I can not wait to lay my eyes on him/her for the first time.

Messed my hand up the other day trying to grab the dog. I hope the thing gets better soon. I think I pulled something pretty good in there.

Who's got $10,000 to lend me? I would love to take four monthly bills and make them one with a monthly payment half of that which I pay now. We'll see what I can do...

Tick tock goes the clock on the McElhattan deal.

This message will self distruct when blogspot is dead.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Follow up

Yes, I do answer questions.

Did I find myself huddled in a corner because I yanked the thc from my system? Absolutely not. Life is no different. I do not have cold sweats or the shakes. There have been a couple times when I felt like I wanted to burn one, but the feeling goes away. Sort of like the feeling of wanting a Big Mac but driving by the golden arches. Why would you do that to yourself??? Because, it's easy. I would like to say I believe a Big Mac would be more harmful than a nice buzz.

I'm sure for some, marijuana is an excuse. The "gateway" drug. The reason people do acid, cocaine, meth, or what ever else they say it leads to. Personally, I have seen this and was quite shocked and surprised to see it. What did it lead to for me? Laughter. Some great memories that when I think back I still chuckle over. Also, relaxation. That is sometimes so very hard for me to find. Never once did I do something high that I regretted. Now, I can not claim the same for being drunk.

Why and how "da man" can think weed is more dangerous than alcohol is beyond me. Booze has led me to many more problems than anything else I've chosen to do. From bad decisions, to physical injury, to close calls it's by far the one thing that I think should be illegal. If the question was: Which has a greater risk of personal injury or death: Pot or Booze? The equation is simple: Pot < Booze. I would dare say the same about your average everday legal cigaretts. Lung cancer, what's that? A proven fact.

Which one of the three would I rather do? By far, burning one. Followed closly by having some drinks. Cigarettes have never really done anything for me and they never will. The choice is yours boys and girls. There's nothing wrong with keeping clear from any of them. If you choose to do anything, make sure it's because you want to. Your the only person that matters when it comes to doing stuf f to yourself.

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,
I use to go to bed so high and wired..."
~Ozzy Osbourne

Later.

I love you Julie.

Story time

Could I interest you in a story?

I have given this no real thought, I'm just "going with the flow". All events are true...

It was sometime in 1994 which made me 16. It was dark but not terribly late. I found myself behind the YMCA with a friend. My friend showed me something that you could do with a soda can. What flavor was it? I do not remember. With a couple bends and a couple holes poked, you would have yourself a home made smoking device. Placed on top of the can where several small holes were poked was something I had never seen before. Marijuana. Pot. Weed. Herb. Mary J. Dope. By any other name, it would be the same. I can remember not being terribly impressed. Due to this I only encounter it once or twice more. That is until I was 18.

Ah, by that age the real world was in my grill. I was working a shit job with shit pay and shit hours. My home life was less than enjoyable. Almost everyday I could feel my sanity slipping further from my grasp. To the point that I think it reached my finger tips. Then Mary came waltzing back in the room. This time it was different. She looked hot, sexy and easy. I would ask the questions, and she would have the answers. Soon I found myself in a long relation. It was a give and take sort of thing. After all you can not have fire, with out a flame. Believe me, I had lots of flame.

For the next 11 years I had something. A cure for my ills? No. Something better than med's I have had prescribed over that time? Yes. Never will I use the word addiction. Thinking back I could use the word problem. I knew it then, but didn't care. When one's pee stinks because of what you put in your body, you have a problem. I can say the same for people that drink and smoke cigarettes. There was a time for about 4 years where I did too much. I'm sure if I were to do the amounts I did back then today, I would be hurt. Unable to function. Alas, as it were I could do my job and do it well. I could block out pain both physical and mental and end up enjoying myself.

In recent years, my intake has dwindled. I'll put it in perspective. "In my prime" I would smoke a half ounce a week, by myself. Sure I'd share with a friend here and there but 95% of it was just for me. This last year I would smoke a quarter ounce. Half the amount. Sharing with my "sissypants". Making it last 2 weeks. So I would no longer use the word problem. It was something my wife and I enjoyed doing, together.

What am I getting too? I really don't think I can say I'm quitting totally. If some one was to say "Hey, you wanna burn one?" I would probably say yes. So what do you call that? I haven't bought any for about a month now and really don't miss it. I know where to go to find it. But I will never need to. I never have had a need. It has always been and will only be if I want to. Right now my life is looking pretty good (minus some money issues due to my deadbeat cunt ex), which is also how I feel. Simply put, I don't want to.

Will I be a better person without it? Doubt it. Will life be better? Somewhat. Regrets? None.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Boy or girl?

So the word is, baby #2 is on the way. What more can I say? I am overwhelmed with joy just thinking about it. I also can envision all the additional craziness. Bring it on. Yeah, that's easy for me to say because I'm not the one that is home with the wee ones all day. There was a time not so long ago that I would not have even given a thought about being a father. It was something I had given up on. Now I find myself thinking about my second child. When I look back, I get a little choked up about the whole thing. My life is, well like I'm some one else. Here I am, a happily married man, the proud father of a crazy baby boy, a step father of two, and now I wait for baby #2. Life sure is different, for all the right reasons. Just how different is everything? Well, I figure around March we should have a mini van. A mini van!

Connor met G's sisters (Jess) baby the other day. I'd like to call the experience a learning one. What do you call a baby that has mad walking skillz compared to one that is still stumbling home from the bar? That's right, an ass whoopin. Actually, it wasn't that bad. Connor only got roughed up a couple times. Maybe when they visit again in December Connor will have some more skillz and be able to swing a chair or something.

I can envision some more powerful updates in the months to come. Stay tuned. Baby version 2.0 is on the way.


Growing dreams

Never in years times a million,
would I have thought this.
Look at what our first kiss,
has brought us.
A son,
so beautiful and pure.
With each passing day,
he continues to grow.
I see in him,
everything an eye could possibly see.
Opened or closed.
The times of trouble behind us,
we move on.
Life lived with dreams,
that continue grow.
I never imagined being a father.
It is a role I have come to love.
With the passing of time,
time so short,
we will welcome our second child.
I find myself overwhelmed with joy,
I get a chill from within.
From day one to delivery,
I will be here.
Although I love you as I always have,
this will be different.
Baby number two,
boy or girl,
Daddy is here for you.
The mother of my children,
the love of my life,
you have shown me so much,
and given me things that could have no price.
Each day that passes,
I love you more for these gifts.
No matter what you may need,
or ask of me,
you will forever have my heart.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

Ozzfest '06 & more...

Yes that's right, it's Saturday and where am I? Work. I guess I can look forward to having tomorrow off. You see every July we have a shut down. The maintenance dept. and parts dept. (that would be me) have to work these usual two weeks straight through. No days off. The only reason I have tomorrow off the other three people in my dept and I worked it out so we can take a day off this weekend.

This past Wednesday was Ozzfest. "Sissypants" and I were going to go to Camden but as it worked out, we ended up going to Pittsburgh after all. 11 straight years for me at that venue and I love it. Don't worry about my Camden tickets, I found a couple guys at work to buy them for $100. I must admit that this year I was bitten by the responsibility bug and Julie and I left early. However, as it worked out I got to see Ozzy. Initially, this year Ozzy was only playing 10 shows. Since that time he added a bunch of dates where he was headlining the second stage. Luckily for this fan, Pittsburgh was one of these shows. To go from not going there at to going and seeing him was a great turn of events. I have to tell you minus the couple technical glitches he kicked fucking ass. Julie and I got as close as we possibly could. I tell you, she wasn't scared of getting bumped around some. It's the closest I've been to the stage since '97 and that was at Montage Mountain in Scranton a non Ozzfest date. My highlight of his performance? Into the Void. A classic heavy Sabbath song that I have never heard or seen his band do. A 10 out of 10. My most memorable moment? Being able to enjoy the day, with my wife.

The house situation is starting to heat up. Apparently the folks up there have found themselves a willing mortgage company. I am attempting to refinance. I got my approval. I got a good (even though Julie said she wasn't very impressed with the condition) appraisal on the house. Now it's just gotta go through. I hope it does. I also, hope the folks can in fact buy soon. Even with refinance I still won't have to change the purchase price on the house, and I can get out of debt now.

Tonight G and K are having a party. We are going to try to get our asses over there and have a drinky or two. It's outside down by the creek. If it's rainy, we'll have to go to plan B. What's that? I'm not exactly sure...

Connor, is a walking drunk. Or at least that is what he looks like walking. He decided to walk while we were away at Ozzfest. He can just about go from one side of our living room to the other. I am one proud papa and I know his mama feels the same. He's still and will forever be our baby boy.

As for now, lunch time lurks and I have a certain misses to call.

Later,
John

The happenings

Off to the store I go,
to buy us some drain-o.
You see the poop is backed up,
comes out of the bath tub.
Hopefully this fixes it.
If not,
we all smell like shit.

I know you've all been dying for a pet update. Ever since we put the a/c in our bedroom my cat hasn't been a snuggler. I miss his purring when it's sleep time. "Sissypants" and I gave the dog a hair cut and let me just say for the record, she'll look good come Christmas. We have a new addition to the clan. A turtle named Chucky. I'm skeptical on how long he'll be around because he's "D" responsibility. He and that word mix like oil and water. First time I see him roaming free, I'll set him free.

How's John? So-so. Home life has been very well as of late. In fact if I had anything to complain about it would be the little diddy I started this update with. Work? Yes...I'm still "stuck". I can not remember a time I have been more active in seeking a change of scenery. I had an interview today that was promising. On the same note if I had $10 for every interview that went well...

House? We made them an offer that would run until next Aug. They have until the end of the month to decide. If they choose to wait that's there choice and they'll have to live with it.

I think I'll call that a rap!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Can you feel it?

Welcome back.

One of two things is going to happen here at DRW. One, I'm going to get the forklift job I put in for and live out the remainder of my days here as a happy go lucky first shifter. Two, I'm going to treat this place like it was a bleeding man with aids looking to me for help. I'm going to run. Fast, far, and not looking back. I talked with the guy in charge of the forklift folks. He was alright. Pretty down to earth. He sounded like he liked my back ground (I've been driving these damn things since '98) and would like to have me. This all depends on, my boss. You see my reasons for wanting first shift are simple and from the heart. I want more time with the family. Not very hard to swallow is it? Now, for whatever reason he may have he will probably want me to stay here, on third shift. I tell you, if I do not get the transfer there will be words spoke. Will I listen to a reply? No. I won't give a flying fuck. Speak my mind, and slam the door.

Connor had himself a doctors appointment today. Can you believe he's almost 10 months old? Christ, where does the time go? He's doing great. Right on target with everything. If I recall correctly he's 20.5lb and about 31" long.

Fucking ex isn't paying the Lowe's bill...again. Fucking house people are doubtful to get a mortgage by the end of the year. I don't feel sorry for them. They knew what they were getting into. If it doesn't work out for them, I imagine we'll be moving in.

It's amazing how these few things can really bring me down. I've always had a problem with trying to keep my head up when things are all good. When there are troubles, I can be a downy clowny. It's a struggle that I 've had forever. I've been doing my best to not let it show, but it does sometimes. What can you do? Go to the doctor so they can cycle you through meds until the find something that turns your brains into marshmallow. Been there, done that, no thanks. I think I'll just keep on trying...

...because I certainly feel it.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Visiting an old friend

I was thinking to myself it's been a long while since I wrote, just for the sake of expression. So I took sometime tonight and came up with this.


Life without boundaries

Life without boundaries,
living outside this box.
Reaching for new heights,
or is it wondering lost?
The light bulb lit,
without enough watts.
My eyes can see clearly,
even though it is dark.
The door is always locked,
no matter how hard I may shake.
Can’t you smell the fear,
will I ever be able to escape?


Later.

I love you Julie

Wedding day

Well looky there. It happened. After everything. Almost everything is right now. Only one more loose end to take care of and with a little luck, that will happen shortly. May 20th was the day. A crazy day weather wise. It'd rain, it'd be nice, it'd rain, it'd be nice. We ended up having the "ceremony" under the pavilion because at that time it was raining. Then we all went out to where we had planed and took some pics, such as this one. From left to right: Rachel, Drew, Connor, Julie, Shaina, me, and Jamie.

The day was crazy. Just so much to to do. So many things were forgotten at the house and we made to trips back. My dad and uncle Rich went back to get some sodas and Jamie and I went back to grab the check book. Had to pay the pastor ya know. $50...

After the wedding we went to a hotel. After we checked in we got out of our duds and dressed down some. Placed a couple calls and before you knew it we were at the hotel bar. This was only Me, Julie, Rachel, Jamie, Kelley, and G. I'll tell you what, it's one of the best times I've ever had. Everything went great. Lots of laughs, which is just awesome. G got some videos and pics on his nifty camera. I'm looking forward to see that stuff.

In a whole the day was wonderful, beautiful, and awesome all in one. I'm the proud husband I always knew I could be. At one point in reciting the vows I was overwhelmed and it was all I could do to contain myself. It's been a very long road to get here. As I look down at my shiny new ring I now know that the less traveled road sometimes leads you to the pot of gold.

Later.

I love you Mrs. Hedglin

Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!

That's right, the neighbors are moving. Am I sad? No. Who's to say the new neighbors will be any better? Not me. I'm glad they are gone. I've never much cared for neighbors. I've never really had much success with them. Ranging from the crazy old lady on Oliver Street that would bitch about me parking on her side of the street (public street I can park where I want) to the Bear and all their yard sale people taking their liberties with my driveway and even my yard. If I could have my own little chunks of "heaven" with no one in sight I would be happy. These neighbors weren't terrible, but they brought a lot of unnecessary bullshit to my house. From the moment Drew and their kid became friends I heard way too much about them. Is it wrong that I do not want to care about them? I don't think so. Some may think I'm wrong for feeling that way. Hey, if your a parent and choose to leave a 14 year old kid in charge of 3 other younger kids, one being handicapped then who am I to think your a great neighbor? In the end, chow to you and yours.

I'm pretty sure the landlady will be contacting us to do some work next door. The dogs destroyed the yard. I'd like to think that she will not let the next tenants have them. It's unbelievable the amount of destruction done to the yard. I can only imagine what the inside of the house is like. Now I can get back to work on the steps and who knows what else. Saving money on the rent is always a welcomed thing.

Speaking of rent, I spoke to Bob Boob the other day. He is like King Realtor in Jersey Shore. I'm currently in the process of fixing up my credit. I've got all the loose ends taken care of. Those loose ends would all be the result of the "ex" slacking. If all goes well and according to plan I should be in the house market in February. By then, I will have the money from the house selling plus income tax money. This will all be used to pay off every god damn thing I ever foolishly spent. Speaking of the house all still goes well there. Every payment has been made with zero problems. The house will sell in December, if all continues to go well.

I've been trying to find a part time job. I thought I had one doing some book keeping for a guy but it didn't work out. I need something just a couple hours in the mornings. No more than 4 hours a day. I've asked a couple people about the possibility of doing this or that but nothing has come of it. So for now other than being the landlady's handy man I got nothing on the side.

May 20th is the day...

So there needs to be some kind of party. I guess "sissypants" is going to have a "girls night out". I haven't heard anything from my "boys" yet. Do I expect to? Not really. I'll probably sit around and play BF2 and puff on a little somethin somethin... I asked G to be my best man and he said he could be the "assistant" to the best man. So, then I asked Jamie and he said he would. He also said he'd probably do some fishing after the wedding. Classic! That guy loves the "sport". I just don't get it.

So Connor has this crawling down. Then all of the sudden all this other stuff just came out of no where. Sitting on his own, boom done. Pulling himself up onto things, boom done. Standing up, boom done. Christ...I swear this week he's done so much. He's being quite the "talker" as well. Sure you can't make out much of it other than, bah, mum, and dad! He's a screamer too. I mean he'll just scream from the bottom of his little gut. It's funny for awhile. Then it's time to lay the smackdown! Enough of all that. It was funny...today I caught him yelling at the dog trying to get her attention.

Grey car + black interior + none working windows = sauna I gotta work on that...

Later.

I love you Julie

Just ramblings

So who else out there is tired of gas prices? I know I am. I was listening to the radio tonight and they mentioned all the other high gas prices world wide. Then, they went on to list Middle East gas prices. The prices went from 83 all the way down to 12 cents a gallon. Now, how in the fuck does that work? If it were a level playing field shouldn't there be a bit more resemblance in gas prices? Ah, but the field is not level and I believe the home team is growing tired of having the visitors on their field. In translation: Admit you fucked up, and bring everyone home you arrogant son of a bitch. I have a feeling this will be a time in history my son will ask me about. I'm am so surprise someone hasn't taken matters into their own hands. I know not "one" person can do it. Everyone has to. I have a hard time believing that more people are content with gas than not. "Oh, it cost me $50 to fill my tank *yawn*." Now when I gas up I started cursing at $30. Started grimacing and pinching pennies at $40. At $50? First, I will never put more than $40 in my tank for the simple fact I can not afford to. Secondly, if I did find myself putting a fifty in my tank I sure as hell would curse out lout at the pump. "Somethings wrong with the world today, God knows what it is" ~ Aerosmith. I know what is. Someone out there thinks they'll die if they don't make that money. I propose a toast. Here's to your money fellas, I hope you choke on it until you fucking die. And here's to me, may I have enough gas to get back and forth to work this week.

No Ozzy in Pittsburgh. Ozzy will be in NJ After 9 years of going to Post Gazette Pavillion at Starlake in Pittsburgh I must move on. The highlight of my Ozzfest experience is seeing Ozzy rap it up. Close the show. Kick your ass one more time! Ozzfest'06 will be seen by my eyes in NJ. See you there!

The wheels of time roll on and I find the most apparent example of the miles in my son. He's got his little butt mobile now. I call his crawling baby crawling, like baby steps. He's doing it, and you can tell he's just starting. I'm sure by the end of May he'll be quite the trouble maker. He's already started. "Connor, don't touch the cord." Rinse, repeat, add a smack to the hand. That's how life is with a little baby boy on the floor. Not to change the subject too much, my son means the world to me. I want the best life for him and I will do whatever I must to see that he gets it.

Yes, I still search for the daylight. This working nights is just so "over" now. My desire is gone. I have no ambition here. That's because there's nothing to look forward to. No room for advancement, .25 cent raises no matter if I bust my ass or sit on it. I can not wait until I walk out that door for the final time. Whether it be tomorrow or a year from now. I will be grateful to end my tenure here. And I'm sure, I will not be missed.

Do storks migrate? I thought I saw one flying overhead...

I have to admit that the first paragraph kicked my ass. I feel pretty drained right now. Before I go, Julie I want to tell you something. My love, you are the force that sets me in motion. You start it all. I love Connor with all my heart. When he is grown and living the life that he chooses I will still be at home, loving you.

Later.

I love you Julie

What's in your egg?

The bunny hops in,
the baskets are empty.
The bunny hops out,
the baskets are full of candy.
Damn you bunny!

Just kidding about that last line. Belated Happy Easter everyone. It was by far, the most enjoyable Easter I have ever had. First of all the weekend was a day longer which means a extra night of sleeping by the one I love. I can not tell you how wonderful it feel to be able to open my eyes when the night has come and see my "sissypants" laying there. Anyways, Easter is Julie's holiday. She wanted to prepare a feast for the masses, which is exactly what happened. Both sets of folks were there along with my two uncle's Rick & Frank and of course the 5 of us. I have written about Frank before and will do so a little later on. Everything was good. Shout outs to the moms for bringing baked corn (my mom, and long time favorite of mine) and chocolate pudding pies (J's mom and oh so good). Lets just say I felt like a stuffed turkey when I was done. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. Which I did do around 4.

So my Uncle Frank is a little bit "different". I couldn't really tell you what or why, I just know he is the way he is and has always been that way. The last few times I've seen him he's been carrying a notebook around. I remember asking him what was in the notebook and he said he was just writing. Then come today and somehow the notebook was brought up again. I may have asked, I don't remember. Anyway he kind of spaced out and went on this rant about the stuff inside being all doom and gloomy. So some time passes and we end up outside together and he read something out of it. I would call it a poem. He would not, because it didn't have any kind of form. My poetry doesn't have a form either. I noticed a couple things when he was reading. The fist thing I noticed was he didn't have many scribble marks. Like he got everything down right the first time. The second thing I noticed was that he is deeply troubled. In lots of pain. Society and government is really on his mind a lot for all they don't do. I felt pretty special that he chose to share with me and Julie. I learned a long time ago a pen and paper can do a lot for a persons mind.

After my nap I woke up with a head ach, which quickly subsided with the aid of some pills. I spent some time with Julie, Connor and Shaina. Drew spent the night next door. Around 8:30 I had to fulfill what I wrote on an Easter egg for Julie. That being, I had a surprise for her. You see I took this plastic Easter egg and painted it black. Why? I like black! Then I painted a heart on it. I did all this earlier in the day. I went out and placed something I bought about a month ago in it. "It" being an engagement ring. I went out and watched her as she opened it. I placed the ring on her finger and asked the question I once thought I would not get the opportunity to ask. As luck would have it, she accepted. She even got teary eyed which melted my heart. For many reasons I thought I would never find myself in this situation again. I confess to all of you, the situation is not the same.

Later.

I love you Julie.

The mailbox is yellow.

Yes that's right friends, and it also has bees! So it was such a nice day outside today "sissypants" and myself painted our rusty, neglected mailbox. Our house is kind of weird. It's two house that are joined together. Our house is yellow, the other is blue, both mailboxes were rusty. So I have wanted to paint our mailbox for awhile for a couple different reasons. #1 It looks like shit #2 Yellow house-yellow mailbox, I thought it would be a good identifier other than the house numbers. There are no numbers on the houses. So we painted it up. I did some work to the box. Removed some old labels and did some rust removal. Primed it and spray bombed it yellow. Turned out pretty good except for a little run on the door. Sissypants did fine detailing, as I lack a nack for that sort of thing. She painted some bees on the sides and doors. She also painted the flag (the jobber you raise when you have mail to be picked up) nicely too. Once she was done with all that I put a couple coats of clear coat on it and WA-LA nice shiny mailbox.

I had a great day today. Julie and I went for a walk with Connor and Kida (our pooch). Shaina's dad finally stopped by to spend some time with his daughter. Drew and his friend hung out most the day playing GTA:VC. I tell you on nice days like today I would much rather be outside. Eventually the boys came out and we played catch for a little while. Eventually their "boyish" behavior turned me off of it and Julie and I took Connor to the house and began to work on the already mentioned mailbox.

All this happened in part because Julie's brother didn't show up. You see Shaina's birthday was Friday and we had a party Saturday. Let me tell you, a small house is not the place for a large party. People were there I didn't know, people there that I did expect, and the best of all people there I didn't want there. My friend Jamie and his wife Rachel and their kids were there. Nice right? Well Jamie took off to go fishing after about 5 minutes. I can't say I blame him. He made sure to rub in the fact that he may be getting stung by one of those buzzing bees along the way. Not enough chairs for all the asses. No major drama. I was not comfortable what so ever. I felt like I was being invaded and there was nothing I could do about it. Just think, that's how life really use to be...

Baseball season in full swing Monday.

We have some running around in the morning to do. Time to take back this worthless punching bag. Up next? A weight bench perhaps!

I'm glad I took sometime to update this tonight. I rather enjoy it.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Bagel Bread and more!

Seen it yet? Try it? I have. Love it. It's a loaf of bread, but it's bagel! Last night for lunch time (since lunch time is 1:30am ish for me here does that mean it's breakfast?) had a bagel bread ham and cheese sandwich. Delicious. That morning I had bagel bread toast with cream cheese. Simply amazing! The thing I noticed most, the shit fills you up. Run out and buy yourself a loaf today. Many flavors available. "This has not been a paid advertisement for bagel bread."

Each night it gets harder and harder to find any reason to get up out of bed and go to work. I can remember a conversation I had quite sometime ago with G. Working is sort of like being a prostitute. I essentially put a price on my services and "skillz". How much will I take to whore myself out? Unfortunately I'm a dirty little slut that works for cheap. "Five dollars G.I." A paycheck is the reason. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world that feels like I do. Doing whatever it takes to make some clams. I'm also sure I'm not the only person out there trying to find better. I'll keep on reporting for duty until I find something else. Daddy needs a change.

I feel like I need to pick myself up out of the dumpster. I'm beginning to smell bad...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thoughts

You know it's time to go when you hate it don't you? I am speaking of my wonderful j.o.b. I'm sure I would be much more content if I was about 20 years older, but as it is I'm 28 and sitting around is just driving me fucking crazy. Night after night I go to work to find little to do. Some bitch that is eh? "Boy I went to work last night and didn't do shit". I have a problem with that. I have a problem that the company thinks that that is okay. Granted, an easy day here and there is great but every day? Remember a ways back I said I'd sit here and rub my finger over my lips and make a crazy sound? Well I'm typing this with one hand and doing just that... There has been a mass exit here as of late. There is always a high turn over rate here but some of the "lifers" are leaving. I can only hope to hop on the exit train. Not to be confused with the Whaaaaa train.

During the week working third shift take a toll on "sissypants" and myself. We can't seem to come to a sleep schedule that sticks. For a while it was going to be I'd come home and go right to bed. That doesn't work because "J" either doesn't get much rest at night or decides to sleep until 11 or so. Then there's the idea of me going to sleep when she gets up then I get up around 4 and hang out for awhile, eat supper then lay back down. That doesn't work either because we don't get much time together. What's the solution? First shift...

How's the Shape up or Ship out blog entry going? Not well. Lets just say I should have bought a weight bench instead of this piece of shit punching bag. You see I had one real good work out on it and the thing hasn't been the same. I doctored it up and I can just tell that it will not hold up. I'll test my patch job sometime today. At least a weight bench would still be useful. I think I feel a hate email coming for Everlast. Basically this bag is free standing on a base that is made of plastic. There is a shaft that screws to the base. These screws just grab into the plastic base. After I beat the piss out of it, the plastic gets worn away and the bag gets loose and wobbly. AKA=$100 junk.

My ex is not fulfilling her obligation according to our divorce agreement. All this does is piss me off and make me very glad I am where I am. I am not pissing around with this. A lawyer will be contacted if this is not resolved by the end of next week. Pure, simple, and true.

Julie is officially divorced. I think that happened on the 8th or 9th. Now it's time to ring shop. Garrett says to avoid diamonds. Julie says to buy a ring out of the quarter machines in front of the grocery stores. Maybe I'll compromise. Get a plastic ring with a glass shaped diamond or maybe a gold ring with a plastic diamond? No matter what I decide I hope Julie likes it and most importantly accepts.

You know what? It's time for more noises.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Passing

In time, the road ends for us all. My "sissypant's" uncle passed away a couple of hours ago. To anyone that has followed this blog throughout time they know of his battle. He held on for a very long time. I wonder how long he would have held on if the people that "loved" him were less selfish and more considerate of his feelings. Not that I'm being heartless, because I'm not. Situations like this make it all too clear that someone's last wishes need to be known to everyone and not to just a certain few. I am sad for my loves loss. For her uncle, I'm relieved that his pain has finally ended. He can now be at peace and to me that is a much better place to be than where he's been the last 5 months or so.

To change the tune: We had ourselves a get together. A party to a degree. It was great fun. I hope everyone that was there had as much fun as I did. Seeing everyone having a good time is such a good feeling. We laugh a great deal when we get together. For the get togethers at our place it's been me, Julie, Jamie, Rachel, Garrett and Kelley. Three couples. I've known Garrett and Jamie for years. Went to school with them and all. If I were to have brothers in life, they would be the two. I could not do justice to either one of them in written words. Perhaps someday, I will try. Rachel and Julie became good friends when we started our "adventure" around 3 years ago. I'm glad to see K is gelling well with us all. Everyone in the world is different and I can say the same thing about everyone that was sitting at our table. However, when you all sit together with a deck of cards and a game called asshole, little cups full of jell-o, and other "things" we all have lots in common. A love for a good time and good stories. They say laughter is the best medicine. I think we all overdosed on Saturday night. I can not wait to do it again!

A shout out: Thanks to my mom and dad for watching Connor and Shaina.

Speaking of Connor: 17.8lbs. 2.2 more pounds and he gets to sit facing forward in the car. He's just about got crawling down. He has all the motions, but he just hasn't laid it down right. I imagine in another week or so I'll be posting about how he's putting forks in outlets...

The WBC (world baseball classic). I've been reading and my attention has been gotten. The feeling I'm getting though that it's team USA vs. the world. I'm not quite sure if the WBC will see action again. Too many owners bitching about players getting hurt, which I can see their point. Too many players bitching because the owners want them in spring training, which I can see the players point wanting to represent their country. I'll read about. I hope to see game 3 of the US first series. Roger Clemens is on the mound for maybe the last time.

As for now, back to work.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Shape up or ship out!

This job brings lots of ass on chair time, so I bought myself (and anyone else who wants to use it) a punching bag this weekend to get the old heart rate up. "Back in the day" I had one along with a weight bench. One of those may be coming along soon as well. We do not have much free space. I would spend hours in the basement beating the shit out of it all the while imagining my favorite teacher, classmate, or just a event that didn't sit well with me. I even got G into it. Before you knew we were beating the shit out of one another. If not in the basement, in the parking lot of Maxine's. Anyway I'm looking forward to getting started. My plan is once I get home to eat a small breakfast (a bowl of cereal), then punch away for about a hour or so, do some sit ups and push ups, finally finishing up with a shower.

It's hard to watch what you eat when there is so much bad shit on the shelves. We have a ton of crap. If crap is all that there is to eat, then ones breath tends to smell like shit. Even if it's not the only thing, if its there its too tempting to overlook at times. Whats more addictive? Crack or Nibbles with Gibble's cheese curls? I have yet to find that place in my heart that is set to avoiding the crap all together. I don't think I can. I'll do my best. Sort of how I feel about my other habbits...

Am I going in this alone? Probably. "Sissypants" doesn't seem to share my desires with the bag saying "I just don't think it will be that much fun". Well thats all fine well and good. I can do it. Watch me.

I may fall on this blog as my shoulder with struggles. Sometimes I am my own punching bag. I tend to let things drive me crazy. I had one of those episodes this weekend. Cause J and I a couple days of shitty feelings. So if your reading and you think I'm whining or crying the blues it's because I am. If you don't like it, how do they say, suck it!

My goal: 30-40 pounds.

Bring on the pain.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Julie

Happy Valentine’s Day

The day of love,
has finally come.
For the first time you are mine,
Cupid finally won.
Never again will I wonder,
where you are.
You are with me,
and I give to you all the same.
On this day I reflect,
looking back I feel some regret.
That all stops,
when I dream ahead.
That is where the life is,
that we both will forever live.
You have made me happy,
and showed me what love can really be.
You brought to me a son,
there is no greater gift.
My heart beats for only one,
look no further than who you are.
From Daddy to Mommy,
Happy Valentine’s Day baby.

I love you Julie.

Writing

I remember when I first started writing poetry. I hated it. I felt odd even for doing it. However it still brought me some peace inside. Now I would have to say I really enjoy writing. When there are happenings to report on the blog I feel that I do a good job of it. Too bad all the interesting blogs are all about actual events. I don't think I could write something so good unless it happened. I just don't think I have that kind of creative juice.

Later.

I love you Julie

A a good story.

No names or events have been changed to protect the innocent...

So did I ever tell you about the new tax law this year? Law goes if you are not married you can't claim kids that are not yours. That left us with two kids with lots of IRS value just sitting around. J and I talked and decided to make a deal with her ex. Since their divorce is not final (that date is right around the corner) it was agreed that the money would be split 50/50 if he claimed D and S. Easy right? Depends on how much you trust someone. I never have or never will give some one the benefit of the doubt (with the exception of those people who deserve it. And yes, I do think trust is earned and not dished out like gossip), especially since it's been proven in a huge way that they can not be trusted. Never.

I should take this time to let you know that they still have a checking account in both names. Why? I'm not sure and quite frankly if it wasn't for the events of today I'd be pretty upset about the notion. But in this case procrastination paid off. I continue...

Information is passed back and forth until finally he gave her a figure for the refund. $3100. A little low yes? That sparked doubt. At this time J keeps tracks on deposits into the account. Then today the deposit is there. $5834. Just a little difference in what she was told. Could it be that we were lied to? No. He says the IRS screwed up. The Internal Revenue Service giving back more money then they should. The only way the IRS fucks up is if you fuck up. This was no fuck up. This was a straight to your face lie.

Let me bring you up to speed on a couple more things. During this time J is down in Williamsport and I am at home sleeping. From this point on I become involved. Also, I dropped my blazer off for some transmission work this morning. Damn things been shifting hard from 1st to 2nd for awhile now.

J calls me and asks me what to do. I said get your money. Transfer it over the phone into our account. Go get it. Just make sure to get it. She calls me back and says we have a problem. Apparently her ex blocked the account. Meaning she could not get access to it. That made think back to something I have gone through. I know that if you have a joint account, both account holders have access to the account. At all times. To say she was not allowed into her account was like the bank saying it is not your account. Which it was. At this time I drug my tired bones out of bed and hopped in the car. While I was on my way she tried several times to get them to give her access but they would not. Upon my arrival we went to pick up the blazer. Then I had an idea.

I asked J to give me the phone and I would call her bank. Which for every one out there is Sovereign Bank. I call and once the phone is answered the conversation goes as follows: "Hello and thank you for choosing Sovereign bank, may I help you?" "Yes, I just had a question" "No problem sir let me pull up your account" "No no, I'm not a customer I just had a general question." "Oh okay go ahead." "If I had a joint account and locked the account could the other person on the account still get access to it?" "Yes sir they would still be granted access to the account if they were on the account."

At that point I told the operator to hold and and passed the phone to J. As soon as J said hello the bank said "If this is Mrs. Fillintheblank the account is still locked." So I ask J to give me the phone.

"You just told me that if I had a shared account the other account holder would have access." "What I told you was an generic answer." " A generic answer?" "Yes." "No, what you told me was the right answer." "We are not getting into the middle of this."


Middle of what? Just do your fucking job. At this time the hold game begins. I would say I was on hold the first time for about 5 minutes. The operator comes back and asks me who I am. I say "I'm Mrs. Fillintheblank attorney John Felix (which really is her attorney), and I was just wonder why you are not allowing my client access to her account." This time I'm on hold for about 10 minutes. While on hold we arrive at the transmission shop. I sat in the car on hold for awhile before deciding to go into the shop. Once I'm in there I hear a voice "Mr Felix, is Mrs. Fillintheblank still there?" "Yes she is." "May I speak to her." "Sure, just a second." I apologize to the guy in the shop and tell him I'll be right back. I run out to the car and give J the phone. She had the phone for about 2 minutes. Then before you knew it she hung up. Can you still say hung up? Should it be closed to phone? Ended the call?

"What did they say?" "The account is now open."

...OWNED...

So after a slight detour (it's okay mommy) we got to the bank. Once we pull in we see that her ex's car is there. J asked me if I thought she should go in or wait outside. I said "What do you mean? Go in and get your money." She was nervous about a confrontation. I assured her I would be there with her. She goes in and about 5 minutes later she comes out with $2500 dollars (she owed $350 on a laptop. Yes even after all this she paid. Why? He can't say she didn't.) cash. I asked how it went. She said she didn't even see him.

I feel very good about this. I don't know why. Maybe because he finally took one in the ass...And yes, the transmission shifts fine. What a good day.

Later.

I love you Julie

This and that

I was driving to work tonight and was thinking about these parts I found for our $300 car. If it was not for the internet I wouldn't have found them. I wonder just how much the internet has effected the world in it's short life time. Could you even measure it's impact? I don't believe so. There's life, then there's internet life.

I hope G is having a good time in NZ.

I've got myself I job interview Thursday. First shift would be so sweet at this point in life.

Life keeps on going and it's going well. "Sissypants" and I have been on a good road with no bumps lately. I dig it. Connor on the other hand has found some bumps. He's just been so fussy lately. Yelling, screaming for no reasons. Shame he doesn't know what be quiet means. He will! "D" and "S" have been doing well. They have become friends with the neighbor kids. I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem with these little fuckers coming over every day. So, tomorrow no visitors. I don't care if they live right next door and I don't even care if there is nobody else near by. Company daily gets old, quickly for some. I don't mean to be mean, but I like quiet and with 2 more kids in the house quiet isn't there. We are not a day care center last I knew.

Sissypants wrote me a nice note yesterday. It was a nice read.

As for now back to work.

Later.

I love you Juile

Unexpected posting

You know I didn't think I was going to have a new entry today, but here I am. Let the madness begin...

Buzz buzz ouch! Damn buzzing bees...

So we got ourselves another car. Why? Well when my mommy and baby are home without wheels at night one tends to worry what would happen if something were to happen. Insurance is surprisingly not very expensive. "Sissypants" and I got on one policy, multi car discount, it adds up to about $9 more a month. That's crazy. The car, it's a 1990 Thunderbird. The kind of car in JR High that made a kid say cool. That was then and this is now. Anyways the car runs good and the body is solid. Sports 120,000 miles. It needs some stuff but nothing very major. Just run of the mill stuff that wears out. The people selling it were alright. They were asking $500 and they took $300 for it. The car reminds me of K.I.T.T. You know the Knight Industry Two Thousand. Knight Rider? David Hasselhoff? Christ... It's got a digital dash and buttons that beep when you push them. Awesome.

Ah yes shitty days suck don't they? Those days when no matter what you do (or apparently in some cases what you don't do) everything just seems to go downhill. Those days when you look in the mirror and just say "What the fuck". Everyone has them. Some more than others and in a million different ways. I have a big problem with the saying "the way you use to be". I heard it for oh...about 6 of the 7 years I was married. We all know how happily married I was. The way I use to be was yesterday. I can't go back and live yesterday again. I can however live for today and the days to come. The choice is clear for me. "...and straight on till morning" ~Capitan James T. Kirk Star Trek VI. I guess all I can say is that bad days happen just like good days. In the end, they all become yesterdays.

I wonder how long I could sit here and rub my finger over my lips before anyone would say anything? You know what I mean, and make an insane noise with it. Lets find out!

The urge to write is gone. I bid you farewell.

Later.

I love you Julie. For the rest of my days to come.

Drama

Is it sad that my life isn't as "exciting" as it once was? Depends on your definition of exciting. For me, the past was not very exciting nor enjoyable. Maybe some people think excitement comes from laying in your bed staring at the ceiling feeling the pain from hunger but the pain from life deafens it. Laying there only hoping that your eyes will shut and maybe you will get some sleep. Hell, maybe it made for good reads but what do I care about that? I was there, and went through every painful second of it. So if my drama level is not up to "par" I'm sure there are blogs out there that are filled with the shit. I'm perfectly happy with having a scorecard under par. In the end the saying rings true, "Save the drama for your mama".

Here's something very full of drama and suspense. Our dryer quit working. Stay tuned for details...

Life has been going well. We got our income tax back. Due to some tax law changes we aren't getting as much back as we were hyped up about. We set aside some money for my mom, who was my savior. It's not the total amount which I was hoping to give her, but it's half! We also paid off "sissypants" lawyer and now the ball rolls downhill on that front, which makes this daddy very happy. "D" seems to have come to some understanding on how to act. Keep in mind I say seems. It's only been one week. We'll see what time tells. "S", I can not say enough about how well behaved she is. Sure she's got her moments just like us all, but overall she's a great kid. She should be a great influence on Connor. Speaking about Connor, he is doing great. He is 17lbs now and is 26" long. He's starting on stage one foods. When we have supper, he eats with us. Tonight he feasted on carrots. He didn't care for them the first couple of spoon fulls, but he came around. Oh the other day, he puked on me twice. He loves me.

So my cat got his shots on Friday. This Friday the other two cats get shots and fixed and the pooch gets her shots. Then we'll have one happy vaccinated home.

The hunt for wheels rolls on.

I'd like to get some new ink soon. We'll see if there is any money left for that after we get some needs taken care of.

As for now, I'm going to look under every little rock to try to find something to do.

Later.

I love you Julie.

A quick bit

What a long night it's been. I have a slight ear ache to go along with my tiredness. Home here I come...

So what's new? Not a whole lot. Income tax time is approaching and we can't wait. There are so many things to do where do we begin? First, we are paying my mom back. We also need another set of wheels. I'm hoping to find a descent cheap-o truck. After those two things there a few more to go! I'd like to payoff one of my bills. We'd like to get cheeseball and poop fixed. We MUST pay off her lawyer. There are still a few strings for that man to pull. So you see, here today gone tomorrow.

We were at the mall the other day. We walked by the jewelry store and I said, "Want to look at rings?". So we browsed. I got a feel for what style she likes. Do I have a ring now? No. Do I plan on it? Yes. Will I write it in here? Not until I ask the question. Jesus you people are nosy!

My computer mic is fucked. I actually think it's the jack. Every time I go to talk to "G" all he hears is static. So I'm going to spray it up with contact cleaner this morning. While I'm at it, I have a noisy fan that needs replacing...

As for now I gotta write up some req's.

Later.

I love you Julie.

9 days in and here is how it goes.

Yea, I'm breaking the rules. Tell my supervisor, I dare you.

So the New Year is a cool 9 almost 10 days old now. Here's what I got going on. Had a job interview today. Went well. Went so well that they want me to start in 2 weeks. Good? Sure. I have a problem. I put in for a job here for first shift a couple weeks ago. There is a guy retiring at the end of January and his job needs filled and it's on first shift. So the problem is this place drags it's feet like Wal-Mart drug it knuckles on that "Planet of the Apes" thing. I'm going to talk to my boss if not today tomorrow. See if he can find out any of the happenings. If all I'm given is a bunch of B.S. well then, I know my time here is over. Not that that would be a terrible thing.

We had G & K over this weekend. We got a bit tipsy. It was a good time. I have to tell you I really enjoy having friends over. For the better part of 10 years I never had anyone over to do anything, ever. My choice? No. My fault for not grabbing my junk and speaking up? Sure.

There's a 13 year old boy with a serious attitude problem under my roof. What do I do? G would suggest calling Dr. Phil I'm sure. But, I don't want to buy a book or a book on tape! You see, "D" doesn't care. It's that simple. He's meaner than fuck to his sister for no reason. He hates school so much, he'd rather act like a 5 year old and hide under things instead of getting up and going to school. Did I ever tell that story? The one where he was hiding under his built in dresser and I tried reasoning with him but it lead no where. So in the end I had to grab him by his leg and yank him out from under his little hiding hole. Yea, 13-year-old behavior right? I swear to God that this kid has a thing for "retards & fags" because that's all that ever comes out of his mouth. He has heard it from his mom and me to watch his mouth when we have company and around the baby. I will not allow my son to be influenced in such ways. It won't happen, period. So D has some choices.

#1. Get a grip and realize, hey life isn't too bad.
#2. Mature
#3. Get ready for some real hard times.
#4. Pack a bag.
I'm sure there's more.

He would rather move back into his grandmothers house than stay with us. Reasoning? He misses "the hood". This kid has no idea what a real "hood" would be. Only what he's seen on TV, games, and heard in music. One day he'll step out of line with the wrong people and he's going to fall, hard. I'm sure his mom will be there to catch him, but I'm not so sure that's what's best. It kills me to see how he brings down "J" so much by just being himself.

Here's some cheery news: I bowled a 132 this weekend. BOOYAH.

Connor has taken his vocabulary to a new level. Sure I have no idea what he's saying, but it's so damn cute. All sorts of different noises and tones have been coming out of him lately. I'm so proud of our son. He's getting so big. He's got an appointment today so I'll have some new measurements on him.

How goes things with my "sissypants"? Absolutely wonderful. I don't know what more to say than that.

As for now I'm going to see about being poetic.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Happy New Year

Through all the ups and downs of 'o5 I look forward to a much more stable '06.

We had ourselves a little gather on New Years eve. You see we made these things called jello shots and well, everyone enjoyed them, yes it's true. My very good friends "G" and Jamie stopped by along with their better halves "K" and Rachel. Rachel and my "sissypants" happen to be very good friends as well. I'm hopeful with time "K" and her will hit it off. Although "K" and "G" were only there for a little while, the time they were there was very fun. Jamie and Rachel and their tree kiddies spent the night. It was unusual for me to have a house full of people. I was so use to being the visitor and not the host. Hosting isn't bad. I give the night a 9 out of 0. No one got sick or woke up with hangovers. The highlight of the party? Jamie and I laughed our asses off for about 10 minutes or so. The kind of laugh that turns your eyes into a running faucet. What was so funny? Hell I don't know! I came downstairs from checking on Connor, looked at Jamie and said "What?" and that was the start of it. It felt very good. It was like a montage of memories playing in my head when the laughing was going on. It was like I remembered everything that has happened all at once and I couldn't control myself. Yes, I will not forget this past new years. Julie and I plan on doing this every year now. It was a good time pure and simple.

The best part of this new years was actually ringing it in with sissypants. It's been about 3 new years in the making. Watching that ball drop and counting down the last seconds of 'o5 with her was wonderful. I look forward to welcoming the rest of my new years with her.

As for now, I hear a poem knocking. I must answer the door...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Merry Christmas...

...better late than never I hear...At this time (12/30 3:50am) I am being kept company by Connor. I am singing him a song that is sure to be a chart topper. "If you're sleepy, you should go back to sleepy." That's the only lyric, but I'm sure if you "laid it down" to a beat it would sell like hotcakes. Also, my cat has joined our party. I hope the neighbors don't call the police.

I started this entry on the 26th.

Greetings from post holiday running!

I'd like to say that everything went very well over Christmas. My Aunt has a gathering at her house every Christmas eve and this year was no different. Well except for my "sissypants", "S", and of course Connor. I was a little off at first but I notice I'm usually off for a little while no matter where I go when there are a few people there. Family or not, I still get that feeling. Once I settled down some and loosened up things went very well. Connor got passed around and I must say that at first he did not like all the strange faces. After the initial shock of him realizing that this was his family he was fine! By the way "D" was with his dad.

Then it came the first "official" Christmas. Santa Clause somehow managed to squeeze down our chimney. No matter, the tree was pretty packed with gifts. The tree by the way was amazing. My "sissypants" takes a lot of time and pride in preparing her tree. Something that I will cherish over our years together. I think everyone was very pleased with their gifts. I know I was. My best gift was seeing "J" get all teary eyed from reading a poem I wrote. She opened it first but I had hoped she would have grabbed it last. I hope it didn't take away from her other gifts.

We had grub at both the parents houses. Lunch at my folks, dinner at hers. Nothing too eventful to report. My mom hooked us all up very nicely. Honestly if she didn't have a single gift I would have been totally content. She has done so much for me and us this year it's incredible and appreciated.

I'm sure if Christmas wasn't 5 days old I would go on in more detail...

The last three days have been full of work. Doing inventory. I hates inventory. We were done counting everything by the end of day two and had all the computer corrections done by 2:30pm the third day. We were hopeful to get out at 3 but it was not until 4. I tell you I'm always looking for the exit of that place. Hurrying home to my sexy mama and our boy is always on my mind.

The 28th was sissypants 30th birthday. Happy birthday day baby! I didn't have much cash at the time so we are going to do some things this weekend. If all goes well we'll be hitting up the movies and dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to some nice, quiet, "us" time. I'd like to take her out for some drinks, but something inside me has turned the "lets go out and party" switch off. Staying at home sounds much better. Am I the one getting old? Yea...that was a 30 joke.

Best quote I read tonight: "On a side note, her death was smoking related, so anyone reading this who has that habit please take my advice and quit. It's a slow, ugly and painful way to die. Don't put your family thru that."
~Gregory Helms

My dad has me all interested in tax time. He thinks we'll get hooked up. That would be super sweet.

As for now Julie has broken up our party and has gotten Connor to quiet down. Since my ass has been handed to me by a 4 month old I need rest. Incase there is a delay between my next posts, Happy New Year.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Holiday season, religious observation, holiday season, religious observation now shoot!

The title was suppose to be read with the voice of Bugs Bunny saying holiday season and the voice of Daffy Duck saying religious observation...

Would you like to see my pencil holder? Just drop something and look as I pick it up.

There's a new blog on the block and I look forward to reading it everyday and putting in my two cents worth about it. My first two goes as follows:

So yea we got this new place and yea, it's coming together. With me working nights and such I feel badly that I don't help out with more than I do. I feel like I slow down the whole getting settled process. I however, give it my all. That usually means going and going until my tank is on E. I did catch up on sleep today which was very...recharging! The future in-laws came by tonight for a little while to drop off the gifts for the children (said in my best Chief voice) and of course to visit. Everyone seemed satisfied with what they were given. I was more interested in seeing Connor go crazy with his new play set thing. Basically he kicks this pedal at the bottom and it makes noise or plays music and also makes something spin. I know it may sound crazy but I believe he had the concept down. He'd kick it, the things would spin and noises would be made. Then when it was quiet he'd do it again, and so on. I do have a regret about the whole thing last night. We didn't have the camera handy to take pics. I saw on wal-marts website they have a cheap camcorders. May have to check this out some more.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4288232&cat=3944&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;type=19&dept=3944&path=0%3A3944

As for the lazy landlady, I don't know what to think. I've never rented before. Supposedly someone is coming by today between 3-4 to fix this damn leak. My opinion will be based on how she handles this water bill. She said she'd pay anything that was "above normal". I believe she told me normal was around $66 or $86. We'll see...

How am I? Not too bad. I am getting anxious about Christmas. I already have be given the best gifts I could ever hope to receive. Now I will get to enjoy them together, on a very special day for us all. No matter what the future holds or what the past has seen gone by these days I now live will go with me to my grave. I couldn't picture a more perfect site on Christmas morning than waking up beside the love of my life as "D" and "S" go crazy over gifts and as Connor look on with that look of learning in his eyes. It shall be a very Merry Christmas at my house this year.

I swear every time I read back over something I just wrote I leave out words that I swear I wrote.

Question: What do you call someone who does something to themselves that takes time away from those they love? Even though they know what they do is bad. I just don't think they look ahead. I speak of the very harmful affects of cigarette smoking. Almost everyone I love, kills themselves a little more each day with these fucking things. I just don't understand. As documented on this blog before, I'm not scared of a little "wacky tabbaccy" now and then. From everything I have heard and read I would much rather tie one on rather than wolf down a chemically laced cancer stick. I've heard reason ranging from the absurd to the relevant on why people can't quit. Here's how you should look at it. Just fucking quit. If not for yourself for those you love. If you can't will yourself enough to do that than I think you should check yourself at the door for the real meaning of love and while you at it look up the meaning of pain because that's what will given to everyone sooner or later.

Did I just vent? I guess I did.

Audioslave - Doesn't remind me A nice little diddy that gets my foot tapping and my spirits lifting.

As for now back to it.

My "sissypants" gave me a shout out and I will now do the same at the end of each of my entries.

Later.

I love you Julie...

Extra! Extra! Read all about it...

So my "sissypants" started a blog. http://www.foreverwithjohn.blogspot.com The choice of name makes me smile from ear to ear. I can only hope that all her entries are filled with good times. I do my best everyday to try to make her happy and feel loved. Lord knows, she's made me feel like no other. Because of those feelings, I can say honestly and without hesitation I know where I will be the rest of my life. In the arms of my truest love.

We were visiting with sissypants mom today and Connor was really digging this singing/dancing Santa Clause. Well actually I think he was digging the red button you push to get old St. Nick going. Anyway at one point "J" says "Look at those lips. Who's lips are they?" The answer: Mine. I never knew having a son (a daughter would have been just as wonderful I'm sure) would be so self rewarding. I get so much from him and he doesn't even know it. Or does he?

Speaking of visits Connor got to meet "G's" pops the other day. I'm sorry we missed his mom "P". She's been wanting to see the boy for quite a while now. We'll try to get out there before Christmas.

Moving in seems to take longer than packing up...

Kida has come back home. She's the family dog now a days. She was staying at my mom and dads for a while. I'm very thankful that they were willing to watch her. You see they are dog lovers and she came back a bit spoiled. But hey, at least she's there. Now if only the hair wasn't...

Speaking of pets, the cats took nicely to the move. Shame one of them thinks boxes are a litter box. I know where I'd like to put that cat, but flushing it down the toilet may not be good for the septic tank.

There's a first shift job open here. I put my name in for and with a little luck my skills will land me the job. Did I say skills? I meant to say SKILLZ!

Later.

A little something

Well I just read a email from my "sissypants" and it makes me think about how fortunate I have been this past year. I am totally content for the first time since I don't know when. If I had to pick one thing I could change it would be the piles of money that I do not have laying around. That being said, and all other things considered life is pretty great. I could never have imagined things working out as they have. It seems that after many misdelt hands, I have the perfect hand. I am in love and no hip waders will keep me out of it, because I'm in it deep baby! Being together has proven to be very therapeutic. In other words, it keeps little voices in my head silent. Now don't get me wrong from time to time they scream loud enough for me to hear them. Things with "D" and "S" are very good as well. As for Connor my boy, each day that goes by he makes me more proud than the last. I don't know what more to say other than, life is good.

I've hung out with "G" a bit these past couple weekends and it has been like old times. I never fully realized how much I've missed his unique take on things. We share many stories together, a history if you will. Things for him are going well too, and it's great to see. Just a few years ago he was on hard times, and now it looks as if the sky is the limit for him and his family. If I had a glass of the wine he bought for us for Christmas, I would raise it and toast to the lot of them for nothing less than the best.

At the urging of G I will share this story...

It was many moons ago, but not so many that I do not remember. "I know this guy" who was out and about one evening with some friends and a love interest. They all made their way to a local watering hole for some adult beverages. One drink led to two and two led to shots of Black Zambooka, Firewater, and others. Well before you knew it and as George Therogood says, "the clock on the wall says last call for alcohol". So they all finished up and went on their ways. On the way home "this guy I know" was pulled over by your friendly local law enforcement agent, a.k.a the police. You see speeding was not the game to play while so tipsy. After being approached and asked if he knew the reason for being pulled over and after answering no "the man" says you were doing 73mph in a 45mph zone. Being clocked at 73 in a 45 makes Rossco curious. After some minor questioning (questions such as "have you been drinking" and answering "I had a few") it was decided that "this guy" get out of the vehicle and follow him to the rear of it. There it was passed along that a field sobriety test would be done. I tell you "this guy" did well on 2 of the 3 tests, but when it came to walking the line man 'o' man was there struggles. It was at that time the officers decided to do a breathalizer. Being so willing to cooperate "the guy" took a deep breath than exhaled, then proceeded to blow into the machine. Reading: .097. At the time the legal limit was .10 now the limit is .080 I believe. Lessons learned? #1. Do not drive drunk. No matter how sober you may think you are, you're not. #2. Always take a deep breath prior to taking a breathalizer.

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it, cuz I got no reason to lie yea..." ~Ozzy Osbourne

Later.

Moving on

Well my money situation is on track now thanks to my mom. She's more than a life saver! Thanks mom! My opinion to all those who may view this: Washington Mutual mortgage company is nothing more than a steaming pile of shit. Believe me, I'll never deal with these uncompromising fuckers for as long as I live.

Started moving into the new place. Still LOTS to go. Going to be a busy week in the land of "John on this day..." I have to say I'm quite excited being out and about with my "sissypants". Of course the kiddies too. It should be quite the adventure. "G " and I tackled most of my stuff. We enjoyed a few beers while we waited for the Albert family to finish getting out of the house. Ya know they were suppose to be gone at 11am and never were until 4:30pm The Albert family? Yea that's right, a bunch of fatties that could only carry one god damn thing at a time. It was entertaining for awhile, then just got old and annoying.

So far no payments have been missed or late with the house. I am hopeful it keeps going this smoothly. If so, 2006 is looking bright.

I have a thought, but now it's lost.

Later.