No alarms

Since the last false alarm things have been calm. Other than some back pain "sissypants" has been doing great. I fear for the midwife if we make it to the doctors appointment this Thursday. Sissypants will have a few words for her I'm sure. I wouldn't be surprised if she refused to let them check her out this time. I'm pretty sure she's had enough of all that. They don't appear to be very gentle with her. Sometimes being a guy isn't all that bad. Her belly is very full and hard. The big footed baby boy is taking up every inch he can. He should be in the 7.5-8 pound range now. I can not wait to see him.

My friend "G" is now a Uncle. His sister gave birth to a boy. I don't know any of the measurements yet. I hope the little guy is doing well and I wish the same for the parents. I feel like getting a little gift, but what do you buy for a baby that lives in middle east?

As for G, I hope he made it to Mexico safely.

Got a call from the guys about the house. I'm quietly keeping my hopes high on this. There has been the dad and three boys involved. I talked to the dad earlier in the morning. He said two of the boys were not interested. However, the dad and the remaining son were interested and moving forward. He said he was talking to the bank today. The son called me around 4pm just to let me know they had spoken to the bank. So if all goes well I should know something soon. As for the zoning lady, still haven't heard a peep. I think I'd like to give her a nice chunk of my mind and it may very well happen.

How am I? Not too bad.

Didn't see my sissypants tonight. She wasn't feeling too well and was tired so ya know. I did see her this morning and got to see her kids off to school. It was the first day. That went alright, nothing major happened. We had breakfast at Denny's. I tell you that place didn't have it's act together today. I know Mondays are rough, but christ all mighty they were messing everyone's shit up.

Well I should get back to "the office".

Later.

Another false alarm

Spent about 3 hours out at the hospital last night. Missed out on some OT, but I'm not complaining. They have this neat little monitor that keeps track of the baby's heart rate and the strength of contractions. The big footed baby boy is doing so well. After a little while there the mid wife told us to go walk around for about an hour to see if we could stir things up. The contractions were a bit stronger this time than the last time we were out, but in the end we were sent home. I think "sissypants" has some wishful thinking about the baby being born sooner than later. I think she fears having a bigger baby than she has had. That fact is already here, it's just a matter of how big. Her due date is still 7 days away. I imagine it's quite rough on her, but she can't try to force the issue. Soon enough my love, he will come.

House situation: Zoning lady still doesn't know shit. Haven't heard from the folks about the house. I think if they don't hear anything they don't feel the urge to let me know. My plan? I'm calling a lawyer a friend of mine referred to me a while back in dealing with this township. To me a week is absurd in waiting to find out something that should be clearly outlined somewhere. My mom offered to pay for the consultation and to consider it a birthday gift. I really appreciate that because I can't afford one at the moment. I need to sell this place. I think if nothing materialize this week I'm placing an ad in the paper again this weekend.

Moms are great people.

Got the "final" divorce papers. All I need to do is sign and mail. I'll hang onto them for a week or so. Just enough to drive my not so helpful ex a little nutty. Assholeish? Maybe, but what can you do?

I will probably be heading down to sissypants shortly. She's been visiting her Aunt today. Other than her not getting much sleep these days, and all the cervix checking she's holding up good. I wish I could help her sleep but that is not something I can do.

Later.

Ramblings

This week seems to be dragging.

Well the last couple days have been pretty quiet. "Sissypants" has been taking her kiddies to pin trading so I haven't been in the picture. Pin trading is a lovely product of the little league world series. I haven't said a word about it. I know this summer hasn't been the best for her kids. Do I miss her? Yes. Can I deal with it? Sure. Do I like it? Ah, well what good will it do if I get upset about it? That being said I'm looking forward to the doctors appointment this morning. We'll see how everything is going. The big footed baby boy should be approaching 7.5-8lbs now. With each passing week sissypants tells me more and more she's going to kick my ass. Her biggest child has been 6.5lb. I think the bigger the better. Be a beautiful, big, strong boy. I can take what your mama can dish out.

The zoning lady finally got back to me. She told me yet another thing that the would be house buyers didn't. She told me that they want to sell used cars there as well. She told me that's the one thing that she wasn't sure on and had to check. If an area is zoned commercial I don't see why there should be any problems. She said she should know today if it will fly. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm calling the buyers today and telling them they have until tomorrow to let me know if they want to buy or not. I may or may not say that I have some one else interested. I'll probably go with it. Put a little pressure on them. Money talks, bullshit walks. It'll be three weeks on Saturday since we had our first talk and I'm tired of all this waiting. I'm also not pleased that they didn't fill me in on their true intentions so that will make me feel not so bad if I tell them I have some one else interested. I'm beginning to think these people are on the side of being fuckers. I really would like these guys to buy. They have agreed to a deal that works out great for me, but I can't just keep waiting without putting some pressure on.

"G" and I are going to look at a house today. It's too much money for the amount of work it needs, but still I want his thoughts on it.

Oh the excitement level in here tonight is so high. I have nothing to do. The new guy got fired today. How nice of the company to let him work out the day before telling him. Things like that piss me off. I however, don't make the rules or make the decisions. Once my next home search ends I think it's time to find a new job.

You know, the world just seems to pass me by some days. Not that I'm complaining. Most of the time it's alright. Sometimes though, you would just like to be noticed.

Later.

False alarm

I think I did alright with keeping my cool and all. I must admit that the hospital was not what I expected. I really don't know what I had in mind maybe more "bells & whistles". It was just a plan room pretty much, nothing fancy. "Sissypants" had called me around 4 saying that we should get to the hospital. She's been experiencing terrible back pain, called back labor. So we went out and we were out there about 2 hours. After some monitoring they told us we could go home. I guess it's not time yet.

On another note, and another country half a world a way "G's" sister is about to give birth to her and her husbands first child. It's crazy when I think about it. It seems like yesterday we were all kids and look at everyone now. I hope all goes well for her.

House notes. Day two of me attempting to reach the zoning lady has failed. I am going down to her office on Thursday. Supposivly today the would be buyers are going to speak with one of the township supervisors. I don't know what they expect to happen. I imagine that he'll just tell them they have to go to the next township meeting which is the 19th of Sept. I already spoke to him and that's what he told me. However, one of these guys knows the supervisor so maybe he'll do some favors. This whole thing just pisses me off. "G" told me to tell them I want to know by "x" date or I'm moving on. I can't bring myself to do that incase I scare them off. I am however not going to wait on them if someone else comes along.

As for now, back to work.

Later.

Catching up

Sunday wasn't the best of days for me. I find at times, my head really gets to me. It's like there's a little voice in there that gets off on bringing me down. It seems as if I've been like that forever. It gets quite old trying to deal with it, but I keep on trying. However it's now Monday and things seem to be going smoothly.

Life has been going well. Everything still is going smoothly with "sissypants" and the gang. We have been doing lots of things lately, even if it's just hanging out and having dinner. We usually go running around on Friday and/or Saturday. We went to Charlie Browns for lunch on Friday and let me say I was not impressed. For the money, just go to Bonanza and enjoy a much better salad bar. The only thing C.B. has going is the booze. If your looking to tie an expensive one on, then that's where you want to be. Saturday night I spent the night, which was cool. We watch a movie and had a snack attack. There's nothing better than not sleeping alone.

My poor sissypants is so uncomfortable these days, all she did was toss and turn. She eventually gave up and just read a book. I tell you, she's holding up quite well for how little sleep she's been getting. She's my little trooper. She's at 38 weeks. Which means, the big footed baby boy will be greeting us very soon. He's about 7.5 pounds now, give or take. I got a phone call tonight saying that it may be time to go out. However, I did not get the call back. Not yet anyway. I'm surprising calm at the moment. It's probably just the calm before the storm as some say. I'm sure if the phone rings again my tune will change.

You know what sucks? Having a DNA test kit in your hospital bag. I just want it out of there. I have to give it to the staff when we are in the delivery room. I just wish they could take it now so we don't have to deal with it once we are there. It will be the first thing I do when I'm in there. Take it...do what you have to. I know it needs done. I find myself relying a lot on all the knowledge I have come to learn to calm some craziness that arises from time to time in this head of mine. I hate worrying about something that should be nothing more than special and do my best not to. That being said, how could someone not worry? Everyday I ask for this great gift and am very thankful for where I am. When I find myself in that delivery room and hear Connor's first cry it will be something very powerful for many reasons. This means so much to me...

Now onto my lovely house situation. I do have buyers in the works. Which is great news. However they fibbed to me some. Instead of what they told me, they are really interested in two things. One, renting the house. Two, starting an auto detailing shop in the garage. This means more dealings with the zoning and township. I don't think there should be any problems this go round because they won't be living there. That was the snag from the last would be buyer. He wanted to live in the house and run a garage with employees. By the end of this week, I should know what is happening.

"G" is going to Mexico soon. There are times I feel like I could really use a vacation like that. I hope he enjoys himself as he deserves a break. He's one hard working mofo.

My good friends son had some work done. Got tubes in his ears and some kind of nods removed. Poor little guy. I'm going to have to get down there and say hello.

I have to get to painting this crib and changing table. Maybe I'll get some work done to it this week. I also found some easy "mods" for the blazer on ebay. They are much cheaper than the ones for my truck.

Final thoughts. I'm pretty pleased with how my relationship is going with "J", "D", and "S". Not so content that I will get lazy. That will never happen. I'm more than ready to never use the term DNA again. I'm hopeful about the house.

Later.

Happenings

I was so tired after work in the morning it was hard to keep my eyes open on the way home. Obviously, I made it ok.

Got the DNA kit in the mail today. It's all very surreal when I think about it. Of course I'm very hopeful. I am this way because of facts and of those feelings that lead me on a great chase. "Sissypants" and I got our cotton swabbing done on Friday. Since that was done my nerves have calmed. I guess it was just getting to that point, like getting over the hump in the road. To think about where I was a few months ago and where I am now really makes me appreciate life. I've never been more thankful for so many things. Soon I will be blessed enough to witness the birth of Connor. I can not begin to tell you how that makes me feel. I will be very proud and honored to be there and a part of it. I appreciate any words that you may say for me.

Enough of that for now... Lets fill you in on recent happenings. Saturday was "D" 's birthday party. His birthday isn't until the 2oth but the party was a week early incase the big footed baby boy decides to visit soon. I gave him my xbox. Unfortunately, the xbox decided to act up after 6 hours of use. I did some research and it sounds like a common problem. The cd/dvd drive needs replaced. After looking around I found a deal on a new one for 19.99 so I'm getting him a new one. I've been seeing everyone just about everyday. In fact, today was the first day in I don't know how long that I didn't see them. That makes me sad, but I can't complain with how things have been. Sissypants wasn't feeling very well, so I respected her need for rest. I think I'm starting to really get on the good side of "S". Sunday before work she wanted a hug, so I gave her one. Sissypants said that was a very good thing. Things still are going great and all I have been doing is being me. It's very humbling. I still kick myself in the ass for all the fears I had when I reflect. Not so much for having the fears, but for being so fearful that I was unwilling to try.

If I wanted to complain about something in my life, the house would be it. However, what good will that do? Well the people that were interested in the house put me on hold until this Saturday. Everything sounds good and a go. I asked them if they were interested because if they weren't I really didn't see the point in getting together if all they wanted to do is say "no thanks". The response was "We'll take care of this on Saturday". They had to postpone because the dad had a terrible reaction to some meds. The dad is the money bags in this. I believe the story because when they stopped by to look at the house he was all ballooned up from meds then. So keep those words of luck coming.

The blazer is working good. I get about the same amount of miles out of a full tank as I did my truck. However the blazer holds 1o gallons less. So I'm saving at the pump, without any mods...yet!

As for now I'm getting back to it.

Later.

Three letters

DNA. The ball is in motion for the test. After work today "sissypant" and I are going to get our swabs done, together. This will take place at the hospital lab. The swabs are mailed out the same day. Then when the big footed baby boy is born they will take blood from the umbilical cord for the test. The stuff is mailed and 5 days later we have results. We are doing it that way because it's the quickest way to do it. We are going through some one other than genetree. She suggested that her ex would cause some issues if the test we did was a "at home" test. I could go on and on about how he could go fuck himself but you all should just go back and read my previous posts instead. I don't waste any energy on him these days. I agreed to this testing. We got this all set up today. It brings back feelings I have not had in a while, but I knew would have to be had again. I 'm scared. I'm nervous. All "normal" things to be feeling I'm sure. I also have a strong belief in everything that I know. So now more than ever before I can take some comfort in those things. The time is close, so everyone out there say some word of good fortune for not only me, but for all of us.

Sissypants had a doctors appointment today. She will have an appointment weekly now. The baby weighs 6 pounds now and she says if he gets much bigger she'll take it out on me! Her other kids didn't weigh more than 6 pounds. She's at 37 weeks now and if she goes full term the baby would weigh between 7.5-8lbs. He's doing great. His heart rate is excellent and he was showing breathing signs during the ultra sound. All good stuff. I'm surprised that she's made it this far, not that I'm complaining. The longer the better.

As for now I'm going to get back to work. I'll write more later.

Later.

A poem for Connor

From a father to his son

You are so very close to joining us,
and for me my anticipation is no less.
I close my eyes and say words of thanks,
asking for your safety and seeking the best.
My every thought and dream come true,
when I think of you.
These arms wait to hold you close,
and my heart has long ago,
made a spot for you.
It beats your mother’s name,
and grows from yours.
You fill it as I write these words.
I imagine gazing into your eyes,
as I sing you a lullaby.
My voice may not be a gift from heaven,
I will take you instead.
I have been startled from my sleep,
with a smile on my face.
As I laid dreaming,
of the day that we will meet.
Soon you will greet the world,
and make me very proud.
Not because of all that we have been through,
but for all that will come.
I will always be proud of you,
and you shall always have my love,
so say these words,
from a father to his son.

Could it be...

...that someone may actually buy the house? It's looking good. I'm not going to get my hopes too high. I met with two people today. The first person was a waste of time. After I got done showing her the house she said "Now all I have to do is get some money". Yea, see you later. The next person(s) were the interesting ones. It was the older dad (67) and his two middle aged sons. I guess the dad wants to buy the place for one of the boys. It went very well. They are meeting me on Saturday @ 9am with a decision. To anyone out there, say some words of luck for me would ya?

Hung out with "sissypants" tonight. Of course "S" and "D" were there. She fed me a dinner fit for a king. Chicken and mac & cheese. Hey, don't knock it. I was married for almost 7 years and you know how many times my wife prepared a meal for me? Three times. So I really appreciate the fact that sissypants does that for me. After dinner we went and got some ice cream. I had peanut butter ripple. Delicious. "J" had oreo cookie, "S" had cotton candy, and "D" had cookie dough. By the time we left the ice cream shop sissypants was pretty peeved with her kids. After all kids will be kids and they are no different. However, we did stop by the video store and rented a couple flicks. We watched some movie about White Castle. I'm not sure of the exact title. In a nut shell it's about this Indian and China 20 somethings that smoke pot and try to get to White Castle for some grub. I didn't really care for it, but it had it's moments.

Sissypants uncle has been doing well. He's been moving his arms and opening his eyes. He has been to a facility closer to home, which is good. He has started to show some good signs of recovery. Hopefully all continues to improve for him.

Today may be Blazer day. Depends on my co signing friend. If he can make it, it will be. If not, it won't. I'll have to call the salesman again and tell him I'll be another day if he can't make it. I may swing by with a check for a couple hundred bucks just to show him I'm not dicking him around. We'll see what happens.

The big footed baby boy was pretty good to sissypants today. Too bad she still can't seem to string much sleep together. His day is coming very soon and I very ready to see my beautiful son. When I think back to how I once felt I wonder what I could have possibly been thinking. I can't think of anything more precious or wonderful than expecting a baby. To say I've come to terms with many things during these last few months would be a correct statement. Once again I must say I'm very thankful for where I am. I have had my bag packed and ready in my vehicle for about a month now. Sissypants is ready too. She has a doctors appointment Thursday and I will be there. I wait patiently Connor Owen for you to join us...

I'm starting to feel a poem coming on, so I must answer the call.

Later.

It's not a station wagon, it's an SUV

Well tonight was pretty slow. My hunt for a first shift job begins...for a few reasons. I'd like to hold off on a job change until my house situation settles. Meaning, the old house is sold and I am underway with a new one. It never hurts to look.

I got a few things to do this morning. Gotta call the credit union and let them know I'm coming down. If all goes well, I'll be picking the blazer up today. I have to clean out the truck. MUST wash laundry. I think that's about it. I should pick up my mail too. Hopefully one of these people coming by Tuesday want to buy then I can change my address.

I also think I need to catch a nap this morning. I'm dragging a little.

I just noticed I could use a nice new shiny ball bearing necklace. This one is a couple years old and lets just say it's shine is long gone.

I had a false alarm call last night around 7pm. Tick tock goes the clock. Before you know it I'll be speaking of all the great things the big footed baby boy has done. That very thought brings a smile to my face. If I get a nap and "sissypants" is feeling well I'll be heading down there around 5. The thought of that also yields a smile.

As for now, back to work.

Later.

Back to normal...

...or as normal as it gets. No more 7 days a week so now maybe I can find a little more time for stuff like updating this blog.

Spent my first entire night with "sissypants" on Saturday. It was one of those things that I never thought I would see. It went great. "S" was there to. "D" was at his dad's. We camped outside in the camper. Watched a movie and played some games. Well actually they played a game. I was pretty tired out. We also had lunch with my folks today. That went very well also. If I were a nut shell I couldn't complain of cracks at the moment. I'm loving how things are going. By the way, I never take any of this for granted. None of it. I say my words of thanks everyday.

Hopefully if all goes well tomorrow, I'll be picking up a 4 door blazer. A very good friend has agreed to cosign. If I were to ever have a brother in life I imagine he would be a lot like him.

I have had a couple serious hits on the house. The one was from a guy that owns his own logging company. He wants to finish the house and rent it and then use the garage to store his equipment in. He's paying rent for storage now. The other hit was in the form of a note. Note said "I am interested in your property and have $10,000 to put down until deed transfer." They are coming by on Tuesday.

Now if I could find a good paying 1st shift job...I got use to day light hours and I tell you it seems like more happens in a day that way.

As for now nap time comes soon.

Later.

August...it's almost time...

I find life with "sissypants" is going nicely. The children are still into me and I am equally into them. She has been blooming further into motherhood, capturing my imagine with each new day. She did find out she was diabetic last week. That happens sometimes during pregnancy. It's really not too bad for the big footed baby boy but could be hard on sissypants. You see it makes the baby put on weight fast. Which means, a bigger baby, which means more pain! She had some blood work today. Hopefully all goes well.

This past Friday we all went out to eat. Me, my folks, sissypants her kids and her folks. That went very well. I was surprised. The dad's hit it off nicely. My only complaint is that I told the restaurant people that my dad's birthday was today (actually it was Sunday, he's 48) and they didn't sing to him. Bitches.

Saturday was baby shower day. I guess my mom was the crazy one with all the gifts. I look at it like this, this is her first grand child so she's aloud to go as crazy as she wants. Again from all reports that went well. My mom made a diaper cake which was a big hit with everyone. Sissypants really liked it. My Aunt went with my mom which was cool. I liked that idea incase things were a little on the quiet side for her, but everyone enjoyed themselves. Seeing the name Connor on a couple things made my heart melt.

So you see I really can't complain about much. I see sissypants and the kids about everyday. Things have been going smoothly. Thing have picked up with the house. I have been getting lots of calls again. I had my first call back, which is excellent. I am hopeful.

I'd like to take this time to also say I'm very thankful for what I have currently. I appreciate everyone that was there for me when things were crazy and for everyone that is still there with me. I'll never ever forget or loose sight of this.

As for now I'm gonna chat with G some and then head to bed.

Later.