Not so good news

Today was pretty quiet. I spoke to "sissypants" in the morning. She's been having some trouble sleeping. We are trying to set up plans for the 4th but I think they just got put on hold. I got a call from her tonight. I guess her uncle's heart stopped today and they had to revive him. The doctors are giving him 2 more days and then they are going to start taking him off of everything except the respirator. Her mom and her moms sister are the ones that have the tough choice to make. It's been said that her uncle will not get any better than he is now. I guess the doctor wants the 2 days to do some close testing and give him a couple more days to show something. She was pretty shaken up tonight. Understandably so. Depending on what happens with this situation depends on when I get to see her again. I told her I'd gladly travel to the hospital to be there...

Well I returned two calls about the house and didn't get any answer. I did get another call. Some lady is interested in opening a day care center there. Not a bad idea with First Quality up the street. We'll see what happens.

The dog and cat are finally interacting with one another again. Shame I'll have to give the dog back. I missed her.

I'm going to keep it short. I got some work to do anyway!

Later.

Who would have thunk it?

You know a little more than a month ago, not even I would have...

I'll start with Friday. "Sissypants" and I did some running around. First we went to Wal-Mart. I know they are evil, but where else can you go these days? Anyway we did some shopping. I bought a new ball glove for myself and one for her son. Her son is a lefty, and luckily we stumbled across a glove that wasn't too bad or too expensive. Also bought a couple new balls because you can never have enough balls. Wait, what did I just say? We also grabbed some snacks because they are cheaper there than the grub store. From Wally World we went to the grub store and grab supplies for the picnic. Before leaving the area there was a local car lot set up at Wal Mart so we looked around. Found a 1995 four door blazer for $4995. It was nice, but was on hold.

Saturday was the day. I woke up with a case of the jitters. I spoke w/ sissypants earlier in the am. She told me that I needed to get my nerves in check, which was true. So after I got around and what not I settled down some. I left the house a little early to go down and talk business about that blazer. Didn't get anywhere with it but I did manage to get a free bottle of water. So with lots of time to spare I went to my friends house. His family was coming along. Well I get there and everyone is upstairs. I'm walking through the kitchen and notice a cake his wife made. On it she wrote "First annual picnic of the crew". I thought that was great, and it made me grin from ear to ear. Well everyone comes down and we are hanging out for a bit. Shooting the breeze about this and that. Then the time arrives for a "smoke break". I however did not partake. I told sissypants I would behave myself the first time I met her kids. I would have felt bad if I was all high when I first met them. After a little while 2pm comes and sissypants and her two kiddies arrive. She also has her son's one friend with him. What a odd kid he turned out to be. Well sissypants walks me over and introduces me and that was that. The ice had been broken after all this time. Pain free.

I follow sissypants up to the picnic spot while my buddy and his family did some quick running. We made a stop at the dollar store for some aluminum foil. After that we get to the park. There is a little league game going on. I love it up there. There's 3 ball fields, a nice batting cage, pavilions w/ grills, a creek, and stuff for the kiddies like swings and such. We found a spot at the one pavilion. When we got there sissypants daughter's dad was there. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to spend time with his daughter the week after fathers day. I tell you, I don't understand why any dad would want anything other than spending time with their kid on fathers day. However, if I understood everyone and everything I'm sure I'd be living a different life. Well after about 15 min my buddy and his crew show up. We get everything unloaded and pretty well ready to roll. His three kids and sissypants daughter are all close enough in age to do things. Her son and his buddy were doing there thing for awhile. So we are just sitting around shooting the breeze for a bit. Then we start making lunch, which the main course was hot dogs. So you know my sissypants is out there grilling in the heat of the sun looking like a sexy mama. Get a bunch grilled up and then I hear the famous words "John, where are the buns?" Of course the answer was at home...so I got to go down to the local store and buy some over priced buns. By the time I got back the little kids were already chowing down and now it was time for the rest of us. Highlights of the meal for me were the baked mac & cheese sissypants made and the cake my buddy's wife made.

After lunch we broke out the ball gloves. At least us old timers did. After we worked out the cob webs some I asked Drew if he wanted to join. He did, so we formed a triangle. It went well. I did manage to take one off the shin. Other than that everything stayed together well. After a little while, everyone went down to the small creek to cool off. My buddy and I stayed behind and shot the breeze. Once everyone returned I decided to grab the bat and take some swings. If there's one part about baseball I can't get enough of it's hitting. So I toss it up and give it a wack. My friends son was into. He went with me to get the ball. So I then decide to go onto the field and take some a few swings. I ended up taking two. The first ball cleared the pavilion we were sitting at and the second went into the pavilion. I'm glad no one got it because it would have been bad...

We packed up shop around 6pm and headed to my friends house where we hung out till about 11pm. I had a couple beers and they were good on such a hot day. We had dinner which was the left overs from the picnic. There was some good baby activity right before dinner. I got to feel some good shots. Something very awkward happened after eating. I was rubbing sissypants foot and her daughter says: "Hey, stop that she already has a husband." You see sissypants didn't fill her in but she did her son because he's older. So what choice did I have but to stop. I tell you it felt like someone hit me right in the gut and took my breath away. I'm certain sissypants saw that instantly and said "I guess I need to have that talk with her now". So, they went inside for a little while and then sissypants called me into the house. Her daughter apologized, which was on her own doing. I could tell the girl was sad and felt bad. I told her it was ok because she didn't know. After that happened her daughter was all about hanging around us. As for her son, things went real well. We shot the shit a lot about gaming. I'd give the whole day a 9 out of 10. I only give it a 9 due to the heat. It was terrible.

Sunday brought some reports from the mothership. She said I did "good". She said that her son asked if I was like that all the time. The daughter didn't mention a whole lot. I know one thing, I felt like I had one long day the day before. I can remember handling summer days with no problems, but I was beat. I didn't get out of bed till about 11am. Once I did get up it was laundry time. I took down the beautiful gift I was given last Sunday to show to my folks. My mom really liked it and my dad, well he doesn't pay much attention to that stuff. I did manage to break the dryer. Actually the belt just broke so my dad and I tore it apart. I didn't do a whole lot the rest of the day. The ex called and asked me if I wanted to watch the dog for 2 weeks. Of course I would, I miss the dog. She's such a good girl. My friend "G" asked me what I was getting paid...seeing the dog is enough.

Monday was a odd day for me. I had some weird dreams that led me to being sad. I guess you could say I had a sissypants day. First thing I did was take my cloths down to the laundry mat to dry them. Then I paid a couple bills. I stopped by and picked the dog up. She's gain a lot of weight since I've been gone. She also needed brushing. She missed me. After I grabbed her I stopped by the appliance shop and grabbed a new belt and dropped it off. Then I went down and grabbed my cloths and off to home we went. Once we got home it was clear the cat wasn't exactly thrilled to see the dog. I imagine he'll come around in a day or two. Other than that, there was no problems with the dog. Behaved well, drank and ate fine. She even snuggled and remembered all the shit we use to do before bed time. Like wrestle! Well after trying to take a nap I woke up with another sad feeling. I was missing my sissypants and big footed baby boy a great deal. It was overwhelming. I just wanted to be with them. However, it was time to head back to my folks to help put the dryer back together. It only took about 10 minutes and then I was off back to home.

I spoke to sissypants a great deal about how I was feeling and she said she feels like that all the time. She had a eventful day Monday as well. For starters she started the ball rolling on officially ending the marriage. They got together to talk out details. He asked her to let him know what the test results were from the baby. I just want to smack that fucker. I guess sissypants said him and his brother were starting some shit. Not while she was there, but with other people. You know, running their traps. Anyway, I'm glad she's getting the gears turning. She said she doesn't foresee a problem with agree on terms. We'll see what happens though. I have too much in my history banks to give that guy any benefit. She's feeling good about how things are going now and I must agree. Oh she also has to get her Chevelle out of there, so I offered my garage space for how ever much longer I may have that. She also told me some not so good news about her uncle. Apparently it has been learned that his current state will be how he remains from here on out. A bit of a shock to everyone. She was pretty worked up about it when I talked to her. She's doing ok, just pissed and sad. I have no idea what's next for him. Time tells.

How am I? Other than feeling all whimpy not too bad. I'm seeing sissypants in the am so that's always a plus. I had a couple voicemail messages about the house which is good too. I'll call them back after I settle down for the day.

As for now, I gotta get back to work.

Later.

What can ya do?

The title belongs for this reason. The guy that has been wanting the house is giving up. I met with him at 6pm. He said he doesn't want to spend any more money on lawyers and then end up not having anything to show for it anyway. He's already spent about $2000. So the for sale sign is back up and I think I am placing a ad in the paper advertising the place as an investment property. First Quality emailed me. Basically telling me they have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to the plans that I've heard about for the area. So I say...what can ya do?

Onto other things. "Sissypants" got a bit of news about her uncle. He is in a coma. She was under the impression that it was medically induced. That is not the case. She found out today that he is improving, but that in no means he is anywhere near out of the woods. The doctor says "if" he recovers it will take a very long time. Years due to all the healing and then all the rehab that would follow. She said her mom and her Aunt (not the uncles wife) are the decision makers. I hope they keep their hopes high but don't become blind to things that are obvious. Time will tell. I helped sissypants out yesterday morning. She had a flat tire so since my dad works at a tire shop I get some liberties there. Like free flat repairs and stuff. So I stopped over and took her tire off, found the cause of the leak right away. It was a nail. There was some concern that maybe it was sliced. So while I was down getting that fixed I visited with my dad some at work. He's the "foreman" in the recap shop. He doesn't get treated like a foreman though. It pisses me off. He must like it for some reason. Anyway, once I got the tire back on I read sissypants a couple poems I had written and we hung out for a little while. It's getting to be real nice not having to be so secretive. Before I knew it, it was time to get rolling. We exchanged our kisses and I love you's and off I went.

On my home I had stop by work. I borrowed a good floor jack here. Something I was sure was going to jack her blazer up high enough. I stopped in to the folks before going home as well. My mom had a lot of cloths she got off of ebay down there and I also had a package of baby stuff come in from ebay. The lot my mom got had a lot of good stuff in it. A little bit of everything. My lot was just newborn sleepers. I have been keeping a eye on 3-6 and 6-9 month stuff on ebay. I think we are good on newborn cloths. While I was down there I gave sissypants a call and she was glad I did. I had a couple sandwiches as well. Let my parents dogs out, brought in some bread from the freezer and put a 12 pack of sodas in the fridge. Then I loaded up all the baby stuff and back on the road to home. I spoke to sissypants before work and she said that the big footed bay boy moved. She is pretty uncomfortable at the moment. She said it feel like he's up in her ribs. I can't imagine what that feels like. Has to be "odd". She also said she was feeling some pressure downstairs if you know what I'm saying. However, that went away which is good because I would have sat here worrying all night. Her kids were going crazy earlier when I talked to her. That wears her down. By the time I talked to her tonight she was ready for bed. I hope she gets some good sleep tonight. She needs it.

Today holds some activities for me. I'm going to do my grub shopping after work. Then later tonight sissypants and I are going shopping. Gotta get some stuff for the meeting tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it! After I get my grub I'm going to take a nap. I didn't sleep much today and then after meeting with the house man I couldn't sleep. Anyway, I look forward to writing about all the happenings this weekend.

I found my way into some poison ivy. I always do.

How am I? Not too bad. I was pretty down about the house, but that didn't last to long. Just have to deal with it. Sooner or later someone will buy it. I'm going to be open to lower offers just so I can get out of there and move on. I really looking forward to Saturday, but I don't over look my shopping trip tonight. My nervous are not as tense but that may all change in another oh 28 hours.

Later.

This and that

Greetings! I apologize to anyone that may be use to me updating this daily. I have been slipping lately. I guess that's because things have been more settled for me than a month ago.

I got to see "sissypants" before work tonight. That always lifts my spirits. Things have been going very well with us and I dig it. She's been more mellow these last few days. After that bit of craziness last week she got a little stressed again. I'm glad she's settled. I think she's finally to the point of realizing it's time to move on with her life. Have I said the wedding ring is off? She also says communication has stopped along with any interaction. This is all good news to this "dorkus". She was telling me her husband called her mom. She said that he said to her mother the reason for her "choosing" me was because I had a bigger...well ya know. I don't know about you, but choosing who you love is hard. For me anyway. Love happens, and it happened to me with sissypants and vise versa. Anyway all that none sense not only pissed off sissypants but I think he finally pissed off the one person that would still talk to him, that being her mom. She said her mom told him not to fucking call anymore. Sissypants was pissed just because of what he was implying. I told her that it sounded like he was grabbing into a hat of reasons to ease his pain, no matter how fucked the reasons in the hat are. I'm sure if he really believes that he'll spread that word to as many people as he can. He's just an ass. She said to me maybe it was because of how she feels about me. Those are pretty good reasons and the only reasons really. I hope things keep smoothing out with her and she keeps a good look on the future and starts letting the past drift away.

We talked a bunch on the phone today. That is a everyday thing again. I missed it. I missed a lot when times were crazy. Never again will I be so foolish. Anyway, during the one conversation her mom wanted to talk to me, which surprised me. She just wanted to say hi and she talked a little about sissypants uncle. She said tomorrow the doctors are going to have some information about him. It's still been the waiting game. No new news. I hope they get some encouraging news tomorrow and I told her mom that. I'm not sure is sissypants is going with her tomorrow to the hospital or not. On another health update, her friend is making out fine. The tumor was not cancerous and she had all her staples removed today.

House news: Basically the township is giving the would be buyer a real hard time. You see there is a factory up by the house called First Quality and apparently they have plans for my area. Those plans include buying properties which include my house and 4 others. However this is not happening yet. I contacted them before dealing with this would be buyer and they flat out told me they were not interested. However, everyone and their brother seems to know what they have in mind for the area. So it seems the township is doing everything it can to stop someone from buying my place who would likely not be interested in selling to First Quality. The guy that wants my place wants to run a garage there. The area is already zoned village commercial so the township is telling him things he can't do that he should be able to do. I'm contacting First Quality again. The would be buyer is trying to obtain a variance. That's where that stands.

I'm pretty worked up about Saturday. The weather looks like a hot one with possible thundershowers. Maybe it'll change. Oh I didn't write about this yet. We are going to try to do the old meet and greet with her kiddies on Saturday. My buddy and his wife and kids are going to go to so it doesn't look so obvious to why I'm there. More steps down the right road and I'm loven it. We plan on going to a park with a few ball fields. So I have to buy a new glove since it didn't make "the move" with me. It got lost somewhere. She said her son would love to play catch. He's left handed and doesn't have a glove so I'll probably pick on up. I'll "just happen to have one" for him.

Later.

Eventful weekend

Well I guess I should start with Friday. Apparently "sissypants" husband was going through her vehicle. Don't ask me why because I don't know. He happened to find some poems I wrote her. So sissypants gets home and finds them laying on the table and calls him. Apparently he laid the guilt on thick. She was upset. At this time I find out while she stopped by to visit me at work Thursday night someone there saw her that knows her husband and told him that she was there seeing you know who. That started all the craziness for her. So then she got all that blah blah blah on Friday. I don't feel bad about any of this. He should be on his way out of the picture anyway.

Saturday was a good day. I helped my friend do some painting. I tell you what he got this krylon paint that sucks so bad it's hard to believe. He was very upset with it. I would be too. Anyway I helped him for a few hours. We got visited by some Jehovah witnesses. Actually just one and his wife. My friend was nice, but I think he was overly nice. The guy wouldn't take the hint that he wasn't interested. It was to the point to where my friend was actually asking him for reading material just so he'd leave. I would have been a bit more short with the man. Anyway sissypants calls me and says she'd like to see me so I cut the day a little short on work to come home and get cleaned up. She calls me again and suggest stopping by and saying hello to my folks. So...without much notice the meet and greet ball starts rolling. I meet her a car lot in town and she follows me to their house. I was pretty nervous for a while. However, I quickly learned that my nerves didn't need to be so stressed. It went very well. She brought along all the ultra sound pictures so the folks could see. My mom looked. My dad didn't. He's not what one would call the emotional type. Sissypants had a boat load of baby cloths to take with her. We looked at them all together. She "made" me display them all. Which was fine. After a quick walk around outside so my mom could show off her gardens we packed up and left. We went down by the creek at my friends house for a little while. Before making it down there I decided it would be a good time to introduce them. I thought it went well. Wasn't terribly long, just a hello. I'm anxious to here what "G" thinks. So we are down by the creek snuggling and across the creek you can see G's parents parting it up. I don't know if it's crazier or cool that they still go strong into their 50's. I think it's both...So after all that we went back to my folks house and parted ways. Parting always sucks.

Sunday was...a day that I will always remember. It was father's day. It started with a early phone call from sissypants. She wished me a happy fathers day to be. That was a great way to start my day. After doing some putting around I head to my folks. My dad goes fishing at insane hours with my grandfather on father's day. I got down to their house around noon and popped my laundry in. I asked him if he would like to go out to lunch and as I expected he said no. I get a phone call after being down there for a little while. It's sissypants and she'd like to see me. So I say sure. I head on down her way and we meet at the one early day park. After some greeting hugs and kisses she grabs a blanket and we get to stepping. We head to the spot we usually sit and before she puts the blanket down on the ground she pulls out this scrap book from behind it. On the inside it reads "To John. With all my heart, Love "sissypants" (insert real name here). I turn the page and it's a ultra sound picture. Underneath the picture is a poem I wrote to her and the big footed baby boy. There are three pictures and poems in the scrap book. Just writing about it moves me. I couldn't think of a more special thing to ever receive. She said she thought I would think it was corny. I told her I loved it. We snuggled at the park for a good while. I read her some new poems. Of course, we shot the shit about this and that. I believe the front runner on a name now is Connor. Nothing against Jayce, but I just don't know about that.

So on a scale of 1-10 I'd say my weekend was a 9.5. The one thing that could have made it better was if I could have been with sissypants and the "bfbb" all the time.

Tonight at work I talked to sissypants for...well lets just say for a long time. We talked damn near about everything. It was great. It's good that things are going so well.

As for now I'm going to bed. I'll up date this thing...

...Later.

Before work visitation

I got to see someone before work tonight. She looked beautiful. I don't know if it's just because it's been a few days or something else, but she really caught my eye. We snuggled most of the time. I read her a couple poems and we talked a little. Mostly it was just time to enjoy each other. We talked for about a hour and half in the morning. Apparently she had a doctors appointment. She thought it was for Friday. Well that all went good. The big footed baby boy is doing very well. He's still about 3 pounds, but he's going to start putting on the weight now. About a pound a week since we are entering the home stretch. So of course being the sexy mama she is she was talking a little bit about her weight gain. Couldn't get a length this time because he was kind of curled up. She said you could count his fingers in the newest pictures, which I look forward to seeing. Had his hands up by his head in fists. I told her he must be boxing with her. He'd get that from me. You can still see the face in the pictures which is awesome. She has to start going to the appointments every two weeks. "Sissypants" isn't very thrilled about the one doctor she's seeing now, but next week is the last week for her to see him and then it's back to her regular doctor. She'll make it. Seeing sissypants tonight was a great pick me up. I was pretty down when we first started talking this morning. I was just missing her and was getting tired of being lonely.

Her mom made it home safe and sound. I guess her and the dad had a fight. Sissypants didn't want to waste the time we had talking about that. She said her mom cried over it and said, "When your ready to move out I'm coming with you." Sissypants said her dad was being an ass.

I have to put in a long day at work today. Gotta stay until 11am. Apparently my shift may be going to 4 ten hour days. Mon-Thur 11pm-9pm. Actually I would work 11 hour days. I have the option to stay over a hour each day, and it's easy OT so I'd still do that. Also, I may be able to grab some OT on Saturdays. 7am-11am. I wouldn't do that every week but now and again would be fine. I love the idea of 4 ten hour days. It would be a nice long weekend every week and it would free up more time for the special people in my life...and those yet to come.

SIssypants seemed to like the idea of ebaying. Especially when I told how I made out with the transformers.

After work I have to clean my washable air filter. I think I may hit up wal mart too. If not today tomorrow. I am due for a oil & filter change. I also have to stop by a friends today and give him some money. He runs a small garage and did some work on my exhaust last month. Plus, I'd like to say hello.

Back to work.

Later.

Dragging...

This has been a long week. Not seeing "sissypants" sucks! She said something about Saturday night which is fine with me. But what about tomorrow I say or today... If Saturday is the day, then I'll take it. I knew my time was going to dwindle some once summer vacation got here for her kids. Babysitters don't appear out of nowhere. Things are moving, just slowly. At least they are moving and in a direction I'm confident in. I still find myself at times blaming myself for how things are right now. However what can I do about it now? Not much, just pay the price. Patience is the price. As I've said before, patience tests a person and I'm not prepared to fail that test. Anyway the big footed baby boy has been pretty active lately. She said he must think he knows karate because he's been kicking and punching pretty good. I said he's doing the happy baby in the belly dance. She then called me a dorkus...she loves me :-) I'm happy things are going so well with him and his health. I know sissypants was very concerned about that from day one. In retrospect I should have been more concerned about that than I was. I now know that. Again, that all falls under me blaming myself...

So health updates. Her friend is doing good and is coming home tomorrow. Her uncle, is still the same. Best case scenario is that he'll be down there for a couple months at least. That is if he starts to show signs of improvement. IF that doesn't happen, I don't know what happens then. Her mom is coming home tomorrow too. Sissypants has been taking care of the house work and such since she's been down there. Her mom has been down there pretty much ever since her uncle went in. Sissypants has been feeling pretty rough lately. She's been told to keep off her feet more because of all the swelling going on, but she still works around the house. She's been tested and stuff but I'm really worried she may be developing preeclampsia. What's that? http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/pregcomplications/257.html I certainly hope not and will continue to ask that it's not.

Called the house guy yesterday and left a voicemail, but no return call. I told him I really need to have a date for this sale. I need out of that house. He's has today to call me back. If not I'm letting the very impatient ex loose on him. I have a feeling if that happens I'll be hanging the for sale sign again. Why am I waiting around on this dude for so long? For an extra $5000 which $2500 is mine. It's not a "ton" of money but it's enough for me.

Sold a bunch of old junkie transformers on ebay. I stared the bidding at $5. With 20 minutes left the bid was $20.54 which was good for me. I would have been happy with $5. They sold for $87.00. Insane. I tell you if I am lucky enough to have everything work out for the best, I am going to try to get sissypants into ebaying. By try I mean I'll help her out until she realizes "Hey this is fun plus we're making money!" She wants to stay at home with the big footed baby boy. I can't say I disagree, however I can say I'd miss additional income. So, she loves yardsaling. Put 2 & 2 together and you get the perfect stay at home job for a sexy mama.

Later.

Lonely days

Yea, I am lonely and a little sad. I've been doing a good job at not letting "sissypants" know. I don't want her worrying about me when she's got all this stuff on her plate right now. She knows that I miss, that's all that she needs.

Sissypants friends surgery went well today. The tumor they removed weighed 27lbs! A bit bigger than the doctors were expecting. That is insane. They are going to run some test to make sure it is not cancerous. Hopefully it is not. With how long her friend let herself go and if it turns out to be cancerous no telling where it spread to.

As for her Uncle things continue to stand still. I guess the blood clot moved and started to block one of the tubes that are in his head draining fluid out of his skull. So they had to make a new hole for a new tube. Sissypants said if the clot moves much more he is going to be in serious trouble. I guess the doctors are worried about it moving to his brainstem. She said she saw him today with out his head rapped and was pretty upset about it. I can only imagine. Speaking of being up set, she took her son with her today. Apparently he and some of the other kids down there were be very kid like. Not listening, being rude, stuff like that. It got to sissypants and she cried. She then got it together and said to them "You are all just worried about yourselves while I'm worried about whether or not my uncle is going to die." She said that shut them right up. I tell you I'm going to give her such a hug when I see her...

We spoke a few times today. It's good to hear she is missing me so much. I miss her and the big footed baby boy terribly. We both are ready to see one another. She is home, so baring anything tragic happening I will get to see her soon. It's a battle every day that I'm not with her. I just want to be there for her so much right now. Especially when she gets to the point of breaking down to tears. Patience...as another day on the calendar is gone.

I believe I'm stopping at the grub store in the morning. I have a few dollars left in my wallet and I could use something different to eat.

Came in early again tonight. I tell you, the 2nd shift lady is lucky I'm not the boss...Heard that my shift might be going to 4 ten hour days. That would be alright with me. 3 day weekends would not get old. It would also allow me some extra time with a big footed boy I'm looking forward to spending some time with shortly.

Later.

The happenings

Well I heard from "sissypants" in the morning. She keeps telling me that if something were to happen I would be called. I tell her, is that suppose to keep me from worrying when I don't hear from you? There isn't much news with her uncle. They inserted a feeding tube. They still haven't been able to do anything about the blood clot on his brain. Sissypants seemed to be in better spirits. She said she was ready to go home. I know I'm ready to see her! However, that won't happen today. Her friend is going in for surgery this morning. So back down to the hospital she'll go. Her friend is having a tumor removed from somewhere in stomach. If all goes well she'll be there for 2-3 days. She told me they weren't exactly sure what or where it was growing on. I just hope it isn't on any major organ. This has been a rough week and a half for sissypants. First her cousins house burns down, then her Uncle's surgery is having all these complications, and now her good friend is going in. I wish the best for everyone.

It hasn't been as rough as a week for me as it has been for her. I just miss her and the big footed baby boy, and I know she is missing me. We have been talking and such. That only goes so far though. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate our conversations, I'd just like to be able to hold her right now. Give her a big hug, I"m sure she could use one. She told me she "knows" it isn't being fair to me. I say non sense. I wouldn't expect her to set aside life or death things for me. I will be here when things settle down.

Have you tried the new candy bar from Hershey called Take 5? I recommend it!

My mom just won a ton of stuff off of ebay for the baby. She said she doesn't plan on buying any more until things are "settled". I appreciate everything she's gotten and done so far, and so does sissypants. I plan on buying some more. Why? Following those feelings inside again. I believe I know where I'll be in another couple months. If my beliefs turn out to be true, I can not imagine a more happier time. If they turn out to not be true, I'm really not sure what will happen. I'm sure I'll be rocked down to the core. However, my feelings only come from all that I know. So that's what I'm going on. I'm not focusing on the what nots, I'm focusing on the what if. I ask for guidance and help from everyone I can and once again, I appreciate all that is given to me.

No word from the house man today. I believe I'll call him today. I'm getting tired of dealing with him. I think I'm about set to let the ex loose on him. Just to give me a break.

I wrote this the other day. I really like it. It was shortly after her cousin's house burnt down.


Love & compassion

So tired you've become,
sleep will visit you soon.
Welcome it with open arms.
Rest peacefully,
find an escape in my love.
Know with every moment,
my thoughts and heart are with you,
and our son.
You tend to the needy,
whenever needs are abundant.
Never seeking thanks,
you follow your hear's direction.
You are both,
love and compassion.
I can think of no better reason,
to consider you a gift from heaven.
You give to me great inspiration and drive,
to push myself towards the best life.
My love will be yours,
there is no limit.
I feel privileged to be the one you love,
it's a feeling that carries me to the highest summit.
As you regain your strength for another day,
the best for you both I will pray.
May all be well and safe,
on this and any given day.
Find comfort in knowing,
my love is with you always.
Use it for all it is worth.
Though my body needs sleep,
my love does not.
It never grows tired,
and it will never stop.
I look forward to the day,
when I can take care of your every need.
Just like you I will seek no thanks,
but I will ask for one thing...
...a kiss.
That makes my compassion and love for you,
no less.

Later.

Another weekend

Well this weekend wasn't as good as last weekend.

Friday was operation day for "sissypants" uncle. She went to the hospital with her mom and a few other relatives. All seemed to go fine. I got a call early in the afternoon saying things went smoothly and that she was on her way home. I went down to my friends house. We shot the shit for awhile and had a few beers. Well my phone rang around 11:30pm and it was sissypants. Apparently things turned for the worse. There was a blood clot that formed on his brain and they had to drill a couple holes to relieve some pressure. They couldn't do anything about the blood clot until they got his blood pressure to stabilize. So she stayed down there over night.

Saturday was yardsale day. No meet and greet, which is totally understandable. My mom and I went. Before we left sissypants called me and she was pretty upset. She said that nothing had changed with her uncle and the one surgeon said they shouldn't plan on him going home. She cried on the phone, which broke my heart. I just wanted to hold her. I told her everything I could think of to let her know that I loved her and was there for her. So after the phone call out the door we went. I'd say we did well. We got a bunch of baby stuff. Shopping for the big footed baby boy made dealing with the heat easier, for me anyway. I ran into an old friend from my "box stacking days". It was good to see him. Well, we were yardsaling for about 4 hours and then my mom bought lunch on the way home. We had lunch at her house and then I helped my dad mow grass. After that we took a inventory of the stuff. My mom laughed about a couple of the things. Like a pair of socks that are just going to be too small and this one outfit. Crazy she can be, but I love her for it. Once I got home I just chilled out. Sissypants called me again around 11pm but I must have passed out. I called her back at 11:30pm and we talked for a bit, but she was very tired so it was short.

Sunday has been a tough day for me. I talked to sissypants in the morning. She had told me she had another swelling episode with her feet on Saturday. Since they are still at the hospital they checked her out. They said everything was ok with her and the baby but that she needed to stay off her feet more and elevate them when she's not on them. She also said that the boy didn't much like be poked at. She said he got angry. I think stories like that are awesome! She said still nothing had changed with her uncle. His blood pressure won't stabilize. That's the last I heard from her. So I've been worrying for the most part of the day. My worries range from her uncle to her and the baby. I'll call her in the morning if I don't hear from her sometime through the night. I was going to call her before work, but I didn't want to interrupt anything if something had turned for the worse for her uncle. However, if I don't hear from her tonight, I have to call to make sure she is ok. I mowed my grass today and it was also laundry day. My mom had washed up all the baby stuff from Saturday. She also broke out my baby quilt my gram had made for me.

How am I? Besides worried not to bad. I bit lonely. Sissypants has been away all weekend. I wish I could be with her through this difficult time. Safe to say, I'll be writing something tonight.

The guy called about the house, said the title search went fine. GOOD! Now, lets get this done I say.

Back to work.

Later.

Wed.

I got a few treats yesterday. Firstly, I got to see another set of ultrasound pictures. This time it was a side view. You could see his little mouth & his little nose real well. "Sissypants" thinks he has my upper lip. I don't see how you could tell, but I'm not going to argue. I looked at them for quite a while. I could really see lots in those pictures. Of course in order to see these pictures I saw sissypants. Which is something that always makes my day good. We hung out at her moms for awhile. She was showing me all the good stuff she's been getting for the big footed baby boy. I put the a/c in for her which was a pain in the ass. I had to get on the porch roof. That thing was a heavy bastard. Could only get it in so far from inside the house before it wanted to fall out. Got in in though and I managed to stay on the roof. Sissypants worked the window. We snuggled a bunch and talked. I just am so at peace with her. I really dig it. She got a pool from her aunt. It's just a little guy, but will work for her kids. It gives them something to do this summer and gives sissypants a place to chill when she's hot.

So all that stuff was great. Then I get a call around 7pm. It's sissypants and she's at the ER again. Whenever she says that I worry. She was out there with her mom and her cousin. Apparently their baby was having some trouble breathing and had some bleeding issues. I know sissypants is very concerned about the baby. She doesn't think they are taking very good care of him and I have to agree from everything I have been told. She was all worked up about that. I told her to settle down and to not get into any fights! Then I get a call at work around 2am. It's her again saying another cousin of hers house burnt down. He got out fairly ok, but lost the house and one of his dogs. She said it was all he had. They were going up there to see what they could do to help.

They have a very tight family and I hope there will be room for me to squeeze in. I don't expect to see sissypants this morning. I imagine she had a long ass night without sleep. If she's up for seeing me I'll be there but if not I'll understand. I have been seeing her daily lately and it's wonderful. Things are still working out well and going smoothly.

I did some thinking. Thinking I should have done a little while ago. I calculated how far along she'd be when my Ozzfest show is. That will put her at 36 weeks. Depending on how she is doing, depends on whether I go or not. I have not missed a Ozzfest since it started in 1996, but this is more than enough to make me skip it.

Later.

People-2 Fish-0

Well fishing didn't go as smoothly as I thought it would. We did manage to catch 2 goldfish. That was almost as soon as we got there. We ended up spending about 2 hours pissing with the fish. At times it was like they were toying with us. We tried to get a bigger one, but we gave up. By the time we left I think the fish were just hanging out at the bottom of the pond. It wasn't the greatest conditions to try to fish with a net. The pond was all foggy from rains we had. Couldn't see shit. It was also pretty hot. "Sissypants" and I took a break down by the creek for a little while. The heat was getting to her. She was walking around with her shirt rolled up so her belly was sticking out. Yes, it's getting big but I like it. Just thinking of it now I'm smiling. She wasn't digging the heat so much. I imagine walking around with a little guy in your belly makes it a tad more irritating. So yea, we got 2 fish for her uncle anyway. Before we started fishing we got breakfast. Then on the way home we stopped for ice cream cones. We hung out until it was time for her to go pick her kids up at school. Sometimes I think she feels bad because she doesn't write me poems. I told her that I don't expect any poems in return for ones I write. She says she knows, but she wishes she could express herself like that. Hey, poetry isn't for everyone. I can do it, so that makes me odd. I told her all I need to hear from her is "I love you". What more could I need? I realize the days on the calendar keep changing, but sometimes I still want things to move faster. Parting ways is very difficult and always brings me down.

This morning I am going to be installing the a/c for her. After that I'm not sure what's happening. Hopefully spending some time with her and the big footed baby boy. If I'm lucky!

By the time I got to bed yesterday is was 3pm so I passed out. I could have used some more sleep. I think I'll be sleeping pretty good today.

The guy that wants to buy the house called to tell me he got some papers from the lawyer but didn't look at them yet because he was at work. I imagine I'll hear from him today sometime. If not I'll call him tomorrow. Selling that place soon would be great. I could buy some nicer stuff for sissypants and the baby.

As for now, it's time to finish up.

Later.

Goin fishin

Well to some extent. "Sissypants" and I are going to my friends house after I get off of work to grab some goldfish out of his pond. Her uncle that is having surgery asked her if she knew anyone that had any and wouldn't you know I happen to know someone that does. She wanted to get them before Friday incase anything were to happen during surgery. How nice of her. Nicer yet, my friend doesn't mind. He is upgrading to coy, so he said have at them. After we do that I'm not sure what we are going to do. Probably grab breakfast. I have a a/c for her in the back of my truck. If possible I'll put that in for her and the big footed baby boy today. I'm looking forward to seeing her and spending some time. I miss them both...

My other good friend of many years got a hair cut. I haven't seen him yet, but sissypants saw him at the school and said he looks alright. I'm going to try to swing down tomorrow. So now my two good friends that had long hair are now groomed! My friend with the pond says I'm the last hold out. I just don't think I'm ready for a new look. I remember what my hair was like short: Mop top.

I got called around 3pm today and was asked if I could come in at 7pm. The second shift lady at work misses a lot of time. So I came in early. A little OT these days is helpful. Safe to say I didn't get back to sleep after I was called. I'll be ready for a nap by the end of my day today.

Later.

Weekend update

No I'm not stealing that from SNL but I did happen to catch it this Saturday with someone pretty special. I must say, Tom Brady should stick to football...

So I'll start w/ Friday. I got an unexpected call at 7:50am from "sissypants'. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to yardsales. Sure I did! She said her mom would be there, which was a surprise. However, a good surprise. So I get over to her folks and we all pile in her blazer and off we go. She found a couple things for the big footed baby boy in her belly. I saw a original design PSone for $10 and said I could get more off of ebay for it and her mom said "Buy it for your kid stupid." I laughed! Her mom and my mom are a bit different, but hopefully they get along. I got to see the forgotten ultra sound picture. It took me awhile to figure out what was what in it. I was looking at it thinking it was a side view and it was a front view. So once I straightened all that out I was good. You can tell he has chubby cheeks. Her mom said, I just notice he (he being me) has chubby cheeks. Well I bought lunch for everyone and after lunch we hit up a couple more yardsales and headed back to sissypant's folks house. We hung out there for awhile. Her mom asked me "How I was with kids" and I asked "Like on a scale of 1-10?" she said that'd work. I said 8. We talked some about sissypants two kids now. They are both concerned about her son. He's got some problems. He reminds me a lot of me at that age. Attitude problem, a little mouthy. I had depression issues though, I don't think he does. I think I could be a great help to him. Her daughter is a pretty good kid. I've met her twice but not her son. Her mom also said that I better treat her kid (her being sissypants) good. I said she didn't need to worry about that. I hung out down there till about 1:30 and then sissypants wanted to take a nap. I think Friday went very well.

Saturday was another day that surprised me. It started out like most Saturdays. I putted around for a little while at the house. Burned some stuff. Swept out the garage, there was still sawdust everywhere. I went to see the new Star Wars movie with my one friend. It was pretty good. Well after the movie we hung out at my place for about a hour and had a couple beers and talked. Talked about my life! After he left I went to get my mail and stopped by my folks since I was close to say hello. Well I was down there for a little bit and my phone rang. It was sissypants. She wanted to do something! I was game. So around 8pm we met. We went somewhere and hung out until just about 2am. It was a great time. We got some pizza. I got to feel a lot of baby movement. Being with her is just so special. We snuggled most of the time. When it was time to part ways I kissed her and then her belly. Parting sucks. I told her that it is very difficult.

Sunday began with a phone call with sissypants. A great way to start my day. We talked for a little while. She told me that leaving me on Saturday was pretty hard for her. She also told me that she has never felt so safe with someone. I liked hearing that. I want to provide her with everything I can and safety is no exception. She had a picnic to go to and had to make some mac and cheese. I haven't heard from her since then, but I'm doing well. I'm sure she had a long day. Sunday was also laundry day! I washed my truck too. I helped my dad do some clean up outside the folks house. They just had a brick wall repaired and they did a messy job. Had concrete all over the place. So we got that cleaned up. Had lunch too. Salmon patties. Not quite as good as I remember them when I was a kid but I had two. I got home and putted around on the computer for a little while then it was nap time. I woke up around 7 and it was insanely hot. I was going to rough it until I got out of the house but I changed my tune. I installed a a/c before work. Today I should sleep better and cooler! I also loaded up a a/c for sissypants. She needs to be comfortable and it just so happens I have 2 extra units. So I offered one, my pleasure. I'm even giving her the newer one.

How am I? Not too bad. My talk on Saturday with my friend helped. He has a good head on his shoulders and is pretty helpful. He doesn't share my feelings on me being so patient with certain things but he can see where I am coming from. He'd just do somethings differently that's all. Seeing sissypants so much has really picked me up. I'm glad my time with her has been increasing. The fact that I was able to be in her parents house with her mom there is a step in the right direction. I like seeing progress. Good progress. I hope all goes well with her uncle on Friday. For one, so he's ok and secondly so we can all get together on Saturday. That's another big step. The mom's meeting and such. Should be crazy if it goes down.

As for now, back to work

Later.

5 hours of love

Well after all this hype about being surprised, "sissypants" forgot to grab the picture today. Way...to...go! It's alright, I'll see it sooner or later. I would have loved to have seen it today though. Anyway, today was a good visit day. She was all decked out in a "sexy mama" outfit. She doesn't understand how I can call her sexy right now. Well, I find her very sexy and very beautiful. I always have and her being preggers takes nothing away, in fact it adds a great deal. I had to wait for about a hour after work, but a hour is nothing to wait. In that hour I wrote two poems. One was for sissypants and one was for the big footed baby boy. When she got there, she gave me a bottle of apple juice. How nice. I read her the poems. The one I had to because of how I wanted the words emphasized , so I read both. I like reading them to her. I like to see how she reacts. She told me I was a sissypants. I say, so! We just hung out by the river and went for a walk. Snuggled some! Talked some about baby names. I don't think "Jayce Austin" is set in stone after all. I think another good possibility is "Connor Owen". We both like those names. They both have great meanings. Since she forgot the picture, I asked about the baby. He's about 14" long and weighs about 3 pounds. Very very cool. Since the ultra sound went so well the doctor doesn't think she needs to have the fancy ultra sound again, just the basic ones. I know that will put her to ease, knowing that things are good with the baby. No more worries about past issues. I'm thankful all is well.

After a little while by the river we went for lunch. Her treat, which was good because I was broke today. On the way to lunch, she laid down. I was at a red light and looked down at her and she was just so damn beautiful laying there with her arms on my lap. Gave me that "funny" feeling inside when I took it all in. If I was a artist I'd use that imagine and turn it into a portrait. We went up to a park that's pretty much in the middle of nowhere to eat. It's a nice park, I'm surprised with how nice they keep it. We had some good times at that park. So we sat there in the shade and had ourselves some lunch. After we ate (and she visited the portapotty) we walked down by the creek and hung out for a little while. There was a frog there she wanted to take home. She has a things for frogs. It wasn't a shy frog either. It didn't take off until I touched it. We snuggled some by the creek. I had called her a sexy mama and she pulled up her shirt so I could see her belly and asked me, "How can you call this sexy?" I kissed her belly and said, "How could I not?" She splashed me with some water. She said if she would have done that to her husband he would have been pissed off. Can anyone give me an "asshole"? Anyway after some time there we headed back to river.

On the way back I noticed she was getting sleepy. We returned to the river and I got inspired so I started to write her something to take with her to read. Basically, it was just letting her know that she would be missed. By the time I was done she fell asleep. It was only for about 10 minutes. She woke up and told me it's crazy that she can be that relaxed with me to just fall asleep. She's been having sleep issues. I'm more than happy to relax her. We agreed that's a good thing. Before you knew it about 5 hours had gone by and she had to go get her kids from school. We spoke about how things sucked being the way they are. Patience...it will all be worth it. We had our see you later kisses and our parting I love yous. The last thing I always try to do is rub her belly. Her mom does it for luck. I don' t think that's a bad idea.

I tell you, I'm very thankful for how things are going. The way I feel now compared to a couple weeks ago is totally different. If I was ever to thank sissypants for something I would thank her for finding strength to be honest with herself. I know soul searching can be difficult but it will guide you in the right direction. The direction you want to go. We are both heading in that direction.

On these long visit days, my cat gives me royal hell when I get home.

Message from the would be buyer: Lawyer is doing the title search. Christ...

All these long visits cut short my sleep time. I am not complaining. I will take seeing my sissypants and the big footed baby boy in her belly over rest. I just know I'll be ready for a nap.

Back to it.

Later.

Surprise

Had another good visit this morning with "sissypants". We had some breakfast and then went and got a new muffler for her blazer. After that we hung out for a little while, took a walk, talked and such down by the river. Then we went for a ride. Life is so relaxing when I'm with her. I don't think the name "Jayce Austin" is set in stone, but she really does like it. We managed to remove 2 more names from the list which now stands at 16 names. The big footed baby boy became very active on our way back from breakfast. I felt some good movement which just blows my mind. Sissypants expressed some concerns she has about her husband making things difficult. She's afraid if he gets pissed off he will make this as hard as possible. I think he's already doing a good job at doing that on his own. How so? I'll say this again if he could have ended this I'm sure he would have, but as it is it goes on. However, I see where she's coming from. Well noon rolled around and it was time for her to take her friend to the hospital or so I thought...

I get a call around 2ish and it's sissypants. She said she was calling to surprise me. Her friend didn't have a doctors appointment today, she did. What a little sneak! She had an ultrasound. Everything still looks good for the boy. The doctor still says his feet are big and you know what they say about boys with big feet. That is all in check. Health wise he's perfect. That is music to my ears and I know it is heavenly to sissypants. She said he's positioned where those big feet are getting her in the ribs. Poor girl. The doctor took a good picture of his face. He has chubby cheeks. I look forward to seeing the picture and hearing about it. What a nice surprise.

Didn't hear anything about the house today.

I was almost late again tonight. Today wasn't the best sleep day. Some days sleep is still difficult.

Sissypants' uncle is having surgery on the 10th. This may interfere with our 11th meeting. I'm not even sure if I wrote about that. Well the 11th is the day she is suppose to meet my folks. We are going to go to a community yardsale together. We being me, my mom, sissypants, and her mom. Then afterwards I'd like to stop by so they can meet my dad. If things go well with her uncle's surgery this will still be on, if not we'll have to make a plan B. I'm surprised that her uncle is choosing to have surgery. I only can say that from what I've been told about how he feels about it. I hope it goes well for him. I think it's great that sissypants cares enough to be there while he's going to go through this . What a sweetheart.

Stopped at the grocery store this morning and grabbed a splash of grub. I needed bread!

I finally started taking a multi vitamin. Also, I'm doing my best on wearing my seatbelt. I figure, I need to think about what I could miss if I wasn't around. I have a good feeling that I won't want to miss a single moment of life. I need to make sure I do my best to make sure I'm around!

I'm getting sleepy. I better find myself something to get into.

Later.

Wednesday 4:20am

I wish it were 4:20...

After my mind numbing research on vasectomies last night, I'm taking it easy. Spoke to "sissypants" about stuff I had on my mind which went well. I tell you, this being able to communicate is great. She was interested in my findings from the research. So we talked for a couple hours in the morning. I think she has her mind set on the name "Jayce Austin" " for the big footed baby boy. I think it's alright, but I'm not sold on it. We'll have to work on it. My whole thing about picking out a name has been meanings. She just wants something that sounds good. I want something that has meanings that reflects on the whole situation. Names like Owen which means young warrior or Connor which means much wanted. We are meeting in the morning after work. I printed out the name list I have so we'll see. I'll be hanging out with her until noon. She has to take her one friend to the hospital. Speaking of hospitals, she told me her uncle is electing to have surgury. I will keep him in my thoughts. I look forward to seeing her this morning that's for sure.

My truck passed inspection yesterday without issue.

You know I've been on my own now for about 2 months and haven't had TV. I don't miss it much. Sometimes it would be nice for a change of pace. I miss catching a ball game. I'm sure I'll be getting TV when things get settled w/ the house. Speaking of which I'm calling the dude today. The wife called me yesterday and started bugging the shit out of me about it, so I must return this favor to him. I need a date. I need to get a move on and this pace just isn't going to cut it for much longer. I'll be pissed if he backs out, but what can I do if he does? Nothing but bitch...

Back to work.

Later.