Ozzy Osbourne Forever

No one lives forever. The truest, saddest story ever written.

I’ve penned many things over the years for family members that have moved on. This feels the same.

Ozzy Osbourne I’ve been a fan, seemingly all of my life. Something in the music, the voice, locked me in for life. 23 times according to my count is the number of times I’ve seen you perform. The first time dates back to 1996 when I was still in high school, with the last being 17 days ago on July 5th . Thanks to the 21st century I was there, be it through streaming. But I was there, as much as I could have been. I am humbled that I witnessed your final bow. All of those memories made at all of those shows over the years with my family and friends I consider family are some of those that I cherish the most in my life. Thank you.

The music. Thank you for the music. Be it solo or with Black Sabbath, it’s all about the music. Without the music, I’m not sure how I would have made it through dark days and troubling times. Road to Nowhere always hit me particularly hard in the feels when seeing it live. Would always bring a tear to my eye. It’s hitting me pretty hard right now as I listen.

The Ozzfest. The majority of those 23 shows I noted earlier were at an Ozzfest. So many good times. So much great music. So loud. So much fun! Ozzfest shaped who I am to this day in regards to musical tastes. It opened the door to so much good music. Just another thing I could never thank you enough for. A shout out to all those family & friends that made the travels with me over the years: Julie Livermore Hedglin, Connor Hedglin, Jamie Kline, Rachel Kline, Ezra Kline, Amanda Levering, Jena Kline, Garrtt Soclng, Shanon Rooker, Benjamin Thomas, Calvin Ross, Jake Speary, Kevin Allen, Brent Widler.

Ozzy fucking rules.

Forever.

Back to the Beginning

The last time has finally happened. 

Over the years there have been several last times.  This time, however, truly feels like the end.  July 5th 2025.

Although I was not able to be there in person, I did purchase a " ticket" to the farewell Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath show.  The event was all day and had just about every every heavy-hitting metal band represented in some way or another.

This type of music has meant a great deal to me over the years.  Going to see these guys live, I dare say has meant a bit more.  Selfishly, I am a bit sad knowing that this was the last time.  That said, these guys have more than earned the right to go out on their own terms which I am hopeful they all feel a sense of closure after this event. 

If I could tell Ozzy, Tony, Geezer, Bill one thing it would be; Thank you.  Thank you for creating  music that allowed me to survive.  Thank you for providing me memories that I will have for the rest of my life.  Thank you. 

The highlight of the show for me was watching it with my son.  Although it did not have the feel as it would have had if we would have been there in person, I am certainly grateful to have been able to have that experience with him.

God bless Ozzy Osbourne. 

God bless, Black Sabbath.

4/25/25

Coincidence, that it's been one year since the last post.

I'm happy that this place still exists.  It's always been a good place for me to visit, regardless of life events but almost always as a result of life events.

These past 2+ years have seen me working 7 days a week, most days twice a day.  A typical week day work day would be working the full time job 8am-5pm then working 6:15pm-10:15pm or 9pm-midnight.  Weekends would be filled with a morning shift at Amazon then one of the pm gigs.  I'm tired both physically and emotionally....  

Life has been challenged filled during this time period but I am thankful that the work load is going to be reduced.  The morning Amazon job and the 9pm-midnight job are now gone.  I will only be doing the other part time job as a choice, not out of need and only 3 evenings a week.  I am very thankful for this and grateful we all managed to make it to this point.

My Daughter, she still struggles.  The 21st century has not been kind in regards to evils it can present to kids.  I'd beg all folks out there, keep your kids off social media.  

My Son, nearing one year removed from school.  I would be lying if I didn't say I'd like to see him on a more stable path as he works towards his future.  The effort is for him to give in that.

My Step Daughter and her husband recently bought a place, a real place.  It is ironic how the whole thing played out as they ended up buying my Aunts (Dads sister) old trailer. I'm happy that she's settling in more as an adult.

My Step Son recently returned to the work force after being unable to work due to health issues.  For the moment he seems happy.  I hope it continues for him and his fiancé.

My Wife, her health challenges are more abundant some days over others.  I am very much looking forward to being around more for her, for my kids, for everyone.  I love her now, as I loved her then.  With all of myself.

My Mom, has not been quite the same since my Dad passed.  I think that would be expected from anyone that lost their spouse, regardless of how things were in the relationship.  She's certainly doing more now than she did in regards to finding things to keep her busy.  She needs more of that.  And a cat, but she doesn't want to hear that.

We went to see Disturbed on 4/5/25.  They are out on the 25th anniversary tour of their first album.  Our seats sucked, however the band was excellent.  We've seen Disturbed a number of times over the years.  Part of me has a hard time believing it's been 25 years since I first saw them at Ozzfest.  Another part of me feels like it's been longer...I miss Ozzfest.  

I have some folk here doing some much needed tree work.  Price was sort of incredibly low.  Hoping I'm satisficed with their work.  If so, will certainly keep a hold of their contact info.

Not much more to add, other than it feels good putting "pen to paper".  

Checking in

I don't write enough.  I could use a crutch at times both mentally and physically but I press on....

I work.  That's about it.  I'm tired.

I miss my Dad one year later.

I wish I could cure my sissypants of her ills.

I wish I could make my daughter see the light.

I worry about my Mom.

I'm doing what I can but I'm not a very good swimmer.  Luckily I can float 

One Week Later...

A son writes words of remembrance,
while a grandson plays cords of the same reverence.
A wife now a widow wonders,
finding strength in others while the world spins.
Pain long lived ends as the sun rises,
a new day begins.
We all still hear your voice,
in the wind.
Eyes open or eyes shut,
awake or asleep,
those doors that are thought to be shut,
are seen forever open.
Rest easy and find peace,
these are my wishes for him.

Dad

Early this morning I lost my Father.  My children lost their grandfather.  My mother lost her husband of nearly 50 years.  As a human being, I hurt.  His time on this world was too short.  I beg everyone that has loved ones that smoke heavily and regularly to talk with those loved ones about the health benefits of quitting.  Work with them.  Help them.  It will catch up with them.  The only thanks I can give about the entire situation is that I am thankful he went peacefully and quickly.  

The last 7 days have all been a blur.  One thing that became clear as we reached out to people and as others reached out to us is that many folks have fond memories and stories of my Dad.  Be it dating back to my childhood or as recently as now, being a man of 45 years old.  

He worked for nearly 50 years at Bastian Tire Sales as the Retread Foreman.  The man worked until he literally could no longer medically do so.  He gave his body hell, until it could go no more.  I know from personal experience he was always willing to give a young guy a chance to work while also giving a guy who had pervious struggles in life a chance to earn a living again.  He was pretty blind to past mistakes or lack of experience.  My first "real" job was given to me by my Dad.  He called me 3 days before graduating high school (1996) asking me if I wanted a job.  I said sure.  I am where I am today because of that beginning.  I have never lost sight of that.

Growing up I was able to go into work with my Dad on many Saturdays.  I was able to hang with him.  I was able to hang out with his crew.  I'm sure most places nowadays would frown on a chubby, curly haired kid running around a hot, heavy, dirty work place.  Looking back, I loved it.  After work we may have found ourselves at a local watering hole where I would be treated to a burger, fries and a RC. Those burgers and fries looked so big back then...

No one in life is perfect.  My Dad is no exception to this.  There were times as a kid I would knock you down if you said the wrong thing about my Dad.  There were times as a adult I would acknowledge his shortcomings during conversation.  I loved him regardless.  I always will.

I feel like I have much more to say but my hurt takes over.  For now I close with, until we meet again Dad.  Rest easy.  I love you.

No More Ozzy tours

Tough news for me but nothing lasts forever. 

I was so hopeful, but always kept my feet on the ground. I was hoping for one last show but never wanted it at the expense of the mans health and well being. I've been fortunate enough to see Ozzy over 20 times over the years be it solo or with Sabbath. 

My first was on the Retirement Sucks Tour in Hershey PA on 1/30/1996. The last for me was in Allentown PA on 8/30/2018. It was the first show on that leg of the tour and it was amazing. He's given me memories and stories shared with some of my closest friends that we will always talk about. Always. I will be forever thankful for them. 

God Bless Ozzy Osbourne. 

My show list to the best of my memory and help from the interwebs on dates! 

Ozzy Retirement sucks tour Hershey PA January 30, 1996.  First concert ever for me. Korn opened. What an experience!

Ozzy Retirement sucks tour Scranton PA June 22, 1996.  One of the closest to stage shows I've experienced. 

Ozzfest '96 in State College PA Sep 21, 1996 - Yes Ozzfest did have multiple shows in '96, do your research. 

Ozzfest '97 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) June 7, 1997 

Ozzfest '98 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 12, 1998 

Ozzfest '99 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 12, 1999 

Black Sabbath Reunion Hershey PA  Aug 12, 1999 - At that time was being advertised as the last PA show. I called the local radio station (WZXR) and pleaded with them to do a tour bus to the show, called daily and spoke to the third shift DJ. Then, what do you know they ended up having one. We were on the road for about 10mins before the driver pulled over and called the cops because there was too much dope being smoked. Got to the show super late. Enough to see Godsmack play 2 songs, then the Sabbath set. One of my favorite stories to tell. 

Ozzfest '00 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 16, 2000 

Ozzfest '01 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 28, 2001 

Ozzy Merry Mahyem Tour December 23, 2001 in NY.  Was not long after 9/11.  At one point in the show some firefighters came out and presented a cross to Ozzy made of steel from one of the towers.  It put Ozzy into another gear. Great fucking show.  Lots of fog on the way home... 

Ozzfest '02 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 7, 2002

Ozzfest '03 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 30, 2003 

Ozzfest '04 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 8, 2004. 

Ozzfest '05 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 23, 2005. This was the year Rob Zombie headlined the second stage. No theatrics. Just metal. 

Ozzfest '06 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 17, 2006. This is the year Ozzy only did a handful of shows and those shows he headlined the second stage. 

Ozzfest '07 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 24, 2007.  The free year. 

Ozzfest '08 in Frisco TX on August 9, 2008. Rented a car with a buddy and drove from PA...What a show! 

Ozzfest '10 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 19, 2010. The last Ozzfest that toured. 

Ozzy Scream tour East Rutherford, December 3, 2010. This show was on Ozzy's birthday.  Simply an amazing show with an amazing set.  At one point we sang Happy Birthday.  Nice clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t3yLbbgXds 

Black Sabbath 13 tour Holmdel, NJ August 4, 2013 

Black Sabbath The End tour Holmdel, NJ August 23, 2016 

Ozzy No More Tours2 Allentown, PA August 30, 2018. This turns out to be the last show in this long list. Was a great show with great friends that are also my family.

Ozzman cometh

Long time blog. Seeing Ozzy on stage again was amazing. Throw in he was on there with Tony Iommi, my heart was warmed. I am hopeful the performance treat Ozzy well physically. I'm certain metnally, emotionally, spiritually the answer was clear by the smile on this face.

Do I remember...

...how to do this? I'm happy to see this is still alive. One day I will find time to catch up.

Been a long while...

...will make some time for a proper post soon. Big things in the works.

I love you Sissypants!

It's been a while since I just had a go at it...

Just going to leave this here.


My "Sissypants" has been going through some health issues. Most recently she was diagnosed with a pretty rare and aggressive form of cataracts. She'll be going in for eye surgery soon and I am hopeful it will correct her vision issues.

My son, he reminds me of me when I was his age. He needs to become more active which we are working on and are also working on proper nutrition at home. His grades, would be much better if he'd try just the littlest bit harder. We are working on this as well. I am hopeful that my words of wisdom will one day click for him. Although I am aging I can still remember. Kids don't listen too much too parents, not taking it to heart anyway. Not until they gain their own life perspective on things. At least looking back on life, that's how I feel about it.

My daughter, is becoming a wonderful young lady who has taking a liking to play music be on flute or ukulele.

Both step children are well and are moving into the next chapters in their lives. My stepson unloaded his money pit of a house and is starting over there. My stepdaughter is pretty healed from a serious car accident she had towards the end of 2018 and has returned to work doing something she previously didn't mind doing. I hope for nothing but the best for both.

How am I? I'm fed up with work. I have a boss who is helpless and worthless. The client looks to me to answer for him. I'm taking the only action I can and that's to keep my eyes open for another opportunity. Other than work I feel "fine".

One more time...

Tomorrow I will be seeing Ozzy Osbourne in concert for the last time. Should be an emotional filled experience for me. More to come after the show...

Rajah

The year was 1998. The 20th century. I had just recently gotten laid off at Shop Vac in November. My ex and I were at the pet store that use to be near Wal Mart in Mountourville just walking through checking out all the critters. It was something that we would do. I can remember clearly coming across this large cage full of kittens. Most the kittens were behaving as you would expect a group of kittens to behave. Then there was this one. He had a white tip on his tail. I remember him walking over to me and sticking is paw out and touching my hand. Simple as that. While I went to the store with no intention on bringing home any pet, on that day I welcomed Rajah into my life.

Today, 19 years later, I had to say good-bye.

Rajah has been with me through everything that I have seemingly ever been through. He was there when my first marriage failed. He was there when my life was in clouds of doubt. He was there when I found the love of my life. He has lived every place I have ever lived as an adult. He was there when my children came home from the hospital after they were born. He was there when my step children entered into my life. He was there when all of my Grandparents passed on. He was there when my Uncle passed on. He was there when I weighed 320lbs. He was there when I weighed 201lbs. He was there when Kida came home and he was there when Kida passed on. He was there when Daisey & Eve both came home as puppies. I could go on an on...

In the end, I thanked him for always being there. When I felt I had nothing, I knew I had him. All he would want is to snuggle and his purr was the perfect thing to put me to sleep. The prefect thing to take me away. I can still hear that purr now... He got me through some very dark days. Something I will never forget.

I’ll miss you Mr. Raju. This is a nickname my mother-in- law gave to him the short time we lived with her and my father-in-law. It fit. His life was long. His life was good. Until this last year, I thought we’d go on forever. The sands of time wait for no one. Anyone that knows me, knows I loved this cat. I will continue to do so as long as my sands are falling in the hour glass.

I am very lucky & blessed to have had such a wonderful companion for the last 19 years.

I love you Rajah.

One last time...

I had one last honor of seeing Black Sabbath perform live on August 19th 2016. This will be the last time I see them perform live. The show was amazing. Rival Sons is one hell of a rock n roll band that opened nicely. Sabbath, well Sabbath was fucking amazing.

In my view the show was perfect. Ozzy had his voice and Tony/Geezer/Tommy were seemingly flawless. Mr. Bill Ward, wish you were there.

01. Black Sabbath
02. Fairies Wear Boots
03. After Forever
04. Into The Void
05. Snowblind
06. War Pigs
07. Behind The Wall Of Sleep
08. N.I.B.
09. Hand Of Doom
10. Rat Salad/Drum Solo
11. Iron Man
12. Dirty Women
13. Children Of The Grave
14. Paranoid

I thank you for years of concert memories you have given dating back to 1997. It did my heart good to see some young kids getting to see you. I wish I would have brought my kids!

Later.

I love you Sissypants!

Checking in

Hello.

It has been quite some time since I found myself typing out thought. Lets see if I can remember how to do this.

Everyone in my life seems to be doing well. My children are as wonderful as they have ever been. My son, (C) he has the crazy that seems to run in the males in my family. However, he deals with it well. He's an awesome kid. No real bad bone in his body. Watching him growing into his own person I can only do my best to guide him without making him, ya know. I'm a straight shooter with him on things. It's the only way I know how to be. He's going into year 2 of little league and is very excited to be. His grades are good with the excepting of his Math of all things. We seem to have that under control now and I am looking forward to an improved report from his teacher!

My daughter (G), she too has the crazy but it's a bit different for her. She too, deals with it well. She's is definitely wired more correctly socially. She's a goofy girl. Very much taking after her big sister, which is not a bad thing. She too is going into year 2 of little league. No matter how I tired, I couldn't get her talked into play w/ the girls. She's her own, and that's that. Her grades, are just about flawless. Her art skills, are better than mine.

My step daughter (S), I can't say anything bad here other than, clean your damn room! She's got a very full plate. She's got her eyes set on the prize after high school and lord knows she's got everything within herself to reach it. I hope at the end of the day she is happy with whatever her skills and talent lead her to.

My step son (D), has earned my respect after years of earning my animosity. He just bought is his first home. Bought it. No bank. His hard earned $. After a iffy situation going in, he has that all under control now and I'm looking forward to helping him out whenever I'm able.

My wife (Sissypants), after all these years, after all these miles, I still look forward to every moment I can have with her. She has given me everything that I have written up to this point. I love her for sure.

My parents, I love them very much. My mom turned 60 not long ago. After some huge bumps in the road they seem to both have found common ground and have decided 40 years of a relationship is worth some work.

My friends, I love them too! I'm thankful for the ones I have.

As for me, got a new job. I know, surprise. However this job is not just a job I've been told. It's a career. The pay in my world, is sort of out of it. It's a bit of a drive but after only 2 month of on the job for the first time in history I have a sense of calm about finances and things to come that are related in those matters. My sanity seems stable. I can't recall the last time I had any real depression issues. I am happy to report that.

Later.

I love "Sissypants".

10 years later

I wanted to make it a point, if even briefly, to write a little something today. Today is a special day. It has been for 10 years now and will continue to be for the rest of my days. On this day a decade ago my son joined the world. If time and reflection has taught me anything it is this:

The future is in his eyes and my heart is in his hands.

I'm sure I'm not a perfect father. My son however, he's damn close to it.

I love you Connor.

The Hot Rod

I'm a wrestling fan. Not like I once was,but still read up on it from time to time.

So it was with sadness that I read about the passing of one of the best, ever, Roderick Toombs also know as The Hot Rod, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper.

He was great when he was good, and even greater when he was bad. I have memories of him when I was a kid and I also enjoyed seeing him as a man approaching 40. Wrestling will be forever different for me now knowing that I have seen this man for the last time.

Bless you Hot Rod. Thanks for the memories.

Not all about the $

When it has come to work, I've always been about making money.

Working 2 jobs, no problem. Working long hours, no problem. Working off hours, no problem...

...until now.

I have learned something. Life, it isn't always about the money. It's about those crazy people in your life that make you whole. Missing out on it, has no price. Not to me.

Tonight I enjoyed a nice night with my wife and kids. It will continue to be this way.

I love you Sissypants!

Later.

Untitled

No matter where you go,
the choice is yours alone.
Words of wisdom whispered,
often go unheard.
Magnetic north is south,
south is west and east.
The path you choose to follow,
is made by your two feet.
Empty knowledge gained,
gospel preached in vain.
Lands of fairy tales and dreams,
words of make believe.
Reality is the heart,
that is where you should start.
Believe what you can see,
worry not in the ending.
Make this life worth living.

I could never quite understand why,
It was a dry tear my eye cried,
the day we said goodbye.
When all those late nights,
all those days ago,
would be filled with thoughts full of hate.
It would be all it would take,
to open my flood gates.
I could never quite understand why.
Years have come and gone,
memories fade to gray.
Although you are gone,
you are still here to this day.
I have been thankful for much less,
and regretted much more.
I will never understand why.

Working on change.

Autumn is right around the corner. This time of year will bring greetings of "Happy Fall Y'all" when visiting my parents house.

Seasons change and so do those things that affect life.

I am planning on making a job change. Everything sounds good, however I am leery since my last experience was less than positive. The job itself does not thrill me, it will be a job. I was hoping my next change would be my last and would be a career move. Perhaps getting into a job will be rewarding in other ways, such as providing some piece of mind. This move will be made for an uncertain future where I am and more so, to benefit my family. The new job offers amazing benefits to the tune of 100% paid family medical, dental & vision. That alone, will be a huge savings and an even bigger help if we need to use it.

Before going further, a belated birthday shout out to my son who turned 9 yesterday. Reading back through this blog you will see his place in my heart & life is special. I look forward to watching him grow even more.

I am some what saddened by making the job change. I suppose the sadness is really caused due to what the job has become and comparing that to what it once was. It is a shame really. It has come to this recently: "I gave one last fuck, and I'm taking it back." Morale is low that is for sure. In fact, it has been so damn long since work has had any sort of positive vibe to it I wouldn't know how to recognize it if it stood in front of me. Hopefully the new place is at least on an even keel when it comes to atmosphere.

Time will tell how this move goes. I will do my best, and I'm sure I'll do alright. A supportive family is a huge help. Again, this is more about them than it is me. I'm just doing my part to keep us where we need to be.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants"!

One of those days

Seems like a loosing battle today...

Weight machine, see you soon to iron out some things.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to all the pops out there.

There was a time in my life, seemingly not all that long ago where I thought I would never have a child, let alone children. I am very thankful to be able to share this day with my children & step children. You have given this day a very special meaning to me. I love you all.

I love you Sissypants.

Thinking...

...sometimes it helps, sometimes it does not.

I was thinking, just now, about life. I was looking at a photo of a friend from school days and started to think. He was pretty crazy back then. Then a hand full of years later we would end up working together for a short time at Shop Vac. Since his days in school he had gone through some pretty serious shit. Bad accident and all the aftermath. Then I was looking at a pic from his wedding day. He looked so happy.

I often struggle with happiness. Too damn often. It is no ones fault but my own I suppose. Not sure faulting myself is the answer as I have been this way seemingly forever. Depression? Not sure. There was a time I would say 100% for sure, with no doubt, it was a serious problem. These days, not so much. It is a rare day when I say I'm depressed. Perhaps the rare day is a day too many...

I have the most love in my life that I have ever had. It breaks my heart hearing my "Sissypants" say "I just don't understand" when I have certain days, certain moods. Trust me my love...I don't understand either.

It also get twisted, inside this head of mine, when I have these days. Feeling so bad, not wanting my children ever to have those feelings but also not wanting them to know I have feelings like that. It is certainly not their fault.

For the record - I feel perfectly fine right now. I'm in a good place. Money is tight, but right now I can shrug my shoulders and say, what can ya do?

There is no real point to this. I was just thinking...

Later.

I love you Julie!!

Oh hell there is a new addition!

Princess Eve joined us officially on Christmas Eve.

Black Sabbath 8/4/2013

If this was the last time I had the privilege of seeing Black Sabbath live, they left me with a night of performances I will never forget.

To me, the show was a 10 out of 10. Putting aside a opening act that got little attention paid to it (Sorry Andrew W.K. - no one gave a flying fuck). The band was tight, Ozzy had his voice, and the crowd was into it.

The highlights of the show for me were songs I have never witnessed live. For starters I had hoped, like hell, they would do Under the Sun. Sure enough, it followed Into the Void. Then of course the new cuts from the new album. End of the Beginning, Age of Reason, God is Dead, & Methademic. People can say what they will about the new stuff but it is only suppose to sound like one thing, and that is Black Sabbath.

Other high points for me were the already mentioned Into the Void, the opening number War Pigs is always fucking fantastic live, one hell of a bad ass drum solo, Christ I loved the whole show. Every. Fucking. Minute. Of. It.

Set List
1. War Pigs
2. Into the Void
3. Under the Sun
4. Snowblind
5. Age of Reason
6. Black Sabbath
7. Behind the Wall of Sleep
8. N.I.B.
9. End of the Beginning
10. Fairies Wear Boots
11. Methademic
12. Rat Salad
13. Drum Solo
14. Iron Man
15. God Is Dead?
16. Dirty Women
17. Children of the Grave
18 Encore: Paranoid
(Sabbath Bloody Sabbath intro)

The night was more special because I could share it with a life long friend. I'm glad you came, you old bastard. I knew you would enjoy it.

And of course nothing beats being able to bang your head, jump around and scream like doing it with your wife. I love you Sissypants!

I hope to see you again Black Sabbath. If I do not, this show will always be a special one!

Later.

Kida

Princess Kida if you want to be exact, by the AKC records. She certainly was a princess.

Today I lost a very important piece of my life. Kida was from the past, or as I jokingly refer to it as "from the before time", but very much a part of my present. She will be with me as my future unfolds, as she will never leave my heart.



This was her at her best, when her body was able along with her mind. The sands of time took her body from her, but not her mind. God damn, today has been a hard fucking day.

My dearest friend referred to her as "the good one". He couldn't be more right.

There was a period in my life when there was no sun shine. When there was nothing. When the nights were long and stormy and consumed all. Then I was presented with a gift that I thought was long lost to time and divorce. I wondered if she would remember me as it had been some months since we last saw one another. To my delight,she not only remembered me, but missed me.

Kida's loss hits me as hard as losing any family member. Punched in the gut hard.

I love you Kida. I am thankful your pain is gone. I regret that you are.

I will miss you dearly & cherish every laugh & tear you have brought to our family. Julie, Shaina, Connor & Garbielle share these feelings. We are all grateful for being able to say good-bye.

Love for you always.

8:51pm

Julie & Shaina are at the store. Gabby is sleeping. Connor is wide awake. Me, I'm me.

Don't feel the best. Sort of feel off. Brain hurts. Got a tooth that is not far behind. Ah, the joys of no dental insurance.

I really don't have much to say. Seems there are times, when I have time, I about the old blog. So, I decided to pay a visit, blow the dust off, and leave some ramblings.

I had a interview today. It went very well. It was a very laid back interview, far from the norm. There was really no structure to the interview. We chit chatted and that was that. That being said, the interviewer did not have information that he should have. That being insurance details!

Brodart continues to slow and I fear it dies more quickly with each day. I've never been in a situation where there was so much inaction. It's a shame. Working so close to home, with a decent wage is very nice.

I have a interesting interview set up for the 22nd of March. It's about 2 1/2 hours away. The place is willing to pay me mileage, which I find strangely intriguing. They are willing to pay me 57 cents a mile just to come talk to them. They of course, would not disclose the slightest bit of info regarding wage or benefits so it could end up being a complete waste of time. However, my curiosity is peaked and I'd hate to miss out on a golden opportunity.

My mother has been going through some health scares. Up to this point though, shes been able to navigate out of danger. One last hurdle to jump and hopefully she clears that one with grace. I love you mom!

Dad - you should be less of an asshole about the situation. That's all I have to say about that.

Julie his having struggles locating work. I am hopeful that something comes along soon or we'll be very much broke! We were lended a helping hand by a very old friend. Perhaps the oldest friend in my book of history. Why he did this I do not know. He certainly doesn't owe me anything. If anything I owe him, at least a conversation. I believe this is coming soon...anyway it would be great if this would work out.

I've been struggling, mightily, to find the energy to start working out again. If the day were even 2hr longer...

My cat is sitting so close to the heater in the hallway I don't know how he isn't melting.

Some of my friends are discovering happiness again. It is good to see this.

As I take a look around, this bedroom needs cleaned!

With a bit of trim work, which we are hopeful to complete this weekend, our kitchen will be nearly 100% complete. All that will remaining is redoing the plumbing for the sink and installing a new faucet. It is by far, the best looking kitchen I've ever been a part of. My sissypants is the best Susey Homebuilder!

I've rambled enough. Time to take some tags.

Later.

I love you Julie!!

A long day has brought me to this.

Tired...very tired.

Looking back.

Blog, I found myself speaking about you a very short time ago.

I'd like to thank you for whatever it was that you gave me. When the days were dark and the emotions were darker you allowed me to share it with you.

I love you "sissypants"

Later!

Rant

Oh how much do I despise this new layout. Motherfucking hospital bills & the phone calls that follow them. Looking forward to getting "fucked up" this weekend. Later. I love you Sissypants!

What the?

Don't work on the blog in months... ...come back to it & it's all changed.

Hello Blog...

...I think I will find some time for you.

Jotted this down...

...inspired by the amount of nothing.

Untitled
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.
Trapped inside a box,
with an open eye.
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.

The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.
How the hell,
do I open it?
The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.

Day is night,
and night is day.
Life is not,
suppose to be this way.
Day is night,
and night is day.

How many #2...

I was looking back over my post on how many cars I've had and I thought it would be "neat" to list the jobs I've had since graduating in 1996. By the way, 15 year high school reunion was canceled due to a poor turn out. I was looking forward to being the drunkest fucker there...

Bastian Tires Sales 1996-1998 Note: Dad calls me up 3 day before graduating "Want a job?" Yes I say...2 years was more than enough.

Shop-Vac 1998-2002 Note: 4 years of weight loss, ass busting, and getting shit on daily. Outties.

First Quality 2002-2003 Note: 9 month gig of stacking boxes. To boot, after 9 months they tell me to cut my hair. I tell them where to go.

David R. Webb Co. 2003-2007 Note: I was out of work for about 3 months when this came along. I enjoyed it. My first job in parts!

Lowe's 2006-2007 Note: Part time job I had for about 6 months. Note bad, but got burned out. Sold the house I had with the ex, so I didn't need to do it any more!

Andritz 2007 Note: Accepted this position for the fact it paid more & was first shift. Had it 3 months then they decided to downsize. Get shit canned the day before we were moving.

Grizzley 2007 Note: Temp job, worked it for 2 weeks when I realized I could do something else...

PCS 2007 - Present Note: Some friends of mine biz. Left Grizzley and started working there. At that time I was getting 30 hours a week there plus unemployment. Today I only get a few hours, but it is still nice to be able to help out friends when need & make a little extra cheddar in the process.

Brodart 2008-2011 Note: Traffic Coordinator. Started out shitty but once I spoke up and everyone saw the light it was a good job. The company didn't do much for you in terms of benefits but it was close to home. Too bad they cut our hours and too bad the company survives on educational funding. In 10 years will they still be open? I don't think so. Had to take my show on the road.

Quality Carriers 2011 Note: Dispatch Manager. Up to this point you can see I've had a few jobs. I can not remember having a job I hated this much. Poorly run company from top to bottom.

Kellogg's 2011 Note: Parts Dept. This is where I am now. Other than the drive I can't complain too much. Back to the night shift...where it all began.

Do I expect to be on my last journey? My track record says no, and so do I. I just do not understand how some folks can do the same job for years and years. My father has worked for the same employer since 1976 & my mother the same since 1978.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Words without much thought

I changed jobs recently. The new job isn't turning out how I had hoped it would. Really, I'm not sure how I hoped it would turn out. Better than it is. But, when you work somewhere & they take hours away from you you have to do something. I'm sure some day I'll move on from the new place and onto another. Perhaps I should just spin the wheel and see what it lands on for my next choice. Fast food service? Joy!

Bought a 1973 Lincoln recently. I have every intention on getting it back to mint condition. It may take a couple years but if I can help it, it will stay. My dad had one of these when I was a kid. Thinking back and looking back, that car brings back some of my best memories from my father who rarely was seen sober. So, one of the highlights of getting this car was seeing his reaction. It was as I hoped, and it brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart. If only for a moment...

I've decided that I've tried enough and that I'm done trying to figure out what the hell is going on with a friend of mine. All I can say is, cheers.

One of these days I'll get a hair cut, I swear.

I've been lacking motivation on just about everything lately. I'm not sure if it's the job situation or what. I'm fairly sure it is because I'm am pretty happy with how things have been going on the home front. If only Shaina would quit breaking and if Gabby would spit out her marbles all would be grand.

Fell down the front steps the other day. Back is staring to come around.

I love my new computer. Thanks G. Now if I could only find a new desk so that I could hook up both machines like the plan calls for.

Uncle Sam was good to us again this year. Now we are just waiting on the wonderful state to deposit. We've got a few projects line up. Roof repair, finish the kitchen, turn this computer room into a 4th bedroom, expand out back parking, rebuild and expand the back stoop, make a path from the house to the parking...christ I need to make a list.

I'm finding myself the soberest I can remember ever being as an adult. It's actually not so bad.

Later.

I love you Sissypants.

Second time around

Well, I had the pleasure of seeing Ozzy twice this year. Once at Ozzfest, then on 12/3 in NJ at the IZOD Center (which I will forever call the Contential Airlines Arena). I did not realize until the day of the show, that it was Ozzy's birthday day. This kicked my already geared up ass into another.

G & my "Sissypants" were along this time. G was gracious enough to not only drive, but to allow us to use the Prius. Thanks G!

We had pretty decent seats, although they were not what I was expecting. The opening act was Halford. No disrespect intended, but seeing him at Ozzfest was enough. The second time around didn't really float my boat, although some lads in front of us & to the right were rather enjoying his set.

To me, any Ozzy show is a good show. I have seen the man in concert 19 times now dating back to 1996. Ozzfest this year & this show have been the two best shows in recent memory. I managed to see one I've never seen live before in Killer of Giants. This is an amazing song live & I'm thankful I had the chance to see it. Why, for all those years with Zakk they never played anything from "The Ultimate Sin" album is beyond me. Other highlights in my eyes were: Faries Wear Boots, Into the Void, NIB, No More Tears. You just don't hear his solo band play this shit every show! The set list in no particular order:

War Pigs
NIB
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Paranoid
Rat Salad (Band Jam)
I Don't Know
Mr. Crowley
Suicide Solution
Crazy Train
Bark at the Moon
Killer of Giants (This was a first for me)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I Don't Want to Change the World
Mama I'm coming Home
Road to Nowhere
No More Tears
Scream

20 fucking great Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath songs performed on the man's 62nd birthday. There was a point in the show wear they stopped the show & some folks from behind the curtain came out with a cake and we ALL sang Happy Birthday. As I said, I have been to 19 concerts, once on a birthday. This show, will be with me for a very long time.

Until next year, thanks Ozzy!

Later.

I love you Julie.

33

Is my age.

Thought I had a new job all lined up, that was until I found out how much the health insurance was. Where I am now, it racks me almost $29 a week. This new place, although paying almost $3 more an hour to start, costs $109.25 a week! WTF...so just as with Spock, the search continues.

This has hit me fairly hard, as my hopes were as high as I was in say 1998. Where I work now is a joke, a disappointment, a place where it pains me to care. No one else seems to but yet I can't shake that shred of feeling in me for my place of employment. I wish I could, then I truly would not care. Hey look, those guys get over time while these guys get 20 hours a week. How does that work anyway?...

12/3/2010 = Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

Seems that I will probably have to be taking a second wave of antibiotics for the fucking insect that bit me. Yes to diseases!

My "Sissypants" helps the friend move. I am getting back to helping the house look better.

Later.

I love you Julie.

How many?...

Just had a conversation about how many vehicles I have had. Here you go in chronological order:

1. 1979 Mercury Zephyr (wrecked it)
2. 1978 Pontiac Bonneville (traded it)
3. 1988 Chevy K5 Blazer (traded it)
4. 1978 Mercury Marquis (traded it)
5. 1988 Dodge Ram 4x4 (traded it)
6. 1990 Chevy Silverado Extended cab 4x4 (traded it)
7. 1979 Oldsmobile 98 (I miss it to this day, parked it)
8. 1988 Chevy Cheyenne (sold it on ebay)
9. 1978 Lincoln Continental (sold it on ebay to some dude in London)
10. 1997 Ford F-150 4x4 (traded it)
11. 1997 Chevy Blazer 4x4 (sold it)
12. 1990 Ford Thunderbird (sold it)
13. 1999 Ford Windstar (sold it)
14. 1992 Lincoln Town Car (current)
15. 2005 Chrysler Pacifica (current)
16. 1977 Ford F-250 (current)

Ozzfest 2010

Greetings.

First off, I have made the trek to Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. I was quite happy to see it return this year, let alone return to Pitt. It felt like coming home being back there...

Unlike years past, I was not there bright and early with bells on. Honestly, most of the bands on the second stage I was unfamiliar with so I did not feel overwhelmed to get there early.

We (my wife & I) got there with enough time to see BLS, who were kicking some ass. We would have been there about an hour sooner, but fucking the traffic & construction was insane there for awhile.

I was pretty underwhelmed with the main stage until the Crue took it. I am not a fan. I found however, just like in years past with bands like Judas Priest, Slayer, Lamb of God, etc, I really enjoyed the show. I tip my hat to the Crue.

Now seeing Ozzy at least once a year since 1996 (except for '09 of course) I have seen him do very well, and I have seen him do very poorly. I can say honestly as an Ozzy fan or not, Ozzy was right on the money last night. I can not remember the last time I saw him & heard him perform so well. The set was amazing. I don't know about you out there, but I for one was happy not to hear "Mama I'm coming home". I'd take "Into the Void" everytime...

Parting words about Gus G.

If I were one of Ozzy's former guitar players and I was at that show, I would say, that new kid just played that as I would have & played the fuck out of it. Say what you will but I for one, am happy that he's on board.

Parting words on the 9 year old being at the show:

What a surprise! That little bastard sure can play. I like the classic Randy Rhodes pose Ozzy did by picking the kid up.

Last thoughts:

Please, let me see you next year Ozzfest at Pittsburgh.

I do not remember the correct order but here is what was played last night in album release order:

Paranoid (Closer, surprise surprise)
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Crazy Train
Mr. Crowleyjavascript:void(0)
Suicide Solution
I Don't Know
Bark At The Moon (Opened with)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I don't want to change the world
Road to no where
Let me hear you scream
Plus one hell of a band jam!

A story of a gift.

I know this guy. His story goes like this...

...Guy says "Johnny, I'm going to be up your way in about 10 min. Can you come out to the parking lot?"

I say sure.

So I go out there and the dude pulls up.

First time I ever met him face to face actually.

We exchange hellos and hand shakes.

He gets out of his truck (which is a Harley Davidson edition Ford F150)

Opens up the back door and hands me a box.

The dude says enjoy and says he has to get going.

So I take the box to the Lincoln.

Open it up.

What do I find?

An autographed Ozzy Osbourne guitar.

Empty evening

My wife has spent most of our married life being a stay at home mom. With the cost of child care it would be ridiculous for us to both work and basically one of us working for nothing more than paying a babysitter/day care. She has worked jobs here and there. The deli, the hotel, the factory, and now the retail store. The latest is third shift, a shift I have spent almost my entire working life working. Up until about 3 years ago that is. This is not the first time we have been down this road.

I am sitting here while I should be trying to sleep. Our children are camping in there room in a tent they made out of a blanket. My step-daughter is away at camp for a week. I, wrote this with hopes it would ease my mind for tonight...

Empty evening

An evening without you by my side,
fills me with an emptiness I can not hide.
I miss you while you are gone,
and I miss you while you sleep.
Although I know we are in a time of need,
my need for you will never recede.
In your nights I hope you find the time,
to fill your mind with thoughts of you and I.
I will forever be yours,
and you mine.
Until we next meet,
I love you for all of time.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

Look what I found.

One can only be sure of so many things in life. Such as the sun will rise and set until the sun is no more.

It's very strange, finding yourself in thought. Who's voice is that you hear? It sounds like mine, but it says things that makes my head spin.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so they say. The proof is in the pudding, another saying.

I go to work in the morning and in the evening some days.

I don't think I ever posted about purchasing a home. I did. After all that work and after all the help I have been given, it finally worked out. What a long ass struggle. What a worthy prize. My thanks I can not express enough.

If I had to pick my least favorite Uncle right now, it would be Uncle Sam.

Lets say I have 2 million dollars to build a warehouse. I sure as hell would make sure it was what I needed. Some people apparently, like to spend 2 million dollars on making bricks without straw...

Ozzfest 2010. Pittsburgh, I've missed you.

Would like to drop 20 more pounds and then go for more.

Drinking is not what it once was.

Freedom is not what it once was either.

The fire burns, just not so much.

My kids are crazy, and I love them so much for it.

The pill is round & blue with a W.

The pool turns green then clear again. They say the water is ok for you eyes.

If I ran the country every week would have a 3 day weekend. Of those 3 days, I'd like to spend them all with my "Sissypants".

Later.

I love you Julie.

Facebook is not the same as this...

I’m sorry for my neglect…

I’ve been sick for about 4 days. Finally feeling like I've turned the corner. In this time I’ve lost 10lbs. Not the ideal way to loose weight but I will look at it as a benefit. 30lbs more would be great.

So I’m finally a home owner again. A long road traveled but it’s finally happened. Work was slowing and we need to act if we were going to be able to buy. A friend of mine was (still is, long story) going through a divorce and he was just going to let the bank take the house. It’s not the nicest house on the planet but with some more elbow grease & time it will certainly be much better. We have already fixed up the dining room and it looks much better. Up next is the upstairs bathroom but that is waiting until income tax time. Which thankfully, is right around the corner. We should be able to get the first time home buyers credit which would be a great BIG help to us.

All goes well for the most part on the home front. I will keep my opinions on certain situations and a certain someone to myself.

Where is our heating assistance?

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you fall down drunk and fuck up your knee? I know someone who did. That too, is feeling much better about a month later.

www.rftsband.com Check it out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Run away

Run away from the mess you made.
Can’t you see,
that you’re afraid?
In your eyes you may be brave.
Proving a point,
that does not need made
In your wake you leave a maze.
There will be no mouse,
chasing the cheese.
In each turn,
more questions than answers can be found.
Choose your steps wisely,
and choose your friends well.
In your decision,
you have chosen yourself.
The time runs thin.
Where will you run to,
when time runs out?

I love you Julie.

Taking a break

New video card was a bitch to get working but now it works. Something is still a miss and I'm growing tired of trying to figure it out, so I'm taking a break.

Started cleaning up and organizing the computer, as I said I would once it was up and running again. Thing is a fucking mess, how did I let this happening. Fuck it, I'm taking a break.

If you are a long reader of this blog or not you may have read about my long history of trying to buy a house after selling a house that was nothing but the wrong thing. Well I am home owner once again with my "sissypants". We purchased it off my old box stacking friend Dan. It was amazing how everything seemed to come together and work out in the end. We loved the home we were in. Me not so much the home, but it's location. This house is in town and for a person who once was a towny, you'd think I'd be cooler with the notion of being back in town than I am. I'm thinking 5 year plan. Julie says 7 year plan, we'll be down to two kids in the house. I can dig 7 years. In that time I know the upstairs bathroom will be redone (probably a new tub/shower this year at income tax time) a new roof in another year or two plus countless other jobs. I love owning a home. Shit, the mortgage payment is $51 less than I was paying in rent.

Thanks to Marlene for all her patience and understanding.

Work is going alright but it could be better. I got a dollar raise not so long ago so that always helps. But some times & some days I need a break.

Work after work is always fine.

There are some good clips of Ozzy from a couple days ago playing live w/ a new guitarist named Gus G, he's pretty good. I look forward to hearing some new material and seeing the old man live again. Fucking no Ozzfest this year, and I'm going crazy. I guess even Ozzy Osbourne needs a break.

Yankees are on a roll baby!

Weight loss has hit a stand still at 40lbs. Phase two starts on Monday when everything gets back on track.

Break time is over.