Checking in

I don't write enough.  I could use a crutch at times both mentally and physically but I press on....

I work.  That's about it.  I'm tired.

I miss my Dad one year later.

I wish I could cure my sissypants of her ills.

I wish I could make my daughter see the light.

I worry about my Mom.

I'm doing what I can but I'm not a very good swimmer.  Luckily I can float 

One Week Later...

A son writes words of remembrance,
while a grandson plays cords of the same reverence.
A wife now a widow wonders,
finding strength in others while the world spins.
Pain long lived ends as the sun rises,
a new day begins.
We all still hear your voice,
in the wind.
Eyes open or eyes shut,
awake or asleep,
those doors that are thought to be shut,
are seen forever open.
Rest easy and find peace,
these are my wishes for him.

Dad

Early this morning I lost my Father.  My children lost their grandfather.  My mother lost her husband of nearly 50 years.  As a human being, I hurt.  His time on this world was too short.  I beg everyone that has loved ones that smoke heavily and regularly to talk with those loved ones about the health benefits of quitting.  Work with them.  Help them.  It will catch up with them.  The only thanks I can give about the entire situation is that I am thankful he went peacefully and quickly.  

The last 7 days have all been a blur.  One thing that became clear as we reached out to people and as others reached out to us is that many folks have fond memories and stories of my Dad.  Be it dating back to my childhood or as recently as now, being a man of 45 years old.  

He worked for nearly 50 years at Bastian Tire Sales as the Retread Foreman.  The man worked until he literally could no longer medically do so.  He gave his body hell, until it could go no more.  I know from personal experience he was always willing to give a young guy a chance to work while also giving a guy who had pervious struggles in life a chance to earn a living again.  He was pretty blind to past mistakes or lack of experience.  My first "real" job was given to me by my Dad.  He called me 3 days before graduating high school (1996) asking me if I wanted a job.  I said sure.  I am where I am today because of that beginning.  I have never lost sight of that.

Growing up I was able to go into work with my Dad on many Saturdays.  I was able to hang with him.  I was able to hang out with his crew.  I'm sure most places nowadays would frown on a chubby, curly haired kid running around a hot, heavy, dirty work place.  Looking back, I loved it.  After work we may have found ourselves at a local watering hole where I would be treated to a burger, fries and a RC. Those burgers and fries looked so big back then...

No one in life is perfect.  My Dad is no exception to this.  There were times as a kid I would knock you down if you said the wrong thing about my Dad.  There were times as a adult I would acknowledge his shortcomings during conversation.  I loved him regardless.  I always will.

I feel like I have much more to say but my hurt takes over.  For now I close with, until we meet again Dad.  Rest easy.  I love you.

No More Ozzy tours

Tough news for me but nothing lasts forever. 

I was so hopeful, but always kept my feet on the ground. I was hoping for one last show but never wanted it at the expense of the mans health and well being. I've been fortunate enough to see Ozzy over 20 times over the years be it solo or with Sabbath. 

My first was on the Retirement Sucks Tour in Hershey PA on 1/30/1996. The last for me was in Allentown PA on 8/30/2018. It was the first show on that leg of the tour and it was amazing. He's given me memories and stories shared with some of my closest friends that we will always talk about. Always. I will be forever thankful for them. 

God Bless Ozzy Osbourne. 

My show list to the best of my memory and help from the interwebs on dates! 

Ozzy Retirement sucks tour Hershey PA January 30, 1996.  First concert ever for me. Korn opened. What an experience!

Ozzy Retirement sucks tour Scranton PA June 22, 1996.  One of the closest to stage shows I've experienced. 

Ozzfest '96 in State College PA Sep 21, 1996 - Yes Ozzfest did have multiple shows in '96, do your research. 

Ozzfest '97 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) June 7, 1997 

Ozzfest '98 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 12, 1998 

Ozzfest '99 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 12, 1999 

Black Sabbath Reunion Hershey PA  Aug 12, 1999 - At that time was being advertised as the last PA show. I called the local radio station (WZXR) and pleaded with them to do a tour bus to the show, called daily and spoke to the third shift DJ. Then, what do you know they ended up having one. We were on the road for about 10mins before the driver pulled over and called the cops because there was too much dope being smoked. Got to the show super late. Enough to see Godsmack play 2 songs, then the Sabbath set. One of my favorite stories to tell. 

Ozzfest '00 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 16, 2000 

Ozzfest '01 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 28, 2001 

Ozzy Merry Mahyem Tour December 23, 2001 in NY.  Was not long after 9/11.  At one point in the show some firefighters came out and presented a cross to Ozzy made of steel from one of the towers.  It put Ozzy into another gear. Great fucking show.  Lots of fog on the way home... 

Ozzfest '02 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 7, 2002

Ozzfest '03 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 30, 2003 

Ozzfest '04 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 8, 2004. 

Ozzfest '05 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 23, 2005. This was the year Rob Zombie headlined the second stage. No theatrics. Just metal. 

Ozzfest '06 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) July 17, 2006. This is the year Ozzy only did a handful of shows and those shows he headlined the second stage. 

Ozzfest '07 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 24, 2007.  The free year. 

Ozzfest '08 in Frisco TX on August 9, 2008. Rented a car with a buddy and drove from PA...What a show! 

Ozzfest '10 in Burgettstown (Pittsburgh area) August 19, 2010. The last Ozzfest that toured. 

Ozzy Scream tour East Rutherford, December 3, 2010. This show was on Ozzy's birthday.  Simply an amazing show with an amazing set.  At one point we sang Happy Birthday.  Nice clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t3yLbbgXds 

Black Sabbath 13 tour Holmdel, NJ August 4, 2013 

Black Sabbath The End tour Holmdel, NJ August 23, 2016 

Ozzy No More Tours2 Allentown, PA August 30, 2018. This turns out to be the last show in this long list. Was a great show with great friends that are also my family.

Ozzman cometh

Long time blog. Seeing Ozzy on stage again was amazing. Throw in he was on there with Tony Iommi, my heart was warmed. I am hopeful the performance treat Ozzy well physically. I'm certain metnally, emotionally, spiritually the answer was clear by the smile on this face.

Do I remember...

...how to do this? I'm happy to see this is still alive. One day I will find time to catch up.

Been a long while...

...will make some time for a proper post soon. Big things in the works.

I love you Sissypants!

It's been a while since I just had a go at it...

Just going to leave this here.


My "Sissypants" has been going through some health issues. Most recently she was diagnosed with a pretty rare and aggressive form of cataracts. She'll be going in for eye surgery soon and I am hopeful it will correct her vision issues.

My son, he reminds me of me when I was his age. He needs to become more active which we are working on and are also working on proper nutrition at home. His grades, would be much better if he'd try just the littlest bit harder. We are working on this as well. I am hopeful that my words of wisdom will one day click for him. Although I am aging I can still remember. Kids don't listen too much too parents, not taking it to heart anyway. Not until they gain their own life perspective on things. At least looking back on life, that's how I feel about it.

My daughter, is becoming a wonderful young lady who has taking a liking to play music be on flute or ukulele.

Both step children are well and are moving into the next chapters in their lives. My stepson unloaded his money pit of a house and is starting over there. My stepdaughter is pretty healed from a serious car accident she had towards the end of 2018 and has returned to work doing something she previously didn't mind doing. I hope for nothing but the best for both.

How am I? I'm fed up with work. I have a boss who is helpless and worthless. The client looks to me to answer for him. I'm taking the only action I can and that's to keep my eyes open for another opportunity. Other than work I feel "fine".

One more time...

Tomorrow I will be seeing Ozzy Osbourne in concert for the last time. Should be an emotional filled experience for me. More to come after the show...

Rajah

The year was 1998. The 20th century. I had just recently gotten laid off at Shop Vac in November. My ex and I were at the pet store that use to be near Wal Mart in Mountourville just walking through checking out all the critters. It was something that we would do. I can remember clearly coming across this large cage full of kittens. Most the kittens were behaving as you would expect a group of kittens to behave. Then there was this one. He had a white tip on his tail. I remember him walking over to me and sticking is paw out and touching my hand. Simple as that. While I went to the store with no intention on bringing home any pet, on that day I welcomed Rajah into my life.

Today, 19 years later, I had to say good-bye.

Rajah has been with me through everything that I have seemingly ever been through. He was there when my first marriage failed. He was there when my life was in clouds of doubt. He was there when I found the love of my life. He has lived every place I have ever lived as an adult. He was there when my children came home from the hospital after they were born. He was there when my step children entered into my life. He was there when all of my Grandparents passed on. He was there when my Uncle passed on. He was there when I weighed 320lbs. He was there when I weighed 201lbs. He was there when Kida came home and he was there when Kida passed on. He was there when Daisey & Eve both came home as puppies. I could go on an on...

In the end, I thanked him for always being there. When I felt I had nothing, I knew I had him. All he would want is to snuggle and his purr was the perfect thing to put me to sleep. The prefect thing to take me away. I can still hear that purr now... He got me through some very dark days. Something I will never forget.

I’ll miss you Mr. Raju. This is a nickname my mother-in- law gave to him the short time we lived with her and my father-in-law. It fit. His life was long. His life was good. Until this last year, I thought we’d go on forever. The sands of time wait for no one. Anyone that knows me, knows I loved this cat. I will continue to do so as long as my sands are falling in the hour glass.

I am very lucky & blessed to have had such a wonderful companion for the last 19 years.

I love you Rajah.

One last time...

I had one last honor of seeing Black Sabbath perform live on August 19th 2016. This will be the last time I see them perform live. The show was amazing. Rival Sons is one hell of a rock n roll band that opened nicely. Sabbath, well Sabbath was fucking amazing.

In my view the show was perfect. Ozzy had his voice and Tony/Geezer/Tommy were seemingly flawless. Mr. Bill Ward, wish you were there.

01. Black Sabbath
02. Fairies Wear Boots
03. After Forever
04. Into The Void
05. Snowblind
06. War Pigs
07. Behind The Wall Of Sleep
08. N.I.B.
09. Hand Of Doom
10. Rat Salad/Drum Solo
11. Iron Man
12. Dirty Women
13. Children Of The Grave
14. Paranoid

I thank you for years of concert memories you have given dating back to 1997. It did my heart good to see some young kids getting to see you. I wish I would have brought my kids!

Later.

I love you Sissypants!

Checking in

Hello.

It has been quite some time since I found myself typing out thought. Lets see if I can remember how to do this.

Everyone in my life seems to be doing well. My children are as wonderful as they have ever been. My son, (C) he has the crazy that seems to run in the males in my family. However, he deals with it well. He's an awesome kid. No real bad bone in his body. Watching him growing into his own person I can only do my best to guide him without making him, ya know. I'm a straight shooter with him on things. It's the only way I know how to be. He's going into year 2 of little league and is very excited to be. His grades are good with the excepting of his Math of all things. We seem to have that under control now and I am looking forward to an improved report from his teacher!

My daughter (G), she too has the crazy but it's a bit different for her. She too, deals with it well. She's is definitely wired more correctly socially. She's a goofy girl. Very much taking after her big sister, which is not a bad thing. She too is going into year 2 of little league. No matter how I tired, I couldn't get her talked into play w/ the girls. She's her own, and that's that. Her grades, are just about flawless. Her art skills, are better than mine.

My step daughter (S), I can't say anything bad here other than, clean your damn room! She's got a very full plate. She's got her eyes set on the prize after high school and lord knows she's got everything within herself to reach it. I hope at the end of the day she is happy with whatever her skills and talent lead her to.

My step son (D), has earned my respect after years of earning my animosity. He just bought is his first home. Bought it. No bank. His hard earned $. After a iffy situation going in, he has that all under control now and I'm looking forward to helping him out whenever I'm able.

My wife (Sissypants), after all these years, after all these miles, I still look forward to every moment I can have with her. She has given me everything that I have written up to this point. I love her for sure.

My parents, I love them very much. My mom turned 60 not long ago. After some huge bumps in the road they seem to both have found common ground and have decided 40 years of a relationship is worth some work.

My friends, I love them too! I'm thankful for the ones I have.

As for me, got a new job. I know, surprise. However this job is not just a job I've been told. It's a career. The pay in my world, is sort of out of it. It's a bit of a drive but after only 2 month of on the job for the first time in history I have a sense of calm about finances and things to come that are related in those matters. My sanity seems stable. I can't recall the last time I had any real depression issues. I am happy to report that.

Later.

I love "Sissypants".

10 years later

I wanted to make it a point, if even briefly, to write a little something today. Today is a special day. It has been for 10 years now and will continue to be for the rest of my days. On this day a decade ago my son joined the world. If time and reflection has taught me anything it is this:

The future is in his eyes and my heart is in his hands.

I'm sure I'm not a perfect father. My son however, he's damn close to it.

I love you Connor.

The Hot Rod

I'm a wrestling fan. Not like I once was,but still read up on it from time to time.

So it was with sadness that I read about the passing of one of the best, ever, Roderick Toombs also know as The Hot Rod, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper.

He was great when he was good, and even greater when he was bad. I have memories of him when I was a kid and I also enjoyed seeing him as a man approaching 40. Wrestling will be forever different for me now knowing that I have seen this man for the last time.

Bless you Hot Rod. Thanks for the memories.

Not all about the $

When it has come to work, I've always been about making money.

Working 2 jobs, no problem. Working long hours, no problem. Working off hours, no problem...

...until now.

I have learned something. Life, it isn't always about the money. It's about those crazy people in your life that make you whole. Missing out on it, has no price. Not to me.

Tonight I enjoyed a nice night with my wife and kids. It will continue to be this way.

I love you Sissypants!

Later.

Untitled

No matter where you go,
the choice is yours alone.
Words of wisdom whispered,
often go unheard.
Magnetic north is south,
south is west and east.
The path you choose to follow,
is made by your two feet.
Empty knowledge gained,
gospel preached in vain.
Lands of fairy tales and dreams,
words of make believe.
Reality is the heart,
that is where you should start.
Believe what you can see,
worry not in the ending.
Make this life worth living.

I could never quite understand why,
It was a dry tear my eye cried,
the day we said goodbye.
When all those late nights,
all those days ago,
would be filled with thoughts full of hate.
It would be all it would take,
to open my flood gates.
I could never quite understand why.
Years have come and gone,
memories fade to gray.
Although you are gone,
you are still here to this day.
I have been thankful for much less,
and regretted much more.
I will never understand why.

Working on change.

Autumn is right around the corner. This time of year will bring greetings of "Happy Fall Y'all" when visiting my parents house.

Seasons change and so do those things that affect life.

I am planning on making a job change. Everything sounds good, however I am leery since my last experience was less than positive. The job itself does not thrill me, it will be a job. I was hoping my next change would be my last and would be a career move. Perhaps getting into a job will be rewarding in other ways, such as providing some piece of mind. This move will be made for an uncertain future where I am and more so, to benefit my family. The new job offers amazing benefits to the tune of 100% paid family medical, dental & vision. That alone, will be a huge savings and an even bigger help if we need to use it.

Before going further, a belated birthday shout out to my son who turned 9 yesterday. Reading back through this blog you will see his place in my heart & life is special. I look forward to watching him grow even more.

I am some what saddened by making the job change. I suppose the sadness is really caused due to what the job has become and comparing that to what it once was. It is a shame really. It has come to this recently: "I gave one last fuck, and I'm taking it back." Morale is low that is for sure. In fact, it has been so damn long since work has had any sort of positive vibe to it I wouldn't know how to recognize it if it stood in front of me. Hopefully the new place is at least on an even keel when it comes to atmosphere.

Time will tell how this move goes. I will do my best, and I'm sure I'll do alright. A supportive family is a huge help. Again, this is more about them than it is me. I'm just doing my part to keep us where we need to be.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants"!

One of those days

Seems like a loosing battle today...

Weight machine, see you soon to iron out some things.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to all the pops out there.

There was a time in my life, seemingly not all that long ago where I thought I would never have a child, let alone children. I am very thankful to be able to share this day with my children & step children. You have given this day a very special meaning to me. I love you all.

I love you Sissypants.

Thinking...

...sometimes it helps, sometimes it does not.

I was thinking, just now, about life. I was looking at a photo of a friend from school days and started to think. He was pretty crazy back then. Then a hand full of years later we would end up working together for a short time at Shop Vac. Since his days in school he had gone through some pretty serious shit. Bad accident and all the aftermath. Then I was looking at a pic from his wedding day. He looked so happy.

I often struggle with happiness. Too damn often. It is no ones fault but my own I suppose. Not sure faulting myself is the answer as I have been this way seemingly forever. Depression? Not sure. There was a time I would say 100% for sure, with no doubt, it was a serious problem. These days, not so much. It is a rare day when I say I'm depressed. Perhaps the rare day is a day too many...

I have the most love in my life that I have ever had. It breaks my heart hearing my "Sissypants" say "I just don't understand" when I have certain days, certain moods. Trust me my love...I don't understand either.

It also get twisted, inside this head of mine, when I have these days. Feeling so bad, not wanting my children ever to have those feelings but also not wanting them to know I have feelings like that. It is certainly not their fault.

For the record - I feel perfectly fine right now. I'm in a good place. Money is tight, but right now I can shrug my shoulders and say, what can ya do?

There is no real point to this. I was just thinking...

Later.

I love you Julie!!

Oh hell there is a new addition!

Princess Eve joined us officially on Christmas Eve.

Black Sabbath 8/4/2013

If this was the last time I had the privilege of seeing Black Sabbath live, they left me with a night of performances I will never forget.

To me, the show was a 10 out of 10. Putting aside a opening act that got little attention paid to it (Sorry Andrew W.K. - no one gave a flying fuck). The band was tight, Ozzy had his voice, and the crowd was into it.

The highlights of the show for me were songs I have never witnessed live. For starters I had hoped, like hell, they would do Under the Sun. Sure enough, it followed Into the Void. Then of course the new cuts from the new album. End of the Beginning, Age of Reason, God is Dead, & Methademic. People can say what they will about the new stuff but it is only suppose to sound like one thing, and that is Black Sabbath.

Other high points for me were the already mentioned Into the Void, the opening number War Pigs is always fucking fantastic live, one hell of a bad ass drum solo, Christ I loved the whole show. Every. Fucking. Minute. Of. It.

Set List
1. War Pigs
2. Into the Void
3. Under the Sun
4. Snowblind
5. Age of Reason
6. Black Sabbath
7. Behind the Wall of Sleep
8. N.I.B.
9. End of the Beginning
10. Fairies Wear Boots
11. Methademic
12. Rat Salad
13. Drum Solo
14. Iron Man
15. God Is Dead?
16. Dirty Women
17. Children of the Grave
18 Encore: Paranoid
(Sabbath Bloody Sabbath intro)

The night was more special because I could share it with a life long friend. I'm glad you came, you old bastard. I knew you would enjoy it.

And of course nothing beats being able to bang your head, jump around and scream like doing it with your wife. I love you Sissypants!

I hope to see you again Black Sabbath. If I do not, this show will always be a special one!

Later.

Kida

Princess Kida if you want to be exact, by the AKC records. She certainly was a princess.

Today I lost a very important piece of my life. Kida was from the past, or as I jokingly refer to it as "from the before time", but very much a part of my present. She will be with me as my future unfolds, as she will never leave my heart.



This was her at her best, when her body was able along with her mind. The sands of time took her body from her, but not her mind. God damn, today has been a hard fucking day.

My dearest friend referred to her as "the good one". He couldn't be more right.

There was a period in my life when there was no sun shine. When there was nothing. When the nights were long and stormy and consumed all. Then I was presented with a gift that I thought was long lost to time and divorce. I wondered if she would remember me as it had been some months since we last saw one another. To my delight,she not only remembered me, but missed me.

Kida's loss hits me as hard as losing any family member. Punched in the gut hard.

I love you Kida. I am thankful your pain is gone. I regret that you are.

I will miss you dearly & cherish every laugh & tear you have brought to our family. Julie, Shaina, Connor & Garbielle share these feelings. We are all grateful for being able to say good-bye.

Love for you always.

8:51pm

Julie & Shaina are at the store. Gabby is sleeping. Connor is wide awake. Me, I'm me.

Don't feel the best. Sort of feel off. Brain hurts. Got a tooth that is not far behind. Ah, the joys of no dental insurance.

I really don't have much to say. Seems there are times, when I have time, I about the old blog. So, I decided to pay a visit, blow the dust off, and leave some ramblings.

I had a interview today. It went very well. It was a very laid back interview, far from the norm. There was really no structure to the interview. We chit chatted and that was that. That being said, the interviewer did not have information that he should have. That being insurance details!

Brodart continues to slow and I fear it dies more quickly with each day. I've never been in a situation where there was so much inaction. It's a shame. Working so close to home, with a decent wage is very nice.

I have a interesting interview set up for the 22nd of March. It's about 2 1/2 hours away. The place is willing to pay me mileage, which I find strangely intriguing. They are willing to pay me 57 cents a mile just to come talk to them. They of course, would not disclose the slightest bit of info regarding wage or benefits so it could end up being a complete waste of time. However, my curiosity is peaked and I'd hate to miss out on a golden opportunity.

My mother has been going through some health scares. Up to this point though, shes been able to navigate out of danger. One last hurdle to jump and hopefully she clears that one with grace. I love you mom!

Dad - you should be less of an asshole about the situation. That's all I have to say about that.

Julie his having struggles locating work. I am hopeful that something comes along soon or we'll be very much broke! We were lended a helping hand by a very old friend. Perhaps the oldest friend in my book of history. Why he did this I do not know. He certainly doesn't owe me anything. If anything I owe him, at least a conversation. I believe this is coming soon...anyway it would be great if this would work out.

I've been struggling, mightily, to find the energy to start working out again. If the day were even 2hr longer...

My cat is sitting so close to the heater in the hallway I don't know how he isn't melting.

Some of my friends are discovering happiness again. It is good to see this.

As I take a look around, this bedroom needs cleaned!

With a bit of trim work, which we are hopeful to complete this weekend, our kitchen will be nearly 100% complete. All that will remaining is redoing the plumbing for the sink and installing a new faucet. It is by far, the best looking kitchen I've ever been a part of. My sissypants is the best Susey Homebuilder!

I've rambled enough. Time to take some tags.

Later.

I love you Julie!!

A long day has brought me to this.

Tired...very tired.

Looking back.

Blog, I found myself speaking about you a very short time ago.

I'd like to thank you for whatever it was that you gave me. When the days were dark and the emotions were darker you allowed me to share it with you.

I love you "sissypants"

Later!

Rant

Oh how much do I despise this new layout. Motherfucking hospital bills & the phone calls that follow them. Looking forward to getting "fucked up" this weekend. Later. I love you Sissypants!

What the?

Don't work on the blog in months... ...come back to it & it's all changed.

Hello Blog...

...I think I will find some time for you.

Jotted this down...

...inspired by the amount of nothing.

Untitled
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.
Trapped inside a box,
with an open eye.
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.

The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.
How the hell,
do I open it?
The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.

Day is night,
and night is day.
Life is not,
suppose to be this way.
Day is night,
and night is day.

How many #2...

I was looking back over my post on how many cars I've had and I thought it would be "neat" to list the jobs I've had since graduating in 1996. By the way, 15 year high school reunion was canceled due to a poor turn out. I was looking forward to being the drunkest fucker there...

Bastian Tires Sales 1996-1998 Note: Dad calls me up 3 day before graduating "Want a job?" Yes I say...2 years was more than enough.

Shop-Vac 1998-2002 Note: 4 years of weight loss, ass busting, and getting shit on daily. Outties.

First Quality 2002-2003 Note: 9 month gig of stacking boxes. To boot, after 9 months they tell me to cut my hair. I tell them where to go.

David R. Webb Co. 2003-2007 Note: I was out of work for about 3 months when this came along. I enjoyed it. My first job in parts!

Lowe's 2006-2007 Note: Part time job I had for about 6 months. Note bad, but got burned out. Sold the house I had with the ex, so I didn't need to do it any more!

Andritz 2007 Note: Accepted this position for the fact it paid more & was first shift. Had it 3 months then they decided to downsize. Get shit canned the day before we were moving.

Grizzley 2007 Note: Temp job, worked it for 2 weeks when I realized I could do something else...

PCS 2007 - Present Note: Some friends of mine biz. Left Grizzley and started working there. At that time I was getting 30 hours a week there plus unemployment. Today I only get a few hours, but it is still nice to be able to help out friends when need & make a little extra cheddar in the process.

Brodart 2008-2011 Note: Traffic Coordinator. Started out shitty but once I spoke up and everyone saw the light it was a good job. The company didn't do much for you in terms of benefits but it was close to home. Too bad they cut our hours and too bad the company survives on educational funding. In 10 years will they still be open? I don't think so. Had to take my show on the road.

Quality Carriers 2011 Note: Dispatch Manager. Up to this point you can see I've had a few jobs. I can not remember having a job I hated this much. Poorly run company from top to bottom.

Kellogg's 2011 Note: Parts Dept. This is where I am now. Other than the drive I can't complain too much. Back to the night shift...where it all began.

Do I expect to be on my last journey? My track record says no, and so do I. I just do not understand how some folks can do the same job for years and years. My father has worked for the same employer since 1976 & my mother the same since 1978.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Words without much thought

I changed jobs recently. The new job isn't turning out how I had hoped it would. Really, I'm not sure how I hoped it would turn out. Better than it is. But, when you work somewhere & they take hours away from you you have to do something. I'm sure some day I'll move on from the new place and onto another. Perhaps I should just spin the wheel and see what it lands on for my next choice. Fast food service? Joy!

Bought a 1973 Lincoln recently. I have every intention on getting it back to mint condition. It may take a couple years but if I can help it, it will stay. My dad had one of these when I was a kid. Thinking back and looking back, that car brings back some of my best memories from my father who rarely was seen sober. So, one of the highlights of getting this car was seeing his reaction. It was as I hoped, and it brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart. If only for a moment...

I've decided that I've tried enough and that I'm done trying to figure out what the hell is going on with a friend of mine. All I can say is, cheers.

One of these days I'll get a hair cut, I swear.

I've been lacking motivation on just about everything lately. I'm not sure if it's the job situation or what. I'm fairly sure it is because I'm am pretty happy with how things have been going on the home front. If only Shaina would quit breaking and if Gabby would spit out her marbles all would be grand.

Fell down the front steps the other day. Back is staring to come around.

I love my new computer. Thanks G. Now if I could only find a new desk so that I could hook up both machines like the plan calls for.

Uncle Sam was good to us again this year. Now we are just waiting on the wonderful state to deposit. We've got a few projects line up. Roof repair, finish the kitchen, turn this computer room into a 4th bedroom, expand out back parking, rebuild and expand the back stoop, make a path from the house to the parking...christ I need to make a list.

I'm finding myself the soberest I can remember ever being as an adult. It's actually not so bad.

Later.

I love you Sissypants.

Second time around

Well, I had the pleasure of seeing Ozzy twice this year. Once at Ozzfest, then on 12/3 in NJ at the IZOD Center (which I will forever call the Contential Airlines Arena). I did not realize until the day of the show, that it was Ozzy's birthday day. This kicked my already geared up ass into another.

G & my "Sissypants" were along this time. G was gracious enough to not only drive, but to allow us to use the Prius. Thanks G!

We had pretty decent seats, although they were not what I was expecting. The opening act was Halford. No disrespect intended, but seeing him at Ozzfest was enough. The second time around didn't really float my boat, although some lads in front of us & to the right were rather enjoying his set.

To me, any Ozzy show is a good show. I have seen the man in concert 19 times now dating back to 1996. Ozzfest this year & this show have been the two best shows in recent memory. I managed to see one I've never seen live before in Killer of Giants. This is an amazing song live & I'm thankful I had the chance to see it. Why, for all those years with Zakk they never played anything from "The Ultimate Sin" album is beyond me. Other highlights in my eyes were: Faries Wear Boots, Into the Void, NIB, No More Tears. You just don't hear his solo band play this shit every show! The set list in no particular order:

War Pigs
NIB
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Paranoid
Rat Salad (Band Jam)
I Don't Know
Mr. Crowley
Suicide Solution
Crazy Train
Bark at the Moon
Killer of Giants (This was a first for me)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I Don't Want to Change the World
Mama I'm coming Home
Road to Nowhere
No More Tears
Scream

20 fucking great Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath songs performed on the man's 62nd birthday. There was a point in the show wear they stopped the show & some folks from behind the curtain came out with a cake and we ALL sang Happy Birthday. As I said, I have been to 19 concerts, once on a birthday. This show, will be with me for a very long time.

Until next year, thanks Ozzy!

Later.

I love you Julie.

33

Is my age.

Thought I had a new job all lined up, that was until I found out how much the health insurance was. Where I am now, it racks me almost $29 a week. This new place, although paying almost $3 more an hour to start, costs $109.25 a week! WTF...so just as with Spock, the search continues.

This has hit me fairly hard, as my hopes were as high as I was in say 1998. Where I work now is a joke, a disappointment, a place where it pains me to care. No one else seems to but yet I can't shake that shred of feeling in me for my place of employment. I wish I could, then I truly would not care. Hey look, those guys get over time while these guys get 20 hours a week. How does that work anyway?...

12/3/2010 = Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

Seems that I will probably have to be taking a second wave of antibiotics for the fucking insect that bit me. Yes to diseases!

My "Sissypants" helps the friend move. I am getting back to helping the house look better.

Later.

I love you Julie.

How many?...

Just had a conversation about how many vehicles I have had. Here you go in chronological order:

1. 1979 Mercury Zephyr (wrecked it)
2. 1978 Pontiac Bonneville (traded it)
3. 1988 Chevy K5 Blazer (traded it)
4. 1978 Mercury Marquis (traded it)
5. 1988 Dodge Ram 4x4 (traded it)
6. 1990 Chevy Silverado Extended cab 4x4 (traded it)
7. 1979 Oldsmobile 98 (I miss it to this day, parked it)
8. 1988 Chevy Cheyenne (sold it on ebay)
9. 1978 Lincoln Continental (sold it on ebay to some dude in London)
10. 1997 Ford F-150 4x4 (traded it)
11. 1997 Chevy Blazer 4x4 (sold it)
12. 1990 Ford Thunderbird (sold it)
13. 1999 Ford Windstar (sold it)
14. 1992 Lincoln Town Car (current)
15. 2005 Chrysler Pacifica (current)
16. 1977 Ford F-250 (current)

Ozzfest 2010

Greetings.

First off, I have made the trek to Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. I was quite happy to see it return this year, let alone return to Pitt. It felt like coming home being back there...

Unlike years past, I was not there bright and early with bells on. Honestly, most of the bands on the second stage I was unfamiliar with so I did not feel overwhelmed to get there early.

We (my wife & I) got there with enough time to see BLS, who were kicking some ass. We would have been there about an hour sooner, but fucking the traffic & construction was insane there for awhile.

I was pretty underwhelmed with the main stage until the Crue took it. I am not a fan. I found however, just like in years past with bands like Judas Priest, Slayer, Lamb of God, etc, I really enjoyed the show. I tip my hat to the Crue.

Now seeing Ozzy at least once a year since 1996 (except for '09 of course) I have seen him do very well, and I have seen him do very poorly. I can say honestly as an Ozzy fan or not, Ozzy was right on the money last night. I can not remember the last time I saw him & heard him perform so well. The set was amazing. I don't know about you out there, but I for one was happy not to hear "Mama I'm coming home". I'd take "Into the Void" everytime...

Parting words about Gus G.

If I were one of Ozzy's former guitar players and I was at that show, I would say, that new kid just played that as I would have & played the fuck out of it. Say what you will but I for one, am happy that he's on board.

Parting words on the 9 year old being at the show:

What a surprise! That little bastard sure can play. I like the classic Randy Rhodes pose Ozzy did by picking the kid up.

Last thoughts:

Please, let me see you next year Ozzfest at Pittsburgh.

I do not remember the correct order but here is what was played last night in album release order:

Paranoid (Closer, surprise surprise)
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Crazy Train
Mr. Crowleyjavascript:void(0)
Suicide Solution
I Don't Know
Bark At The Moon (Opened with)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I don't want to change the world
Road to no where
Let me hear you scream
Plus one hell of a band jam!

A story of a gift.

I know this guy. His story goes like this...

...Guy says "Johnny, I'm going to be up your way in about 10 min. Can you come out to the parking lot?"

I say sure.

So I go out there and the dude pulls up.

First time I ever met him face to face actually.

We exchange hellos and hand shakes.

He gets out of his truck (which is a Harley Davidson edition Ford F150)

Opens up the back door and hands me a box.

The dude says enjoy and says he has to get going.

So I take the box to the Lincoln.

Open it up.

What do I find?

An autographed Ozzy Osbourne guitar.

Empty evening

My wife has spent most of our married life being a stay at home mom. With the cost of child care it would be ridiculous for us to both work and basically one of us working for nothing more than paying a babysitter/day care. She has worked jobs here and there. The deli, the hotel, the factory, and now the retail store. The latest is third shift, a shift I have spent almost my entire working life working. Up until about 3 years ago that is. This is not the first time we have been down this road.

I am sitting here while I should be trying to sleep. Our children are camping in there room in a tent they made out of a blanket. My step-daughter is away at camp for a week. I, wrote this with hopes it would ease my mind for tonight...

Empty evening

An evening without you by my side,
fills me with an emptiness I can not hide.
I miss you while you are gone,
and I miss you while you sleep.
Although I know we are in a time of need,
my need for you will never recede.
In your nights I hope you find the time,
to fill your mind with thoughts of you and I.
I will forever be yours,
and you mine.
Until we next meet,
I love you for all of time.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

Look what I found.

One can only be sure of so many things in life. Such as the sun will rise and set until the sun is no more.

It's very strange, finding yourself in thought. Who's voice is that you hear? It sounds like mine, but it says things that makes my head spin.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so they say. The proof is in the pudding, another saying.

I go to work in the morning and in the evening some days.

I don't think I ever posted about purchasing a home. I did. After all that work and after all the help I have been given, it finally worked out. What a long ass struggle. What a worthy prize. My thanks I can not express enough.

If I had to pick my least favorite Uncle right now, it would be Uncle Sam.

Lets say I have 2 million dollars to build a warehouse. I sure as hell would make sure it was what I needed. Some people apparently, like to spend 2 million dollars on making bricks without straw...

Ozzfest 2010. Pittsburgh, I've missed you.

Would like to drop 20 more pounds and then go for more.

Drinking is not what it once was.

Freedom is not what it once was either.

The fire burns, just not so much.

My kids are crazy, and I love them so much for it.

The pill is round & blue with a W.

The pool turns green then clear again. They say the water is ok for you eyes.

If I ran the country every week would have a 3 day weekend. Of those 3 days, I'd like to spend them all with my "Sissypants".

Later.

I love you Julie.

Facebook is not the same as this...

I’m sorry for my neglect…

I’ve been sick for about 4 days. Finally feeling like I've turned the corner. In this time I’ve lost 10lbs. Not the ideal way to loose weight but I will look at it as a benefit. 30lbs more would be great.

So I’m finally a home owner again. A long road traveled but it’s finally happened. Work was slowing and we need to act if we were going to be able to buy. A friend of mine was (still is, long story) going through a divorce and he was just going to let the bank take the house. It’s not the nicest house on the planet but with some more elbow grease & time it will certainly be much better. We have already fixed up the dining room and it looks much better. Up next is the upstairs bathroom but that is waiting until income tax time. Which thankfully, is right around the corner. We should be able to get the first time home buyers credit which would be a great BIG help to us.

All goes well for the most part on the home front. I will keep my opinions on certain situations and a certain someone to myself.

Where is our heating assistance?

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you fall down drunk and fuck up your knee? I know someone who did. That too, is feeling much better about a month later.

www.rftsband.com Check it out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Run away

Run away from the mess you made.
Can’t you see,
that you’re afraid?
In your eyes you may be brave.
Proving a point,
that does not need made
In your wake you leave a maze.
There will be no mouse,
chasing the cheese.
In each turn,
more questions than answers can be found.
Choose your steps wisely,
and choose your friends well.
In your decision,
you have chosen yourself.
The time runs thin.
Where will you run to,
when time runs out?

I love you Julie.

Taking a break

New video card was a bitch to get working but now it works. Something is still a miss and I'm growing tired of trying to figure it out, so I'm taking a break.

Started cleaning up and organizing the computer, as I said I would once it was up and running again. Thing is a fucking mess, how did I let this happening. Fuck it, I'm taking a break.

If you are a long reader of this blog or not you may have read about my long history of trying to buy a house after selling a house that was nothing but the wrong thing. Well I am home owner once again with my "sissypants". We purchased it off my old box stacking friend Dan. It was amazing how everything seemed to come together and work out in the end. We loved the home we were in. Me not so much the home, but it's location. This house is in town and for a person who once was a towny, you'd think I'd be cooler with the notion of being back in town than I am. I'm thinking 5 year plan. Julie says 7 year plan, we'll be down to two kids in the house. I can dig 7 years. In that time I know the upstairs bathroom will be redone (probably a new tub/shower this year at income tax time) a new roof in another year or two plus countless other jobs. I love owning a home. Shit, the mortgage payment is $51 less than I was paying in rent.

Thanks to Marlene for all her patience and understanding.

Work is going alright but it could be better. I got a dollar raise not so long ago so that always helps. But some times & some days I need a break.

Work after work is always fine.

There are some good clips of Ozzy from a couple days ago playing live w/ a new guitarist named Gus G, he's pretty good. I look forward to hearing some new material and seeing the old man live again. Fucking no Ozzfest this year, and I'm going crazy. I guess even Ozzy Osbourne needs a break.

Yankees are on a roll baby!

Weight loss has hit a stand still at 40lbs. Phase two starts on Monday when everything gets back on track.

Break time is over.

Recent events

Much has changed in the world of JW who is John. As soon as my computer is up & running again at home (my videocard resembles a toasted marshmellow) I will open the gates and let the thoughts run free.

Greetings

Not much to say, so hello.

How was your Saturday night?

Inspired by the events of last night. I really should make a blog just for my writing but until I do, enjoy...

Untitled

I have witnessed the man,
extinguish the flame.
Knowing moving forward,
it would never be the same.
Times of change fill the clock face,
the hands never standing still.
It will be,
what you will it to be.
Through pain & darkness the journey is selfish,
one that must be traveled alone.
One never forgets when they see the light,
that they themselves have lit.

Camping

It's time to go camping with the whole clan PLUS the Kline's.

Special appearances by:

Dan & Melissa
Ed & Felicia
Garrett & Kelley

I will make sure to post some pics and stories!

Uncle Danny

Was the wild one of the bunch. That is until I grew up.

He passed over the weekend. He was 46.

I have had very little time to reflect and to ponder things. The one thing that I have thought about is that 46 is only 15 years away for me. My children, will still be children.

I'll miss you Uncle Danny. I'll never forget you.

Forever my story.

I feel like opening up this mind of mine.

When I was a kid I would sit on the stairs at my Aunts house while everyone enjoyed themselves at Christmas time. Good eats, good times. All the while I would sit there, and wonder what I was doing there. Waiting and hoping my parents would finally call it a day so we could leave. Why was I this way?

For the record my family was the only family to show up at my Aunts this Christmas. Whatever that may or may not mean.

Why am I this way?

Easter is a holiday that brings to me candy wrappers on the floor, kids eating too much crap, arguing about who had what out of who's basket, stuff like that. To my "sissypants" it is much more. It is a time for the family's to gather in our home and eat food that she prepares.

It has been a terrible day. If I had it to do all over again, I would have stayed in bed. I would have faked a sickness.

I enjoy what time I can get to myself. I enjoy when it is just all of our clan under one roof. I enjoy it when our kids are on a reasonable behavior level, not on some limit less scale of acting a fool.

For better or worse I say with a tear in my eye, I am who I am.

And right now, I am sorry for it...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Silent ink

I could not tell you the last time I sat down with the music loud, and the fire burning. I simply do not remember. So I sat down with my thoughts and this what I have come up with.


Silent ink

One more drop of ink,
leaks,
from this pen.
I don't care,
if it's the last.
From across the room or down the hall,
a snake will always strike,
the venom flows.
A fire's smoke and amber glow,
takes me from my feet,
mends my bones.
The hour is late,
and it will not wait.
Final thoughts not yet said,
as the ink stains once again.
You have been with me seemingly forever,
my silent friend.


Later.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

I've read no Ozzfest this year. If there ever were going to be a year I'd miss it'd be because of this.

The new year has seen 21 pounds leave my frame. Last month was not as productive as January, but I had aliments! A bum toe sidelined most of the last 2 weeks of the month. But after a visit to my doctor (the first since 2002) I'm back bitches.

I got a $1 raise today. I can say since I've been a working man, that is the biggest pay increase I've ever seen. I've worked harder, done more, gave more, for much less for all my working life. So when I was having my review and my boss was telling me such things as "It is very good that my boss knows who you are" or "Everyone notices and appreciates your efforts" I was a little taken by it. I've never been a part of something like that. I've always been taken for granted, pissed on and ultimately shit on in the end which resulted in me leaving in one way or another. I am even penciled in for another review in October, something that not everyone gets: Two reviews per year. Now hopefully business will pick up...

Ebony. Must. Go.

My baby girl is suffering through some sickness. I tell you, she is her own person that is for sure.

Connor is telling me his leg hurts.

He's getting that from Shaina, who went roller skating for less than a half hour and has a broken leg to show for it.

As for Drew, I won't even go there.

The wheels are turning on buying a home. Praise baby jesus.

Wish us all luck!

Later.

I love you Julie.

For my sissypants

It's been awhile since I've posted.  I can't think of a better reason to.

Loves Lesson

In a mere moment,

that is all it takes.

All I must do is close my eyes,

and I am taken to a place where times stands still.

To a moment that changed forever,

and with it you and I.

I will always remember the words I spoke,

where we were and how you looked.

Over coming the fear was easy,

once I listened to my heart.

There was never any question,

there was never any doubt.

As my eyes are open,

and time moves on I am always reminded,

of loves lesson.

I love you Julie.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hanging out

We've been doing a bit of it lately. We invite a few people over, only a couple ever come and we enjoy playing some cards. We usually cut loose on the week ends and have some drinks. Us being the hosts, enjoy a slow burn too. Last night for example, the night didn't end until 4am. We don't just enjoy late parties with beer. We also enjoy relaxing, just playing rummy or a couple new games G has introduced to us. A night of these games is fine too.

Why anyone would not want to have a good time with or without the booze is something I can't understand, totally. I know what it's like to be so down in the dumps you look above and see nothing but darkness. I have dug holes that have reached the sky. Looking back, and probably ahead these times will be seen again. If you have a choice, and with all that I have seen in my life, choose to have some fun, cut loose. There really is no time for anything else.

I know that is easier said then done. So is saying I'm going to loose weight, again. Year after year. However with some work you can say I lost 6 pounds this week. I can say this. The most difficult thing, is trying to keep my mind off of food if I find myself "thinking" I'm hungry. Thinking, because I'm not hungry, I just think I am. This should be an interesting adventure.

To all my friends, your awesome and my life would not be the same without you.

I have rambled on long enough.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Rode the bike...

...now it's Julie's turn. Black Label Society is in my ear holes. Death March is the song.

No matter what, life right now is good.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Another Christmas

Wait let me change that, another low income Christmas. I have often (very often) found myself over the years dreaming, wondering, hoping that one day the burden of a past life would end. The past has lived with me seemingly forever when it comes to debt. This year should be the last year that we struggle as I have a few bills coming off the books at income tax time. I feel bad, even knowing it's not about the gifts, that I do not have presents stacked to the ceiling for my kids. This year was no different than the last few. Choosing to buy gifts, really tightens the noose around the neck. We will struggle next month, as we have for the past who knows how many. Merry Christmas.

I find myself home alone with having intentions of working but with that work already being complete, i know find myself at a loss. I will probably kick it around here burning boxes and wrapping paper, doing some laundry, shooting bitches perhaps. It is a dad's life.

Luckily my kids keep me in line. Oh and my wife, she likes to beat that ass from time to time.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I have no point.

Do I need one?

I find myself in one of those moods. A mood where I feel like I could do anything at anytime. A mood where I look at everything and appreciate it for what is. It's nice, I'd like more of it.

I'm trying to give a router away on freecycle. It's a great idea. People have things they no longer want, and they simply list them as freebies for whoever may want them. Such a simple concept! I figured this router would go very quickly. I admit, I received a lot of replies. However, I do not think people read the listing, asking me questions that I provided the answers for in the description. I guess it's like anything, except my listing didn't contain and small print or the use of clever adjectives! I believe I have someone lined up. We'll see if it actually comes together.

We've had a couple good get together recently, and they've gone over very well. We'd like to have another this coming Friday. Oh what a grand thought.

I now feel like getting into something! Thanks for reading.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Almost there

The road is leading to 31 it ends Wed, 11/19.

Last night we partied, oh yes, we partied. There were two guests that I had not seen a good amount of years, and guests that I have not gone without seeing for years. Together, we laughed, we shouted, some smoked and some did not, most importantly we shared an awesome night together. I love having times like these. I would not trade them for anything.

Thank you my "sissypants" for putting all this together. If it were not for her, times like these would be far and few in between.


One of these days I will have a post of substance, but for now leave here knowing at this moment, I feel fine.

Later.

I love you Julie.

One of those days...

I'm feeling off today. A feeling I'm far too familiar with. I wish it would stop. Please stop.

Look what I found

Time.

You know what entertains me at work? When truck drivers call for directions that I can barely understand. Take for instance the man I just spoke with. He's going on and on and I ask "Where are you now?". His answer, "Downtown somewheres". Thanks dude, that helps me a lot. Do me a favor and call your dispatch because I'm sure as hell not your GPS...

I hooked up this little stereo I've had since I was 18 in my office (still doesn't sound right, me having an office) and I was listening to a CD I created especially for work. My neighbor in the office next to me is Jerry. He's the production manager and has treated me like no one ever has in all my years of working. He comes over and peeks his head in and asks, "Are you ok? I thought I heard some one killing a cat!" That's right, I love to listen to the sound of pussy screaming!

I'm feeling very light hearted at the moment.

We are going out to eat tonight as a whole. All of us, in one place, at one time, to eat. You have been warned. DO NOT go to Bonanza in Williamsport PA tonight if you want to dine in peace & quiet.

I wish someone would bail me out from all my failures. Yes, I'm talking about our economy. Sure, I'm scared and worried but you know what? This didn't happen over night, and everyone gets what they deserve. I was happy to see Washington Mutual go out! I' m sure if you flipped through the pages that would be my blog you'd find my thoughts about them somewhere. To me, a bail out is not the answer. Tax me higher, I understand. Bring everyone home from a war that no one seems to give to fucks about, I'd understand even more. Cut backs, yes I understand. The future is more than a day away, it's as far as my eye can see. I'll suffer, so my children can suffer less and maybe, just maybe, enjoy their lives.

My "Sissypants" has been working 1st shift for 2 weeks now and it's awesome. I told her, to me, it's like nothing has changed. I get up, we leave together. I get home, and she's home. She seems to be doing ok. She is still adjusting to factory work or I should say other factory workers. There are all sorts, and to each their own...

Creep is just an ageless song. I wish I was special, so fucking special.

Ok I think I'm out. Blog, I've missed you.

Later!

I love you Julie.

Been a long time

One of these days I'll find some time...

Ozzfest 2008

The road

We were on the road about 6:30pm after eating at Burger King in Lock Haven Thursday 8/7. Then the miles started to add up as did the hours. We drove for about 9 hours stopping to sleep at a Rest Area in Indy. The next morning brought a wonderful 14 hours on the road. For as far as we went and for all the states we hit, construction on the way down was at a minimum, even though in many areas it could have used some. We arrived at a hotel around midnight only to find it was book. After about a half hour of calling around we found a room for two nights about 9 miles away from Pizza Hut Park.

After one hell of a fucking show we got back to the hotel at 12:30am (In Texas 12:30am = 92 degrees outside) slept and were back on the road the next day. We drove for 14 hours Sunday stopping in the same spot on the way home to sleep as we did the first night on the road. After a terrible few hours of sleep (I found myself sleeping on a picnic table) we finished up the last 6 1/2 hours and I got home 5:30pm Monday.

Total time down about 23 hours.
Total time home about 20 hours.

I saw many places I didn't think I would going to Texas. Some of them would be Africa, Dublin, Venice, Miami, just to name a couple. I saw more of the country than I have in my previous 30 years on the planet having touched Ohio, Missouri, Indy, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Texas of course.

GPS = Why leave home without it. This thing was fucking awesome and if we ever find ourselves in a position to take vacations regular like we will own one of these. It was our live safer in finding a hotel when the one we pulled into was book. It let us know when a better route was available, step by step directions and we didn't get lost once. It would let you know about a mile a head of time when attention was needed. Example, Keep left on 279 or take ramp on right to 44. Even though Ben & I referred to it as our bitch (due to it's woman robotic voice) it was the MVP of the trip.

The car: 2008 Suzuki SX4. For such a little car it only got 30 mpg. It ran fine, was a little tight and terrible on gas for it's size.

The show

My my my, look at me this year, this is not Pittsburgh people. Nope, this is fucking Dallas, Texas. Home of Pizza Hut Park and home of Ozzfest 2008 the only show for the year! We got to the show around 10am and parked about 3 blocks away. Park close to the park was $30! Parking about 3 blocks away was $20, so $20 wins. After smuggling in my contraband for a 13th consecutive year we hit the second stage for awhile. The bands were good, but I couldn't understand a word out of their mouths. It's a good way to get your blood pumping in prep for the main stage.

We decided to bail on the second stage to go check out the field. When we got over there it was pretty quiet as the stage was still being set up and a handful of people were chilling down front. You see usually the area right down front is blocked off but for some reason they had the gates wide open to get down there so Ben and I decided to get "down front" and down front we were. After realizing we had prime time spots so we didn't leave. We watched as the roadies goofed off some, filmed us a little and took some pictures. Before you knew it the band In this Moment took the stage.

In this Moment is fronted by a chic. She came out wearing some sort of dress. I said to myself, what the fuck is this? Well friends, they showed me exactly what the fuck it was. They kicked fucking ass. I know none of their songs or albums but can tell you I will be giving their stuff a listen. A great way to open the stage. I give them a 8 only because their set was short.

Next was Apocalyptica. A drummer, and four guys playing Cellos. No vocals even though they did have a guy come out and sing one song. I was pleasantly surprised by this band. They covered a few Metallica (more on these fuckers soon)tunes, did some sick classical shit and a few originals. I thought they played a little long but they were enjoyable.

Shadows fall was up next and honestly as I am racking my brain I can't recall them at all...

Cavalera Conspiracy followed and this band was pretty good. I didn't care much for the vocals but they put on a good show and rocked the fuck out of everybody.

Ok here is where I thought I was going to start to get the bang for my buck. The front man from Korn has a solo projoect, Jonathan Davis . His band comes out all dressed in suits and he comes out last wearing and all black suit with a red tie. I was preparing for a beating as up to this point mosh pits were every fucking wear and I thought to myself how is this going to be, the lead singer of Korn, we are going to die out here! Well, I was very unhappy with his solo stuff. He even did 2 Korn songs and they were not all that. Jonathan Davis does not equal Korn, nor should it. I was let down and would pass on the chance to see him solo ever again.

Texas's own Hellyeah was next. This was something special as at the end of the set it included a tribute to Dimebag Darrel (guitarist shot and killed on stage from Pantera). You see his brother is the drummer in Hellyeah. The tribute include 3 Pantera songs, appearances by Ian from Antrax, Jerry Contrel & Mike Inez from Alice in Chains. There was an acoustic version of "Wish you were Here" by Pink Floyd. It saw Dimebags long time girlfriend on vocals. Even though she doesn't have the best voice, it was the purpose, ya know?

Up next was Serj Tankian the lead man from System of a Down. I was preparing for another let down but man, did he kick the shit out of us. System = Serji, Serji = System. He didn't cover on System song but I would go see him again, and again, and again. Great show, and great top hats guys!

Who's that guy that was next? Oh shit, Ozzy Osbourne? Oh fuck yes. The moment his intro movies came on I knew I had made the right decision in going all that fucking way. It was just a great show. I would say it's the best show I've seen him do in a few years. He looked rested, fresh, and sounded great. It looked like he was having a good time out there. Wearing devil horns and a crown at one point, gifts from the folks down front. He was slotted for only 75 minutes but played well past that. His set included 2 songs that I have never had the pleasure of seeing him play. Those being Fire in the Sky & I don't wanna stop. The total set included in no particular order:

Bark at the moon - Opener
I don't know
Mr. Crowley
Crazy Train
Fire in the Sky
War Pigs
Iron Man
Paranoid - Closer
No More Tears
Road to nowhere
I don't want to change the world
Mama I'm coming home
I don't wanna stop
Not going away
Here for you

After the show there was a nice fire work display. Ozzy, you made my year. I'll see you next year!

That's it right? Not this summer boys and girls. This year we have Metallica closing. Even though I feel a little funny about Metallica closing I was looking forward to it. There was quite a delay in between them and Ozzy as they had to prepare the stage but once they came on, it fucking hit the roof. Loud, classic, new, and in your fucking face. It was great to see them again. I saw them in 1996 on their "Poor mans tour" and I was too fucked up to remember much more other than I was in the last row of seats.

Thoughts from down front

You see from 1997-2007 I have gone to Pittsburgh for Ozzfest and I have always been on the hilside. A place that you can sit down, relax, smoke some weed and move away from any danger that may be approaching. Not this year, oh hell no. This year I would say I was only 20' away from the stage, and with such a kick ass spot comes a price. The price, getting your ass kicked all day long. I saw a man get his eye fucked up. I got destroyed by a crowd surfer at one point and went on to rock. I'm a big man. Slight over 6' and almost 300 (I've lost 11 pounds with ease and the rest must need work) I was in a spot that was suited for an ironing board. I've never smelled so much B.O. in my life. I witnessed a little kid get dropped crowd surfing and heard the crowd go "Awww". So many boobs, so few words. I saw two concession workers braving the crowd get absolutely ran over by one massive crowd push. I was on the outer ring of a pit more times than I can count, pushing those fuckers right back in where they came from. With all this said, I do not see how I can ever go to an Ozzfest again, without being down in the shit. I was close enough to get wet from the hoses, and even Ozzy's water/foam gun. Being able to look up on the stage and feel as if, hey he can actually see me is awesome. I am ready.

In closing

Year #13 is in the fucking books. It was worth every second and every dime it took. I will see you next year. I missed Julie more than she will know as well as my rugrats. Their thoughts filled my mind and heart most of my time away. It was a different experience being apart that long. My only hope is that next year, Julie gets to come!

Later.

I love you Julie.

First things first

A report on my Ozzfest '08 adventure will be coming, but first things first.

Thank you Ben!

I love you Julie!!!!!

Groups of 4

One of these days...

Untitled

If I could hide the face,
and all the rest,
behind a wall, a solid wall
it would still not be silenced.

The pain is like a chain around my neck,
it trips me over my steps,
it's rust stains my flesh,
the chain around my neck.

The steps I leave behind,
will always be followed with a line,
no matter how I try,
I can not change my mind.

Thoughts from a get together

What a nice night for hanging out outside by a fire and drinking. Who would want to pass on such a thing? I really missed a couple people, but you can't pull teeth when your not a dentist. I am hopeful that the distance in logistics is the only distance...

Somethings I remember are:

• Is it creek, or creek? When is dinner and is it supper?
  
• I thought you were going to that bar to bring back a girl and not a bald headed dude?
  
• I'm not sure we ever had the right ratio for snake bites.
  
• What a wonderful rain. We didn't play enough.
  
• Checking your phone? Where did you go?

I wish when get togethers happened everyone just let go of everything and enjoyed the time to the fullest. I understand a pace but don't poo poo things. Go with the flow and the flow last night was going very well even when the rains did come.

Come to my house next time friends. Even though you may not think it, you'll have fun.

Two posts, one day?

Lost feeling

Driving at night,
with the window down.
The radio glew blue,
as I heard the sound.
Turning away,
turning away,
turn away and you'll be saved
Walking away,
walking away,
always walking never running.
Make a stand,
stand for something.
In the end,
I find a beginning.
The lost feeling...

The unspoken power of the written word

I’ve sat down at the keyboard. Let us see what happens.

When Ozzmosis came out way back in 1995 I did not like track #3. Not one bit, I’d even skip the fucking thing. As I sat outside at lunch time today over the years I’ve come to love it. I’m not the same person I was back in 1995, but yet in so many ways I am…

If only my spoken words brought me comfort & peace, like my written.

My “sissypants” & I had a wonderful time camping this weekend w/ G & K. We went canoeing as well. Julie had never been and I was only once as a child. I’m sure I had no part in navigation at that time. I must say I rather enjoyed my canoe time. Much more than the time spent walking the fucking thing up the creek. We really only had one close call with tippage. Other than that it was pretty much smooth sailing the entire time on the water. At camp things started badly for us with Julie and I (mostly just Julie, I wouldn’t have notice anything until we unpacked) noticing we looked short handed. We had forgotten all of our sleeping stuff, cloths, and personal care products! OH GOD! Stuck in the woods with no personal care products. I digress. (Just a note here, I don’t think it is possible for anyone to forget anything with the tote system Mr. & Mrs. GaS had) After we finally settled on a camp site (Why yes, the one without the garbage pile is much nicer) and set up the tent we took a stroll to the outhouse. Once we get up there this janitor pulls up in a van. I ask him if he’s going to Jersey Shore, and he says yes. So I hope in with this strange janitor and he takes me back to the Blazer without asking for money or assplay.

Once I get the Blazer I head back to camp. The parking was not so close to camp as I had a long walk with some not so light bags I’d expect no less. About half way through my trip my fellow campers meet me and carrying the gear the rest of the way. There are two happenings about this tale that make me scratch my head. The first and most obvious, what are the chance of running into anyone with motorized transport near a primitive camp ground? Second, how fortunate for me that G,K, and SP take a chance by walking a certain way and it was the right way at the right time.

One more thing before I forget. Brenda, was delicious. Fucking, delicious. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you.

After getting all settled and squared away, things went very good at camp. Lots of munchies, great burgers and dogs over an open fire. The beer, lets not forget the beer. Every drop of it was gone, including the evil vodka flask. I’m happy to report that this guy right here, was president for much of the evening. The same can not be said for some other asshole though…

There have been some major goings on here at work that have gotten me to the point of contentment. It is a good thing too, because I know it was only a matter of time before I would have been out of here with the way things were going. I’ve never worked anywhere, where they’ve seemed to care about me. Not my number, but me. It is a wonderful change of pace.

This post has made me feel good. The power, is amazing.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thoughts from the road

Just got back from Kentucky early this morning.

Shortly after arriving in KY I noticed they do not take very good care of their road side scenery. Ugly. Grass was way to high, garbage was everywhere. Their bridges sucked. Seemed like every seam at the beginning and end of a bridge had separated from the road. Also, lots of adult entertainment choices for all those solders. Nothing like driving along and seeing those high rise signs for food, gas, and ADULT!

Ohio, seemed to go by quickly. They had a couple good rock stations. Ones that played classics that were not Rod Stewart, and ones that played the good stuff!

My grandfathers "service"...

I could go on and on about my thoughts on the service, but the only thing that really matter is that my grandfather was put to rest where he wanted. I'll leave it at that.

Where have I been?

I wrote this while I was at work today.

Prosper = teh win

Did you know that it is almost impossible these days to go to a bank and get a personal loan? Basically the bank will farm you out to some body else and be the middle man while you save little. www.prosper.com is the future. I will soon show my support in the form of advertisement! In a nut shell prosper is a community of people that have money to lend, or are seeking money to borrow. I recently sought out a loan and I admit it took some time but I finally got one. The loans work almost like an ebay auction. First users registered as lenders bid on your listing. Your listing consists of your story (this is where you want to plead your case to the masses), what you want the money for (Citi financial is raping me in the ass at 25%, please help stop the bleeding), and what your willing to pay in interest. If you are fortunate enough to get fully funded, lenders then begin to bid down your interest rate. For example I was seeking $9000 @ 12.2% interest. I got fully funded, and the rate got bid down to 11.1%! Not bad at all. It is a three loan and will just about consolidate every debt I have into one, convenient, and much more manageable payment. I thank G for enlightening me on this. I had no idea that prosper existed. There are others out there, but found prosper to be my pick.

Things seem to shaping up nicely when it comes to purchasing the house we’re in. Credit score is no longer an issue. At the latest we are looking at income tax time. It is going to depend on how much out of pocket $$$ we’re looking at.

I’m going to Kentucky this weekend for my grandfather’s full military honors ceremony. In a car, with my folks, for 12 hours, fun… The cause will ease the pain of the ride.

Speaking of long rides…

Ozzfest is only one day this summer. Fuck me. August 9th in Texas. Guess who’s going to Texas? I got my ticket last weekend. I and a friend of mine will be making the 21 hour drive down and then again back. It will provide lots of time for catching up with Ben and hopefully provide lots of memories I will never forget. My “sissypants” isn’t happy about it. I know I would not be happy either if she were going away for so long and so far. I don’t know how I can explain to her or anyone else how I feel about going to the Ozzfest. I don’t take or find much pride in things, but when Ozzfest ends its run (which will happen one day) I want to be able to say that I went every year. When it’s done I want some ink in my flesh that says something to the point ozzfest 96-??. This will be Ozzy’s only US show this year. I want to be there. He is getting no younger and no ones music has touched me as his has. If it were not for the music, I don’t know where I’d be today. Going to Ozzfest this year isn’t about anyone taking a back seat to anything.

The job, needs to go.

I love you Julie.

Later.

Words

I'm trying not to give in. You only voice something when it needs to be heard, correct? At least that's the way I roll. So when I bring it up, why is it so hard to just digest what I said and not go on and on about stuff I didn't even say or remotely touched? I think one of my "favorite" things to say is, "I just don't understand".

Oh yea, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

From what I've been reading on the forum, it sounds as if Ozzfest 2008 will be in Texas for a 2 day super show only. Now I feel very shitty about this. I've had and have taken a lot of pride in the fact that I've made it to at least one Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. To date myself, the summer of '96 was my first summer out of school. This summer, I'm the proud papa of a 2 and 1 year old. What are the chances I make it Texas if that is the case? Slim. None? I will not go that far. To not make it because of it, pisses me off.

The job, is meh. Home life, is meh. I'm meh. I've felt this way for a week or so. My mind has been filled with thoughts of making life better and I realize I can not do it alone. Where's my help?

From everything I've read and seen. Obama is the man.

I think I'm out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Smells like...

...spring time outside.

I've been really making an effort to loose some poundage. In the last two weeks I've dropped 6 pounds. It's a start, I have many more to go before I reach my goal. Luckily for me G recently purchased a weight machine and allows me to join him for a work out on Mon, Wed, Friday. Well, we didn't do it yesterday, I am hopeful he calls to catch up on the work out today!

The job is going very well. I've settled in pretty well. The guy training is hanging on a little tight to responsibilities that should no longer be his. I can understand why, but change is a coming. If by months end he's still holding on tightly I will have to make an issue about it. I don't mind, but yet I do.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm taking my son outside to do some yard work!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Back in...

...January our pipe to our septic system collapsed. Talk about a fucking mess in your yard. Well today we pretty much took care of that problem. All we need to do now is get some grass seed. It is beautiful outside today. I find myself inside for the first time in four hours and I feel pretty damn good. We all pitched in and the yard turned the corner very quickly. I got the opportunity to get reacquainted with my chainsaw. I put a new chain on it and let me tell you what, that shit didn't stand a chance. I think I'm calling it a day myself. Julie's still kicking it w/ Drew and some of the homies from A town...

I got the training wheels kicked out from me the other day at work and I think I'm doing pretty. Still there are times I find myself with a question, which is answer is only a phone call away. Over all, it's going pretty well.

I'm having the urge to go back out and clean my toolbox. Things been destroyed forever!

Later.

I love you Julie!

I found time...

...to blog today. A gift I did not expect.

Good Friday to you. My day at work was fine, thanks for asking. I've started a "real" job. Something that will mandate I work 40 hours a week (soon to be 45), every week, until I die or retire. I listed those in the correct order by the way. The work is not bad, I rather enjoy it. However, it sucks because it's "real". I still work a few hours after work as well. Lets me end my work day with some other challenges that are nice in their own right. Stuff that I don't get to do at my "real" job. I've been there 3 weeks now and can't say that I've made any friends. I can in the same breath however, say I have not made any enemies either. I get along with everyone great, I just don't see me offering to burn one with any of them.

Speaking in such tongues, that reminds me to update everyone on me falling off the wagon. Please don't hate me. It means so much to me that you don't hate me.

I learned something today. I learned that I am going to have my own office. I told the guy training me (Ray, pretty nice guy just from our fathers generation. Let me date myself. I am a baby from the 70's. You'd know that if you read my profile jerky...) that I didn't come here thinking I'd end up in an office. His reply "You will be."

Whoever invented red Swedish fish needs a tickle to the balls. These things are delicious. I'm trying to put a serious foot forward on eating better. I've been eating a PB sandwhich in the am, then a piece of fruit at lunch time (an apple or pear so far), eating supper and calling that that. I however admit to you all, that I like to munch. When I get home, I am hungry. Therefore, I want to eat. SO we're working on that. I also need something to excerise on. My "sissypants" and I can't seem to get enough sexerise. I've been thinking about an elliptical bike, but some one told me I'd be gay if I had one. So now fucking what? I want something where I'm standing, and not having the impact like a treadmill. My foot hurts.

Most people look at me differently. I'm one of those people that walks up to the office! I must be an asshole! Then the people in the office look at me like I'm some sort of production employee. Your presence is not required! For the production folks all I can say is I've been there and I've done that. Hey if what you want to do is run a machine, the same machine, every day, every fucking day, until you retire that's all well, fine, & good. I however prefer to say, "Fuck that noise." And for the office people I'd like to run this by your earholes. I've worked hard to do the things I do now. Not everyone gets to do it, and I know this, and it makes me appreciate it more. I will say good morning to you, I will ask you how you are and if you ask me I will almost always answer "not bad". Choke on it, because it's the way it is.

My little girl is going to be one by months end. One. She is certainly turning into her own person. The journey is just beginning.

I believe my blogtank is empty.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Grand words

Grand words

I am a man of few words,
preferring to listen rather than speak.
Today however I choose to share,
rather than to keep.
I do not have stories to tell,
or words of wisdom to pass on.
What I do have is a void in my heart,
that will never fill.
My children’s future,
will include the past.
It is a promise I made,
to a grand man.
Memories are forever,
love will always last.

All good things...

Tomorrow would have been my grandfathers birthday. I say would, because he passed away this evening. Probably no more than one hour ago. I am saddened to see him leave us. I witnessed as he struggled and fought for something that was obviously out of his control, and reach. This man that I have always looked at with a certain amount of pride and admiration had lost the battle of time right before my eyes. I am thankful that I was able to say my peace with him. I am thankful that I was able to connect with my father, as that does not happen often if ever. My greatest pain comes from knowing my grandfathers humor will only be taught to my children through stories and tales. Tales that are true. A promise I made, and intend to keep. I find comfort in knowing his physical pain is no longer. I can only imagine the mental pain someone suffers through while their body fails them, so I find comfort in knowing his mind is at rest. I also find comfort in knowing my father said his peace with him before it was too late. I am sure it would have been something that my father would have regretted for the rest of his days if he had not done so.

Rest in peace John Farren Hedglin. We love you and will miss you forever.

...come to an end.

Ventilation

I'm amused by things, and amused less by others.

I grow tired of free tickets. All aboard the do nothing train. Hey, I would do nothing too if I could. Wait, thats not true. Something inside of me would say "You lazy bastard. You fucker. You etc..." Alas, I come home and eventually end up with some sort of bug up my pooper. I'm asked what's wrong. After initially refusing I let it be known. I'm not surprised by the response I get. Something or other about how someone didn't have anything to do with it. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? Defending the defenseless. To me there are a couple meanings to defenseless.

One: Not being able to defend yourself
Two: Having no excuse for yourself

Maybe I should ride the do nothing train. Perhaps it's fun. I could shit my pants, grow that ZZ Top beard I've been dreaming about and let my toe nails grow out forever. Yes. Maybe even paint them a silly shade of red. That would be fun. And then when I finish something, for example cereal, I could leave the empty box on the counter. Or when I finish the toilet paper I could leave the empty roll for the next person that needs to wipe their ass. hahaha how funny would that be? Or when it snows I could leave the shoveling for the people that don't ride the do nothing train. The people that pay the bills and work for "a living". Yes, they'd appreciate that very much. Lord knows that's what they wanted to do with their life, work and take care of the lazy. Ya know I'd do nothing if someone would be giving me every god damn thing under the sun and ask for nothing in return. Yes nothing, its a fashion, a means of transportation, hell it's even people. My parents were silly, they made me do things. They punished me for things. What were they thinking? Didn't they hear of the do nothing train?

I'm fucking hot...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Number 200!

So blogger says that this will be my 200th blog post. Wow...

All is going alright. My "sissypants" got herself a job. It's all well fine and good, but I do miss her. Sometimes the extra daddy duty tiers me out but I'm holding up. We will really benefit from the extra income that's for sure.
Publish Post
It is income tax time. Time to pay some folks back and hopefully in the process get rid of a bill or two!

I'm feeling pretty run down at the moment. I felt like I had so much to say, now I find myself with little on my plate.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Greetings

Happy New Year.

I really don't have much to say. I was feeling "bad" about my blog. I'd say right now everything is on a mellow note here. I'm working, for myself but not really which is awesome. My "sissypants" is seeking employment as well. I hope that goes well, fore it will keep me from working 2 jobs...again...

The kids are all doing well. Gabrielle is a little mobile monster. Connor is a jibberish talking machine. He did good with the potty for a little bit, but has had some sort of relapse into shitting his pants and not minding. I couldn't imagine shitting in my pants, then going on the potty, then electing to go back to shitting my pants. I'm sure it's not a good feeling. Shaina is doing well. Drew, is well, Drew. I searched but could not locate a percentage of 20 year olds that actually graduate high school. I remember one 20 year old from high school. ONE!

We are making an effort on cutting out some pounds this year. So far, so good. Granted we are not going to the tree bark & pine needle diet that some of you may be on.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

Merry Christmas

I wish you all the best.

The gift of love

A gift that needs no day,
no other reason to be.
Words from my heart,
always start,
with your thought.
You are by far,
all I could ever want.
You have given to me,
more than any wish or dream.
Some want money,
others seek fame.
My future grows more,
with each passing day.
A life without limits,
as our children grow.
It seems our first,
came not so long ago.
The gift of love,
is what I have for you.
What more could I want to do?

I love you Julie.

Later.