Almost 30

Saturday will be my 28th birthday. As I flip through the pages that are my memories I come to realize this past year has been the toughest, yet most rewarding of my life. Obviously becoming a father is a huge part of this. The road getting there was the most challenging thing I have ever been through. I would lie to you if I said I wanted to go through anything like that ever again. I'd also lie if I said those tough times didn't help make me a better man. If in all my years I was to have a break down it would have been this year. I can remember a time when I really didn't care if I lived to see another day. Always tired of battling with myself if that makes any sense. Now that I have lived many years past those times I have come to know what life is really about. Challenges, adversities, hard work, and if you are lucky you get a little pay back. I'm lucky. My pay backs name is Connor.

Looking back trying to see things through the eyes of that 16 year old kid that wanted nothing more than to be happy being himself I can say that I am finally there. I know I have to live the rest of my life accepting things that I have done, and this is exactly what I do. With each mistake I have made, I take it's lesson with me. Learning not to repeat those things already done. I won't sit here and say that I will never make another mistake, because I just like you am not perfect. I will however bet you the farm that I won't repeat one. I listen very carefully now to the voice inside. The voice that guided me to so many truths. The voice that has always been there but I always ignored. There is not one thing wrong with being who I am. It seems I can be a good man, a truthful lover, and a loving father.

I have had a marriage fail. I have seen a dream of a perfect home, turn into a nightmare. I almost lost the truest love I have ever known. I doubted things that were obvious. For that I could have lost the greatest thing of all. I have seen bills pile and debt grow. I have seen brown hair turn to gray. I have had weight lost and gained. I have discovered no matter how much you may have pushed, parents will always be there for you. I have gained more respect and love for friends than I ever knew possible. I know what butterflies in the belly feel like again from a simple kiss. If you talk, they will listen. No matter who it is you may be talking to. Patience is precious. Hopes and dreams are alive. I see them every day and night when I look into my sons eyes.

With all that self reflecting I feel the time to lighten the mood. It seems with each passing year I get more and more body hair. I swear if I was to go "streaking" across a road or open field and people saw me they would think they saw a big foot. With my big ass ugly feet I would leave interesting foot imprints for researchers to ponder over for years.

I am signing the agreement for the house tomorrow. A one year or as I like to say 12 month agreement. It doesn't seem as long if you say 12 months. Basically at any time during the 12 months they can purchase the property. I am hopeful it doesn't go that long. Do I have doubts? Some. However I am willing to take the chance.

Connor is becoming quite entertaining with all his coo's and what not. He's such a good baby. I never knew being a pops would feel like this. "Sissypants" and I are doing great. As are the kiddies and I. All goes smoothly. Not perfect mind you, but everything is going good.

My mom is healing up nicely from her neck surgery. I can only hope she continues to listen to the doctors orders.

As for now, I'm feeling poetic.

Later.