John on this day...

Hello Blog...

2011-10-06T13:54:00.001-04:00

...I think I will find some time for you.

Jotted this down...

2011-07-10T03:58:00.001-04:00

...inspired by the amount of nothing.

Untitled
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.
Trapped inside a box,
with an open eye.
Looking out the window,
and seeing no sky.

The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.
How the hell,
do I open it?
The door is locked,
but the key will not fit.

Day is night,
and night is day.
Life is not,
suppose to be this way.
Day is night,
and night is day.

How many #2...

2011-06-06T21:52:00.002-04:00

I was looking back over my post on how many cars I've had and I thought it would be "neat" to list the jobs I've had since graduating in 1996. By the way, 15 year high school reunion was canceled due to a poor turn out. I was looking forward to being the drunkest fucker there...

Bastian Tires Sales 1996-1998 Note: Dad calls me up 3 day before graduating "Want a job?" Yes I say...2 years was more than enough.

Shop-Vac 1998-2002 Note: 4 years of weight loss, ass busting, and getting shit on daily. Outties.

First Quality 2002-2003 Note: 9 month gig of stacking boxes. To boot, after 9 months they tell me to cut my hair. I tell them where to go.

David R. Webb Co. 2003-2007 Note: I was out of work for about 3 months when this came along. I enjoyed it. My first job in parts!

Lowe's 2006-2007 Note: Part time job I had for about 6 months. Note bad, but got burned out. Sold the house I had with the ex, so I didn't need to do it any more!

Andritz 2007 Note: Accepted this position for the fact it paid more & was first shift. Had it 3 months then they decided to downsize. Get shit canned the day before we were moving.

Grizzley 2007 Note: Temp job, worked it for 2 weeks when I realized I could do something else...

PCS 2007 - Present Note: Some friends of mine biz. Left Grizzley and started working there. At that time I was getting 30 hours a week there plus unemployment. Today I only get a few hours, but it is still nice to be able to help out friends when need & make a little extra cheddar in the process.

Brodart 2008-2011 Note: Traffic Coordinator. Started out shitty but once I spoke up and everyone saw the light it was a good job. The company didn't do much for you in terms of benefits but it was close to home. Too bad they cut our hours and too bad the company survives on educational funding. In 10 years will they still be open? I don't think so. Had to take my show on the road.

Quality Carriers 2011 Note: Dispatch Manager. Up to this point you can see I've had a few jobs. I can not remember having a job I hated this much. Poorly run company from top to bottom.

Kellogg's 2011 Note: Parts Dept. This is where I am now. Other than the drive I can't complain too much. Back to the night shift...where it all began.

Do I expect to be on my last journey? My track record says no, and so do I. I just do not understand how some folks can do the same job for years and years. My father has worked for the same employer since 1976 & my mother the same since 1978.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Words without much thought

2011-02-26T22:52:00.004-05:00

I changed jobs recently. The new job isn't turning out how I had hoped it would. Really, I'm not sure how I hoped it would turn out. Better than it is. But, when you work somewhere & they take hours away from you you have to do something. I'm sure some day I'll move on from the new place and onto another. Perhaps I should just spin the wheel and see what it lands on for my next choice. Fast food service? Joy!

Bought a 1973 Lincoln recently. I have every intention on getting it back to mint condition. It may take a couple years but if I can help it, it will stay. My dad had one of these when I was a kid. Thinking back and looking back, that car brings back some of my best memories from my father who rarely was seen sober. So, one of the highlights of getting this car was seeing his reaction. It was as I hoped, and it brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart. If only for a moment...

I've decided that I've tried enough and that I'm done trying to figure out what the hell is going on with a friend of mine. All I can say is, cheers.

One of these days I'll get a hair cut, I swear.

I've been lacking motivation on just about everything lately. I'm not sure if it's the job situation or what. I'm fairly sure it is because I'm am pretty happy with how things have been going on the home front. If only Shaina would quit breaking and if Gabby would spit out her marbles all would be grand.

Fell down the front steps the other day. Back is staring to come around.

I love my new computer. Thanks G. Now if I could only find a new desk so that I could hook up both machines like the plan calls for.

Uncle Sam was good to us again this year. Now we are just waiting on the wonderful state to deposit. We've got a few projects line up. Roof repair, finish the kitchen, turn this computer room into a 4th bedroom, expand out back parking, rebuild and expand the back stoop, make a path from the house to the parking...christ I need to make a list.

I'm finding myself the soberest I can remember ever being as an adult. It's actually not so bad.

Later.

I love you Sissypants.

Second time around

2010-12-05T08:53:00.002-05:00

Well, I had the pleasure of seeing Ozzy twice this year. Once at Ozzfest, then on 12/3 in NJ at the IZOD Center (which I will forever call the Contential Airlines Arena). I did not realize until the day of the show, that it was Ozzy's birthday day. This kicked my already geared up ass into another.

G & my "Sissypants" were along this time. G was gracious enough to not only drive, but to allow us to use the Prius. Thanks G!

We had pretty decent seats, although they were not what I was expecting. The opening act was Halford. No disrespect intended, but seeing him at Ozzfest was enough. The second time around didn't really float my boat, although some lads in front of us & to the right were rather enjoying his set.

To me, any Ozzy show is a good show. I have seen the man in concert 19 times now dating back to 1996. Ozzfest this year & this show have been the two best shows in recent memory. I managed to see one I've never seen live before in Killer of Giants. This is an amazing song live & I'm thankful I had the chance to see it. Why, for all those years with Zakk they never played anything from "The Ultimate Sin" album is beyond me. Other highlights in my eyes were: Faries Wear Boots, Into the Void, NIB, No More Tears. You just don't hear his solo band play this shit every show! The set list in no particular order:

War Pigs
NIB
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Paranoid
Rat Salad (Band Jam)
I Don't Know
Mr. Crowley
Suicide Solution
Crazy Train
Bark at the Moon
Killer of Giants (This was a first for me)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I Don't Want to Change the World
Mama I'm coming Home
Road to Nowhere
No More Tears
Scream

20 fucking great Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath songs performed on the man's 62nd birthday. There was a point in the show wear they stopped the show & some folks from behind the curtain came out with a cake and we ALL sang Happy Birthday. As I said, I have been to 19 concerts, once on a birthday. This show, will be with me for a very long time.

Until next year, thanks Ozzy!

Later.

I love you Julie.

33

2010-11-20T13:05:00.002-05:00

Is my age.

Thought I had a new job all lined up, that was until I found out how much the health insurance was. Where I am now, it racks me almost $29 a week. This new place, although paying almost $3 more an hour to start, costs $109.25 a week! WTF...so just as with Spock, the search continues.

This has hit me fairly hard, as my hopes were as high as I was in say 1998. Where I work now is a joke, a disappointment, a place where it pains me to care. No one else seems to but yet I can't shake that shred of feeling in me for my place of employment. I wish I could, then I truly would not care. Hey look, those guys get over time while these guys get 20 hours a week. How does that work anyway?...

12/3/2010 = Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

Seems that I will probably have to be taking a second wave of antibiotics for the fucking insect that bit me. Yes to diseases!

My "Sissypants" helps the friend move. I am getting back to helping the house look better.

Later.

I love you Julie.

How many?...

2010-10-12T18:46:00.001-04:00

Just had a conversation about how many vehicles I have had. Here you go in chronological order:

1. 1979 Mercury Zephyr (wrecked it)
2. 1978 Pontiac Bonneville (traded it)
3. 1988 Chevy K5 Blazer (traded it)
4. 1978 Mercury Marquis (traded it)
5. 1988 Dodge Ram 4x4 (traded it)
6. 1990 Chevy Silverado Extended cab 4x4 (traded it)
7. 1979 Oldsmobile 98 (I miss it to this day, parked it)
8. 1988 Chevy Cheyenne (sold it on ebay)
9. 1978 Lincoln Continental (sold it on ebay to some dude in London)
10. 1997 Ford F-150 4x4 (traded it)
11. 1997 Chevy Blazer 4x4 (sold it)
12. 1990 Ford Thunderbird (sold it)
13. 1999 Ford Windstar (sold it)
14. 1992 Lincoln Town Car (current)
15. 2005 Chrysler Pacifica (current)
16. 1977 Ford F-250 (current)

Ozzfest 2010

2010-08-20T17:38:00.003-04:00

Greetings.

First off, I have made the trek to Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. I was quite happy to see it return this year, let alone return to Pitt. It felt like coming home being back there...

Unlike years past, I was not there bright and early with bells on. Honestly, most of the bands on the second stage I was unfamiliar with so I did not feel overwhelmed to get there early.

We (my wife & I) got there with enough time to see BLS, who were kicking some ass. We would have been there about an hour sooner, but fucking the traffic & construction was insane there for awhile.

I was pretty underwhelmed with the main stage until the Crue took it. I am not a fan. I found however, just like in years past with bands like Judas Priest, Slayer, Lamb of God, etc, I really enjoyed the show. I tip my hat to the Crue.

Now seeing Ozzy at least once a year since 1996 (except for '09 of course) I have seen him do very well, and I have seen him do very poorly. I can say honestly as an Ozzy fan or not, Ozzy was right on the money last night. I can not remember the last time I saw him & heard him perform so well. The set was amazing. I don't know about you out there, but I for one was happy not to hear "Mama I'm coming home". I'd take "Into the Void" everytime...

Parting words about Gus G.

If I were one of Ozzy's former guitar players and I was at that show, I would say, that new kid just played that as I would have & played the fuck out of it. Say what you will but I for one, am happy that he's on board.

Parting words on the 9 year old being at the show:

What a surprise! That little bastard sure can play. I like the classic Randy Rhodes pose Ozzy did by picking the kid up.

Last thoughts:

Please, let me see you next year Ozzfest at Pittsburgh.

I do not remember the correct order but here is what was played last night in album release order:

Paranoid (Closer, surprise surprise)
Iron Man
Fairies Wear Boots
Into the Void
Crazy Train
Mr. Crowleyjavascript:void(0)
Suicide Solution
I Don't Know
Bark At The Moon (Opened with)
Shot in the Dark
Fire in the Sky
I don't want to change the world
Road to no where
Let me hear you scream
Plus one hell of a band jam!

A story of a gift.

2010-07-27T20:05:00.002-04:00

I know this guy. His story goes like this...

...Guy says "Johnny, I'm going to be up your way in about 10 min. Can you come out to the parking lot?"

I say sure.

So I go out there and the dude pulls up.

First time I ever met him face to face actually.

We exchange hellos and hand shakes.

He gets out of his truck (which is a Harley Davidson edition Ford F150)

Opens up the back door and hands me a box.

The dude says enjoy and says he has to get going.

So I take the box to the Lincoln.

Open it up.

What do I find?

An autographed Ozzy Osbourne guitar.

Empty evening

2010-07-11T21:35:00.002-04:00

My wife has spent most of our married life being a stay at home mom. With the cost of child care it would be ridiculous for us to both work and basically one of us working for nothing more than paying a babysitter/day care. She has worked jobs here and there. The deli, the hotel, the factory, and now the retail store. The latest is third shift, a shift I have spent almost my entire working life working. Up until about 3 years ago that is. This is not the first time we have been down this road.

I am sitting here while I should be trying to sleep. Our children are camping in there room in a tent they made out of a blanket. My step-daughter is away at camp for a week. I, wrote this with hopes it would ease my mind for tonight...

Empty evening

An evening without you by my side,
fills me with an emptiness I can not hide.
I miss you while you are gone,
and I miss you while you sleep.
Although I know we are in a time of need,
my need for you will never recede.
In your nights I hope you find the time,
to fill your mind with thoughts of you and I.
I will forever be yours,
and you mine.
Until we next meet,
I love you for all of time.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

2010-07-09T19:11:00.004-04:00

Look what I found.

One can only be sure of so many things in life. Such as the sun will rise and set until the sun is no more.

It's very strange, finding yourself in thought. Who's voice is that you hear? It sounds like mine, but it says things that makes my head spin.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so they say. The proof is in the pudding, another saying.

I go to work in the morning and in the evening some days.

I don't think I ever posted about purchasing a home. I did. After all that work and after all the help I have been given, it finally worked out. What a long ass struggle. What a worthy prize. My thanks I can not express enough.

If I had to pick my least favorite Uncle right now, it would be Uncle Sam.

Lets say I have 2 million dollars to build a warehouse. I sure as hell would make sure it was what I needed. Some people apparently, like to spend 2 million dollars on making bricks without straw...

Ozzfest 2010. Pittsburgh, I've missed you.

Would like to drop 20 more pounds and then go for more.

Drinking is not what it once was.

Freedom is not what it once was either.

The fire burns, just not so much.

My kids are crazy, and I love them so much for it.

The pill is round & blue with a W.

The pool turns green then clear again. They say the water is ok for you eyes.

If I ran the country every week would have a 3 day weekend. Of those 3 days, I'd like to spend them all with my "Sissypants".

Later.

I love you Julie.

Facebook is not the same as this...

2009-12-14T08:50:00.002-05:00

I’m sorry for my neglect…

I’ve been sick for about 4 days. Finally feeling like I've turned the corner. In this time I’ve lost 10lbs. Not the ideal way to loose weight but I will look at it as a benefit. 30lbs more would be great.

So I’m finally a home owner again. A long road traveled but it’s finally happened. Work was slowing and we need to act if we were going to be able to buy. A friend of mine was (still is, long story) going through a divorce and he was just going to let the bank take the house. It’s not the nicest house on the planet but with some more elbow grease & time it will certainly be much better. We have already fixed up the dining room and it looks much better. Up next is the upstairs bathroom but that is waiting until income tax time. Which thankfully, is right around the corner. We should be able to get the first time home buyers credit which would be a great BIG help to us.

All goes well for the most part on the home front. I will keep my opinions on certain situations and a certain someone to myself.

Where is our heating assistance?

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you fall down drunk and fuck up your knee? I know someone who did. That too, is feeling much better about a month later.

www.rftsband.com Check it out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Run away

2009-10-15T09:57:00.005-04:00

Run away from the mess you made.
Can’t you see,
that you’re afraid?
In your eyes you may be brave.
Proving a point,
that does not need made
In your wake you leave a maze.
There will be no mouse,
chasing the cheese.
In each turn,
more questions than answers can be found.
Choose your steps wisely,
and choose your friends well.
In your decision,
you have chosen yourself.
The time runs thin.
Where will you run to,
when time runs out?

I love you Julie.

Taking a break

2009-09-20T03:03:00.002-04:00

New video card was a bitch to get working but now it works. Something is still a miss and I'm growing tired of trying to figure it out, so I'm taking a break.

Started cleaning up and organizing the computer, as I said I would once it was up and running again. Thing is a fucking mess, how did I let this happening. Fuck it, I'm taking a break.

If you are a long reader of this blog or not you may have read about my long history of trying to buy a house after selling a house that was nothing but the wrong thing. Well I am home owner once again with my "sissypants". We purchased it off my old box stacking friend Dan. It was amazing how everything seemed to come together and work out in the end. We loved the home we were in. Me not so much the home, but it's location. This house is in town and for a person who once was a towny, you'd think I'd be cooler with the notion of being back in town than I am. I'm thinking 5 year plan. Julie says 7 year plan, we'll be down to two kids in the house. I can dig 7 years. In that time I know the upstairs bathroom will be redone (probably a new tub/shower this year at income tax time) a new roof in another year or two plus countless other jobs. I love owning a home. Shit, the mortgage payment is $51 less than I was paying in rent.

Thanks to Marlene for all her patience and understanding.

Work is going alright but it could be better. I got a dollar raise not so long ago so that always helps. But some times & some days I need a break.

Work after work is always fine.

There are some good clips of Ozzy from a couple days ago playing live w/ a new guitarist named Gus G, he's pretty good. I look forward to hearing some new material and seeing the old man live again. Fucking no Ozzfest this year, and I'm going crazy. I guess even Ozzy Osbourne needs a break.

Yankees are on a roll baby!

Weight loss has hit a stand still at 40lbs. Phase two starts on Monday when everything gets back on track.

Break time is over.

Recent events

2009-09-16T16:10:00.003-04:00

Much has changed in the world of JW who is John. As soon as my computer is up & running again at home (my videocard resembles a toasted marshmellow) I will open the gates and let the thoughts run free.

Greetings

2009-08-06T19:31:00.000-04:00

Not much to say, so hello.

How was your Saturday night?

2009-06-28T13:52:00.003-04:00

Inspired by the events of last night. I really should make a blog just for my writing but until I do, enjoy...

Untitled

I have witnessed the man,
extinguish the flame.
Knowing moving forward,
it would never be the same.
Times of change fill the clock face,
the hands never standing still.
It will be,
what you will it to be.
Through pain & darkness the journey is selfish,
one that must be traveled alone.
One never forgets when they see the light,
that they themselves have lit.

Camping

2009-05-23T14:37:00.001-04:00

It's time to go camping with the whole clan PLUS the Kline's.

Special appearances by:

Dan & Melissa
Ed & Felicia
Garrett & Kelley

I will make sure to post some pics and stories!

Uncle Danny

2009-04-20T20:14:00.003-04:00

Was the wild one of the bunch. That is until I grew up.

He passed over the weekend. He was 46.

I have had very little time to reflect and to ponder things. The one thing that I have thought about is that 46 is only 15 years away for me. My children, will still be children.

I'll miss you Uncle Danny. I'll never forget you.

Forever my story.

2009-04-12T19:11:00.003-04:00

I feel like opening up this mind of mine.

When I was a kid I would sit on the stairs at my Aunts house while everyone enjoyed themselves at Christmas time. Good eats, good times. All the while I would sit there, and wonder what I was doing there. Waiting and hoping my parents would finally call it a day so we could leave. Why was I this way?

For the record my family was the only family to show up at my Aunts this Christmas. Whatever that may or may not mean.

Why am I this way?

Easter is a holiday that brings to me candy wrappers on the floor, kids eating too much crap, arguing about who had what out of who's basket, stuff like that. To my "sissypants" it is much more. It is a time for the family's to gather in our home and eat food that she prepares.

It has been a terrible day. If I had it to do all over again, I would have stayed in bed. I would have faked a sickness.

I enjoy what time I can get to myself. I enjoy when it is just all of our clan under one roof. I enjoy it when our kids are on a reasonable behavior level, not on some limit less scale of acting a fool.

For better or worse I say with a tear in my eye, I am who I am.

And right now, I am sorry for it...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Silent ink

2009-03-08T15:50:00.004-04:00

I could not tell you the last time I sat down with the music loud, and the fire burning. I simply do not remember. So I sat down with my thoughts and this what I have come up with.

Silent ink

One more drop of ink,
leaks,
from this pen.
I don't care,
if it's the last.
From across the room or down the hall,
a snake will always strike,
the venom flows.
A fire's smoke and amber glow,
takes me from my feet,
mends my bones.
The hour is late,
and it will not wait.
Final thoughts not yet said,
as the ink stains once again.
You have been with me seemingly forever,
my silent friend.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Rambling

2009-03-03T19:10:00.002-05:00

I've read no Ozzfest this year. If there ever were going to be a year I'd miss it'd be because of this.

The new year has seen 21 pounds leave my frame. Last month was not as productive as January, but I had aliments! A bum toe sidelined most of the last 2 weeks of the month. But after a visit to my doctor (the first since 2002) I'm back bitches.

I got a $1 raise today. I can say since I've been a working man, that is the biggest pay increase I've ever seen. I've worked harder, done more, gave more, for much less for all my working life. So when I was having my review and my boss was telling me such things as "It is very good that my boss knows who you are" or "Everyone notices and appreciates your efforts" I was a little taken by it. I've never been a part of something like that. I've always been taken for granted, pissed on and ultimately shit on in the end which resulted in me leaving in one way or another. I am even penciled in for another review in October, something that not everyone gets: Two reviews per year. Now hopefully business will pick up...

Ebony. Must. Go.

My baby girl is suffering through some sickness. I tell you, she is her own person that is for sure.

Connor is telling me his leg hurts.

He's getting that from Shaina, who went roller skating for less than a half hour and has a broken leg to show for it.

As for Drew, I won't even go there.

The wheels are turning on buying a home. Praise baby jesus.

Wish us all luck!

Later.

I love you Julie.

For my sissypants

2009-02-14T13:03:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. I can't think of a better reason to.

Loves Lesson

In a mere moment,

that is all it takes.

All I must do is close my eyes,

and I am taken to a place where times stands still.

To a moment that changed forever,

and with it you and I.

I will always remember the words I spoke,

where we were and how you looked.

Over coming the fear was easy,

once I listened to my heart.

There was never any question,

there was never any doubt.

As my eyes are open,

and time moves on I am always reminded,

of loves lesson.

I love you Julie.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hanging out

2009-01-10T13:13:00.002-05:00

We've been doing a bit of it lately. We invite a few people over, only a couple ever come and we enjoy playing some cards. We usually cut loose on the week ends and have some drinks. Us being the hosts, enjoy a slow burn too. Last night for example, the night didn't end until 4am. We don't just enjoy late parties with beer. We also enjoy relaxing, just playing rummy or a couple new games G has introduced to us. A night of these games is fine too.

Why anyone would not want to have a good time with or without the booze is something I can't understand, totally. I know what it's like to be so down in the dumps you look above and see nothing but darkness. I have dug holes that have reached the sky. Looking back, and probably ahead these times will be seen again. If you have a choice, and with all that I have seen in my life, choose to have some fun, cut loose. There really is no time for anything else.

I know that is easier said then done. So is saying I'm going to loose weight, again. Year after year. However with some work you can say I lost 6 pounds this week. I can say this. The most difficult thing, is trying to keep my mind off of food if I find myself "thinking" I'm hungry. Thinking, because I'm not hungry, I just think I am. This should be an interesting adventure.

To all my friends, your awesome and my life would not be the same without you.

I have rambled on long enough.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Rode the bike...

2009-01-06T18:25:00.003-05:00

...now it's Julie's turn. Black Label Society is in my ear holes. Death March is the song.

No matter what, life right now is good.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Another Christmas

2008-12-26T11:35:00.002-05:00

Wait let me change that, another low income Christmas. I have often (very often) found myself over the years dreaming, wondering, hoping that one day the burden of a past life would end. The past has lived with me seemingly forever when it comes to debt. This year should be the last year that we struggle as I have a few bills coming off the books at income tax time. I feel bad, even knowing it's not about the gifts, that I do not have presents stacked to the ceiling for my kids. This year was no different than the last few. Choosing to buy gifts, really tightens the noose around the neck. We will struggle next month, as we have for the past who knows how many. Merry Christmas.

I find myself home alone with having intentions of working but with that work already being complete, i know find myself at a loss. I will probably kick it around here burning boxes and wrapping paper, doing some laundry, shooting bitches perhaps. It is a dad's life.

Luckily my kids keep me in line. Oh and my wife, she likes to beat that ass from time to time.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I have no point.

2008-12-06T12:38:00.005-05:00

Do I need one?

I find myself in one of those moods. A mood where I feel like I could do anything at anytime. A mood where I look at everything and appreciate it for what is. It's nice, I'd like more of it.

I'm trying to give a router away on freecycle. It's a great idea. People have things they no longer want, and they simply list them as freebies for whoever may want them. Such a simple concept! I figured this router would go very quickly. I admit, I received a lot of replies. However, I do not think people read the listing, asking me questions that I provided the answers for in the description. I guess it's like anything, except my listing didn't contain and small print or the use of clever adjectives! I believe I have someone lined up. We'll see if it actually comes together.

We've had a couple good get together recently, and they've gone over very well. We'd like to have another this coming Friday. Oh what a grand thought.

I now feel like getting into something! Thanks for reading.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Almost there

2008-11-16T13:18:00.002-05:00

The road is leading to 31 it ends Wed, 11/19.

Last night we partied, oh yes, we partied. There were two guests that I had not seen a good amount of years, and guests that I have not gone without seeing for years. Together, we laughed, we shouted, some smoked and some did not, most importantly we shared an awesome night together. I love having times like these. I would not trade them for anything.

Thank you my "sissypants" for putting all this together. If it were not for her, times like these would be far and few in between.

One of these days I will have a post of substance, but for now leave here knowing at this moment, I feel fine.

Later.

I love you Julie.

One of those days...

2008-11-10T15:23:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling off today. A feeling I'm far too familiar with. I wish it would stop. Please stop.

Look what I found

2008-09-26T12:24:00.002-04:00

Time.

You know what entertains me at work? When truck drivers call for directions that I can barely understand. Take for instance the man I just spoke with. He's going on and on and I ask "Where are you now?". His answer, "Downtown somewheres". Thanks dude, that helps me a lot. Do me a favor and call your dispatch because I'm sure as hell not your GPS...

I hooked up this little stereo I've had since I was 18 in my office (still doesn't sound right, me having an office) and I was listening to a CD I created especially for work. My neighbor in the office next to me is Jerry. He's the production manager and has treated me like no one ever has in all my years of working. He comes over and peeks his head in and asks, "Are you ok? I thought I heard some one killing a cat!" That's right, I love to listen to the sound of pussy screaming!

I'm feeling very light hearted at the moment.

We are going out to eat tonight as a whole. All of us, in one place, at one time, to eat. You have been warned. DO NOT go to Bonanza in Williamsport PA tonight if you want to dine in peace & quiet.

I wish someone would bail me out from all my failures. Yes, I'm talking about our economy. Sure, I'm scared and worried but you know what? This didn't happen over night, and everyone gets what they deserve. I was happy to see Washington Mutual go out! I' m sure if you flipped through the pages that would be my blog you'd find my thoughts about them somewhere. To me, a bail out is not the answer. Tax me higher, I understand. Bring everyone home from a war that no one seems to give to fucks about, I'd understand even more. Cut backs, yes I understand. The future is more than a day away, it's as far as my eye can see. I'll suffer, so my children can suffer less and maybe, just maybe, enjoy their lives.

My "Sissypants" has been working 1st shift for 2 weeks now and it's awesome. I told her, to me, it's like nothing has changed. I get up, we leave together. I get home, and she's home. She seems to be doing ok. She is still adjusting to factory work or I should say other factory workers. There are all sorts, and to each their own...

Creep is just an ageless song. I wish I was special, so fucking special.

Ok I think I'm out. Blog, I've missed you.

Later!

I love you Julie.

Been a long time

2008-09-25T20:36:00.001-04:00

One of these days I'll find some time...

Ozzfest 2008

2008-08-12T20:10:00.004-04:00

The road

We were on the road about 6:30pm after eating at Burger King in Lock Haven Thursday 8/7. Then the miles started to add up as did the hours. We drove for about 9 hours stopping to sleep at a Rest Area in Indy. The next morning brought a wonderful 14 hours on the road. For as far as we went and for all the states we hit, construction on the way down was at a minimum, even though in many areas it could have used some. We arrived at a hotel around midnight only to find it was book. After about a half hour of calling around we found a room for two nights about 9 miles away from Pizza Hut Park.

After one hell of a fucking show we got back to the hotel at 12:30am (In Texas 12:30am = 92 degrees outside) slept and were back on the road the next day. We drove for 14 hours Sunday stopping in the same spot on the way home to sleep as we did the first night on the road. After a terrible few hours of sleep (I found myself sleeping on a picnic table) we finished up the last 6 1/2 hours and I got home 5:30pm Monday.

Total time down about 23 hours.
Total time home about 20 hours.

I saw many places I didn't think I would going to Texas. Some of them would be Africa, Dublin, Venice, Miami, just to name a couple. I saw more of the country than I have in my previous 30 years on the planet having touched Ohio, Missouri, Indy, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Texas of course.

GPS = Why leave home without it. This thing was fucking awesome and if we ever find ourselves in a position to take vacations regular like we will own one of these. It was our live safer in finding a hotel when the one we pulled into was book. It let us know when a better route was available, step by step directions and we didn't get lost once. It would let you know about a mile a head of time when attention was needed. Example, Keep left on 279 or take ramp on right to 44. Even though Ben & I referred to it as our bitch (due to it's woman robotic voice) it was the MVP of the trip.

The car: 2008 Suzuki SX4. For such a little car it only got 30 mpg. It ran fine, was a little tight and terrible on gas for it's size.

The show

My my my, look at me this year, this is not Pittsburgh people. Nope, this is fucking Dallas, Texas. Home of Pizza Hut Park and home of Ozzfest 2008 the only show for the year! We got to the show around 10am and parked about 3 blocks away. Park close to the park was $30! Parking about 3 blocks away was $20, so $20 wins. After smuggling in my contraband for a 13th consecutive year we hit the second stage for awhile. The bands were good, but I couldn't understand a word out of their mouths. It's a good way to get your blood pumping in prep for the main stage.

We decided to bail on the second stage to go check out the field. When we got over there it was pretty quiet as the stage was still being set up and a handful of people were chilling down front. You see usually the area right down front is blocked off but for some reason they had the gates wide open to get down there so Ben and I decided to get "down front" and down front we were. After realizing we had prime time spots so we didn't leave. We watched as the roadies goofed off some, filmed us a little and took some pictures. Before you knew it the band In this Moment took the stage.

In this Moment is fronted by a chic. She came out wearing some sort of dress. I said to myself, what the fuck is this? Well friends, they showed me exactly what the fuck it was. They kicked fucking ass. I know none of their songs or albums but can tell you I will be giving their stuff a listen. A great way to open the stage. I give them a 8 only because their set was short.

Next was Apocalyptica. A drummer, and four guys playing Cellos. No vocals even though they did have a guy come out and sing one song. I was pleasantly surprised by this band. They covered a few Metallica (more on these fuckers soon)tunes, did some sick classical shit and a few originals. I thought they played a little long but they were enjoyable.

Shadows fall was up next and honestly as I am racking my brain I can't recall them at all...

Cavalera Conspiracy followed and this band was pretty good. I didn't care much for the vocals but they put on a good show and rocked the fuck out of everybody.

Ok here is where I thought I was going to start to get the bang for my buck. The front man from Korn has a solo projoect, Jonathan Davis . His band comes out all dressed in suits and he comes out last wearing and all black suit with a red tie. I was preparing for a beating as up to this point mosh pits were every fucking wear and I thought to myself how is this going to be, the lead singer of Korn, we are going to die out here! Well, I was very unhappy with his solo stuff. He even did 2 Korn songs and they were not all that. Jonathan Davis does not equal Korn, nor should it. I was let down and would pass on the chance to see him solo ever again.

Texas's own Hellyeah was next. This was something special as at the end of the set it included a tribute to Dimebag Darrel (guitarist shot and killed on stage from Pantera). You see his brother is the drummer in Hellyeah. The tribute include 3 Pantera songs, appearances by Ian from Antrax, Jerry Contrel & Mike Inez from Alice in Chains. There was an acoustic version of "Wish you were Here" by Pink Floyd. It saw Dimebags long time girlfriend on vocals. Even though she doesn't have the best voice, it was the purpose, ya know?

Up next was Serj Tankian the lead man from System of a Down. I was preparing for another let down but man, did he kick the shit out of us. System = Serji, Serji = System. He didn't cover on System song but I would go see him again, and again, and again. Great show, and great top hats guys!

Who's that guy that was next? Oh shit, Ozzy Osbourne? Oh fuck yes. The moment his intro movies came on I knew I had made the right decision in going all that fucking way. It was just a great show. I would say it's the best show I've seen him do in a few years. He looked rested, fresh, and sounded great. It looked like he was having a good time out there. Wearing devil horns and a crown at one point, gifts from the folks down front. He was slotted for only 75 minutes but played well past that. His set included 2 songs that I have never had the pleasure of seeing him play. Those being Fire in the Sky & I don't wanna stop. The total set included in no particular order:

Bark at the moon - Opener
I don't know
Mr. Crowley
Crazy Train
Fire in the Sky
War Pigs
Iron Man
Paranoid - Closer
No More Tears
Road to nowhere
I don't want to change the world
Mama I'm coming home
I don't wanna stop
Not going away
Here for you

After the show there was a nice fire work display. Ozzy, you made my year. I'll see you next year!

That's it right? Not this summer boys and girls. This year we have Metallica closing. Even though I feel a little funny about Metallica closing I was looking forward to it. There was quite a delay in between them and Ozzy as they had to prepare the stage but once they came on, it fucking hit the roof. Loud, classic, new, and in your fucking face. It was great to see them again. I saw them in 1996 on their "Poor mans tour" and I was too fucked up to remember much more other than I was in the last row of seats.

Thoughts from down front

You see from 1997-2007 I have gone to Pittsburgh for Ozzfest and I have always been on the hilside. A place that you can sit down, relax, smoke some weed and move away from any danger that may be approaching. Not this year, oh hell no. This year I would say I was only 20' away from the stage, and with such a kick ass spot comes a price. The price, getting your ass kicked all day long. I saw a man get his eye fucked up. I got destroyed by a crowd surfer at one point and went on to rock. I'm a big man. Slight over 6' and almost 300 (I've lost 11 pounds with ease and the rest must need work) I was in a spot that was suited for an ironing board. I've never smelled so much B.O. in my life. I witnessed a little kid get dropped crowd surfing and heard the crowd go "Awww". So many boobs, so few words. I saw two concession workers braving the crowd get absolutely ran over by one massive crowd push. I was on the outer ring of a pit more times than I can count, pushing those fuckers right back in where they came from. With all this said, I do not see how I can ever go to an Ozzfest again, without being down in the shit. I was close enough to get wet from the hoses, and even Ozzy's water/foam gun. Being able to look up on the stage and feel as if, hey he can actually see me is awesome. I am ready.

In closing

Year #13 is in the fucking books. It was worth every second and every dime it took. I will see you next year. I missed Julie more than she will know as well as my rugrats. Their thoughts filled my mind and heart most of my time away. It was a different experience being apart that long. My only hope is that next year, Julie gets to come!

Later.

I love you Julie.

First things first

2008-08-11T19:43:00.001-04:00

A report on my Ozzfest '08 adventure will be coming, but first things first.

Thank you Ben!

I love you Julie!!!!!

Groups of 4

2008-07-20T11:17:00.001-04:00

One of these days...

Untitled

If I could hide the face,
and all the rest,
behind a wall, a solid wall
it would still not be silenced.

The pain is like a chain around my neck,
it trips me over my steps,
it's rust stains my flesh,
the chain around my neck.

The steps I leave behind,
will always be followed with a line,
no matter how I try,
I can not change my mind.

Thoughts from a get together

2008-07-13T12:52:00.003-04:00

What a nice night for hanging out outside by a fire and drinking. Who would want to pass on such a thing? I really missed a couple people, but you can't pull teeth when your not a dentist. I am hopeful that the distance in logistics is the only distance...

Somethings I remember are:

Is it creek, or creek? When is dinner and is it supper?
I thought you were going to that bar to bring back a girl and not a bald headed dude?
I'm not sure we ever had the right ratio for snake bites.
What a wonderful rain. We didn't play enough.
Checking your phone? Where did you go?

I wish when get togethers happened everyone just let go of everything and enjoyed the time to the fullest. I understand a pace but don't poo poo things. Go with the flow and the flow last night was going very well even when the rains did come.

Come to my house next time friends. Even though you may not think it, you'll have fun.

Two posts, one day?

2008-06-18T21:40:00.001-04:00

Lost feeling

Driving at night,
with the window down.
The radio glew blue,
as I heard the sound.
Turning away,
turning away,
turn away and you'll be saved
Walking away,
walking away,
always walking never running.
Make a stand,
stand for something.
In the end,
I find a beginning.
The lost feeling...

The unspoken power of the written word

2008-06-18T12:53:00.004-04:00

I’ve sat down at the keyboard. Let us see what happens.

When Ozzmosis came out way back in 1995 I did not like track #3. Not one bit, I’d even skip the fucking thing. As I sat outside at lunch time today over the years I’ve come to love it. I’m not the same person I was back in 1995, but yet in so many ways I am…

If only my spoken words brought me comfort & peace, like my written.

My “sissypants” & I had a wonderful time camping this weekend w/ G & K. We went canoeing as well. Julie had never been and I was only once as a child. I’m sure I had no part in navigation at that time. I must say I rather enjoyed my canoe time. Much more than the time spent walking the fucking thing up the creek. We really only had one close call with tippage. Other than that it was pretty much smooth sailing the entire time on the water. At camp things started badly for us with Julie and I (mostly just Julie, I wouldn’t have notice anything until we unpacked) noticing we looked short handed. We had forgotten all of our sleeping stuff, cloths, and personal care products! OH GOD! Stuck in the woods with no personal care products. I digress. (Just a note here, I don’t think it is possible for anyone to forget anything with the tote system Mr. & Mrs. GaS had) After we finally settled on a camp site (Why yes, the one without the garbage pile is much nicer) and set up the tent we took a stroll to the outhouse. Once we get up there this janitor pulls up in a van. I ask him if he’s going to Jersey Shore, and he says yes. So I hope in with this strange janitor and he takes me back to the Blazer without asking for money or assplay.

Once I get the Blazer I head back to camp. The parking was not so close to camp as I had a long walk with some not so light bags I’d expect no less. About half way through my trip my fellow campers meet me and carrying the gear the rest of the way. There are two happenings about this tale that make me scratch my head. The first and most obvious, what are the chance of running into anyone with motorized transport near a primitive camp ground? Second, how fortunate for me that G,K, and SP take a chance by walking a certain way and it was the right way at the right time.

One more thing before I forget. Brenda, was delicious. Fucking, delicious. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you.

After getting all settled and squared away, things went very good at camp. Lots of munchies, great burgers and dogs over an open fire. The beer, lets not forget the beer. Every drop of it was gone, including the evil vodka flask. I’m happy to report that this guy right here, was president for much of the evening. The same can not be said for some other asshole though…

There have been some major goings on here at work that have gotten me to the point of contentment. It is a good thing too, because I know it was only a matter of time before I would have been out of here with the way things were going. I’ve never worked anywhere, where they’ve seemed to care about me. Not my number, but me. It is a wonderful change of pace.

This post has made me feel good. The power, is amazing.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thoughts from the road

2008-06-10T13:04:00.002-04:00

Just got back from Kentucky early this morning.

Shortly after arriving in KY I noticed they do not take very good care of their road side scenery. Ugly. Grass was way to high, garbage was everywhere. Their bridges sucked. Seemed like every seam at the beginning and end of a bridge had separated from the road. Also, lots of adult entertainment choices for all those solders. Nothing like driving along and seeing those high rise signs for food, gas, and ADULT!

Ohio, seemed to go by quickly. They had a couple good rock stations. Ones that played classics that were not Rod Stewart, and ones that played the good stuff!

My grandfathers "service"...

I could go on and on about my thoughts on the service, but the only thing that really matter is that my grandfather was put to rest where he wanted. I'll leave it at that.

Where have I been?

2008-06-04T11:53:00.001-04:00

I wrote this while I was at work today.

Prosper = teh win

Did you know that it is almost impossible these days to go to a bank and get a personal loan? Basically the bank will farm you out to some body else and be the middle man while you save little. www.prosper.com is the future. I will soon show my support in the form of advertisement! In a nut shell prosper is a community of people that have money to lend, or are seeking money to borrow. I recently sought out a loan and I admit it took some time but I finally got one. The loans work almost like an ebay auction. First users registered as lenders bid on your listing. Your listing consists of your story (this is where you want to plead your case to the masses), what you want the money for (Citi financial is raping me in the ass at 25%, please help stop the bleeding), and what your willing to pay in interest. If you are fortunate enough to get fully funded, lenders then begin to bid down your interest rate. For example I was seeking $9000 @ 12.2% interest. I got fully funded, and the rate got bid down to 11.1%! Not bad at all. It is a three loan and will just about consolidate every debt I have into one, convenient, and much more manageable payment. I thank G for enlightening me on this. I had no idea that prosper existed. There are others out there, but found prosper to be my pick.

Things seem to shaping up nicely when it comes to purchasing the house we’re in. Credit score is no longer an issue. At the latest we are looking at income tax time. It is going to depend on how much out of pocket $$$ we’re looking at.

I’m going to Kentucky this weekend for my grandfather’s full military honors ceremony. In a car, with my folks, for 12 hours, fun… The cause will ease the pain of the ride.

Speaking of long rides…

Ozzfest is only one day this summer. Fuck me. August 9th in Texas. Guess who’s going to Texas? I got my ticket last weekend. I and a friend of mine will be making the 21 hour drive down and then again back. It will provide lots of time for catching up with Ben and hopefully provide lots of memories I will never forget. My “sissypants” isn’t happy about it. I know I would not be happy either if she were going away for so long and so far. I don’t know how I can explain to her or anyone else how I feel about going to the Ozzfest. I don’t take or find much pride in things, but when Ozzfest ends its run (which will happen one day) I want to be able to say that I went every year. When it’s done I want some ink in my flesh that says something to the point ozzfest 96-??. This will be Ozzy’s only US show this year. I want to be there. He is getting no younger and no ones music has touched me as his has. If it were not for the music, I don’t know where I’d be today. Going to Ozzfest this year isn’t about anyone taking a back seat to anything.

The job, needs to go.

I love you Julie.

Later.

Words

2008-05-11T14:10:00.002-04:00

I'm trying not to give in. You only voice something when it needs to be heard, correct? At least that's the way I roll. So when I bring it up, why is it so hard to just digest what I said and not go on and on about stuff I didn't even say or remotely touched? I think one of my "favorite" things to say is, "I just don't understand".

Oh yea, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

From what I've been reading on the forum, it sounds as if Ozzfest 2008 will be in Texas for a 2 day super show only. Now I feel very shitty about this. I've had and have taken a lot of pride in the fact that I've made it to at least one Ozzfest every year since it started way back in 1996. To date myself, the summer of '96 was my first summer out of school. This summer, I'm the proud papa of a 2 and 1 year old. What are the chances I make it Texas if that is the case? Slim. None? I will not go that far. To not make it because of it, pisses me off.

The job, is meh. Home life, is meh. I'm meh. I've felt this way for a week or so. My mind has been filled with thoughts of making life better and I realize I can not do it alone. Where's my help?

From everything I've read and seen. Obama is the man.

I think I'm out.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Smells like...

2008-04-19T11:32:00.002-04:00

...spring time outside.

I've been really making an effort to loose some poundage. In the last two weeks I've dropped 6 pounds. It's a start, I have many more to go before I reach my goal. Luckily for me G recently purchased a weight machine and allows me to join him for a work out on Mon, Wed, Friday. Well, we didn't do it yesterday, I am hopeful he calls to catch up on the work out today!

The job is going very well. I've settled in pretty well. The guy training is hanging on a little tight to responsibilities that should no longer be his. I can understand why, but change is a coming. If by months end he's still holding on tightly I will have to make an issue about it. I don't mind, but yet I do.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm taking my son outside to do some yard work!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Back in...

2008-04-06T15:51:00.003-04:00

...January our pipe to our septic system collapsed. Talk about a fucking mess in your yard. Well today we pretty much took care of that problem. All we need to do now is get some grass seed. It is beautiful outside today. I find myself inside for the first time in four hours and I feel pretty damn good. We all pitched in and the yard turned the corner very quickly. I got the opportunity to get reacquainted with my chainsaw. I put a new chain on it and let me tell you what, that shit didn't stand a chance. I think I'm calling it a day myself. Julie's still kicking it w/ Drew and some of the homies from A town...

I got the training wheels kicked out from me the other day at work and I think I'm doing pretty. Still there are times I find myself with a question, which is answer is only a phone call away. Over all, it's going pretty well.

I'm having the urge to go back out and clean my toolbox. Things been destroyed forever!

Later.

I love you Julie!

I found time...

2008-03-21T16:02:00.002-04:00

...to blog today. A gift I did not expect.

Good Friday to you. My day at work was fine, thanks for asking. I've started a "real" job. Something that will mandate I work 40 hours a week (soon to be 45), every week, until I die or retire. I listed those in the correct order by the way. The work is not bad, I rather enjoy it. However, it sucks because it's "real". I still work a few hours after work as well. Lets me end my work day with some other challenges that are nice in their own right. Stuff that I don't get to do at my "real" job. I've been there 3 weeks now and can't say that I've made any friends. I can in the same breath however, say I have not made any enemies either. I get along with everyone great, I just don't see me offering to burn one with any of them.

Speaking in such tongues, that reminds me to update everyone on me falling off the wagon. Please don't hate me. It means so much to me that you don't hate me.

I learned something today. I learned that I am going to have my own office. I told the guy training me (Ray, pretty nice guy just from our fathers generation. Let me date myself. I am a baby from the 70's. You'd know that if you read my profile jerky...) that I didn't come here thinking I'd end up in an office. His reply "You will be."

Whoever invented red Swedish fish needs a tickle to the balls. These things are delicious. I'm trying to put a serious foot forward on eating better. I've been eating a PB sandwhich in the am, then a piece of fruit at lunch time (an apple or pear so far), eating supper and calling that that. I however admit to you all, that I like to munch. When I get home, I am hungry. Therefore, I want to eat. SO we're working on that. I also need something to excerise on. My "sissypants" and I can't seem to get enough sexerise. I've been thinking about an elliptical bike, but some one told me I'd be gay if I had one. So now fucking what? I want something where I'm standing, and not having the impact like a treadmill. My foot hurts.

Most people look at me differently. I'm one of those people that walks up to the office! I must be an asshole! Then the people in the office look at me like I'm some sort of production employee. Your presence is not required! For the production folks all I can say is I've been there and I've done that. Hey if what you want to do is run a machine, the same machine, every day, every fucking day, until you retire that's all well, fine, & good. I however prefer to say, "Fuck that noise." And for the office people I'd like to run this by your earholes. I've worked hard to do the things I do now. Not everyone gets to do it, and I know this, and it makes me appreciate it more. I will say good morning to you, I will ask you how you are and if you ask me I will almost always answer "not bad". Choke on it, because it's the way it is.

My little girl is going to be one by months end. One. She is certainly turning into her own person. The journey is just beginning.

I believe my blogtank is empty.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Grand words

2008-02-29T11:40:00.000-05:00

Grand words

I am a man of few words,
preferring to listen rather than speak.
Today however I choose to share,
rather than to keep.
I do not have stories to tell,
or words of wisdom to pass on.
What I do have is a void in my heart,
that will never fill.
My children’s future,
will include the past.
It is a promise I made,
to a grand man.
Memories are forever,
love will always last.

All good things...

2008-02-20T20:58:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow would have been my grandfathers birthday. I say would, because he passed away this evening. Probably no more than one hour ago. I am saddened to see him leave us. I witnessed as he struggled and fought for something that was obviously out of his control, and reach. This man that I have always looked at with a certain amount of pride and admiration had lost the battle of time right before my eyes. I am thankful that I was able to say my peace with him. I am thankful that I was able to connect with my father, as that does not happen often if ever. My greatest pain comes from knowing my grandfathers humor will only be taught to my children through stories and tales. Tales that are true. A promise I made, and intend to keep. I find comfort in knowing his physical pain is no longer. I can only imagine the mental pain someone suffers through while their body fails them, so I find comfort in knowing his mind is at rest. I also find comfort in knowing my father said his peace with him before it was too late. I am sure it would have been something that my father would have regretted for the rest of his days if he had not done so.

Rest in peace John Farren Hedglin. We love you and will miss you forever.

...come to an end.

Ventilation

2008-02-13T19:39:00.004-05:00

I'm amused by things, and amused less by others.

I grow tired of free tickets. All aboard the do nothing train. Hey, I would do nothing too if I could. Wait, thats not true. Something inside of me would say "You lazy bastard. You fucker. You etc..." Alas, I come home and eventually end up with some sort of bug up my pooper. I'm asked what's wrong. After initially refusing I let it be known. I'm not surprised by the response I get. Something or other about how someone didn't have anything to do with it. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? Defending the defenseless. To me there are a couple meanings to defenseless.

One: Not being able to defend yourself
Two: Having no excuse for yourself

Maybe I should ride the do nothing train. Perhaps it's fun. I could shit my pants, grow that ZZ Top beard I've been dreaming about and let my toe nails grow out forever. Yes. Maybe even paint them a silly shade of red. That would be fun. And then when I finish something, for example cereal, I could leave the empty box on the counter. Or when I finish the toilet paper I could leave the empty roll for the next person that needs to wipe their ass. hahaha how funny would that be? Or when it snows I could leave the shoveling for the people that don't ride the do nothing train. The people that pay the bills and work for "a living". Yes, they'd appreciate that very much. Lord knows that's what they wanted to do with their life, work and take care of the lazy. Ya know I'd do nothing if someone would be giving me every god damn thing under the sun and ask for nothing in return. Yes nothing, its a fashion, a means of transportation, hell it's even people. My parents were silly, they made me do things. They punished me for things. What were they thinking? Didn't they hear of the do nothing train?

I'm fucking hot...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Number 200!

2008-02-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

So blogger says that this will be my 200th blog post. Wow...

All is going alright. My "sissypants" got herself a job. It's all well fine and good, but I do miss her. Sometimes the extra daddy duty tiers me out but I'm holding up. We will really benefit from the extra income that's for sure.
Publish Post
It is income tax time. Time to pay some folks back and hopefully in the process get rid of a bill or two!

I'm feeling pretty run down at the moment. I felt like I had so much to say, now I find myself with little on my plate.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Greetings

2008-01-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year.

I really don't have much to say. I was feeling "bad" about my blog. I'd say right now everything is on a mellow note here. I'm working, for myself but not really which is awesome. My "sissypants" is seeking employment as well. I hope that goes well, fore it will keep me from working 2 jobs...again...

The kids are all doing well. Gabrielle is a little mobile monster. Connor is a jibberish talking machine. He did good with the potty for a little bit, but has had some sort of relapse into shitting his pants and not minding. I couldn't imagine shitting in my pants, then going on the potty, then electing to go back to shitting my pants. I'm sure it's not a good feeling. Shaina is doing well. Drew, is well, Drew. I searched but could not locate a percentage of 20 year olds that actually graduate high school. I remember one 20 year old from high school. ONE!

We are making an effort on cutting out some pounds this year. So far, so good. Granted we are not going to the tree bark & pine needle diet that some of you may be on.

Later.

I love you "Sissypants".

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T00:44:00.000-05:00

I wish you all the best.

The gift of love

A gift that needs no day,
no other reason to be.
Words from my heart,
always start,
with your thought.
You are by far,
all I could ever want.
You have given to me,
more than any wish or dream.
Some want money,
others seek fame.
My future grows more,
with each passing day.
A life without limits,
as our children grow.
It seems our first,
came not so long ago.
The gift of love,
is what I have for you.
What more could I want to do?

I love you Julie.

Later.

Parking lot observations...

2007-12-23T11:23:00.001-05:00

...from a man to frightened to enter the madness that was Wal-Mart.

It is true I stayed in the van with the little ones. We parked where most people would elect to drive around for 5 minutes to find a spot 5 spaces closer to the door. Here are some of the things that I noticed.

First off the traffic lanes mean nothing to most people. If they can cut through the parking spaces to save 10 seconds, then they will. I witnessed countless people doing this. It brings back bad memories. You see not to long ago, in a land not so far away, I was driving through the mall parking lot, following the traffic lanes. I had a couple friends with me that I hadn't seen in years (or much after) cruising in my newly repainted 1979 Oldsmobile (I loved that car). In fact, I had only had it out of the shop for a total of 4 hours. Anyways, we were driving and my friend says to me "Hey, is that guy gonna stop?" Then as I glance over, I see a mini van introducing itself to my car. The driver was an older fellow. I was pretty pissed. In the end, I had to fight with the insurance company not to scrap the car and ended up with a new paint job after only 4 hours. So I say to you, take the extra 2 minutes and follow all the traffic lanes you lazy fuckers.

You want me to do what with my shopping cart? Yes, can you believe that people are so "pressed" for time that they can't wheel their little carts to those parking stalls? I only saw one person do this. They looked perfectly healthy, maybe early 40's driving a nice looking SUV. They unloaded in good fashion, it was a team effort. The woman would get the items out of the cart and hand them to the man who then put them in the back of said SUV. After the final package was placed they hopped in and drove away. But wait, what's that in the middle of 2 parking spaces? A shopping cart?!?!? Well I guess I can't park in EITHER one of those spaces now if I wanted to. Merry Christmas, asshole.

The last thing I noticed was a route in the traffic lanes that saves time, but isn't so obvious just at first glance. All I can say is if you want to wait in a line of traffic that moves slow then continue to do the norm. If you want to get out with no lane, take a look around at ALL the traffic options available to you. I noticed, and will travel that way when ever it is madness.

Later.

I love you Julie.

How did you look...

2007-12-05T21:42:00.001-05:00

...at your 30th birthday party?

(I don't remember this)

(yes, that's a sippycup)

A story!

2007-12-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

My friend recently got abused from a local Italian place. Some would say sexually, I would say financially...

My "sissypants" was out and about and brought home food from the same Italian place (I did not have a chance to tell her about the unjust acts that had gone done). She goes through the food and notices they shorted us a cheese steak sub. However, they did give us a order of cheese fries we did not order. She promptly calls them, tells them of their error (something my friend did not do), and gets a free sub. As we are eating I go to open the bread that came with my salad, and bam, the bread is in fact the "missing" cheese steak. Once I point this out to Julie she says, "It was so flat, I thought it was the bread." In fact the bread, was there as well.

In the end we ended up with a free cheese steak and a free order of cheese fries. That's right, tast'em!

30 years of jibberish

2007-11-23T10:07:00.000-05:00

I turned 30 this past Monday.

Recent events have made me think of life. I can close my eyes and flip through the years but when I open my eyes things are in a different gear. Some things are written already, even though it may only be foreshadowing. Painful things. Real things. Life. My grandfather is 81 years old, and has seen more in his life than I probably ever will in mine. Through it all, I can hear his laugh, hear his voice. If you define forever, nothing lasts that long. I fear my grandfathers time is nearing the end. Apparently, cancer has no soul for if it did, it would leave my grandfather alone. I will visit him today as will my children. I wish they were only old enough to realize how special it is to have him. To share a moment of his time.

My thanksgiving was occupied by other thoughts. I am however thankful for all that I have.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Randomness

2007-10-26T20:27:00.000-04:00

Nothing particular to say, so lets just drip like a faucet...

Found myself a job today. Seemed a little too good to be true, but it is true. Only a few hours a day with good pay. The only shitty thing is, it's 7 days a week. Fuck, what's 4 hours? Not much!

On the way home today, Connor barfed all over himself. What a wonderful sound driving down the road. It made me want to turn on top 40 radio.

My "sissypants" is sitting on the floor fiddling with a pair of jeans. Something about her legs are short and the pants are long.

Tomorrow night! Par-tay!! How does it go G? UNNNN! Be on the look out for cross dressing cheerleaders...

I think Gabrielle's ass just exploded. It sure sounded like it.

Here's one you don't hear everyday. My dog has a yeast infection.

Yes, my blazer still looks like a bomb went off inside.

Let see if I can say something with some thought. I found myself thinking tonight. You know, the kind of thought where you find yourself somewhere other than your body. Maybe that's crazy, but I don't think so. I was thinking about a few things. I thought about my children and in doing so found myself with moist eyes. I was pondering how things in life happen. Sometimes it all seems scripted. Other times, it all seems cruel. It's just amazing how much happens from sunrise to sunset. It's enough to drive you mad! It's enough to inspire. It's enough...

Later.

I love you Julie.

A good day for blogging

2007-10-14T12:58:00.000-04:00

Had a great night last night. Went to some friends house and played some asshole. We have not been there in over a year easily to do that. "Back in the day" it was asshole central. I must admit that I did not have a single run as president and was asshole on 2 or 3 occasions. It's all good though. We had jell-o shots, beer, and lots of laughs. Mary even paid a visit. Good old Mary. It was good to see my buddy cut loose, as these days he likes to say his heart burn meds do not permit him to drink. "Drink asshole!" I am now looking forward to the Halloween party even more! My motor has been primed...

Had a great day yesterday as well. Had a meeting with this guy about putting some money from under the table on it instead. It went well and it seems that I will cut ties with my Mexican roots by the end of next week. Hurray!

I forgot to mention, I didn't drink much water last night. Boys & girls: Water = teh win.

It's getting to be fall real quick around here. Leaves turning colors, my cleaned out cutters getting filled again already, the need for my furnace to run but we have no oil. Ah yes, it is a beautiful time of year.

All is going well with the clan. My little girl is getting so big and my son, well he's just one crazy cracker! It seems his vocabulary grows each day. Some times I feel bad because I just don't know what he's trying to tell me. When this happens we usually say to him "Show me", incase it is something he can point at. Well, sometimes its nothing, it's just a thought he's trying to share. Those, are difficult...

Well I must clean up a mess the "good" dog made last night. Apparently cat shit covered in cat litter hits the spot...

Later.

I love you Julie.

3:34 a.m.

2007-09-23T03:33:00.000-04:00

Can't sleep...

A plus on that, I got an early jump on the Sunday job postings on the local newspaper website. There are a couple possibilities. I'll have to go running Monday I believe.

Friday nights are for drinking. Drink we did...

I'm going to try to rest my eyes.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Echoing words

2007-09-15T22:40:00.000-04:00

Echoing words

Echoing words,
a soul that becomes torn.
Bleeding from within,
my heart fuels the ink pen.
Echoes can not be erased,
by a change in the wind.
No matter what it says,
it can not make me believe.
Steps forward,
while I stand still...

Black...

2007-09-15T22:15:00.001-04:00

...it's a mood.

What did you say?

2007-09-15T19:40:00.000-04:00

I hope everyone is having a good time in make believe land today...

Me? I had fun working on the upstairs bathroom. I'm also, worrying about oil for the furnace...

Did you ever say something you regretted? I'm sure you have, hell I have. The thing that was said, was it ever a thing that made you choke on your shit covered shoe? Maybe it was not deliberate, but it was what you were thinking and meaning? Now I'm not sure if I've crossed that bridge myself. I think I may have had "that thing" said to me, by someone that I thought would never say something like that. Forgiving and forgetting is hard to do, when all you hear are echoes...

I'm jobless and it sucks. I can recall a time working two jobs so no one else would have to work one. I remember taking the chance on switching jobs so we would all be better off. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for the best. I remember making time, when all I wanted to do was sleep. The job hunt has been, very unsuccessful to this point. I know in time, something will come. It's been a little over a month now and my mind races with thoughts on this matter constantly. "What if this" and "What if that". I'm trying daily, don't ask me who else is.

As I look over my right shoulder I see my little girl passed out, looking so peaceful. She must love her daddy.

Later.

I love you Julie...

Sorry,

2007-09-09T16:01:00.000-04:00

but I only wish I had more to say...

Ozzfest 2007

2007-08-28T02:46:00.001-04:00

This past Friday was the 14th year of Ozzfest. How many years have I been there? Well, 14! I pride myself on that. This year's Ozzfest was a bit of a throw back to yesteryear. In the early years there was always a core group of us that would go. Then the years passed and life changed and the last couple years it was only my wife and I. Hell, in '05 I went solo. That's how much I love this shit. This year saw the return of two original members of the group and I can only hope that sites and sounds won them over, again. There was also a new member. My friends niece, who is a week away from her 18th birthday came along. Looking back, at my first Ozzfest I was 18. I really enjoyed Ozzfest this year for many reasons, and I hope next year brings more of the same.

Now onto the music. As you may or may not know Ozzfest was free this year. The sponsers picked up the bill. As a result, no "big" bands played really other than Ozzy. My apologizes to those people that may think that Lamb of God, Static-X or Hatebreed are big bands. They are good, but they are not say Godsmack, System of a Down, Disturbed, etc. I could start with the obvious but I wish to let my thoughts be know about a band called Lordi right now.

Lordi. What the fuck are you all about? Your music sucks. Your stage act sucks. What the fuck are you doing on the main stage? Lordi is a band from Finland. They dress up like monsters and play shitty music. There was a point in the show when the "singer" said he wanted to see everybody moving. Moving? Dude, no one even stood up to see you. I looked down front and I kid you not, I saw 3 people moving. My 14 year opinion on Lordi playing Ozzfest again? FUCKING NEVER.

Since there was really only one reason why I was at Ozzfest (musically anyway) I might as well get down to it. Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy. Ozzy just kicks ass. The opening to his show was a bit of a throw back to the old days. In earlier years Ozzy's shows would start with him in short parodies of main stream media events ranging from movies, music videos, or simple interviews. Hell he even released a video of these some years ago called Ozzy goes to Hollywood. With the start of the show feeling so classic, I was indeed ready. So after the parodies and a kick ass intro, Ozzy comes onto stage. The first thing he says is "Aren't you fuckers tired of Ozzfest yet?" The answer to that would be no.

Although his performance started out slowly with him struggling through his first two songs, it picked up thereafter. The show was mostly classics with only two new songs being played from his new album. He played 12 songs that I can recall.

Bark at the Moon (struggled)
Not going away (struggled, but the band kicked ass)
Mama I'm coming home (a classic that I enjoyed very much with my "sissypants")
I'm here for you (not one of my favorite live performances)
Mr. Crowley (very nice)
I don't know (I love this song live)
Crazy Train (Crazy, but that's how it goes...)
I don't want to change the world (always a good song live)
Road to nowhere (kicked ass on this)
Paranoid (always, the last song)
Warpigs (very nice)
Suicide Solution (very fucking nice)

I have no complaints, and I look forward to seeing his old ass again next year. I've read that next year he'll be playing with Sabbath again. Always a treat.

I asked the question, would you rather Ozzfest be free and only have Ozzy there or would you rather pay and have a couple other big acts. I would rather pay. Ozzfest is an all day event and if I'm going to be there, I would like there to be some good filler before Ozzy takes the stage.

It's almost 4am, I'm going back to bed!

Later.

I love you Julie!

Thank you suscom

2007-08-21T21:35:00.001-04:00

Look who's back...

So it's been a rough August in some ways and a good one in others. I lost my job, but I get $1200 a month for unemployment. We moved which was trying at times. We made it and now everyone has their own room, we have a living room, now if we could only find a couch...

Ozzfest if Friday. Let me do that over. Ozzfest is fucking Friday! There, that's more like it.

What do you mean there is money under the table?

I am off to shoot bitches, thanks for tuning in.

Later.

I love you Julie!

Say what?

2007-07-30T18:38:00.000-04:00

Well well well...long time no write. Man, do I have some stuff to say.

First off, remember how I was so happy to leave DRW? I do. Guess who applied for a job at DRW today? That's right mofo's me. Apparently, my new job only wanted me around for a little while. Nothing luck throwing a big fucking wrench into gears that were turning so smoothly. Am I upset? Sure am, but not as much as I was on Friday. So it sucks and today I went to a few places and we'll see what comes from it. The new place did offer me another job today, 3rd shift at $2.21 less an hour than what I was making. Which equals out to be $0.67 more than I was making at DRW when I left. Lets not forget, I drive an extra 25 minutes one way to get to the new place. So in the end, I would make less because of what I spend on gas. Well see what happens...

...I'm taking this week off since things have played out this way. I am eligible for unemployment. Before getting it, you have to get a waiting week in which I will have in on Friday. Tomorrow we get the U-Haul and get ready for the move on Wed. Oh yea, nothing like loosing your job right before moving into a house you're going to try to buy. Anyway, this place is a nut house. We have shit everywhere. Boxes here, TV's there, clear glass here. You know how it goes. We are all set and excited about the move. Look out Avis here we fucking come.

I just don't understand certain things about this world. You work hard, show up everyday, put in extra O.T. and for what? A big sack full of bullshit. Maybe I will just ride out the unemployment for the max. Sit around, fuck the man, and finish on his ass...

On a lighter note, G had one hell of a bash. I rather enjoyed myself! A bunch of sexually friendly family folk there. What ever floats your boats I suppose. The highlight for me? Finding K passed out on the pee trail. Priceless...

Well folks my baby girl is fussy and my boy is wanting his mama...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Nerd alert

2007-07-17T18:14:00.001-04:00

So I took Connor to see transformers. G agreed to visit 1985 again w/ us. The movie was pretty good. There were a few things I didn't really like. For example, the extreme close ups during battle scenes. It was very hard to tell what was going on. Then there were a few things that an old head like me would appreciate. Like when Prime decapitates this noob Bonecrusher using his energon axe. I don't know if that's what they are calling it these days, but that's what it was. Another moment for me was towards the end of the film when you hear prime say the classic line from the original movie, "One shall stand, one shall fall.". I can say I didn't really miss Frank Welker voicing Megatron. To say that anyone could do prime better than Peter Cullen, would be madness...

Looks like the house deal is a go. We are outta here at the end of the month!

There's a local rock station (99.3 WZXR) having this promo where you sing for your beer. 99 cases of beer in fact. Well each day they give a couple away to caller number 9, but the trick is, you have to know what case of beer the case count is on. Why? Well you sing the 99 bottles of beer on the wall diddy, but instead of bottles you say cases. So guess who number 9 was on Monday? That's right bitches. I got a nice, free case of beer. By the way, the count is now on 52...

Work? Fuck that! What can I say?

As for now I need a shower.

Later.

I love you mommy!

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-04T14:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a couple weeks since my last post and I have a hard time believing that much time has passed. I find time is almost always filled these days...

Had a blast last weekend doing some camping w/ G & K down by pine creek. It was very relaxing and a very good time. I had not "camped" w/ G in many moons. Since we were 16 or 17. We had some good conversations. I want any one who reads this and also reads his blog to ask him about the sweet potatoman. Trust me, if he tells you, it's a good story. We played some badminton, which was fun. I hope this only starts a long stretch of good times for us.

Works been work. I've kind of settled in now and see it for what it's worth. A job. What can I say? Work can only be so fun...it is nice to get paid to have a day off now and again.

Word still has it we'll be signing some papers on a house very soon. Nothing so far, but very promising words have been spoke.

Happy 4th of July to you and yours.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Hello

2007-06-23T11:59:00.000-04:00

I find myself very consumed right now by thought.

How are you doing? I've been pretty busy at work lately. I usually leave at 3:30, however a couple days this week I didn't leave until 4. Then you throw on top of that all this god damn construction I get to drive through (on the way home I seem to sit in it more than drive) I don't get home until 4:30-5. Fuck, yesterday I got behind these two trucks hauling these long ass concrete bridge beams. Well wouldn't you know that when it came to cross a bridge they had to go over one at a time. Which means we sat and waited until both trucks creeped over the bridge. They had one cop trying to do this. It was kind of funny at times. The cop would be in the middle of the road and some one would try going by him and he'd point his finger out the window and do the "no no" movement. You know what I mean don't you? In a nut shell, yesterday it took me a half hour to drive a distance that should have only taken 10 minutes.

Don't get me started on how yield signs must be invisible to just about everyone. I'm talking to you Mr. Fuckface on the motorcycle!

I confess this entry started as an email. It is now what it has become...

Home life has been quiet which is good. I admit that I have not been very motivated this week. Oh, I got home from work on Thrusday and thought I tore something in my knee. It burned and hurt a great deal. So much in fact, I bitched about it. I don't bitch about it, unless it really really hurts. Anyway I wake up the next day and it's still sore but no where near as bad. Then this morning my knee feels almost 100%. In fact I just knelt down to look under the blazer to see if I could locate a exhaust leak. No luck there. Anyway today I think I'd like to finish something my "sissypants" started. We got a dresser for our little girl and she started to sand it down. I'm feeling, handy.

Speaking of our little girl, she grows large! She chubby, but so cute. I find her little attitude humorous at times, but other times she's in this zone where she just kicks my teeth in. Nothing I do seems to work. Then Julie walks in, does her magic, and she's quiet in like 10 minutes. It must be a mommy thing...

My boy, he grows large too. Not chubby, just big. Sometimes when we wrestle around he just keeps on coming back for more. I wonder, how much crazier can this boy be? I can not wait to see for myself. He's getting a vocabulary now. Sometimes if you catch him when he doesn't think about saying words too much, he can repeat what you say and well. But then when you edge him on to say it some more, it's just not quite the same. I do not find my sons attitude humorous at all. In fact, I find it quite ridiculous at times. What can you do? If the boy can't talk, how can he keep emotions in check?

House news? Nothing certain yet. Talks say August first. All papers though, remain blank...

Later.

I love you Julie!

Words silent no more

2007-06-05T18:59:00.000-04:00

I have found some time for just you and I. Aren't you glad?

I guess I'll start off with our camping adventure. Even though it was a week or so ago, it is still fresh in my mind. As I think about the whole thing some more, it's been a long while since I have felt like I did while we camped. It was a very welcomed thing. Anyway we camped out over memorial day weekend. My clan (Me, "sissypants", S, D, Connor, Gabrielle) and my friend Jamie's clan (him, Rachel, Ezra, Paige, Abby, and the dog Bugsie). Rachel's brother Jake showed up with Harry. More on Harry later...

We got to camp Friday night and got set up. The weather was not the nicest and I admit, made me think the whole weekend would be rained out. The next morning was overcast, leading to more doubt. As it was, the weather turned for the better just about the time Jamie showed up. A little later in the day Jake and Harry showed up. The gangs all here!

We played a little baseball (me being the only one to hit a homer run, oh I mean 3 home runs :-) ), went for a walk, roasted marshmallow, played volley ball, gathered firewood from the woods, fished (I did not fish), talked, had a couple beers and found some time to burn one or two...

No fussy kids. No fights. No natural disasters. It was just about as perfect as it could be. There was even an unannounced lawn tractor race going on. Best I could tell there were 3 classes. Your basic grass cutter without a deck, slightly moded tractors, and then extreme moded. There was this one tractor that had some sort turbo charger on it with a big ass intake on the hood. When the guy started it, it sounded like a fucking crotch rocket. Lets just say, this tractor took names at the starting line.

Are you ready to talk about Harry?

That's Harry everyone. I don't know his last name. I don't know where he lives. I have seen this man a couple times in my life. Every time I have seen this man he has been either too drunk to stand, or he is in fact down on the ground. You see Harry can sit for a very long time. How long? He stayed in the car, sitting, the whole first day he was there. He refused food. He would however take a beer. Or, perhaps he'd have a cup full of black velvet and pepsi. That is a favorite of Jake's. You see, Harry is a friend of Jake and Rachel's family from way back. Jake's dad was originally Harry's friend, but as Jake put it "My old man gave up on him and I took over".

After the first night I was the fourth one up. Harry was first, Jamie was second (went fishing), Paige, then me. As Jake and I neared Harry, he said "I see the fairy's aren't awake yet." This made us laugh. In fact we'd say it the rest of camping and it made us laugh every time. So then I wondered just exactly what did Harry see. We all shared our opinions on it. Most of the opinions were followed with a chuckle. Harry did go on to say the boys were out and about late one night. Harry, PI for hire.

The second day/night saw Harry move from the car to the picnic table. And that's where he stayed. All day long. All night until it was time for him to crawl back in the car out of the rain.

I had asked a couple general questions about Harry to those who knew him better than I. I was always told in a nut shell not to go down that road. That is where I left it lay.

I just got off the phone with Jamie. He's got the fever, the Ozzfest fever. The tickets are still free boys and girls. I get early dibs because I pre ordered Ozzy's new album. I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Ozzy or has been in the past. The man really can do no wrong in my book.

Oh shit! I got a new tattoo. 4 days have passed since I got it, that explains any flaking you may see.

The new job still continues to go well. Just had my 30 day review. All was good.

I would like to find some time like this to sit down and try to write a poem or two. I really like the the title of this blog post. I may try to do something with it. I think I have written that at least once before in this blog.

Later.

I love you Julie!

I have not forgotten

2007-05-31T20:35:00.000-04:00

I hope no one is upset with the length between my posts. I swear I'll get a good post up. I have a good camping adventure to report to you all (and a story about Harry).

Until the words come to me...

Later.

I love you Julie

The difference between approval and preapproval is a bitch

2007-05-17T19:37:00.000-04:00

Been a fucked up day in the world of John. J.W.'s world hasn't been much better...

A house? Yes. Wait...no. You see the difference between you and me (maybe) is that I tend to never loose sight of the worst case scinero. When it's been a road I've gone down before I tend to see things a little more and a little clearer. Anyway I've been pre approved for this and that for quite some time through a couple different places. But then when it comes time to play ball, no one shows up but me. This time, it is no different. In fact to quote the realitor "You better start packing." My reply? "I've learned there is a big difference between being pre approved and approved. So no offense, but I'll wait before I pack." Good thing. Made the call to the bank this morning. Apparently no one knows why I get this nice pre approved status and when it comes time to get the cash, its a no go. So for now and for some time to come, I'm not looking for a house. I'm tired of this bullshit parade.

Works still going well. I can't complain. Seems like before I know it it's lunch time, then it's time to go home. I love going home.

When I was younger I use to work on the farm in the summer detasseling corn. It was nothing special, it kept gas in the tank of the car and the insurance paid. Well anyway one summer a kid some how got his foot caught in the wheel on a tractor wagon. Broke his foot and fell hard off the wagon. He was alright. I recently took a spill off a wagon of sorts. I didn't break a bone or anything. In fact I feel quite alright. My friend Mary has come back to town. In fact, she's shacked up w/ us for a while. We enjoy her company! Don't hate Mary, she's a good kid. If you don't get too much of her. I really should dedicate a whole entry to this and my feelings about it...

I have too much shit in my head right now crashing off of every other god damn thing up there so I'm wrapping this up.

Later.

I love you Julie.

2 weeks in

2007-05-10T16:51:00.000-04:00

Is 2 weeks in anything like balls deep?

I'm happy to report not too many fuck ups. No fights. Most of all, I'm digging it. I pretty much have the run of the place. I am busy almost all day. It's a little slow until 8am but that's a good hour to come to my senses. I will probably be able to snag some Saturdays. You see the place is a mess and their system is as old as a dinosaur. They have these things called computers these days that could make things so much easier. Granted I do use the computer. However, they do no currently use anything for inventory control (SAP goes live in August). This will make things not only easier but much better. I touched based today w/my bosses boss about it and he seems like he wants me at the controls for the change. I told him, I'd get it done and he said I'll get the chance. None of this shit happened at my old job, it's much more exciting I think.

Sometimes the mornings seem to come in a blink of an eye. Most days I'm good until 9pm. Some days around 7 I seem to hit a wall. I'm trying to figure out something that works for me that gets me pepped up. I'm still working on it. In the morning, I like to have a tea to wake me up.

I have to write about falling off the wagon and how it doesn't seem to bad...

Well loyal reader I admit to you that I stink. I need to hit the shower.

Later.

I love you Julie.

John & G... v2!

2007-05-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

I know Hamood is not G's "spawn of satan", but he's close enough...

Connor is of course, in the Yankees shit. Hamood is G's sisters (Jess) boy. The little girl in the pink is our newest love Gabrielle. The lady holding her is G's mom, Patti.

I am no longer a DRW employee

2007-04-27T03:25:00.000-04:00

It's true, I'm done. I feel 100% fine with it. I remember leaving a job that I once had for about the same length of time and being quite worked up about it. Not this time, not this job. It just wasn't meant to be.

So since I'm not longer at DRW that means I have to update my blog from home! What will I do?

Later.

I love you Julie, bunches.

You can't make this shit up...

2007-04-26T04:44:00.000-04:00

So of course something would happen right before I call it quits at good 'ol DRW.

There's this guy that no body really likes. I admit he's kind of creepy. He's been in jail for beating on his lady so ya know, whatever. Anyway, he lost his artificial eye tonight.

What's more disturbing the fact that he lost it or if some one finds it?

Tomorrow is my last night and I know I will not be here all night. Maybe a couple hours. I have some shit to get out of here yet. Like my radio and microwave. I'll miss it a little then before you know I won't miss it at all.

I'm not very wordy right now...

Later.

I love you Julie.

This will take 5 minutes or so...

2007-04-18T02:40:00.000-04:00

Yea, if I paid more frequent visits to the blog, they'd be shorter.

It's no secret I've been trying to find a new job. I'm sure if I looked back through the blog I could maybe put some sort of time frame on it. I'm going to say around two years. In those two years I took a job for a day through a temp agency and gave it a try. It made me realize just why working production is no fun. I've had jobs offered to me, but tuned them down. The reasons were mostly all the same. Pay sucked, benefits sucked, or both.

Then recently I was offered a job that paid slightly better than I made now, but I just wasn't feeling the job. I had told them I would take the job, but after thinking on it for a week I decided it wasn't "it". While I was thinking about the job I would later turn down, I had an interview for a position that really sounds like my cup of tea. To boot the pay was pretty good and the benefits matched. Did I mention the hours are 7am-3-pm? That's right, normalcy. It is a bit of a drive, but you know what? I don't mind a good trip.

So I start there on 4/30. My last night where I am is 4/26. Not so far away. I find it amazing that so many people that I've seen everyday for the past 4 years (almost) all of the sudden want to know what I'm doing. Is it wrong that I didn't come in and spout off about how I was leaving and every one could go to hell? I don't think so. I told who I needed to tell. Now, every body is asking me this or that. Here's the main question I hear.

Why are you leaving? Why am I leaving? What's your fucking name anyway? Steve? Well Steve, did you know for the past 4 years (almost) we've called you douche bag back here? Anyway, there are a few reasons. First, at this point in my life working nights has worn out its welcome. There was a time when I would look forward to going to work at night. Hell who wouldn't? There I was with good friends and smoking an once of pot a week. Those days, are no more.

The hours aside, the place in general sucks. I make, what I would say is the bottom end of ok money. I didn't reach that though, until this year. I've never seen a company care so less. There is no structure here and it's enough to drive some one who cares absolutely fucking crazy. How do you move up when the company doesn't promote much from within? I don't know how some of the people that have been here so long, doing what they are doing, don't loose it.

I care, I can't help it. I have never, tried for so long to get out of a place...

I believe my family life will benefit from the added normalcy. Going to bed at night time? Eating supper at supper time? Seeing everyone for more than a couple hours a day? All these have been foreign to me for far too long.

I certainly feel ready for this change of jobs. Its as if weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Which feels pretty good considering how much getting a house weighs on me. There's been bad news for us sub primers (no relation to Optimus). Basically if your credit score is below 600 you're F'd in the A. Since the mortgage industry is in shambles as far as I'm concerned, creditors won't lend with out some major cash down and ass raping interest. This is all very bad for me. My credit score is very close to 600 now. Trust me, 4 months ago 600 was off in the distance. So I've been kicking around the idea w/ just waiting until next income tax. By then my credit score will be well above 600, I'd have about a year in with my new salary, we'd have a fresh batch of refund money, and I would be approved for a higher amount. We'll keep our eyes open for a sweet deal, but if nothing comes along this plan sounds good.

How's my baby girl? Well when she's not looking at you as if she's going to kick your face in, she's adorable. Seriously this little girl has some mean looks. She must get that from her dad. She's doing very well. I think she looks like a fat cat when she's on her back. She's go these little arms and legs and this wide torso. So beautiful. She fell asleep on me this morning after fussing with my "sissypants". I love when she will say to me, "She just wanted her daddy."

How's my baby boy? Looking more and more like a little boy everyday. He's pretty much out of control. In mostly a good way. He's really digging a few kid shows now. Blue's Clues, Zaboomafu, Back yardigans, are the main three I think. He also like Spongebob. I never gave Spongebob a chance until I was a friend's house and the snail, Gary, meowed. I remember saying, "Did that snail just meow"? I know my boy will love having a house w/ more room so he can go even crazier. Daddy's trying buddy...

My wife is doing very well. She still doesn't feel 100% but she's getting there. In fact she has her first check up since having the baby today. I really hope it goes well for her. At this point any kind of set back would bring her down, and I do not want that. I'm still looking forward to having a night out w/ my baby. We need to kick that shit old school!

Shaina is a walking hospital visit. At least since I've been in the picture it seems that way. She broke a toe a few days ago now. I keep telling Julie that she needs calcium. That, and she needs to be careful and pay more attention. A little of both go a long way.

Drew, where do I begin? The boy is in great danger of failing. We went through this last year and he pulled through. However, this year looks much more bleak. I tried talking about this and it didn't get very far. In fact, we had a bit of a tiff about it. That was "dramor" related. Is it wrong for me to want him to do well? Is it wrong for me to see thing as they are? I don't think it is. We'll see what June brings.

Ozzy Osbourne new album "Black Rain" out May 22nd. I'm pre ordering.

Go Yankees!

Later.

I love you Julie.

I call it "dramor"

2007-04-07T12:01:00.000-04:00

As defined by me: Drama + Horror = Dramor

It was a night full of dramor for me last night. Tears, arguing, people falling down. You name it, it was going down. Throw all that on top of the fact I've been sick for about a week now and my left ear is so fucked, I think a deaf person would hear better than I do out of it, it made for a long painful night.

The sunrise has brought better luck today.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Aggressive beeping

2007-04-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

So if you've read my blog or if you're one of those people that actually know me, you know that I got a van recently. A van my family will rely on heavily in the years to come.

That said, I flashback to last Thursday. I was picking my step son up from school. I'm sitting there waiting with Connor and Shaina and this red caviler pulls in front of me. It appears as if they are going to back in beside me. So I'm sitting there watching this unfold nice and slowly. It appears to me the way this car is pulled in front of me there is no way they can get beside me. I figured, they must know what they are doing. Then I noticed the old woman driving with curlers in her hair. No joke.

She starts backing up, at idle speed. It had to be idle speed for how slow she was going. You'd think going slow would allow you lots of time for lots of things. For instance, glancing in your mirror and seeing the van behind you. I guess that I must have been kidding myself. It became clear that this lady was not trying to park beside me, but on top of me. I proceed to honk the horn. A steady honk. She keeps coming and then, bump...

...after the bump she stops, pulls forward and is coming back to give me more. Maybe she wanted to bump uglies with me. Anyway, at this point I'm pretty fired up. I proceed to aggressively beep. Then finally she stops and looks over and our eyes meet. I yell out the window "You fucking dumbass!". Now this wasn't at the top of my lungs, maybe 80% of what I could have done. It was loud. I woke up the lady beside me that was napping.

After that, the lady in the red caviler drove away and parked in a different location. I noticed several people looking in my direction, looking as if they were waiting for me to attack. I simply sat there and let my mind entertain me with visions. Like, me getting out and kicking her car or what I liked better, was me getting out and throwing her keys. Doing everyone a fucking favor.

What do I find most amusing about this whole thing? Just thinking about what all the regulars there were thinking. Here I am, there for the first time in a strange vehicle screaming profanity out the window. I'm sure I was the talk of a few soccer moms that afternoon.

This ends aggressive beeping.

Later.

Baby news

2007-04-03T00:08:00.000-04:00

I hope no one was worried about all of us. We are just fine. It's been a busy week or so in my world.

Our baby girl has joined us and I must say she's beautiful. I have been blessed with so much that I will never forget. The first time I saw her, her first sound, the first tear she made me shed as a person and not a thought. She was much like her brother, taking the harder road to get here. She's here now and I am thankful for her.

I'm also thankful for my wife. She's been through so much. Gabrielle was delivered C-section, not a planned either. I know my "sissypants" wanted so badly to avoid a C-section but there are times when your wants don't play a factor. This was one of those times. We got to the hospital around 6:30-7am and Gabrielle was born 5:27pm. Labor was pretty straight forward until the last hour or so. Then our baby girl simply got stuck. After surgery and some time in recovery we were all reunited in the nursery. Room 520. There we learned that there may be some complications. My wife was bleeding and had a major blood clot. If things didn't take care of themselves, they were going to have to do a hysterectomy. We were lucky, and thankfully Julie is home safe and sound. She and baby were in the hospital for a week. I'd say things didn't start smoothing out until Wednesday. Everyone came home Friday night. So once again, I'm very thankful that my wife is alright. I love her very much.

What can I say about my 1 week old daughter? She's got dark hair with a red tint and brown eyes. I can say she looks a lot like her brother at the same age. She's pretty laid back until you mess with her. If you want to change her or dresser her prepare yourself for one fired up little baby girl. She gets so mad. When she's like this, she shows off how strong she is. It's amazing how much of a fight such a little thing can put up. She's also got her own cry. I think she sounds silly. It' s a cry that builds itself up. It starts out with just a couple grunts and squeaks and before you know it she's screaming at you. This also happens when she's hungry and you're not on top of your game. I can say that she is loved very much and that I miss her right now...

Stay tuned for pics. I had some major computer issues right before the baby was born and I have not had time to sit down and install my camera software.

Connor is taking to the baby nicely. In fact I have him smelling her feet and going "phew" as if they stink. He's not all about her or anything, but he's also not against her. I think he will be an awesome big brother.

Shaina is loving the baby, as we all knew she would. I've said it before and I'll say it again: She'll make a much better big sister than little.

Drew, he didn't hold the baby until a day before she came home. Why? I don't know. Probably because she's a girl and Connor was a boy. I fairly certain he's quite neutral on the addition. Hopefully he'll come around.

Mommy, she love her girl very much. Even after, everything she's been through. Looking into those beautiful brown eyes of hers I see Julie disappear into a world of dreams. I could watch them every waking moment I may have.

Daddy, he loves his girl very much as well. I am quite happy with what my family has become. Only a couple years ago I never would have pictured this, never. You never know what life has in store for you, and I'm glad I didn't see this coming. I am a very proud papa.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Welcome to the world part II

2007-04-03T00:07:00.000-04:00

Gabrielle Christine
Born: March 26 2007
Weight: 7lbs.
Length: 19in

The count down dwindles

2007-03-25T13:27:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the day. Unless something happens today/night my "sissypants" will have labor induced tomorrow morning sometime. We have to call the hospital at 5:30am to check on room status and the doc wants us signed in by 6:30am. My nervous have started to kick in. I can feel the anticipation building up. I mean how much closer does this get? Not much more than it is right now.

What do I want? I want this to be as easy on my wife as possible while remaining as safe as possible for our daughter. I know she's starting to get the nerves about what is to come physically for her. I could only imagine. I mean I think it's rough when I eat a lot of cheese... I can't imagine having a baby. I will be there for both my girls and they can take from me anything that they need.

There has been some last minute talk about a possible name change. Going from Gabrielle to Jillian. It may come down to what we see when we first lay our eyes on her.
Gabrielle = God is my might.
Jillian = Down-bearded youth <--- WTF does that mean?

I've been a bit under the weather the last couple weeks. My guts just haven't been right. Just as they start to get back to normal, I feel like I have a head cold. Connor has been sick as well. Poor little guy. He's a trooper though for the most part. Even when he's feeling like shit he'll tell you "Thank you".

I was offered a job. I told them I'd take it, but I still have second thoughts. It just doesn't feel like "it". Maybe it's just because it's been so long since I had my interviews and shit for the place. The whole process took over a month. I had an interview for another place on Friday and if I was offered that job, I'd take it. It pays better, and has pretty good benefits. It's more up my alley too. They said that they would have a decision on Monday or Tuesday. The only problem with both jobs it that they are a good drive for me if we stay in the Jersey Shore school district. The likely hood of us moving is not good.

Speaking of moving I'm all sorts of preapproved these days. Shame everything here is over priced...

The next time I visit my blog I will be welcoming some one new to this world.

Later.

I love you Julie.

My post card to you

2007-03-13T23:52:00.000-04:00

I really like that title. I may try to do something with it.

This may very well be my last blog entry before our baby girl joins us. My "sissypants" was having contractions today. I found myself watch some baby show on TLC or Discovery this morning. The happiness I get from my thoughts will fail in comparison to how I will feel the first time I see our Gabrielle Christine.

Still no house for the clan. We looked at one that was promising until we went through it. I kid you not when I say that this house smelled like a piss factory. It was just about to the point of being unbearable. I noticed in the sign in sheet they removed the carpets about a month ago. I bet when that carpet was in there it would have made you loose your lunch. Anyway the house was also in the flood zone. I just don't think I can bring myself to living in the flood zone. At least, not right in it. Julie says, that's what flood insurance is for. I say, flood insurance doesn't pay for the experience you have going through a flood. We'll keep on keeping on until we find "it".

Speaking of all those things house shopping, I need to vent some about realtors. I just found out today that I may qualify for a renovation loan. Long story short, they'll lend you extra cash for potential value in the future. I want to know why in the hell I wasn't informed about this shit in the beginning? I think this is how it should work. I go in they say "Ok Mr. JW based on your credit score these are the loan options available to you." Instead I find out by the realtor being reminded of such loans due to a house that smells like piss. I have not signed a contract with any realtor and I do not plan on it. I know I'm preaproved through one place already and possibly another. I may just end up doing this on my own...

Still no job even though my second interview went very well at this one place. I think they may be waiting until April. When I met with them I made sure to tell them about the baby girl coming and if it would be alright if I had to miss a couple days around then. We'll see what April brings. In the mean time I mailed out my resume twice this week already. Something has to give!

What nice weather we've been having. I love spring time.

Until next time...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Today's funny pic's

2007-03-07T02:42:00.000-05:00

Rejected!

2007-02-28T02:28:00.000-05:00

So the house was a let down. Caused me to loose some sleep and get a little down. What can we do though? We'll just keep on, keeping on! Got the green light up to $75,000. At the interest rate I can get right now (7.5%, on a good note my credit score went up 57 points in a little over a month) we'll try to keep it in the $60,000 range.

Besides, I got too much going for me to get down about a house. The closer baby day comes, the more nervous/anxious I am getting. The hospital bag is ready. I need to get a couple things around for myself. I just would have liked to bring Gabriele into our home and not a house we rent.

I have a second interview for a job this Friday. I just don't get second interviews. If I go there and they don't have any new material (meaning, asking me the same questions) I'll be a little upset. I'll hide it though, because I really want out of the DRW! It's not so much the job as it is the hours.

I'm paying the price for having McDonald's for breakfast. I have heart burn something terrible.

In my last post I wrote about how good my dogs are. Well, yesterday they decided to break out of the fence and go roaming for a couple hours. Lets just say when they got home Kida was a mess and Ebony looked wore out. They both got baths.

I'm not feeling very blogish. I just want to go home and snuggle up to my sexy mama...

Later.

I love you Julie.

11 days inbetween

2007-02-27T02:27:00.000-05:00

I just enjoyed a nice hot dish of chicken & rice w/ veggies in only 90 seconds. 90 seconds for simulated home cooking. Try it, you'll like it.

We made an offer on a house. It'll be a nice house, one day. There's no sense in jumping into how I would like to do this or that until we know something for sure. Who said I had sense? The first thing I would do is insulate the attic. Then I'd do any other kind of weatherization I could get done now, done NOW! So on and so forth. Yes, we don't hear anything official until today but, we still have thought a lot of things already. Perhaps it is all just for a let down. Then again, it may be for something else...

If you'd walk in my front door tomorrow this may be something you encounter:

First, watch out for what we call "piddles". You see our puppy (also known as a shiteater to some) isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She doesn't know yet that she's suppose to take care of all that outside. Plus, you should see how this puppy grows. I'm sure if her body is growing that much that fast her guts are too. Poor girl, she'll be alright. I see a lot of good dog there...

You may hear this next thing before you see it. Rest assured, you will see it. "It"'s my son. His 2 current favorite sayings are "Thank you" and "Ut-oh". Now sometimes thank you only sounds like the sound of thank you, but ut-oh is ut-oh. If you were to give him a cuppy he would say, thank you. If he were to give you a foam number, he would say thank you. If that cuppy were to run dry, he would say ut-oh. If he would throw his foam number, he would say "ut-oh". I think he's pretty alright with his language. I never realized I would be so taken by hearing a little boy say ut-oh and thank you. He's working on I love you. When he's trying to say it, it sounds like "I doooo". I love you too buddy...

Then there's "sis". I wonder if she knows she's gone from being the little sister, to forever being the big sister. I think she will make a much better big sister than little. You may see her drawing a picture and giving it to her mother and me. The picture may be of what she thinks her baby sister looks like, or maybe a list of what she wishes for her. Very nice. I think she deserves to enjoy every moment of her life...

Then there's the closer to 15 than 14 year old, Drewsive. I feel as if he could be a much better big brother. There are times I feel badly for how he treats his sister. I just don't get it. Connor will not be like that. I'm sure there is really that "brother/sister" thing that I just don't get being a lonely child, but I do think I know when something is right and wrong. I could understand it even a bit more if the age difference wasn't what it is. I hope he can find the thing(s) to make him happy...

Perhaps while you were visiting the bathroom, you would be visited by one or our cats. They seem to believe in the buddy system when it comes to taken care of business. Everyone morning I have at least one of them in there loving on me. There's a difference between cat affection and dog affection. I don't care what you say, there is. I only wish my cat would snuggle at sleep time again. I miss it...

Then I'm sure by now you'll have a great big white hair ball jumping up on you getting kisses. Kida loves that. She's been doing a good job of letting the puppy know what lines not to cross. No major fights and we're gonna keep it that way or I'll get in there and break that shit up. Ever since she stayed with my folks for a couple months she's become quite the begger. I can't complain too much, she's a good girl...

Last but not least, you'll see my very pregnant "sissypants". We are in the home stretch now. Julie says March 18, doctors say April 1. I say soon, no matter what day we will be joined by our baby girl. Oh my, I didn't share the name. Gabrielle Christine. Nice isn't it? Gabrielle, a name my sissypants loves. I have to admit, it isn't bad. Christine, my mothers name. What more meaning can a namely possibly have? You may see my sissypants sitting rubbing her belly, or you may see her ignoring my orders that she stops working and takes it easy. It's alright, I know she'll take a break when she needs one. She's a good mommy. I miss her very much right now...

Would you like crackers with your soup?

Later.

I love you Julie.

Thinking aloud with my finger tips

2007-02-16T05:47:00.000-05:00

T minus 6 weeks and counting. We have a name picked out. Finally. Turns out to be the name I thought it would be weeks ago. I'm not saying just yet what it is. I'd like it to be a surprise but part of me feels that it should not be. I'll talk w/ my "sissypants" some more on the matter and make a final decision.

Is my blog to personal that it's boring? I don't really care either way. I write here because it makes me feel good. I get something out of it. Then, am I being greedy with my blog? If I didn't get some sort of release (no...not that release) from it I think it would be just a big waste of time. Maybe that's what my blog is, a big waste of time. I do know it's my blog, so take it for what it's worth.

I had a pretty promising interview the other day. I made comparable traveling time. Meaning it took me about the same to get there as it does to get to my current job. However, that was traveling 44. I could only imagine what 44 was like with this snow we just got. Oh yea, news flash, we got some snow. Without taking 44 it would take me at least twice as long to get there. I suggested looking for a house closer to the area if I would happen to take the job. I don't think (by think I mean know) that idea went over well. It'd be a shame to pass up an opportunity to finally work normal hours at a slightly better wage. I have to be offered the job first, so no sense in getting all worked up over a big plate full of nothing.

Speaking of snow, the plan is this weekend to take Connor for his first sled riding adventure. My folks have a little hill in their back yard, so that's where we'll be heading. I haven't done anything fun in the snow in a great number of years. I really looking forward to seeing his face the first time we zip down on a tube. I can always remember enjoying sled riding. I had this plastic orange sled. Thing was a beast. Rode that thing into the ground. I'm sure I'll enjoy myself just as much, if not more. I do know, I'm not looking forward to all the cold that comes with this. If memory serves correctly, I don't ever remember minding the cold. *WARNING* Memory is not what it use to be.

I really wish we had room for a weight machine. I'd use that thing everyday. As it is currently we don't have room for another pair of shoes let alone a weight machine. Well, maybe it's not that bad. Depends on who's shoes we are talking about I guess. Some of us are called big foot and poked at with sticks and hit in the head w/ stones as we check the mail. And that, is just from my wife!

You know what pushes my buttons. There are several people at work that talk as if they own the place. It drives me bonkers. I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up. My number is 2744 and I'm sure they all have a number in their wallet. That's what you are my friends. Nothing more.

I feel as if I have aimlessly paved a road to nowhere. Mission complete.

Later.

I love you Julie

Freefest?

2007-02-08T02:47:00.000-05:00

Have you heard? This years Ozzfest will be FREE. Let me rephrase that. This years Ozzfest will be FUCKING FREE! Ozzy's gonna be there, what more do you need? No guess work on what shows he will or will not do. He's on board for all 25 dates as the headliner on the main stage. Apparently the tickets will be obtained online. More than likely at sponsor sites or if your like me, at ozzfest.com. This has never been done before. I can tell you one thing, they will sell more merchandise this way. Considering t-shirts start at about $30! I never thought the tickets were outrageous. I think last year I paid like $45 for an all day festival (even though we did leave early). I would have paid this year too, however I will sign up for my free tickets as soon as I can. I'll be there, will you?

Going to look at a house on Friday. Stay tuned.

Another week, and another successful doctors visit. My "sissypants" is really blooming now. Our baby girl keeps on growing as her day nears. The name that I thought would be a shoe in was officially tossed yesterday. Back to square one... I am a very happy daddy knowing all is back on track with everything.

Sounds like a card game at my house this weekend. I need to get something hooked up downstairs to play mp3's!

If you'll forgive me, mother nature is calling.

Later.

I love you Julie.

The van has landed

2007-02-06T01:57:00.000-05:00

It's green, it's bad, it's rad! It's John and Julie's minivan! Okay...it's still green though. A big shout out to G for his assistance. It was a good trip down. Uneventful, which to me is always good when going somewhere new. No real issues. Putting the finishing touches on the paper work on Wed probably. And finally, when you see me coming keep in mind, I'm not a soccer mom. I'm sure my ass and boobs will disappoint you.

I have a interview this morning. I won't hold my breath, but I will do my best. Unfortunately my interview is at the same time my "sissypants" has a appointment. I hate missing appointments. I'm hopeful all will be well with my sweetie and our growing baby girl.

I fell down about 5 steps this morning. Don't really know what happened. Took a step, next thing I knew I was on my ass banging down the stairs. My fucking tailbone is hurting me but other than that I'm alright. I can't remember the last time I fell down...

Later.

I love you Julie.

For my girls

2007-01-28T12:49:00.000-05:00

You were both in my thoughts very recently and...

Lean on me

Times of trouble,
and worrisome thoughts,
will never be able to take you from my heart.
Every second of every day,
I carry you with me.
All that I see for you,
in the dreams of tomorrow,
bring to me calm,
my first daughter.
Every beat of my heart belongs to you,
yet shared with others.
Feel no need for greed,
you have your own key,
to unlock doors I have not seen.
Letting us into rooms just for you and I.
Daddy’s little girl,
you will forever be mine.
You may lean on me when you need,
and come to me for anything.
I will be easy to find,
I’m always by your side.
Though your words are silent,
I hear them clearly.
I love you to,
and we will be waiting.

...I love you.

Stressing...

2007-01-28T12:35:00.000-05:00

It has been a rough week or so. I have found myself avoiding writing about it, but I feel I must. Last week was check up day. I was able to go for the first time in quite some time. You see I was unable to go during my 3 month Lowe's tour. I was quite happy to be there. Well the doctor's checking the heart beat of our baby girl and it seemed to be irregular. So he had some concerns and sent my "sissypants" over to the hospital to get monitored for a bit. Turns out the baby was alright, just a little hungry.

Since those events unfolded they wanted to see Julie again just to make sure all was well. Baby checked out fine. However, Julie's blood pressure was insane. I forget the exact number, maybe she'll post a comment with it. Anyway, they kept for for a couple hours and eventually sent her home even though there was no real change in her blood pressure. Later on in the day I want to say like 6pm the doctor calls and tells her to get the hospital. He also said that the midwife on duty should not have sent her home until the figured out what was going on. Remind me not to listen to this midwife, never again. So she goes back out and they get her under control and she went back out to get check again a couple days later. And again, it was a little high. Not near as bad as when she first went.

You can see I have lots on my mind. Not to mention that last night she woke up with terrible pains in her up stomach. She said she's doing fine now. If it happens again we'll be heading out to get check.

Everything could smooth out at any time now.

Later.

I love you Julie and my baby girl very much.

House hunting

2007-01-17T03:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you'd be surprised at what you find when your doing something totally different. While just the other day I found a greedy little troll while I was looking at a house. Okay, it wasn't a greedy little troll. It was a real estate agent that apparently housed the greedy little troll in his back pocket or somewhere near the area. Up until then, I thought the guy was pretty cool. Now, I am skeptical.

You see, my wife and I were looking at this house. Which was listed on a website. The price was around $92,000. A lot of money, especially for a house that needed as much work as it did. So about a week goes by and the house appears on the website again for around $76,000. A lot of money, but the price was now in our "offer" area. We were prepared to offer. When I brought this up to the real estate agent, he insisted the price of the house was $92,000. I brought up the fact that I saw this listing on the website. However, all he said was "I don't even know what that web site is."

Call me odd, but why don't you just tell me you're trying to screw me over for an extra $20,000? Did I mention this house was in his wife's name? Imagine that! He's been a class act up until now. A friend of mine has a nice policy that I'm considering picking up, "One strike and your out".

My "sissypants" was feeling a bit stressed or something today about finding a house. All I told her was that some people spend a very long time trying to find the right house. If this is in fact, going to be the last move we make I will take as long as it takes to find "home". There's a huge difference between a house and a home.

I have been content recently with work. They gave me a fifty cent raise instead of the usual twenty five. That's about an extra grand a year. I'll take it.

Been trying to watch what I eat and do some exercising. It is a struggle with so many goodies in the house. I have given up soda ( I will have one if we go out to eat). I also picked up some fish oil taking me up to fish oil, low dose aspirin, and a multivitamin daily. I'd love to get a weight bench but we have no where to stick it. I'd hit that shit up every morning.

Best wishes to K and her family.

I am ready for a new Ozzy Osbourne album. This 5+ years in between new material is bullshit! I hear something is coming out later this year. Bring it on!

We are down to about 9 weeks before our baby girl joins us. I'm starting to get anxious/nervous. Daddy's waiting baby...

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Gone!

2007-01-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

So it's working on Jan. 12, 2007. I'm happy to report that the house as finally sold. It sold last Friday. Talk about a fucking relief. I can't put it any simpler than that. Towards the end I found myself getting a little doubtful. Thinking of how I would miss this or that. However in the end, it was time to close the book on it. My McElhattan chapter is now closed. RIP 1999-2007.

Got almost everything squared away w/ the ex. Last thing is the Lowe's account which I'm hopeful to pay off asap. I have a settlement in place but have not received the letter yet from the debt collector. If it's not here today I'm calling them again. It's been about a week. I would love to close that chapter as well.

Spoke with a real estate agent this week. I'm not in the best position to buy a house right now, but I am not in the worse either. I can shop. We looked at a house earlier this week and are looking at one in the morning. I am looking forward to seeing this house, it's right up my alley. Kind of out of the way but not really. Like 5-10 minutes to town. Has a acre of land. It all depends on what the inside holds. Stay tuned.

Our baby girl is growing more and more everyday. I now get to enjoy feeling her beating up her mommy. Apparently she like to stretch, because that's what "sissypants" says it feels like she's doing in there. I can only imagine... Our baby boy? He's insane just like us. I look at him and see a bunch of both of us in him. He's doing very well and I hope he continues to do so.

Speak of our growing family, we do have a new addition. We got a puppy. Her name is Ebony. She's a chocolate lab and something else mixed. She sure does look like a chocolate lab. This was my doing. I planted the idea seed. I was saying how Kida (our Samoyed) would be much "happier" with a puppy. A week later, we had Ebony. They get along great, and indeed, Kida is a happy pooch. The cats? They've come around already.

Just bought a snack pack from the vending machine. Contains one hard boiled egg, 8 slices of ring bologna, 4 cubes of cheese, and 2 packs of crackers. All for $1.75, not bad.

20,000 more troops you say? I wonder, say 5 years from now how they military will get more recruits. "Sign up to fight wars of greed and ignorance? Where do I sign!" I don't see how they meet any kind of quota unless they reinstate the draft. If that happens, I will worry about my son & daughter's future...

Still in need of a minivan. $9000 for a 8 year old van? That's right, should I show you where to kneel?

Later.

I love you Julie

Test

2007-01-11T00:06:00.001-05:00

Fucking bullshit fucking with my fucking template...

Nav bar complex?

2007-01-03T05:27:00.000-05:00

I hate the nav bar that is automatically posted on my blog. Hey, it's my blog. Did I ask for a nav bar? No. Sure it's a free service, but isn't my blog ending in .blogspot enough for you? Do you feel the need to pollute my eyes with something so uncool I even think it is? Obviously you do. I finally upgraded to the "new" blogspot. Same stuff with a couple extra frills thrown in courtesy of google. MUCH better spell check function. Anway, if you too feel the nav bar looking down from above do the following to remove it. You and your blog will be better off for it.

Post holiday post

2007-01-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! A little late, but meant the same.

Did Santa Clause visit you? I hope you got everything you wanted. I'm sure everyone at our house was thrilled with their gifts. As for "sissypants" and I, we'll have our Christmas in a couple more days. If all goes well...That in no way takes away from the gifts we got from others in the family. It's just that, we want to get one another something.

Did you get shit faced on New Year's? If you did, I hope you were safe! As for me, I had one beer. One. Shot some bitches with G and watched the ball drop with the clan. Other than that it was a pretty quiet new years around our house.

I guess I don't much feel like writing much about the holiday happenings. They are what they were. Probably much like yours. I could write some about the house selling. Everything looks like it's on track for closing this Friday. Yes, this Friday. The ex has signed the deed and mailed it back. I have to call the lawyer handling the sale to see if they got it yet. If they did, there are no more hurdles other than my signature. Only one more thing to happen then I'll sign. I'll bite my tongue here and save the rest for after Friday. Unless, something bad happens...

Started to mini van shop. Not much out there right now in our price range that is safe. A few caravans but those things are no very safe. In fact, it almost gets all poor crash test ratings across the board. F that in the A. I want my troopers to be safe.

Speaking of troops, I just read that we've lost 3000 troops now in Iraq.

I now only work one job. Jumping the gun a little, but I'm pretty sure all will be well. It will be nice to see everyone more after 3 months of hardly seeing anyone.

I'm just not feeling blogish tonight.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Check this out

2006-12-21T07:04:00.000-05:00

Question.
Why is it every time I walk down the sidewalk, there's a huge ass coke bottle in my way?

Ah, god damn 3D chalk drawing hippies! Really, I am absolutely amazed by this. Have doubt? Then "check it out"!

Finding time

2006-12-20T03:36:00.000-05:00

I have never wanted to be so normal in my entire life. Here's a question I'd like to be able to answer. How did you sleep last night? Sleep at night? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You are suppose to be up all night and sleep the days away! I honestly feel like I'm getting "sick" because of what I'm working. My brain hurts with all the thoughts I have crashing into one another in there about moving on to the next job. I don't know why I have so many thoughts about it. Maybe, it's because I'm disappointed in myself. I allow myself to be stuck. It would be different if I could move into something else, but I have tried. This place has no structure when it comes to in house movement. Basically it's who you blow, er um, know. I, am not all about that.

I'm about fucking working! Not being left to waste my fucking time. Oh you don't give a shit about me? Guess what, I don't give a shit about you. I use to. I came to work, stayed busy all night and smiled at the end of the day. Now, since I've had three years to see how the boat floats I realize hard work gets you just as much as the guy doing jackfuckingshit, nothing. No where to go. When it comes time for a raise, they toss me a quarter. Wow.

What do I see myself doing in 10 years? I have no clue. None. I know I won't be here. I can't be. If I am, I'd be robbing myself of even more life than I already am. I'm sure I'd find myself reading back over this and starting to sob. After that, perhaps I could beat myself silly with a hammer. Yea, that would be fun.

One last thought about work: Fuck 2 jobs. There's no fun being in an orgy when your sandwiched between two scank ass hoes.

I realize why I haven't been very regular with my blogging. I have no time to live! Here is a quick run down on life.

The house appears to be on track for closing between 12/27-1/15. Everything is going smoothly with getting the ex to sign all the need documents. The folks that were living there are now out and we get the keys back on Thursday. If the house actually does sell, I'm kissing two jobs good-bye.

Connor, now weighs 24lbs. He gots shots yesterday and I was not able to be there. That makes me feel like a bad daddy. Other than his increased level of babbling, nothing new to report. Oh, he did get christmas pictures taken. Such a handsome boy he is.

The baby girl is doing well too. She weighs 1lb 9 oz. Amazing what those ultrasound machines can tell you. "Sissypants" is about 26 weeks now. 14 weeks to go. Jesus, said like that you realize that is no time at all. We are still looking through the names. We had a couple names picked out without looking. I wanted to take some time to look through the names.

In closing, finding time is a hard thing to do.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Been a long time

2006-12-08T01:34:00.000-05:00

Well, not that long. About a week I think. Might I suggest to you the song "Been a long time" by Black Label Society. Here's a clip of the song.

I am not trying to jinx myself, however my much documented "selling house" is as close as it's ever been to being sold. How close? Well, we signed a sales contract, and the buyer has placed a deposit (being held by a realtor). This isn't fool proof though, a couple of things still need to happen.

1. The ex needs to sign! Pure & simple. I sent her an email outlining everything. Gave her the contact info for the realtor involved. She sent a neutral reply. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. She has to talk to her lawyer. I can understand that I guess. I'm not sure what's going on there yet. I'll have a response tomorrow, so it was said. I just hope there's no bullshit coming. It's so close now. I can see the finish the line. Lets finish it...

2. The buyer has his house in line to sell. If for some reason it falls through, it pretty much shoots down our deal. The realtor handling this is also the one selling his house, and he said it looks good there. I did get an email from him today saying that closing by the 27th may not happen. I'd love to close that soon, as would the buyer but what can you do?

3. The McElhattan folks need to go bye-bye. I have already got my lawyer on this. All offical and what not. My wife spoke to the McElhattan folks today and they said they were going to try to be out by the 27th.

That is pretty much all that needs to happen. Every thing else I'm not worried about. It should all fall into place on it's own. I'm meeting with my lawyer Monday morning to update him on some things and he can fill me in on his happenings.

i can't just keep it at that! It seems that our little girl is putting to rest my sexy mama's concerns about her activity level. She has been quite active lately and it's only the beginning for Julie's beatings. I'm very excited about our little flip flopping girl. I've notice my excitement level increasing. I am giving Julie some of the credit for this. Her mood has changed. I can hear and see it in her. It's wonderful. Just sitting her thinking of both of my ladies brings me so much.

Don't get me started on Star Trek Legacy...

Later.

I love you Julie.

Crazy temp

2006-12-01T07:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you red totters, but where I'm from 59 degrees on December 1st at 7:30 am is a little odd. I heard it may even hit 70 today. 70! Maybe it's global warming. I'm sure the way we abuse mother earth isn't too healthy for her. How do you think you'd feel if you were drinking a cup of tea or coffee that had shit in it? Not too good. It also could be the planet changing. I happen to believe personally it's both. I believe the planet is going through some kind of change. What living thing doesn't?

I really don't have much to say. I just got in from outside and felt the urge to write about how crazy the weather was.

Later.

I love you Julie.

I wear a size 14 boot...

2006-11-28T02:55:00.000-05:00

...and it seems it will be kicking some ass out of my house. We met with our lawyer today. I guess it's safe to call him our lawyer now. He's taken care of some very personal stuff for us, and for that I'm thankful for his services. Our lawyer is a lawyer I would expect someone like myself to have. He's a little on the odd side, but knows his shit. Anyway once we exchanged hellos I let him know all of my concerns.

One being about all the money they've put into the place. He said I'm covered with how the lease is worded. There would be no way they could file a claim for anything they've done. My other big concern is getting them out and how long it would take. He said since this isn't exactly tenant/landlord situation the laws and outlines do not apply to it as such. Which means, no bullshit waiting 15 days here or 30 days there. He suggested giving them until Dec 10th to pay the rent. When the 10th comes no matter if they have paid it in full or only partial we begin the booting processes. Basically he sends them a letter letting them know that I am repossessing the property and that they will have two weeks to get out. We determined two weeks was a "fair" time. After that time if they are not out, we file a complaint w/ the district attorney. He had said there would be no case for them. Pure and simple the lease has run its course and I am repossessing my property due to that reason.

This is of course assuming they don't pull $60,000 out of their ass cracks.

I also spoke about my ex and her ability to piss on our divorce agreement. He said that I could summons her to court. Once in court, she would be found in contempt of court because by not paying the Lowe's account she is not following the divorce agreement which the court passed judgment on. He said I could serve her w/ the papers or I could pay a constable to do so. I'll probably go w/ the constable. Also any court/lawyer fees, I would sue her for. That was the lawyers suggestion. Merry Christmas. I hope you like your present.

Later.

I love you Julie.

Checking in

2006-11-25T10:43:00.000-05:00

As I write my boy is in his crib munching on some goldfish. The cheese flavored ones, not the fish flavored.

How was every ones thanksgiving? Were you thankful? Were you thankful for food? How about the day off from work? I was thankful for all of those things and many more. In recent times I have come to appreciate thanksgiving much more than I probably ever have in my life. It could be the one holiday that I really celebrate for it's true meaning, being thankful for all that I do have.

For all the things I don't have, it's no big deal really. Patience!

After doing some research on the web, I think when I have some time I'm going to start going through my writings. Start proof reading, editing, and making changes as needed to get them ready for publishing. Saying "OK this sucks, it's out" or "I can't believe I really wrote that, it's in!". If I worked at it here and there I could have it ready say by next income tax time. Yes, I like the sound of that.

Five more weeks until the lease is up. I have a meeting with the lawyer on Monday at 1:30pm. I'm sure I'll have something to say about how it goes.

I have really enjoyed these couple days off. It's nice to have a break. Oh shit mark it down, I made spaghetti last night! My "sissypants" started the water and hamburg but it looked like she need a break so I stepped in and kicked her out of MY kitchen! It was pretty good.

As for now, my boy depends more fish.

Later.

I love you Julie!

All about her

2006-11-21T01:35:00.000-05:00

For our girl

If I had but only one thing to say,
before the day you came,
it would be to say,
I love you.
You already fill my days with dreams,
there is no such thing as too many.
"Daddy’s little girl",
that makes me smile from ear to ear.
My ears must wait however,
to hear you.
My eyes must wait just a little while longer,
to see you.
Until your time is ready,
your mother will keep you warm and safe.
She will carry you.
I will carry you with me,
by keeping you in my mind,
and in my heart.
I love you.

11/21/06
1:14am